I didn’t choose to be born this way
How life starts we really have no say
You know we can’t help the way we look
So don’t judge me like a cover of a book
Just because I look this way don’t defy me by it
Yeah, I maybe african-american I will not deny it
On a job application I’ll put down “black” as a race
As a dark chocolate color has covered my whole face
When I look in the mirror that’s all I’m gonna see
I’m stuck this way so I’m just gonna let that be
It don’t feel good knowing your ancestors were slaves
And how they were severly beaten when they misbehaved
I’m gonna be like this forever so I’m making the best of it
Yeah I may not find it enjoyable and I may not even love it
But this was how I was created so all I can do is deal
But you know, how I look is way different from how I feel


You won’t see me living the ghetto
Or use the word “*****” to describe my fellows
Doo-rags are okay but it’s because of my messy hair
Don’t say I’m a hoodlum even though I might not care
So what if I like jersies, that dosen’t mean I’m a ****
I’m not a typical black man, you won’t see me do drugs
Don’t need that **** to better myself
Proving myself I don’t need your help
The suburbs is the place that I wanna stay
I perfer to live like that, I don’t care what you say
I don’t want to be on the streets
‘Cause I’m not some homeless freak
You may not see me with a diamond chain
A crime-free life is what I want to maintain


Never will I sag my jeans all the way down to my knees
Unlike most folks, my boxers are not meant to be seen
I will not put shiny rims on my teeth
That’s not even close to being neat
You might see put on gangsta clothes
But not hear me go and call a girl a “**”
Or slap them on the backside making ***** calls
Won’t see me hitting up on them in the halls
Or whisper in their ear, begging them for ***
That’s really disturbing and incrediably sick
Really, how can a guy think or even be that way
Chasing after every girl they desperately crave
The city is where you usually roam
Many of you call the streets your home
Speaking in slang that I can’t actually understand
Don’t wanna be that way, that’s what’s who I am


Just because I’m part of your family dosen’t mean I wanna live like you
The streets are not my place to live so I don’t even wanna be in your shoes
I was not raised to jack people up
Don’t like how I am? too bad, tough!
I’m agaisnt gang violence and want no part in it
Never robbed and jacked someone, never done it
Coming from a black guy I know it sounds strange
But hey I’m not here to amuse, impress, or entertain
I’m just telling it like it is
It’s how I really want to live

I thank my parents for giving me a decent name
And not something obscene or anything strange
As many black names contains apostrophies
Which you know is something nobody really needs
I usually perfer proper language over ghetto slang
Knowing people talk that way is really a shame
I’m part of you but yet we speak different languages
Not all blacks speak that way, that’s the way it is
Don’t get me wrong, I really have love for all of y’all
But your behavior and actions is making me appalaud
Stealing and killing people from your own race
You think it’s funny but it’s really a big disgrace
After doing that, how can you look yourselves in the face?
Through the civil rights movement we all loved each other
Now all of you are there on the streets killing one another


For goodness sake, solve your problems through words
Not through guns, knives, or even through racial slurs
It’s really not worth all of this
All of this is making me sick
Making me ashamed to be a black man
****** in cold blood I cannot bare to stand


Okay so enough of this, so let’s move on
It’ll take me forever to describe what you did wrong
Lived a life in the suburbs so long I feel that I’ve become white
Sorry black folks but it’s really white females that I like
Been that since birth I really don’t know why
I like their eyes, their face, I really cannot lie
I’m respectful of girls of all races
Don’t take it the wrong ‘cause I like girls of all races
But I’m most likely interested in girls with white faces
I like seeing white girls go at it on MTV
Then see black chicks fight on BET
You can say hello to me and we can even be friends
But you as a lover of me I would not even recommend
A church where blacks shout out to lord is not where you’ll find me
It’s not my religion, not how I think of faith, not something I need


You may hear Biggie Smalls playing from my bedroom window
That don’t mean I’m ghetto I’m just trying to my life simple
I’ll cheer for Obama when he becomes president
But the streets will never ever be my residence
You may find me weird, you may think I’m obscene
But that’s the life I choose to live in, that’s just me

She’s one girl no guy can get out of their mind
The one girl that’ll make any boy step out of line
Just by looking at her I can tell she’s different from any mortal
She has the power to go up and turn a cold heart really fertile
She strips on exotic clothing everytime she goes out
You know she’s the woman that all the guys talk about
Recently I found her name, it’s Tiffany
You can tell she dosen’t need sympathy
She looks like a bad girl by the way she smokes a blunt
The way she seduces men, gonna make you struck dumb
She’s a ***** woman but plays innocent when she’s with men
You can easily see why many boys want her as a girlfriend


