"rebekah" poems
I was an idiot back then,
those trips to Rebekah's hovel.
though they did make me sentimental,
for the days when her dad had taught me guitar
for eight weeks when I was thirteen.
she told me of a suicide dream
that utilized her iron deficiency.
I told her I would tell her parents
if she started pushing it in motion,
that made her cry,
though in retrospect, I wanted her to die.
I was at that misery factory age
when your heart pumps nothing
but razorblades and jealousy,
and the death of some overly-depressed
girl would at least give me a story to
tell.
I was a pseudo-lover,
writing page upon page
of poetry for Sheila,
I used an alias for her:
"Nature's Criminal".
It felt appropriate.
what she did to my
emotions seemed rather
unnatural.
we would kiss on dark, dirt roads,
and duck when cars would passby.
she would always preface
our encounters with,
"remember this doesn't mean anything."
now, Rebekah only writes to tell
of artists signed to Saddle Creek.
she got married to some diabetic,
acne-marred, sex-fiend that
bares the burden of a pet peeve
that revolves around bananas.
now, I only see Sheila,
when some boy is ********** her,
when she feels beyond used.
in her parasitic apartment,
I always remind her
they don't mean anything.
Dec 22, 2010
Dec 22, 2010 at 8:35 AM UTC
I've only been on this earth for 17 years
But already had the good honour of experiencing
evil and good from the youth of my peers
My precious vessel, you deserve nothing but the best
learn from my mistakes and make your life rest
One: The acne on your face does not determine how beautiful you as a person
Neither you're weight, height or stature. Your skin a shade of wonder, wear only the (dna) makeup of me and your father
Two: Your body is your temple, not a museum for those who want to feast on your flesh, for those dead eyes are shady and they want nothing less.
Three: Fall in love with everything around you, the stars, sky and moon. The sound of laughter, the rain drops too. Look from balconies and trees at the veins of the cities. And take pictures of people and weddings, savouring silver white memories.
Four: Make your own mistakes and learn. You are allowed to feel pain, there is still blood in you veins but don't let that sweep you away away away on dandelion heads
Five: Dearest, don't worry for a moment what they think; be prepared when they want to see you sink, respond with dimples, sunshine and light. For this is what makes the darkness strike
Six: Finally My girl love yourself, for all that you are and want to be; the music you love, the food you detest, those long family outings and that boy that you like best.
The list could go on and on with verse and song and book and word but Dear Daughter let this be the basis of your life. Carry it and write it on your flesh beating heart. For your flesh beating heart deserves life in it fullest.
©Rebekah Lazarus 2014
Apr 13, 2014
Apr 13, 2014 at 1:07 PM UTC
Knotted Cord
Rebekah- Hebrew, meaning - Captivating; knotted cord. Wife of Isaac in the Old Testament.
I am a knotted cord,
Of chattering reactions,
and alphabetical perceptions
straining to elude me.
A tangle of cerebrum crammed to my cranium
snarled loops that hear light in code,
or see voices through pulsating synapses.
I am a knotted cord,
A grey rope of countless nucleotides;
fashioning my own skintight survival manual
from my own regenerating song.
Rough edged coils of yesses and noes,
Spiraling into collected silence.
I am a knotted cord,
A scrambled array of ambition,
Stitched with the lethargy
of an unraveled thread.
Jul 13, 2011
Jul 13, 2011 at 4:40 PM UTC
Sara always thought love was a feeling
a tender warm wave of yearning
a cord between her and her lover
it was made of rubies, gold, and silver
She'd dance in the shower
at the thought of his arms around her.
She'd put their cord in her jewellery box,
the highest shelf. Watching it never wither
But
Sometime later, when the cracks began to show and the lines deepened in her skin
Sara saw her lovers eye's turn from morning to night,
she realised the bruises on her skin were from not peeling the potatoes right
The endless stream of tears that flowed from her eyes; pearls
Were produced by his screams and his might.
She lay uncomfortable in his rock hard arms
as she listened to a never ending song of 'I'm sorry, I love you''
he'd kiss her softly with blood cracked lips.
