Written December 1, 2015

"I feel like I'm having the same conversation with guys
Hi's turn into Bye's
lies in turn make me cry
How am I supposed to summarize all of this into one line?
I'm trying.
'Babe' and "Baby, you're the one'
But have you heard, that one means none when you're blind sided and reminded that there is other's who you'd rather be with?
And you realize, your words are myths, spitting out the syllables you just want me to hear
Pet names are  nothing but music to our ears
The day-to-day conversations from dawn to dusk are intriguing
But when you really look deeply, they're just words with no meaning
A lonely tactic, a feen for something more
Until the conversation closes, for I was a bore
From here it's the same love story, the way it always tends to end
I'll get the last word, press send, and then pretend as if your lack of response doesn't hurt me,
although it's killing me inside
Then I wish upon 11:11 for you to at least come to a compromise
You'll come around the bend again, and I'll try and act strong
But strong just isn't strong enough, I've missed you way too long
The story then repeats itself, a fairy tale no one enjoys
Welcome to your 'happily ever after'
when talking to a **** boy."

when we're younger we feen for love
we crave something we've never felt before
hence why I was obsessed with Twilight novels
and cried during every Nicholas Sparks film

this is when we're barely growing *******
and boys are fascinated by bras and thongs
only later to love what is underneath them

we get older and experience grows
we eventually fall in love
maybe once
or maybe a hundred times

and every time it happens
it just gets harder and harder

we all let that one person in
they see all of our dark crevices
you parade the skeletons in your closet

and for a moment
sometimes longer
we think that this might be that person

but things get shaky
and we say things we don't mean

some of them move across the country
and others escape inside themselves

the ones we love are not always lovable
or they don't love us back

we build this thick skin
we hide behind drugs and alcohol
and we get too ****** up to remember when he held you in the middle of that field

we build up these hard walls on the outside
only because we are afraid to admit our innards are mush
and we can't take anymore heartbreak

because we gave ourselves to them
every achy memory
and they held us there
as we sobbed
and screamed
and punched away our demons

so now we are all afraid to love
because the purest thing we ever did feel
turned its back on us

love morphed into a demon within us
revealing its ****** teeth that were plunged into our hearts

we tell ourselves that we will never love again
for it hurts too much
and we are all too broken for anyone to love us again

that reassurance he gave you
disappears
it does not matter what he told you in that early morning shower
or how the warmth of your bodies came together in a foggy car

that is all the past
no matter how we reminisce we cannot get the love back
the purest of it has left us

so why is it when playing the field, we become so scared and insecure?
putting up this confident, independent front
where in reality we're praying for your acceptance?

women read loud magazines with advice columns
because we can't get the one on ourselves anymore
we're too insecure
and advice columns from a loud magazine somehow fit all of our situations

those bright words in that loud magazine can't fix the emptiness he left you with
when all you wanted was to be loved
and he couldn't give you enough of him

because he was broken too.

Sometimes those loud magazines are right
only the instance when they tell you to "be yourself"

it worked the first time didn't it?
a questionnaire in Cosmopolitan didn't tell you how to act that summer
your tactics from Manthropology 101 didn't get him to sit by you

it was your smile and the up turn of your eyes that made him fall in love with you
the sunshine in your hair and the freckles on your shoulders

he might have went away, but only for the fear of getting hurt like we all have
it wasn't you the second time around
one day you will need to accept that

So just be yourself
because that boy staring across the way at you
he isn't interested in your flirty planned out text messages
or the new lip stain that Glamour's guy panel has raved about

it's the blushing in your cheeks,
and that contagious smile
that got them all before.

So why stop that feeling again,
although you're scared to love,
why stop something that made you feel so complete before?

If he can give you butterflies again, an old self would call you foolish,
foolish for not taking your chance on the nice guy at the center.

*"It is a risk to love.
What if it doesn't work out?
Ah, but what if it does."
- Peter McWilliams

When you're here... its okay if I'm under a bridge,
it's aright if I don't fit in
life's amazing and my heart goes crazy!
When you're here I don't need money
I don't need to feen
When you're here I'm so complete
As much as I try my brain won't fool my heart
You're not here
we're far apart
I'm alone
My soul knows there's no place like home
My legs search for another pair in the dark
I fall apart,
I cry, and cry
My pillow keeps me company tonight...