If I had a shot at her I’d ask for romance
While most guys want to get in her pants
She’ll make your skin shiver by the touch of her flesh
The most exotic and permiscious girl that I ever met
The kind of girl that will make your heart stop
Just being in her presence will mean a whole lot
You see her hang out with more men than girls
As girls get mad when she really rocks men’s world
To a lot of girls here, she’s only known as a ***** or a ****
In reality they’re jealous because they wish they had her ****
So their man will actually charish them all day
Instead of worrying about taking their man away
Her bright blue eyes are hypnotizing wheels
She’s an ****** princess that’s how I feel
Any guy can fall victim to her intense lust
The desire to know who she is is a must


No doubt her looks can attract any man
A fact that most girls can’t understand
In pictures she actually reminds me of a supermodel
Even when she constantly chugs down beer bottles
Constantly showing off her g-string to please guys
She’s even got me hooked on her I’m not gonna lie
Rumor is she sleeps with ten guys a night
As men will just **** to have her in their sight
Just win her affection they will go and fight
It’s hard to ignore that she dresses real naughty
Every night she always has a guy inside her body
She says she’s not a ***** but she only dresses like one
But the way she shows her breast gets a lot of guys stunned


A little coconut as she only stands at five foot four
She gave you action in bed you’d begging for more
**** straight she loves to party, she don’t want you to judge her
A true statement that nothing in this world can be taken from her
She’s a total sucker for R&B; and hip-hop
There’s no way you can get her to stop
Well it’s true almost any guy can get a shot at her
Just hope your attempts don’t send her to laughter
Sometimes she’ll go by the nickname “Baby Girl”
The moment she touches you your blood will curl
Don’t let her pretty face fool ya’ she rolls like the boss
Guys will say that in the bedroom she dosen’t play soft


If you give her some liquor she’ll go off the wall
She’s so energetic she won’t leave you appauled
She’ll turn the dance floor in the club into her own nasty world
She’ll give you so much action it’ll be too much for you to endure
She loves Spongebob and Marilyn Monroe
And yet she denies that she’s ever a **’
On myspace she has five thousand friends
And most of them on that friend list are men
Blue eyed bombshell taking over the room
A blonde ******* bunny is what you assume
Four out of five doctors say that she’s insane
So you can say that she’s far away from lame


She’s every guy’s new obsession
She can get you out of depression
Her upper legs will easily remind you of thunder thighs
Can’t take your eyes off them you know you can’t lie
You can never wake up without an overdoes of her
It’s pratically impossible for anybody to just shun her
Anyone can get lost in her eyes
Finding no exit inside her sight
You don’t know but she’s got you on lock
Not being in her presence is really a frock
Makes your heart fizzle when she calls you honey
She says to every guy dosen’t that sound funny?


She can easily lead you on
And give you what you want
But don’t expect to keep her because she’ll just slip away
Not that hard to tell girls like her will go and not actually stay
So charish the moment while it last
Chances are that she’ll move on fast
Everyday she’s with a different guy
Had tweleve boyfirends, not a lie
She’s like a bomb getting ready to explode
As the most exotic girl that is ever known
Guys will just **** all to feel her sweet kisses
But no one wants to be a victim of her disses
Having her is like having a trophy that’s hard to find
No doubt that she’s gonna stuck inside a guy’s mind


She can easily be mistaken for a member of *******
Boys are struck dumb by the way that she shows her smile
No man alive can resist her temptations
She turns you down you’ll feel devastation
Some guys just want her for the respect
Other guys just want her for her ***
Hotter than a stripper what do you expect?


