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spilling over like boiling tea
burning me, washing me
near the point of insanity
emerald eyes of sadness
but they're looking right past me
fingers long and elegant
hands of woven silk and
wrapped around my throat
but im not breathing
though my heart is beating
i can feel the ripple
almost electric-shock
as you say you're sorry
its an empty feeling
that starts as a grey cloud
looming in the night sky
before you realize
that its seeping in
between a crack
in the curtains
so you close them
and i am none the wiser
I dont want anyone
who doesnt taste like you
I need that sweet
flavor of love and hate
I need a real long taste
I am drowning in love
its the fear that
keeps me fighting
remembering you telling me
there's not a person
on this planet
who understands you
like I do
then why am I so confused?
one minute you
cant take your eyes from me
and then every glance is
pain reflecting back
will she wash it away?

high on dopamine
you're killing me
all to forget
and eventually regret
the mortal wounds
you've given me
your hands around
my heart
then the
thick swirling clouds
of black and rotten thoughts
that plague me
how they cry
when I am weary
no soul should feel so
no heat should carry this
when the song in me has died
and the glass slips
from betwix my fingers
warm and weary
the sand shall weep
and so shall you
for the  time is up
and the lights are off
no one is home
inside me
I let different boys touch me
Because I wanted to know
Even for a second
What it felt like to be loved
Even if the love was cheap
And it tasted like ***
Like the punchline to a joke
I never got because it was me

I let different boys have different parts of me
Parts they didn't deserve
But I offered up willingly because I couldn't give anything else
after you broke me
I was looking for different fingers
to place different pieces and hoping  the outcome
would be a masterpiece
Maybe one of them would find a way
to cover up the handprints you left all over me

I let different boys touch me because I had to prove to myself
you wouldn't be the only one
that these scars marking my body wouldn't define
my worth to be loved
I am not entirely sure  
you aren't the only one who could ever touch me without slightly  flinching

I let different boys touch me because that is all I have been taught
To be a joke
To be silent
To be ready to give until you have nothing left
- they keep leaving me and I am to scared to offer up anything more than my body to get them to stay
Of love

I am mourning
Kisses in the morning
There, moaning
Here, groaning
Is it pain?
Is it pleasure?
Will it ever get better?

I am sick
Of you

And the way I feen
That face, my dream
An incessant need
To feed
On your love
High as a dove
In flight

I am sick
Of me

I'm letting go
Don't cry
Don't die
Go on without me
pretty baby,
You'll be fine
You'll be fine
You'll be fine
You'll be fine
You'll be fine
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