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Jayda James Jul 1
I wish I could've changed sooner
So you wouldn't have to hurt
I disrespected you in so many ways you never deserved
Why do you stay with me
I could never figure out
You seen so much potential I would always doubt
Why did I hurt you
One question I could never answer
I wanted to be your blessing
But my actions changed me into the curse
Now I see why you always say you get the worst
It's always you but really it's always me
You deserve the world
That I should leave
We've been through so much
No one could ever understand
Too many misunderstandings were never planned
You always held me down
Keep it true to the end
I downgraded you position and treated you like a friend
My love holds more than just a friend
I love you like a lover
I love you with every part of me
I need help letting go this ****** up part of me
I wanna change and become the person I intend to be
I want that old love back instead of making excuses and giving apologizes
Do you love me still even thou i dont deserve it
Do you love me still even thou i aint perfect
My apologies my sinceres apologies
To the only one who held me down through everything i love you forever
Jayda James Jun 27
Drowning in tears
Sinkin in pills
I wonder how great happiness feel
I use to get the feeling
The feeling that i may not make it
Smiling what a fake grin
How is it that you live with yourself knowing what you did
How is it that i have to take my life just to get peace
While you live on and I feel deceased
How dare you take everything i hold close
Then act like you right
When no one knows
To unlock secrets and began my life
I let you go off the chain
Knowing i still suffer
Knowing i still cant get past
I let you dog me out and still pass
I let you strip me down in every way
****** my mind and take my soul out of my chest
I wanna hurt you like you did me
But im not that heartless
I have every reason but i let you go cause i need peace
I hope you happy that deep down inside you destroyed me
I still wonder why I let you slide
The damages i have inside can never die
I hope they never ressurect
Cause i dont know how much life I got left
I dont show this part of me often but this is me breaking away from the older version of me
Jayda James May 21
You what perfection look like
A beautiful flower that blows
The way your eyes use to flutter
Shined like a sweet rose
The way you had me locked in
And never found a way out
Til death do us part I will never let out
I wish I could change so much
Maybe I changed way to many
Sweet, friendly heart
To bitter never ending
I wish I was taught how to love
But I never figured out
To seal my aching heart
I never wanna do without
Your love it healed me
So many places scared
Locked and loaded
Never to pull apart
Your sweet loving, keeps my mind wondering
To get back to you I’ll keep plundering
I let go of pain
I let go of sorrow
Can we turn backs the hands
But fast forward to tommorow
You make life worth living
And living worth life
To settle down and fall in love
I just might
I’m in love something I thought I’d never feel again and it feels so good ❤️
Jayda James Nov 2018
The saddest faces come from the kindest hearts
Trying so hard not to fall apart
Karma comes and people go
Never interrupt the slow movements of the cold
Cold hearted, and simply separate
Seeking love from those who don’t love back seems a little desperate
I’ve been crying, yes I’ve been crying
So sick from my own mistakes
Some hearts are too precious to replace
Some hearts are too kind to mistake
I can’t keep everything inside
It’s been inside for too long
Why do I have to pull together when I’ve been so strong
But deep inside I know it’s so wrong
Because I’ve been broken for so long
Tears seem to stream because I’ve seen it all before
A bitter heart trynna love such a cold soul
These tears that I’ve shed I’ve felt them all before
I just wish I never had to feel this pain anymore
What do I do
What can I say to make it all right
So tired of the constant conversations of fussing and fighting
I can’t be strong like I use to
I can’t pretend that I moved on
Everytime I seem to interact I get that gut feeling
I get that weak feeling deep inside
But I refuse to cry, I got to much pride
I would do it all over again
Just to see your beautiful face
Just to hold you one last time
How can I act like I’m not bothered
When I can’t even ignore the facts
That I love you so much
But I’ll never hear it back
War cry... I got my game face on
The hardest part is trynna tell my mind to move on
Let Go
Jayda James Mar 2018
So smooth with my words, but not caring when it counts
The many times we kissed, i don't know the amount
So drawn in by your whisper
So engaged in everything you said
R.I.P to my heart, because that part of me is dead
what lead me to this point, what put me in this position
Had me concentrating on you, hopefully wishing
So smooth, the way i approached you, so eager with the way i grabbed you
I knew from that day on i didn't want to be without you
You lucked up this time, but i never gained closure
because i never wanted to let go, i just wanted to get closer...
not so smooth huh?
Jayda James Mar 2018
These teardrops i cry, the ones that fall beneath my eyes
Nobody knows the total pain i feel inside
Outside so warm but inside so cool
Tell me for you why did i play the roll of a fool
Tell me how did i not know
and why i wished you to be gone
Now undelivered every message to your phone
Sorry isn't enough
My bad isn't any good
and i will not know how to love
and so far out misunderstood
These tears that i cry
So heavy when they fall
I have no one to blame because I'm the reason for them all
The days that i spent, in a corner to myself
Nobody could replace a love like yours because it never left
I never ripped it away, i never cut down the strings
That's the reason it drags so heavily
I'm the reason for my pain
because I refuse to let go
and the feelings that i feel you will never let go
You cut me loose
You cut me off for good
and i just have to see your face
Everyday that i walk through
Tell me what's the pain
And why it feels so irregular
I  tried to call your phone but it never reached your cellular
So many teardrops in my eyes
These tears that i seem to cry
Gives you every reason to tell  me goodbye
I'm so stuck up in my ways
I'm so stuck up in my feelings
Your love is the one way i could bring healing
The days fade away, but the tears grow longer
Every day i remind myself to just be stronger
NUMB
Jayda James Feb 2018
One heart
The only heart I’ve truly seen
I didn’t pick up no traces of a reoccurring scene
I’ve never loved the same no it wasn’t the same as it would normally be
Visions of the flashbacks
Taking you here with me
One heart yet you captured mine
Such a beauty you have became over time
Your that shadow, the overseer in my heart
The reason I’ve been pulled so apart but remain so strong for so long
I can’t imagine it being another love
No it’s impossible
You can only run into a few good hearts
The ones that love so deeply but acared to get torn apart
There’s no other feeling then when you here
There’s no way I would risk it all again
Unless I had another chance to where I begin
I couldn’t imagine settling
It just seemed so early
But awoke went heart and it stayed so steadily
2-3 years maybe even more
I’m so sick of being sick, the things I’ve always seemed to adore
My mind took control and had me wanting more
Wanting more than I could handle
It just felt like it was worth the risk
2years later did I ever imagine this
How does one seem to exist
How does one go to fix
Something I questioned over so many years
1 heart but so many emotions I missed
The reason I never received another kiss
1 Heart, 1 love is what it is...
No repeat... nothing quite similar... so irregular
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