It wasn’t too long before she met her perfect match
Soon she found a man who gave her the right romance
A man who will love her for who she was
Turns out she really did find her only one
She ended up marrying him at a wedding chapel
The fact that she was taken left many guys baffled
The girl of their dreams was swept away
This caused a lot of guys a lot of pain
Now all they can do is imagine being with her
While her man’s able to go up and kiss her
Other guys consider her man the luckiest man on earth
Because she left other guys who want her really hurt


Then she gives birth to his child and they became a family
Now you know her and her man will be forever happy and dandy
She loves him to death what do you expect?
From her he’s the only guy that’ll recieve ***
Now men have to find another girl to chase after
As her life is forever away from any type of disater

A person who wants nothing, never can be bought
A person who won't fight, never can be fought
A person who doesn't lie, never can be caught
A person who won't play the game, never can be used
A person who dosen't cheat, will always pay his dues
A persons who never thinks, can never have any views
A person who dosen't care what you think, will never leave you confused
A person who has nothing, they will never lose
Tell me dear friend, what kind of person are you

She was the one who made me belive in happiness.
She was the one who was there two years ago,
With me.
And now,
I think she dosen't need me anymore.
Well, yes.
She comes back when she's crying,
And I'm the one who conforts her,
But after this,
She just runs away.
But, what about me?
What if I'M sad?
What if I'M crying.
Nothing.

I call this a game.
She's playing with me.
And I let her.
Cause I know Karma will take care of her.

Hanna says it: Sometimes you poke the bear. Other times, the bear pokes you."

There’s a lot of sick men walking on this earth
But this man is beyond twisted, he’s perserve
All he wants to do is terrorize and leave people hurt
What ****** up his mind, no one knows
Think about this man and anger flows
Everybody remembers the heinous crime he committed
What he did has left a lot of people in this world sickend
Disgusted faces everywhere
A room full of disturbed stares
No one can imagine the intense horror this man has cause
Too heinous for words, what this man has done was wrong
No! it’s beyond wrong! it’s **** right disgusting
It makes other crimes committed look like nothing


Only the son of the devil would have a mind this sick
Makes you wanna find him and beat him with every inch
He’s a sick menace to today’s youth
Think of this man, you just wanna puke
The night he broke in and destroyed a family
Kidnapped two children and tortured them badly
It gets even better, he also went in, tortured, and killed the parents
Bashed their heads with a hammer, no wonder they couldn’t bare it
Kidnap the kids and put them in his stolen jeep
He drove into another state in a forest so deep
Intense fear appears upon these children’s eyes
He dosen’t care, he just wants to make them cry
It’s like food, his mouth waters when he got them
His mission now is to assault and distraught them


He is the hunter and now the children are his prey
Starts to slip off his pants, you can assume he’s gay
One by one, he commits the most heinous act ever
Forced himself inside them, didn’t make things better
Laid on top of each of them so they couldn’t move
Forced them to lay on a surface that isn’t even smoothe
The children scream in pain while he screams in pleasure
It’s getting miserable for the poor kids but for him it’s better
Children screaming in agony is like music to his ears
He gets the sense of dominace coming off their fears
Didn’t give them mercy, he just went further into their bodies
They’re gonna spew out his liquid next time they go to the *****
This ain’t no joke, that’s the worst thing you can do to a kid
If they live, these kids will be traumatized from what he did
Can’t even cry for help because they’re in the middle of a forest
He wants to destroy these kids inside out, that’s just plain horrid
You’d think this kind of horror dosen’t exist, but it does
He forced himself into those kids until they squirt out blood


But what he does?! he just kept on going
Pain of these kids keeps his energy flowing
Tears streaming down their faces as he continues
Doing that to small children, he has some mad issues
No wonder why everybody in the world hates him right now
No wonder why people wanna beat him down to the ground
Children are helpless so he decided to use them as targets
Forcing innocence out of a child, that’s just plain *******
They’re crying in pain, crying for help, but he thrieves off that
Crying like babies everytime he did but he just goes and laugh
Twenty-four seven, all day, all night, he was on top of these poor kids
He’s a ******* sick monster who’s most powerful weapon was his ****
Seven straight weeks they had to endure this action
A lot of people in the world wishes this didn’t happened


Not even the end of this story, he burned their bodies and choked them unconsius
Seen long weeks he kept these helpless, defendless children under his hostage
And for what? to get sick pleasure by graphically torturing them
He was ramming himself in their bodies in and out until they bleed
Mixed with that and his ******, he could of gave those kids aids
One of them didn’t even get to live as he sent him to an early grave
The kid begged and screamed for his young life
Instead he went and shot him in his sister’s sight
Eventually he got caught and now he sits in a jail cell
Sentenced to life for putting these children through hell
Sitting in a cell constantly blaming society for having an evil heart
Stop blaming other people, and take responsibility for your part
Forget a life sentence, torture this man to death
For kidnapping children and using them for ***
No sympathy will be given for this deranged man
He’s a *** offender and should be wiped off earth