Another year has been added onto my life.
Everything is okay,
And I thank God I’m still blessed,
But my tears are just
Getting bigger as the time
Starts to trigger.
My heart starts to get swollen
As my mind still tries to
Figure exactly what’s really going on.
Why do I feel so alone?
I try and close my eyes and picture home,
But I’ve been gone for too long.
I’m living in miseries.
My only pain killer is a double shot of
Hennessy.
Lord give me ink and some paper
Please.
My soul cries out within the
Ink that bleeds.
Oct 6 was the day I was born.
God how long will I live and still remain
Trapped in this storm?
My heart for writing
Can’t be the reason I’m still alive.
God gave me another chance
To get my hands on the prize,
But it’s been too long to why I’m still living in
Disguise
Of pure evil that set fire in my
Eyes.
Aching bones in my body,
And a hopeless dream of
Corvettes and audi’s.
Entrepreneurship,
And dedication is what I feen,
But another year has been added onto
This helpless black queen.
I’m not sure why me.
My pencil is about to break,
And my paper is about to rip.
The hardness of my thoughts,
And my teeth that’s clenched and gripped
Is only another episode to why I’m still
Here.
#HAPPYBIRTHDAY





-Marci H.

your my kryptonite
your touch creeps in like poison
sending chills down my spine
slowly erodes my being
call me ms. two face
i tell you i dislike your ****
but i feen for it
i need your poison running through
me to feel like i'm here
just for a moment
being that villain
i feel Alive

Silence is key,
You won't hear much from me,
I just want to hear,
The whole world is a mirror,
Woke up in a dream,
Things are not what they seem,
Your sight has to be keen,
If you know what I mean,
Seeing through the smoke screen,
Guided by the light beam,
Living out the larger sceam,
***** for truth and yes I feen.

Intro:
Welcome to the new age of spit’n
to change the flavor of mix’n
where MCs are kick’n provocative rhymes
to stretch the imagination of open minds
no need for weapons, blood, and tumbl’n
we’re gonna educate and stimulate rumbl’n

Spit’n Philosophically Aware Rhymes
for the New millennium, that’s SPAR’N
elevating the level of rap’n hip-hop beats
to achieve new heights, to accomplish new feats
to teach the youth a brand new way of feel’n
to preach in the streets a new way of deal’n

Poet’s Verses:**
I’m a warrior for the new age of spit’n
flatlin’n a verse like F’n-stein to do my bid’n
tired of listen’n to the violence and the ****’n
rather kick a message for tolerance to the liv’n
better to be rich in center than material possessions
’cause fear and greed foster the need for man’s weapons

Don’t have a saint, a preacher, or a teacher’s hand
just a person on edge, trying to survive in this here land
to pass along to others the meaning of liquid wisdom
that can’t be learned in some classroom using ‘isms
so listen up my brothas, listen up my sistas
the words ya hear’n gonna blow ya away like twistas

Each of us is composed of molecules, atoms, magnetic forces
revolving around one another, following predefined courses
at this level, ya couldn’t even tell the difference
yet we judging the casing that gives us false appearance
if ya think intelligence is inherited by yur parents
then a child of the slums and ghettos has no merits

Be a product no longer of sins numbered by seven
take back yur destiny and life by search’n the heavens
for in the cradle of His arms, true luv awaits
if yur will’n to give a commitment of faith
pain and suffering may be the unwanted test
but don’t give up, ’cause ya not alone on this quest

Luv is more than just words, feel’n, and thoughts
and goes beyond ***, roses, and diamonds bought
real luv is a state of mind, a state of being
when yur together or when yur off somewhere leaving
like the spiritual reality shared between Eve and Adam
something only a true heart could really fathom

Everyone on this here planet has some mean’n
with the gospel hav’n so many people feen’n
if ya feel’n alone, lost and discouraged
this verse is my way of giv’n ya courage
for at night, I pray to the Lord yur soul to keep
sincere in the wish for no more pain or causes to weep.