She new this was a love that wouldn't be missed
For her mother always said ''love is not just a feeling but adoration in action
Its kind, patient, loving, remember you are a blessing.''
For her heart was crazed from the mistakes he made
with a cynical mind-set that she was the bait
for the biggest action she could take
to show she was still capable of loving
was cut the cord, sell the gold and take her life back
to show she was still made of something.
©Rebekah Lazarus 2014
Apr 12, 2014
Apr 12, 2014 at 4:23 AM UTC
I eat until my chest hurts
ignoring the fact my acidic heart
wills, calls, shouts for me to stop (hurting)
myself
For I know once the sweet oozing gold runs down my throat and
calms the feelings of an anxiety disorder,
it will quickly strike to a halt
and evaporates as quickly as it came
turning gold to rust;
and comfort pain.
It leaves me more bruised, battered and empty
(this is high class gluttony)
than when I cut my fingers from unwrapping the packaging.
yet
the void remains unfilled
and I'm no longer happy
©Rebekah Lazarus 2014
Apr 13, 2014
Apr 13, 2014 at 2:32 PM UTC
What do you do
When the person you loved most
Goes away?
Do you mourn the loss
Of the person you can't live without?
Or do you **** up your pride,
And begin to search for someone else?
Accepting that someone is gone,
Is one of life's greatest difficulties;
But with the acceptance
Comes a greater understanding
Of why things happen.
When you can accept the fact
That they are gone,
And when you can accept your fate
And finally move on,
Then, and only then
Will you finally be free.
© Fully Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Rebekah Fleck.
Jan 18, 2014
Jan 18, 2014 at 2:34 PM UTC
Outside of you
Is a typical teenage girl.
Inside of you
Is a completely different person.
Outside of you
You are happy, carefree.
Inside of you
You are sad, alone.
Outside of you
You seem so careful, so fragile.
Inside of you
You are broken into a million pieces.
Outside of you
You talk as if everything is fine.
Inside of you
You are just waiting for the pain to go away.
© 2013 Rebekah Fleck. Legally Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Registration #: HOH6-UUDT-AZRI-BAHI
Dec 20, 2013
Dec 20, 2013 at 12:24 PM UTC
Girl you know I'm lost ...Lost in the thrill of it all...
and I was laying with Delilah..when she cut off my hair...
and i was lost inside her...blinded right beside her...
Eve got me to eat her fruit...and I was buried with her...
naked right beside her...bamboozled cuz I need her...
Coaxed by my Queen Esther...Iam Lost...Lost in the thrill of it all...
Girl you know I'm Lost...inside your temple..
Binned by your ribs...Connected at the heel...
Achilles didn't die at will...but was only protect too the heel
Medusa stares inside me...and I freeze up to stone..
My soul is given to her...i am lost inside her
Girl you know I'm lost......Lost, in the thrill of it all..
Robbed by Rebekah...Blessing will never be the same..
Work 14 years to hold Rachel...caught playing silly games
Ill **** just to hold Basheba...but Jezebel is in my bed!!
Tell me where is Mary.....Mary he isn't dead
I'm just lost...Lost in the thrill of it all...
Jul 29, 2013
Jul 29, 2013 at 4:08 PM UTC
I feel so broken,
Words can't describe how I feel.
It was all lies,
This can't be real.
I believed you
Time after time.
I really thought that someday
I would be able to call you mine.
I cry myself to sleep every night.
I cant eat, I can't leave my bed.
I don't know what to tell people
When they ask why I'm so depressed.
I feel so, so stupid
For thinking that you loved me.
You broke me,
And I can never be fixed.
© Fully Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Rebekah Fleck.
Dec 24, 2013
Dec 24, 2013 at 12:06 PM UTC
I've been used, cheated, manipulated;
I've been through it all.
Eventually
It starts to take a toll on you.
I will never forget all of the sadness
That people have caused me.
The sleepless nights
Crying alone in my bed,
holding my teddy bear,
And wishing that there was someone to hold me.
