"unfillable" poems
the grit courage of trust
still too young and now, too old, to comprehend,
love~trust and all its secondary derivatives,
not extant on a plane of new bed sheets of
silk~linen tablecloth rectangularity
go into the park's garden;
black soil fingernail coating
awaiting, impatiently for you,
dig in direct hands ungloved
is it not,
sensual and yet gritty,
two coextensive sensations?
slip inside (you/me, me/you),
there is a razor's edge duality duty,
trust, serve and protect,
take and
handle with rough-care, for this our state of beauty
au naturel, the rush and the fall,
the climb and the conquering,
only to start again, each step, each rung,
coated with the
the grit courage of trust -
do you begin to comprehend?
trust is a bumpy landing on a glide path that is strewn
with potholes that can grow into sinkholes without
the grit of trust
the soles of my feet are a message,
gritty from walking
all-life, not just the edges,
is a two act play of roughening,
upon the limbs the things,
that carries us *****
but bares the wearing of
unkind touches of reality
working us over
why the soothing,
but not the smoothing
daily twice is the cream that
emerges from the grit courage of trust
even the vinery's progeny of great love,
grapes that must
embrace the wind and rain,
the wearing down tools of
the exterior that brings an acknowledgement -
do you begin to comprehend?
this is not an algebraic formulaic solution solvable problem,
this derived from dirt, access to accidental, the tongue and the nail,
the cracks upon the skin, that grow wonderful deeper, unfillable,
where the love gets in,
were the words are written and stored,
rough to the touch,
under the grit courage of trust -
do you begin to comprehend?
this grit is unbelievable beautiful
only a love po-em.
5:22am
Sep 22, 2017
Sep 22, 2017 at 10:09 AM UTC
No such beauty
longer dwells
under the guise
of flesh and bones,
in the garden
of a sullied heart
fallow heart
barren and longing .
time built walls
an unfillable void
burdens tall,
beggared of light
befallen within
a devolving moment
so many flowers wither
left in a broken
heart of gold
a gardener knows
sweetest soils
of love and light,
without sunshine
sour
as unripened fruit
memories fading
as if florae
never blossomed
perpetuating
wholly starving,
unweedable roots
too deep,
rupture when pulled
a **** let be
beauty
unfertile seeds sown
where nothing
longer grows
in an uninhabited
silence
raging unseen within
the fires of the ages
still smoldering inside,
mingled with hope
left for dead
hidden in the shadows
an engulfing stone cold,
handwriting on the wall
of silence growing taller
May 7, 2017
May 7, 2017 at 1:16 PM UTC
I am fragile as glass, fragile as silk.
You could but look at me
And I might crumble, a sculpture made of sugar.
And yet I have stripped away the layers of myself
Going on, always going on
Trusting you
To foolishness, to distraction, (to destruction?)
And I keep on shedding my disguises.
I keep tearing them down
Each after each and /oh!/
I am so small inside,
The universe pressed into a pebble
And trembling with its unresolved might.
And what if you touch me
And I shatter?
And what if you touch me
And find I'm not what you were hoping
You would hold in your palm?
(And what if
You recoil
And don't touch me at all?)
What if
My shivering gravity
Meets your soft light
And muddies it somehow, makes it less?
Sometimes I fear I am
Untouchable
By nature.
At once delicate
(the way a butterfly's wing will crumple and wilt
If your fingers touch it)
And devastating,
For there is so MUCH in here
So much that wants out.
So much that /bends/ toward you when you come too close
Like glass heated to smooth billows
Where once it was sharp and brittle
(and will be
Again.)
Don't you see?
You could take me in your hands and shape me,
Make me different forever,
And walk away to leave me cold and cutting again.
You could,
And I would leave such burns on your palms
And you would create
Such edges in me
Such fingerprints
Such caverns of space where the light gets in and won't leave, trapped and pressing and empty,
Unfillable.
You could do all of that.
And I could let you.
And I could let you close, knowing this
And... I /do/
I do and it amazes me.