The death of a sibling so greatly seen
Forever lost, an object of feen
Losing one so young is all but a sin
Hatred boiling throughout my kin

Never having been able to say goodbye
Bellowing throughout the house, my piercing cry
I live to walk alone without my support
The death of my sister has made me distraught

A punishment for all my crimes
God’s grace is all but dimes
Screaming out for her return
Left with nothing but a yearn

The death of an enemy so terribly lost
The one that you've hated, at what cost
Never will you be able to say sorry
To all the wrongs committed, the worry

A teaching in life for which I’ve learnt
Love the ones you've dangerously burnt
Regret is a pain that eats at your soul
A reckoning that defeats the biggest blow

Life and death work in a mysterious way
One cannot live without the others decay
Although one must start for one to end
The Alpha and Omega, the worlds amend.

You can be my drug, i'll inhale you and hold it in.
I'll drink you down till you make the room spin.
I'll sniff you up so it hits harder and last longer.
I'll inject you so you can flow with me, until my vision gets blurry and I cant see.
I'll stay so high when you're around me, and i'll lose my mind when you're not with me.
I hate that sobering reality and that feeling when that high comes down.
I know eventually u'll be back around. So like a feen looking for that next hit, i'll wait, staying up real late...
A simple touch, something like a hug gets me addicted to you, like you're my drug.

I have a short patience
for people who annoy me
by being too noisy
or being too boring

I try to listen
I try to be polite
but the more I nod and smile
the more I feen to bite

As I look at them
dead in the eye
acting like I care
inside I want to die

And I usually don't realize
right off the bat
as I ****** my fingers in
I forget where I'm at

All my focus is absorbed
by my nibbling need  
to every last nail  
I only stop to bleed

As I go at it
I only glance up for breath
But I never stop biting
For my nails are my ****

Only once they
leave me alone
I look around and
see what I've done

I raise my hand
to wave goodbye
but it gets caught
just below my eyes

and I open my mouth
to say something nice
words don't come out
I just bite on my vice

What do you do when finally you realize what death is? You have so much planned for the future, but never know what your fate is.
You finally realize how people would feel if you actually did it. But you're so sad and buried ssooo deep into your problems you don't give a ****. You don't care what they would say, how they would feel. It's all just a mess waiting to unpeel. You can't dig yourself out, you feel it's the only way. Cloud of judgement, jumbles of depression planted in your brain, you can't get out. Its deeper than being able to just shout. You think maybe its a disease? Maybe it's a dream? But it's real life and it all hurts more than a feen.
You start to wonder who matters and who doesn't. Put them in a list. But no one's on the list.. It doesn't make sense, you can't comprehend, so oh, go along, it's your mind after all. You follow along because you think it's normal. You suppose everyone goes through this, it's just a phase. It could be more horrible.
Cloud of judgement, memories erase, jumbles controlling your mind. You lost your chance to get out, there's no more time. You worry, stress, fight, deny. But that does nothing but fills up more jumbles in your mind.
You start to think too much, you cry inside. The thought of it all is too intertwined. You stand up and try to chop the walls down, but here comes ANOTHER thing, and turns it all around. You search for ideas, look deep in the mug. But all you can think of, are new types of drugs. You resist as long as you can, but eventually flip open that illegal ban.
You mess it up more, JUMBLES GALORE..
Suddenly...you become empty. You get so confused, all of the jumbles have finally fused. You start to feel nothing, it all becomes numb. You want nothing, than to just be done.
So you plan, plot, think, think, and think. That's all you ever do, it's what it's come down to. You're so sad, you don't have a clue. And that's all it ever is, you're just depressed, so lost in the mess.

I will give thee my love,
And cause no strife.
I call to mind the last time
That I paid the price.
The price of a man who knew not what love is
Or could be.
A man who never fell for me.

So I find no peace in the air I breathe.
To loseth or holdeth I will be up to thee,
Yet the Stardust in thine eyes,
Enchant thy heart to make you mine.