But there isn't,
And there never will be.
© Fully Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Rebekah Fleck.
Dec 24, 2013
Dec 24, 2013 at 12:00 PM UTC
Happiness fades to sadness,
Just as the sun fades to dark.
Alone and cold
I feel agony, hopelessness, despair.
My world that was once filled with sunshine
Is now pitch black.
The peace and serenity
Is now anger and frustration.
The love and caring
Is now hatred and bitterness.
But just as the sun fades to dark,
the dark fades to light,
And the cycle repeats itself
Yet again.
© 2013 Rebekah Fleck. Legally Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Registration #: JRXN-QUSU-PMVW-S3OW
Dec 20, 2013
Dec 20, 2013 at 12:23 PM UTC
You left me.
You walked away.
We had been through so much;
There are honestly no words I can say.
You made me so happy,
but now I'm so sad.
You made me feel different,
And I gave you everything I had.
I feel disgusted with myself
Knowing that you left me for someone else.
I thought what we had was real.
Leaving wasn't part of the deal.
I stay up at night
All alone in the dark,
Wishing I had never fallen for you
And that my world wasn't falling apart.
© 2013 Rebekah Fleck. Legally Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Registration #: ZVS2-NRVU-Q9MX-17WW
Dec 20, 2013
Dec 20, 2013 at 12:21 PM UTC
I cracked my sister's door once,
saw her paint curled fingers
nettled into the floorboards,
shoulders sunken, cramped wings
beating at the edge of the whiter parts.
She never found room to fly
on that easel. Thinking back,
I should have stripped her walls bare
and shattered the windows.
mzf
Mar 19, 2013
Mar 19, 2013 at 7:46 AM UTC
Placing Rebekah in her box
And storing her in the garage
Nevermind it cost me my teenage savings
To have her in my ownership back then
Lord knows I have tried
To master this fine art that comes easily to some
Memory fails me
Consistency is key
I am impatient and my fingers are rigid
And in all honesty I am not gifted in that general category
Don't get me started on the barrage of requests from family members
who beg me to whip out Rebekah at family affairs
With full expectation of me blowing them away
Highly unlikely, folks
Perhaps I could leave her in the corner of my room
For aesthetic purposes
She is after all a beauty.
Dec 15, 2013
Dec 15, 2013 at 8:41 PM UTC
Everyone who cared left.
The people who I loved the most
Just walked right out the door.
I've been alone for far too long now,
So much pain and anger inside.
All I want is one person
Who can help me make it out alive.
Over and over again
I tell myself I should just disappear.
Wouldn't the world be better off
With one less soul to heal?
© 2013 Rebekah Fleck. Legally Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Registration #: EOKT-BUQA-DNMF-7Y5W
Dec 20, 2013
Dec 20, 2013 at 12:31 PM UTC
I didn't know it is really possible
To laugh and cry at the same time
Without an exact cause
I think I am insane
But he told me I am not
But he didn't really know what
We were talking about
It was about me and me and me
How many me's?
I will count it later like the stars not the stairs
Fail and fail oh I can't even turn the lights on
The water tastes funny
The world is so funny today
Today is the right day to
**** all the catcallers in the universe or
Just ask God to dance something
(Don't you think that Heaven has its own traditional dance too?)
Or we can watch a grand, glorious
Dance battle
Between Michael and Lucifer
Then watch Maria and Joseph slow dance;
It would be fun
Trust me
And the best of all
We won't run out of good wine
(Yo, Jesus!)
Oh, I can't believe you!
Why don't you laugh?
I can't believe you are
Not laughing
You don't even cry! How boring;
How boring --
The heaven would get mad
So mad, so mad like Sylvia
Or Khadīja or Rebekah
Or don't ask me who they are!
Do you even really know who you are?
I think I am insane
There was a time when I am
Really sure that I am, but
Then I learnt that truth was not that simple --
He said, just like him, I think too much
What do I think?
I think I am insane
But he told me I am not
But he didn't really know what
We were talking about
Jul 5, 2014
Jul 5, 2014 at 8:37 AM UTC
You were my first love.