I do, I tear off my many masks with eager hands
And smash them at your feet.
And I don't know
Why.
May 16, 2015
May 16, 2015 at 1:03 PM UTC
Sometime when you're feeling important
Sometime when your ego's in bloom
Sometime when you take it for granted
You're the best qualified in the room
Sometime when you feel that your going
Would leave an unfillable hole
Just follow these simple instructions
And see how they humble your soul
Take a bucket and fill it with water
Put your hand in it, up to the wrist
Pull it out and the hole that's remaining
Is a measure of how you'll be missed
You can splash all you want
when you enter
You can stir up the water galore
But stop and you find that in no time
It looks quite the same as before
The moral of this quaint example
Is to just do the best you can
Be proud of yourself but remember
There is no indispensable man
©The Bible Friend
Dec 23, 2016
Dec 23, 2016 at 1:35 AM UTC
Protector of the night,
Lighting my path as I venture in the shadows
A comfort of beautiful tranquility
Almost angelic with its dim white milky silhouette
Hovering over with unearthly eloquence
Touching me with silvery grace
Engulfing me in a winsome embrace
Glaring into my soul, caressing it with godly elegance, as
Lovely little embers of affection burned through your skin
Sorrowful distance separated us, leaving an unfillable void
Half of the day you are nowhere to be seen
But I never am alarmed
Feeling ever so calm because I know your insightful presence is near
Never leaving me in the dark of the night
You are my soft light- a promise
-EC
May 15, 2016
May 15, 2016 at 2:36 PM UTC
Loss of you
Has left me blue
Filled with hate
My loves abate
To find another
My one desire
To fill the space
Unfillable
Forever empty
Without you here
May 13, 2015
May 13, 2015 at 11:46 PM UTC
Her shrill call comes carrying more
than this hour we keep.
And we desire a feather
to arrange for each hour,
as those before
but receive only hunger:
carnivore's memory,
an unfillable bucket.
Not to awaken us entirely
we fall into soft beds,
feathers.
See the fact of tomorrow and
tomorrow provided
like the floating "here"
in another's eye, this meal,
the uninterrupted dive.
We do not remember it.
Aug 24, 2011
Aug 24, 2011 at 10:14 AM UTC
Because my heart I wear on my sleeve
Exposed, helpless, visible for all to see.
Each hope of new love,
Every dream of a happy ending
Naked in a crowd of leeches
Watching, waiting for their chance
To bleed it dry of every emotion,
To **** away the desires of a pure soul.
Using their main weapons of silky words,
Promises of paradise
Whispers of eternity
Sighs of ecstasy
Shrouded by empty vows of love.
Blinding my reasoning with every embrace
Every kiss filled with the poison of deceit
Your touch leaves me paralyzed, empty
Left with a unquenchable thirst in a desert of lies.
Left with nothing but an unfillable void
A Black Whole devouring every vision of fate or hope
Desperatley wanting to believe every syllable
Feb 20, 2013
Feb 20, 2013 at 9:07 AM UTC
I strip down and look in the mirror.
I see your mark everywhere.
The scars you put on my body
And the scars you put on my soul.
The scars I made with my own hands.
All these scars that carved a hole
In me, unfillable abyss.
Then my eyes trace familiar lines
From the crows feet at my cheeks
And I can't help but stare
At the genetic inheritance
You left to me.
These angled ****** planes and
Auburn highlighted hair
Are all I have left of you.
My last mementos.
The longer I stand with my scars in the mirror,
The more the pain becomes real.
The more times I trace the last of you in my face,
The smaller the imprint of your touch on me becomes.
The double-edged sword of reality:
You hurt me,
You raised me,
You hated me,
But I think you also loved me.
Confusion first swirls
Then quickly fades.
For none of that matters now does it?
All I know is you're gone
And that's now what's real.
And I miss you
And that too is a fact.