Darling, thou make ye trees sing,
In Autumn and spring,
perhaps every season in between

So let thee turn to “we”,
and travel to new extremes.
Whilst our fires
Create new desires - yearning for passion
And intimacy.
As long as thou not feen,
Keeping simplicity clean,
Thou shalt not worry
For thy am in no hurry.

So as thy take thy leave,
It came to be
                     Thy heart has fell
                                                For thee.

Let’s paint a vivid picture,
Up under the movie screen,
Making a love scene,
That’s my favorite part.
Let’s get connected, and
Smoke each other HEART,
Cause I love this part.
Let’s kiss and touch,
If I asked to cuddle would that be too much?
Not too hard,
Or too rough,
I don’t really need LOVE,
I just want LUST,
You ask why?
Because I threw away the key
So it’s hard to TRUST.
Keep going, I haven’t had enough,
This my favorite part.
Don’t stop.
Let’s trace over our beautiful art,
Gleaming in the NIGHT
FEENIN’ for your light
MOANIN’ cause it feels just right
Smiling cause it’s just nice,
This my favorite part.
****** still high,
My FUSTRATION is leaving
I’m MEDITATING, while the air still
STEAMIN’
I’m feeling the inflammation of our
FIRE.
I can’t help what my ****** frustrations
DESIRE
Your **** body I admire,
Bring your “A” game, and your
TONGUE,
yes, it’s REQUIRED
I been tensed up for a min,
I put the kitty on pause, so yes
It’s RETIRED,
Love higher than a TOWER,
Climb up then fall down into
A bed of FLOWERS.
I’m digging you,
And you digging me,
We’re both BLIND to what the
Naked eye cannot SEE,
And that’s love,
We’ve been HYPOTIZED
By laughs and hugs.
****** appeals,
Your time, yes, I STEAL,
Remember we made a DEAL,
But do we have to stick to this
Deal?
Do it have to be a MUST?
Am I under DISGUSIE
To a beautiful heat that LIES?
A tongue SILENCING my cries,
Speechless cause I’m so surprised,
You did all your speaking,
So now it’s time to
WINE and DINE.
Can we CHANGE or minds?
Is it a CRIME,
Can we RECITE this just one more
Time?
It may be too late,
To change back our words,
No longer you HEAR me,
No longer you HEARD.
Your plate has been FINISHED
Your mouth is no longer FULL,
Your plate is CLEAN,
Now my hands is on PULL,
Hanging to your shirt,
Where I can no longer feel like
DIRT,
Here come back,
You can have my SKIRT,
Don’t go you haven’t finished
Have you seen the eye that was
WINNING?
The smile that was GRINNING?
The time that I was STEALING?
The flower that was laid out on the bottom of the tank?
I should be your commander solider,
I should be TOP RANK!
So STOP!
Don’t leave,
I ******* hate doing this,
I hate the GREED,
The FEEN,
It’s KILLING me
So PLEASE,
Let’s talk again,
About the LOVE and LUST
I know this is your favorite part,
But just HUSH
Listen.
I don’t want to RUSH.
I just want to cuddle,
Am I ASKING for too much?
My famous WORDS, and special TOUCH.
If you THINK about it,
This could be our favorite part too.



                                             Marci H.

I'm all around, yet I can't be seen. 
And when you're alone, I'm what you feen.
I can make you have joy in chest,
And all through life, I'm the ultimate test.  
I can make you sad, to the point you think you have a disease.
I'm so strong, I can make you so weak in your knees.
Some people mistake me for *** & I can make a male ****** flex.
Once u can identify me, LIFE...start to begin.

My dreams,
Wasn't just any dream.
It took me into the deserts,
And made me into a cold
Feen,
A cold killer with a pierced heart ring.
I slowly fell into that dream.
Sinking like quick sand.
My head went first then my hands.
Unclean,
And dark tan.
I sunk.
I sunk into your quick sand,
And you left me there;
Selling false dreams with no care,
But who ever really cares?
I feel reincarnated wearing all
Black everything,
And a tattoed red tear drop that stains.
The stains that slowly rain,
One by one.
Two by two.
I've been playing fools gold,
But who would've ever knew,
That this day would come true?
I need your direction.
The only thing I ever knew was your
Protection.
I breathed you,
And your imperfections of lack of
Rotation to change your ways,
But it doesn't work like that,
That's just how the game plays.
Now i'm reincarnated in all black.
I had a knife cut in my heart
And thru my back,
But I still stand because at the time
I didn't know that I was sinking into
Your quick sand.
You know its funny,
Now;
Because you had me on hold,
But now all along...
I can truly title this
Fools Gold.
I was digging deep
Praying my soul would mold,
But that's just another story
Being untold.