It’s the one thing that will grab a guy’s attention
The thing that will really move a girl into perfection
Once they open their mouths there it is
Why they got it done is none of my biz
But you know it’s something I can’t really ignore
The barbell sitting on your tongue I have to adore
That’s one move to prove that you’re ****
Makes you a hot girl even if you’re hefty
It’s like a magic wand that makes girls pretty
Just seeing the jewlery makes me feel thrilling
To parents it shocks the living the daylight out of them
I find it as a strong love shock so I’m one of those men
I even watch videos on YouTube on how they get it done
Many girls on their bulletins are saying how they want one
When it comes to tongue piercing I’m obsessed
So I’m just writing this poem so I can confess
My feelings about this trend I’m trying to express
Once I see a female with one they stay stuck in my mind
So I feel that those are the type of girls that I want to find


Men shouldn’t get one because it makes them look gross
I think it’s the girls who should be getting those the most
It’s the white swirls on that tiny barbell hypnotizes me
Those kind of girls are the ones I hope to have by me
Seeing girls with one is like Cupid shooting his arrow at my heart
Then my emotions will go intensely crazy, don’t know where to start
Many say having that piercing will make you a ****
They think those girls will look for *** instead of love
Regardless the reason it’s the piercing that draws me closer
Those are the girls they almost every guy wants to hope for
In my definition the word ‘attractive’ is what they are known for
Once you stick it out and I can’t take my eyes off it
It’s an obsession you don’t hear me talk about often
Guys are lucky to have girlfriends like that
They’re lucky men and that’s a strong fact
Kissing them and feeling the barbell on their tongue
That feeling must be so enjoyable and it sounds fun
And that’s why I consider those men the lucky ones


I don’t want to get one because of the pain
And it’s not a look that I want to maintain
Girls with one are the ones I want to go after
Hoping that they don’t think of me as a disater
I don’t go around saying this because I don’t want to sound strange
And I don’t want my strong obsession to make girls think I’m insane
Just because I feel this way dosen’t mean I’m gonna hunt you down
All I’m just doing is stating my feelings, it’s not as creepy as it sounds
I would do anything just to gain your attention
But being polite and respectful is my intentions
I’m not one of those guys who stick their fingers in your mouth
I know those things will really disgust you and make you shout
I can control myself and not let my emotions get the best of me
The last thing I want to do is do something to make you leave
As girls who have tongue piercings are the ones I want to please
They’re like clams with pearls inside their mouths
Gets me so impressed all I can say to that is ‘wow’


Some of these are girls are hard to find
As I have them burning inside my mind
It makes your hair and ****** appearance don’t matter
It’s the piecring on the tounge that makes me flattered
It’s not physically touching me but I grow weak from it
So f I would of asked you out then I would of done it
Long tongue, short tongue , that dosen’t really matter to me
As long as the barbell is through the tongue is all I need to see
I don’t know why I’m obsessed with tongue rings that’s just how I am
When I was younger I use to not care about it and didn’t give a ****
One day I saw a girl that I like with one and became crazed ever since
I see a girl with one I imedately think that’s the one I want to be with
It’s like eye candy and I’m very highly addicted
But that don’t mean I’m trying to sound sadistic
It amazes me how you eat with that thing on
And not have your tongue ring piece fling off
The more you have the better you look
You’ll look better than you actually should


The aftercare must be intense for you
Whatever care actually depends for you
Getting the silver barbell on your tongue must be hurtful
Keeping your mouth open that long seems like a workful
And it’s not just that, afterwards I hear you crunch on ice
To make the swelling go down so your tongue feel nice
Then I hear about you using Listerine to remove the bacteria
It’s must be total stress on you and for that I really hear ya
Though the piercing will dazzle me I also give you credit for putting up with that
So many steps to follow just to prevent infection and accepting this painful fact
I’m not forcing any girl to go get a tounge ring
Just do what you want and do what you think
I’m just telling you the story of my obsession
And to use this poem to express my confession
I don’t think the obsession I have will ever go away
Looks like the feelings that I have are here to stay

A person who wants nothing never can be bought
A person who won't fight never can be fought
A person who doesn't lie never can be caught
A person who won't play the game never can be used
A person who dosen't cheat will always pay his dues
A persons who never thinks can never have any views
A person who dosen't care what you think will never leave you confused
A person who has nothing they will never lose
So never judge another until you step into his shoes

I don't think i'll ever fall in love...