Aug 20, 2015
Aug 20, 2015 at 10:11 PM UTC
is it wrong to miss you,
wish i could kiss you,
20 months later it still an issue,
maybe its physical,
but im still miserable,
iv touched other skin but my heart is unfillable,
ive tried to run tried to hide,
but you cant escape your unconscious mind,
ive had to stand my ground and face it,
unravel my thoughts right down to the basics,
thinking about you like it or hate it,
stuck in a prison that i created,
though it appears im gathered and calm,
and carry on as though nothing is wrong,
bite my tongue and swallow the pain,
never make that mistake again,
i cant be mad, i did this to myself,
i only wonder, if there's anyone else
Feb 12, 2015
Feb 12, 2015 at 1:09 PM UTC
It's funny how I wait, for you to find me here.
It's funny how I waited, for you to call me dear.
It's funny that I believed, one day you would be mine.
It's funny that I believe, without you I'll be fine.
What once was my heart, is now a shattered fragment of your cries. What once was your heart, is just a coffin full of his lies.
Take my hand please, let me pull you from the madness. Through my pain and tears I promised to exile your sadness.
So here I wait, my broken heart still yours to fill. Yet forever I'll wait, because you took some pills...
Written By: D. L. Smith 3/14/2016
Aug 17, 2016
Aug 17, 2016 at 10:10 PM UTC
A Cliff, a Chasm, or an Abyss?
No. A small Step.
I see a kingdom before me
With Insurmountable walls,
Uncounterable Guardians,
And an Un-Defyable Tongue.
Words capable of stopping a sword,
Words able to move hearts,
Words that capture minds.
Dust to dust,
My walls and kingdom shall fall,
In Time.
But, my Words,
Where shall they go?
Changed, Shifted, Stolen,
Truth to Myth to Legend.
What then is the purpose of the Soul?
Not like the wind, it holds weight.
Some have a price, others do not.
A beginning, an End, a Question,
Up or Down?
Darkness. Doubt. Depression.
Sin that is forgiven leaves Scars.
A Double-Edged Sword,
With no Victor.
Up and Down,
Around and Around,
We choose to Spin.
A shift, a movement, a Change,
And we fight.
Freedom, Right, Law, Justice,
Justifications for Enslavement of the Mind.
Inequality, Discrimination, Unfairness,
Differences used for Victimization.
Power, Money, Greed, Selfishness,
The Root of All Evil?
Or is it Me?
Who Am I?
Who are You?
Are you not me?
Identity found in Nothing,
Creates an unfillable Void.
Loving from afar, within our minds.
Interacting with only our clones.
Finding qualities that agree with our disposition.
Entertaining each other to distract from our lives.
Jun 1, 2017
Jun 1, 2017 at 8:29 PM UTC
I AM
FILLED WITH SHADOWS
OF GREY AND BLACK
VOIDS ONCE FILLED
WITH WHITE LIGHT
WHERE DEMONS NOW LURK
THE EMPTINESS UNFILLABLE
USING VICES TO GET BY
ALL ALONE IN MY DARK PLACE
I HIDE
OUT IN THE OPEN
YOU CAN STILL SEE ME
BUT ARE YOU REALLY LOOKING
REALLY
Jan 19, 2014
Jan 19, 2014 at 1:21 PM UTC
behind the smiles a vast chasm opens
unfillable, unfathomed, unknowable.
Nov 30, 2021
Nov 30, 2021 at 10:49 AM UTC
You came in
A gentle breeze in summer
A warm touch of sunlight
A cool drop of morning dew
You went out
A vicious winter blizzard
A chaotic typhoon
A raging storm of emotions
You left
A devastation like no other
A life unrepairable
A hole unfillable
Being loved is a gentle breeze
Being unloved is a chaotic storm
Gaining love makes you king
Loosing love leaves you a beggar
Wanting love is a summer kiss
Getting love is a heart-wrenching battle
Keeping love, an unforgiving war
Having you was my idea of love
Losing you..
I don't even know where to start over
Jul 21, 2019
Jul 21, 2019 at 3:11 PM UTC
Another empty hall
Where, just yesterday,
You both laughed and cried.
A dismal silence
Hangs
Where recently
Your spontaneous chatter
Filled the space.