-Marci H.

.in a land, where, ahem, "supposedly"... the one eyed man leads the blind? that oeuvre proclaimation? hard to... give the one-eyed the mastering of the people, who can see, no? as the one eye-man said, son of Odin... the two eyed are as blind as the no-eyed, in that they cross their eyes, and imagine themselves drowning... i see a serpent... without eyelids... perpetuated spine of lizard, cranium of cold, venom... the hebrew didn't exact... "justice" by ensuring the lizard to be left, wriggling, spine-esque, without attachment of limbs... no... the real torture? the torture that Moses didn't speak of? why, why oh why, did he leave the serpent without eye-lids?! i ask, because a mammal, a bonsai tiger is playing the role of a bassett hound, he's a maine ****... and he, for some, reason, enjoys my company... the fact that the "devil" lost his limbs... i'm not here for that... i'm here for the fact that serpents... spine and cranium remnants of dinosaurs... have, "apparently"... "lost" their eye-lids... imagine the agony... of falling asleep with your eyes open! sympathy for the devil? well... is there really any sympathy for a god or the gods? beside the point... ever since i was born... for all the creativity of the h'american people, their primitive christianity was perpetually sentenced to be abhorrent for me... i could never stomach it... that being said: so what their atheism. i could never stomach either side of the argument... at least with the russians you were told to settle for the kazakhs, those pseudo-Mongols... then, those, intermediate mouth-offs of the english... it's like a dog dies, but you can never get the fleas off of a dead dog! they keep on biting, trying to "revive" *******, akin to 20th century's 1960s zenith, "property allowance of dictum". let me just say... how god cursed Satan... to be left without limbs... is how he cursed... the fact... that dinosaurs, "once upon a time", ruled this orb... limbless sidewinding spines and brains? that's not the real... "pardon", for the emergence of man... do snakes have eyelids? i'm pretty ******* sure they don't. big tigers... tigers and lions... what about the domesticated bonsai tigers? last time i checked... big cats... tigers... lions... they had eyes... that resembled mammals... their pupils dilated, or contracted... cats? the bonsai? why do their pupils resemble lizards? ******* spies! leather in furrs! what's that old christian metaphor of wolves in sheep clothing? that's it, isn't it? well... here's a ******* update: lizard leather in bonsai ***** furrs! i keep having these blinking matches... with my maine *****... yes... the basset hounds of the feline kingdom... blinking matches, wavering: staring contests... the poverty of the metaphor poetics of Moses is finally revealed... you trust your cat? sure as **** your cat's eyes do not dilate or contract like a tiger's or a lion's might... there's a ******* lizard spy in that cranium of their, "cute"-ness... i'm pretty sure the eyes of a tiger, or a lion, become O from o... regarding the pupil... and not O from ()... slit. again... the biggest curse of the "devil" (dinosaurs) was... to craft a slithering pickle jar of a lizard's worth of a weaving spine and a brain cell? or, the fact, that, serpents do not have eyelids?! that they have to black out to craft a pair of eyelids? that they have to binge... and the reason why they ingest a whole body, is so that they can digest a whole body in order to fall asleep, with their eyes, open? i have just left, whatever was the worth of the poetics, associated with Moses' genesis... some **** ***** can play around with a serpent for all i care... i just need to hear a sssssssss sound in my head... find a cat sleeping in my bed... and say: those eyes are not big cat's eyes... they change from mammalian through to lizard... cats are dinosaurs' spies; and no, the curse of leaving a serpent without limbs... which explains the ******* crocodile... the komodo dragon... i'm worried that "god" took a snippet of the eyelids of the serpents... the "retrospective" lab. specimen of the remains of the dino. inquiry into the past of this, orb.