Even as I write these words I can imagine the faces of my closest girlfriends, and the well meaning statements of reassurance such a statement might illicit...  

Only... I do not need to be reassured...
When I say i don't think i'll ever fall in love, I'm not speaking from a place of defeat, but rather from a place of recognition, and understanding.  

"Oh, Don't you worry Phillip, you will find a great girl one day :) "

Thank you for the vote of confidence Ashley, I know it comes from a place of great intentions, but...the truth is I have met great women, some I call family, others I call friends, still some I call teachers... and then...some... I whisper to, softly in the night


I have been blessed to meet women who are strong, talented, intelligent (many much more intelligent than I) and beautiful, dear lord, if there is one thing I am grateful for, it is the multitude of beautiful women you have put into my path, their faces shine with perfect symmetry, sharp jaw lines  holding delicate female features, which pluck upon the silver strings of a midnight liar named desire...

It is not for a lack of meeting women that I say I don't think I will ever fall in love, and it is not a shortcoming on their end or a shortcoming on my end that breed this idea, rather, this idea developed from the realization that "to fall in love" has a connotative meaning, a meaning which has been bought by corporations and mass marketed through our media in the form of stories, books, and movies, with redundant story lines that follow a formulaic model that ends in either two dimensional happiness or despair...

When I say, I don't think i'll ever fall in love... I am not saying, I will never love...  
I am in love...
I am in love with life, the subtle intricacies in a delicate tapestry,
I am in love with family, who take time out of their day's to mould me,
I am in love with friends, who hold me down through tragedy,
and...I am in love with all that I have met...

Its just that...I don't believe my love has to come after a fall...

I believe that love is simultaneously eternal and momentary, that the moments crafted in love will be echoed through the halls of eternity, until the Valkyries of Valhalla bring their weary heroes home...I believe that relationships are meant to be fluid, that we are meant to freely flow in and out of one another's lives, and through honesty and consent craft the parameters of our relationships, rather than trying to take people, and through some antiquated notion of "relationship" form a shallow contract to absolve our insecurities,  

I've been in formal relationships where I have felt choked, as if the words I will never leave you linked together around my neck to form a chain of lies ending in...never again

And... I have had friends with whom passions have arisen, and in the dark of night and the secrecy of our abode, our bodies have fused together into a tangled, and sweaty heap called freedom,

To put it simply, I have been in loveless relationships, and love full...well...by contemporary standards...love full nothing's

So please know...That when I say I don't think i'll ever fall in love, I am not saying I will never love...but rather... I will never fall...for the ******* lie...that love can only be fostered through some mundane form of courtship doomed to die...through some, incorporeal ignorance that makes one feel he or she owns the other, fall for the bull that flowers on Valentines day somehow means I get you, or that a diamond means, I love you...

But...also know...that i don't say I will never fall in love...
But rather...
I don't THINK I will ever fall in love...
Because no one person knows the future...

And it may just so happen that one day, in some dusty..smokey..coffee shop I  may be reading this very poem... and in the audience there may be a women thinking to herself that sounds exactly like me...

And through perfect symmetry I may be swept away, the sand castles of my doubt cast out to sea by the tidal waves of our emotion

But...I still don't think I will ever fall in love
Because real love dosen't make you fall,
It makes you soar aloft wings of passion and truth,
And so after this whole rant I believe my original statement needs a revision,
Because now I DO KNOW...that i will never fall in love...
But if i meet the right person...
I just might rise to the occasion

Sarah
Sarah is a virgo
 but she is no ******.

She is full of experience,

and im not talking about ***, or drugs.

( though she had her fair share.)

Im talking about life.

Sarah hasnt lived in a fairy tale,

but if she did,
 she would be a prince.

She is charming,

bold,

kind,

and tenacious.

Sarah would **** a dragon

just to make sure you were safe.

She will make you laugh,

and iron soap,

Dancing as she watches you with

her precious knowledge of Amity.

Sarah will hold you when you cry,

and she will tell you its okay to be sad.

Sarah had her vision turn gray when she was a child;

words tore at her skin,

but she is still alive.

Her vision turned back to technicolor

but that doesn’t mean it won’t turn back to gray.

Sarah dosent like to talk about herself,

but you can talk to her,

She will help you see the world.