I was so young, so foolish.
I was just a little girl.
You were my best friend.
My feelings for you were so strong,
but I didn’t know how to handle them.
I was stupid, crazy, obsessive,
I just wanted you to feel the same.
But you never did.
I have changed a lot,
I’m a different person.
And I would like to think
That I’m the kind of person
That you would want to be with.
The kind of person that I should have been
All those months ago.
© Fully Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Rebekah Fleck.
Jan 2, 2014
Jan 2, 2014 at 4:18 PM UTC
How did I end up here?
I'm not the person I used to be,
The person I am supposed to be.
Somewhere along the way
I got a little lost.
I had values and standards,
But they are all forgotten.
As I stare into the darkness
I wish for one thing;
To become the girl I used to be.
© Fully Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Rebekah Fleck.
Jan 4, 2014
Jan 4, 2014 at 12:23 AM UTC
I wasn't the one who walked away,
The one who said goodbye,
Never to return again;
It was you.
I wasn't the one who ended it all,
I was just the one to take the fall.
I wasn't the one who left;
It was you.
I wasn't the one who said they'd had enough,
The one who wanted to be free
And leave the other in the dust;
It was you.
I was the one who moved on,
The one who took hold of my life.
I'm not the one who wants things back;
It is you.
© 2013 Rebekah Fleck. Legally Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Registration #: C3WQ-ADQI-CSE5-6CLY
Dec 20, 2013
Dec 20, 2013 at 12:24 PM UTC
The struggle inside
Is more real then ever.
It's beginning to surface
On the outside,
And it's almost impossible
To hold it together.
People always ask me
Why I look so tired;
Little do they know that
My soul is on fire,
Slowly burning away on the inside,
Until one day
There is nothing left to burn.
© Fully Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Rebekah Fleck.
Apr 1, 2014
Apr 1, 2014 at 1:40 PM UTC
It seems to me
That the one thing
People are always searching for
Is freedom.
Like a teenager,
Wanting freedom from their parents
So they can finally start there life.
Like a slave,
Sending a prayer to God
And hoping to one day be free.
Like an animal
All alone in a shelter,
Waiting for a home.
Like an unborn child,
Patiently sitting in it's mothers womb,
Waiting to be born.
It's like the New Hampshire motto;
'Live Free or Die'.
Some people receive their simple wish
For freedom.
But others die trying.
© Fully Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Rebekah Fleck.
Jan 19, 2014
Jan 19, 2014 at 8:17 PM UTC
Why can't you see
That we can never be friends?
You caused me nothing but pain
Over, and over again.
You wounded my heart;
left it crying out for help.
It still lies here broken
Waiting for someone else.
You did nothing but lie,
Played me to the very end;
But yet now you come back
And tell me you want to start again?
You always say
That I'm the only one for you;
But I'm not the only one
You are telling that to.
You made me so angry,
Angrier than I've ever been.
So now I am telling you
That this is the end.
This is not how it works,
I'm not just some toy.
I need someone who can treat me right;
And you're just a boy.
© 2013 Rebekah Fleck. Legally Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Registration #: EKQ8-W5BS-PVIG-NGLA
Dec 20, 2013
Dec 20, 2013 at 12:22 PM UTC
At night I feel alive
by day I feel death
is it because I have
a silver bullet in my chest?
Is it from the empty spaces of the bed
or the words you left ringing...
Or simply because I don't want you,
to see
the beast you've
made
of me
©Rebekah Lazarus 2014
Apr 12, 2014
Apr 12, 2014 at 4:52 AM UTC
The road that I'm on
Is full of never-ending twists and turns.
I look ahead of me
And see hundreds of paths overlapping.
Which one do I take?
Which road leads to the rest of my life?
It's all so unclear, so uncertain.
I ask for help from a man walking by,
He just laughs and walks away.
Why won't anyone help me?
I just need to know which way to go,
I don't get why it's so hard
To find my way home.
© Fully Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Rebekah Fleck.
Jan 18, 2014
Jan 18, 2014 at 2:31 PM UTC