o.k., so i integrated, now what?
can the anglophone world
put away its ******* of giving
everyone a fair chance when that
supposed "fair" chance is
a neurotic take on not being "racist"?
what, a, load, of, *******:
  and pastoral ****-heaps of oops -
i should have migrated in my
teenage years and kept my
diacritical exfoliation,
       the distinction by accent if not
by colour... but i'm sure you're
well aware that the oliwki -
i just call the ******* olives -
              have a joker card of the obviousness:
i.e. like ******* are descendent
of an eskimo...
                 today is the first night
of night frost...
     metal is hit first,
the cement paparazzis are not yet
economised -
                        and i find it a waste of a day
in winter if i see sunlight...
    so i go back to bed:
the plan was always:
go to sleep in the night,
wake up when it's night.
           i'm not buying it...
              but i should have really
misguided by efforts in learning this,
god-forsaken tongue,
imperfected it, rather than perfected it,
retained the: free meal ticket of
the ******* accent and then scream
when the opportunity came: racism!
racism!
                  easier if i were olive
skinned...
                free rides like that don't come
so often...
         the english have become
neurotic beyond compensation!
      i'm not nervous about being called
a racist or a ****... call me that enough
times and then a lightbulb moment
will, happen... problem is:
i'll embrace that stereotype with as much
gentlemanly airs and "concern" that
will only be made for the opposite
party to not distinguish politeness from,
ridicule...
              no no,
these people will not be riddles -
they'll be ridiculed, a massive difference.
i sometimes regret learning the english
language to establish myself by the native
standard of talk,
  because once you've attained that:
then what?
     you already have a meritocracy that's
build upon: what's best representative
of your multiculturalism -
apparently the whites don't distinguish
other whites...
                    as it is clearly seen:
christianity taught the nebulous blood-thirty
barbarians a culture of masochism...
            it's actually painful to hear
a german speak, less painful speaking
german yourself...
       herr... wachsen einige hoden, bitte!
danke.
           it just looks like watching a boxer
in match wearing a ******* tutu.

    willkommen! zu aufpassen:
                    die zeit zu kommen sie!
*****-brute-deutsche...
    hündin-brachial-ßaß!
           ­      ich: jawohl!
                                  
   you want to punch: you better want
to punch high, on the head...
for the... ******* concussion
    (die gehirnerschütterung...
guess what... no trenches for you...
chemical nouns!
  ficken feen paddy kobolde -
    glücklich?!)

there has never come a time,
similar to this,
when a ******, a polen...
would, love, the deutzsche-zunge
as much, as he might love it now...
weird... seltsam...
                gott, mit uns!

memories of my grandfather's plea:
herr! bitte bon-bon!
         before the soviets came
and decided to sleep with the goats...
kommen auf ein metallurgiefamilieanfänge
(carbohydrate enough for you,
mrs. khan?!)
          what is it with me and the allure
toward the german tongue,
away from zee Ęnglisch?!

       i have an idea, or, two...
so many pakistanis with khan
as their surname...
it almost makes you, "wonder"...
islam blah blah this,
islam blah blah that...
       a lot of pakistanis with
mongolian surnames...
       time to find the wound...
time to find the salt..
  don't you think?
     oh: nicht bitter...
                       wirklichkeit... prüfen,
eh?
                i can't, or rather,
i don't have the energy to hate,
or remind the saxons,
their misdeeds...
              ich bin müde!
                i am, tired...
    see? no diacritical marks,
i have to make up the "loss" with
punctuation markers...
                            kennt ihre nachbar!
liebe? liebe?!
                   kennt ihre nachbar
            wie dich selbst!
liebe?! ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
sagte die eifersüchtig gott...
liebe?
                how about: know your neighbour
as yourself...
      the command, love your neighbour
as yourself... can we leave that sort of *******
to petting cats and pigeons?!
i rather know my neighbour as i
might know myself...
        love is never a part of the golden rule
of universal application...
  love is a futility of diminished
senses...
       i rather know my neighbour,
than love him,
as much as as i rather know myself,
than love myself.

so when's the next *******' worth
of riddles going to come from?
   palestine...
  look, i've already exhausted the "jewish q.",
i'm tired of jewish wisdom...
what's next: the arab pandora's box?
great!
    mind you... it's so nice to see
the yews the yids, the 'ebrews
making fwends with the arabs again...
hell: goat herder met another goat
herder...
       which leaves the argentinian
neo-nazis with the beef!
            and some of us:
with leather shoes, belts...
                 jackets... and... bacon!

god bless... this wonderful world!