An echoed
Recollection
But unfillable
This vacuum.
Interminable,
The expanse,
The sense of
Loss.
Jillybeans and Neddo,
My dear, dear old friends,
I ache for the
Familiarity
In this
Cavernous remnant
Of Life”.
M.
Winter 2022
Jun 24, 2022
Jun 24, 2022 at 11:05 PM UTC
In twilight's embrace, I sit alone,
Melancholy's touch, a gentle moan.
My heart yearns for you, my dearest love,
In these moments when the stars weep above.
Whispers of your laughter, once so near,
Now dance as echoes, faint and unclear.
Your touch, a brush of fingertips so fine,
Chased away fears, a warmth divine.
Your eyes, a galaxy of love's embrace,
Once held me close in their tender grace.
But now they dwell in distant memory,
Fading embers of a vibrant reverie.
The world, a canvas devoid of hue,
Since the day you bid this realm adieu.
No vibrant strokes, no colors bright,
Just monochrome days and endless night.
I reach out for you, in empty spaces near,
Longing for your touch, your presence so dear.
Silent tears trace paths upon my pillow's crest,
Yearning for your head upon my chest.
Our hearts, once united in rhythmic dance,
Now play a symphony of solitude's expanse.
In night's embrace, your essence I feel,
Yet cruel illusion shatters with dawn's appeal.
Alone, I navigate this world unknown,
An empty vessel in memories sown.
Your absence, an ache that pierces deep,
A void unfillable, where tears still seep.
No time or distance can heal this pain,
In my heart, our love forever remains.
Tethered eternally, our souls entwined,
Until the day our paths realign.
I'll count the stars, and whisper your name,
Hoping my love reaches you, all the same.
Until that day, know you're missed profound,
In depths of my soul, your longing resounds.
Yours in a world where colors fade away,
Ikimi Clifford Festus, forever I'll stay.
Jun 6, 2023
Jun 6, 2023 at 6:24 PM UTC
To say that I hate her
would be to suggest that
there is a version of this story
where I can still sleep with the lights off,
there is something strangely familiar
about the glow of fluorescent lights at 2 in the morning.
It is also to say that her letters no longer
gather dust in the boxes underneath my bed.
That there isn’t a picture of her still between the tired
pages of the old family bible I no longer read.
I have never been good at forgetting
the walls after dusk still remember her name.
Maybe it is because I once loved her,
Or maybe it is because I still do
Like the way Daedalus still
loved the warmth of the sun
even after it took away his everything;
I too still sometimes smile at the bringer of death.
Though this is not to say I still don’t
try to fill what the gods have named unfillable.
It is not to say I no longer believe in magic,
it is just to say that I am tired
of trying to summon what is not coming back,
I am tired of hating me more than her.
Aug 26, 2016
Aug 26, 2016 at 9:22 PM UTC
A void. With no visible end.
No edge. Boundaries not tangible.
Just as you were. A professional at leaving holes.
A crater of a footstep. No positive impressions.
Lessons. Yes.
Stories to unfold. Many untold.
For the scars they would behold.
The tears. No control.
This is why I to this day try.
To bury what was. To leave it behind.
Let it be a shadow. No disguise.
I will not let it catch me by surprise.
I wait. For the call one night.
For the hole to sink further.
I will miss you my brother.
No amends. Just emptiness.
No forgiveness. No open space left.
No wrongs to right. Nor a new page to start.
No end in sight. Perpetual pain.
Whole lot of open space. Endless.
But a pressure neither of us can fix.
Heavy weight. Blame fate.
Blame our past. All but ourselves.
No chance. Too late.
No light. We will not open our eyes.
Refuse. Too much dirt to fill back in.
Too much time. What an excuse.
I wait for the call.
You pretend it was all, nothing.
We bore swords in our words.
Bullets in our actions.
One day we shall rest on mattresses closed.
In a place we cannot escape.
Forced to repent. Accept our mistakes.
Our souls to take. A will. No fight.
Brothers by blood. Enemies by treason.