They say time heals everything:
My hearts been on watch. Any attempt to form a time frame, would be in vain. Besides, I can still hear you name. See your lips, when you speak mine. Looking at your bright blue eyes, while the sun shines.  

I should have known:
Trying to hold on to a feen-ex and get burnt. Lesson learnt. Problem is, I'm addicted to the hurt, our pain. It burns. But, God gave us feelings to feel with so its fine. At least, that's how I played it out in my mind.  Lessons
mean more when they are learnt. Lost but forgotten, never the case, quickly replaced with a familiar face. Bigger fish in the sea: such a waste.

Two years ago, so many months behind
Chasing after you, a dreadful feeling of mine
Unable to be in control, unable to control your actions
I tried to regain control without asking
Two years ago, and just a couple weeks back
I panicked because I just let my heart relax
I kept thinking about you, and I kept thinking about me
I can’t force something to work, if it’s not my destiny
My words was smooth, but my actions were cruel
I led you to believe I would never hurt you
What a fool, what a fool
Two years of being stuck on you
Don’t listen to the nonsense
Don’t believe everything you here
Just because you say forever don’t mean the love will stay there
Too much on my mind, too dumb to just let go
Obsessing over you, trying to get back to you
I don’t know what I was thinking
But now I understand what it was
Addicted to the lustful thoughts
Instead of focusing on love
I gave you great pains
I gave you things you never asked for
I wished I did all the things I intended to do
But instead I kept chasing you
The first time I ever been obsessed
The first time I ever been stuck
So many times I asked myself say what
What are you doing?
What are you thinking?
Why haven’t you changed?
How do you expect to get her back?
If you stayed the same
So stupid, so cruel when it came to thoughts
My name never ran across your brain
You was way past the idea of making it work
I was left with all the hurt
You suffered, but I ended up hurting in the end
Everything that once stood tall all had to come to an end
So many days I wanted to cry
So many days I wanted to stay locked in my room
The smell like your sweet perfume
No kiss like yours
No softer feel then your lips
I dread the way I think, because you I still miss
I’ve been everywhere
I’ve been in and out
Not knowing if I’m crazy
Because I said with you, I couldn’t live without
It’s killing my pride
It’s killing my soul
The final moments of me letting go
Don’t judge me from where I been
Just judge me from where I’m at
I know you don’t love me no more
But I wanted the feelings to be as mutual as that
Most of the things are true
The things that I was accused of
Falling in love with the one I was scared of
The one that I just wanted to be friends with
Everything had to end
Everything just happened so sudden
These tears from my eyes
Makes the lines to your heart flooded
I know I cannot understand
I may not ever believe
That I have to let go in order to heal too
But I chose to play the role of a fool
So here’s a reminder
Here’s a reminder never to forget
I may not have you anymore but the memories will still exist
Two years ago I learned how to love
I also learned how to manage
I was terrible, and I never planned it
I wouldn’t know what love is if I invented it
I just needed a shoulder, I just needed something to lean on
Your love I always seem to feen for
Now I finally understand why you left me for
2 Years Ago…

The heaven's rumble and the shutters mumble
Insidious is the echo of a thunderous raw
The comparable terror on both fronts becomes indistinguishable
And when the earth quakes we hug the floor
The children weep and a mother's hope makes way
The wounds of shard cleansed by molten tear
Inside we howl at the dart that went astray
A target it found when the mind was cornered by fear
The heavens rumble and the shutters mumble
Darkened shadows flicker within the shutters fiery light
A teary mother contemplates death when her kin she must ******
Feen or foe a monster parades on her blight