With no secure reason.
A lesion. A missing piece.
A unfillable space.
Brotherless. Still.
Sep 18, 2016
Sep 18, 2016 at 12:42 PM UTC
I'm not putting myself out there anymore
I spent enough energy
on relationships that were setup to fail
No more love-seeking
No more latching on
to whatever pretty girl comes my way
No more being a hero
I'm not a perfect man,
so I can't be your perfect man
I've spent enough time
trying to be one
for the women I've been with
I have to admit it's lonely,
but it's time to stop trying to fill
the unfillable hole
Dec 20, 2014
Dec 20, 2014 at 1:13 AM UTC
The leaves groan
And fall down
From the bare boughs
In a pitiable abundance
Like a profusely weeping
Timeless wound
Forming a carpet
Of rusted blood beneath
The waning warmth
Of melancholic sunsets
Isn't enough to infuse
Life into them
And the soulless wind
Refrains from picking
Them up
Only mocks at their plight
Which it cannot
ever fully comprehend
Soon the blanket
Of a wintry frost
Will strangle the breath
Of their dying hopes
For forever and ever
And through a dreary mist
No one will ever know
That a season of
Unrequited longing
Has passed into
An unfillable emptiness
Sep 28, 2018
Sep 28, 2018 at 5:00 AM UTC
I reached as far as I could
but I was left painted in shadow.
There was nothing left
for me to gather.
Taken away as quickly
as it was given.
Nothing lasts forever
but this barely existed.
If you love it
let it go
but I can’t bear to part with it.
It’s all the proof I have left.
My humanity.
My normality.
Emptiness lingers
with the scent of it
but it is unbearable.
The void is unfillable.
Scraping at every surface
and coming up empty.
There is nothing
nothing left.
I am alone
with my thoughts
emotions
and empty
cavernous
mind.
Sep 13, 2018
Sep 13, 2018 at 5:23 PM UTC
YOU KNOW I AM...
ALPHA AND OMEGA
BEGINNING AND END
YOU CAN'T ACCEPT
THAT YOU CAN'T SEE
PRESCRIPTED, FAKE
LOST AND DROWNING
ALLOW ME TO SHOW YOU
THAT ACCEPTANCE IS KEY
VOIDS ONCE FILLED
WITH WHITE LIGHT
IT IS THIS NIGHT
SHE SHOWS THE WAY
TO SHED THE DARK
TO BECOME LIGHT
RETURN TO FIVE
THIS IS JUDGEMENT DAY
FILLED WITH SHADOWS
NOTHING CAN HELP
BLACK AND GREY
WITH BURSTING SEAMS
THE END IS NIGH
NOW'S THE TIME
BRING YOUR FRAILTY TO LIGHT
SOON YOU WILL SEE
VOIDS ONCE FILLED
WITH WHITE LIGHT
IT IS THIS NIGHT
SHE SHOWS THE WAY
TO SHED THE DARK
TO BECOME LIGHT
RETURN TO FIVE
THIS IS JUDGEMENT DAY
THE EMPTINESS UNFILLABLE
BRING ABOUT THE END OF DAYS
ALL ALONE IN THE DARKNESS
RETURN TO LIGHT
SHE KNOWS THE WAY
THIS IS THE END
AND A NEW BEGINNING
TIME TO REPENT
AND ACCEPT YOUR FATE
THIS IS THE END
EVERYTHING IS CHANGED
YOU KNOW I AM
ENDER OF ALL THINGS
VOIDS ONCE FILLED
WITH WHITE LIGHT
IT IS THIS NIGHT
SHE SHOWS THE WAY
TO SHED THE DARK
TO BECOME LIGHT
RETURN TO FIVE
THIS IS JUDGEMENT DAY
YOU KNOW I AM....
Dec 15, 2019
Dec 15, 2019 at 2:46 AM UTC
sometimes I feel like guilt
is an unfillable void.
It is a constant
ache that cannot
be truly diminished.
-m.b
Nov 22, 2017
Nov 22, 2017 at 11:00 PM UTC