If you can’t see the flowers

Sarah will hold your hand and 
sing you a picture.

Sarah holds all of her friends,

there names taped to the front of her heart.

She plants her seed of friendship

deep in the roots of your garden.

You dont need to meet her more than once,

you can tell that she is always there.


Sarah can be mean,

but thats just cause shes tired.

Sarah carries the troubles she has with her,

they are wrapped with the sign 
“do not enter”

but she dosen’t let them weigh her down.

Sarah dosent ask for help 
she is given it,

and she will always return the favor

but she will complain about you giving

even before you finish your task.

Sarah is a mystery,

She smokes a lot of 
cigarettes

but she still

smells like 

Sarah.


She is far from perfect,

she animates her life with overdramatic hand movements

and tells her wisdom with sonnets or

Monologues from act i scene ii,

She plays overtures from her heart,

and talks lyrics from her soul.


Sarah is a musical of a life 
full of future.

She is a name in lights 
not yet recognized.

Sarah hasn’t finished her life yet,
but she is the lines

of poetry, and songs

not yet written.

Sarah adds years to peoples lives.

Sarah is a friend,

and im happy to know her

even if a short minute of her hourglass

is all I ever see.

There are ******* everywhere why does it matter?
******* and *****.
Let's get it crackin'.
All the ******* where a mask.
It's only 12:30?!
I said salute...maybe in my head.
Water dosen't get bad.
I keep chewing on my teeth.
Did i hit your *****?
Me and shang's soul mates, so it counts for years.
If i could do my ABC's backwards i would do it.
It dosen't matter if you were listening, you failed the test.
There is a roudolph in here!
It's a toilet paper holder.
I trust you sweetheart.
You can trust me i'm drunk.
I'll hold it with my toe.
The cop can **** my ****.

This poem is for anybody struggling to find love.


You know in life love is something we all want to reach
A man or a woman in our lives is what we wanna see
We all want to be hugged and we all want to be kissed
The last thing we ever want is to be incredibly dissed
For some love comes easy but others it’s can be difficult
‘Cause in my opinion it’s easy to say that love is beautiful
We all need love it makes life worth living
You don’t agree with me that’s your decision


But can you imagine yourself heading into your fifties
Never been with somebody makes you look like a *****
Never once have you held somebody’s hand besides your parents
You never ever had somebody to love you and you feel embarrassed
So you never kissed a girl or made out with her
But you want to have that feeling that’s for sure
You never talked to a girl and you feel even worse
Seeing guys with girls makes you feel more hurt
Wishing that there was a female by your side
You want someone there to make your life right
A girl to caress you when you’re feeling down
A girl to come and make your world go round
You want her to kiss you when you feel devastated
But unfortunately all your entire life you hesitated


You wanted to ask a female out but you just chickened out
You feel ashamed because you know what you’re missing out
You’ve been rejected so many times that you lost hope
Asked a girl to be your lover all they told you was no
Went to nightclubs many of times but couldn’t attract girls
You failed to find that somebody who would rock your world
Jealousy burns when you see a girl ******* a guy
People ask if you’re a ****** you go ahead and lie
You’re too ashamed to tell people the truth
When it comes to virgins they are very few
You do want to be inside a girl but you never really had a chance
Either you didn’t have time or you were the one girls couldn’t stand
Just to get her in your bed and kick it off there
But no woman appraoched they just didn’t care
Forced to turn to ******* to turn on your *** drive
Seeing the action hoping you get to do that in your life


A relationship dosen’t seem complete if you haven’t done it
If you haven’t gotten personal with a woman or sumthin’
For other guys it’s very easy to go and make love
You’re frustrated that you couldn’t find someone
It’s pretty clear that nobody wants to be a ******
You want to make sweet love that’s for certain
You hear most people lose it in their teenage years
Almost fifty and you still are one and that’s your fear
It’s either you hesitated all your life
Either you couldn’t find someone right
Or all this time you always have been rejected
And because of that your hopes have been affected
It’s safe to say *** seems to be a popular trend these days
If you haven’t lost it yet you have people thinking that you’re gay


Never been on a date
So you haven’t been great
49 years and you still haven’t found someone
You’re looking for love and you found no one
When you were a child your dream was to have a kid
Now it dosen’t seem possible as you never got did
Embarrassed because most people your age are already grandparents
No one wants you because the wrinkles on your body are apparent
Your younger days were wasted sitting infront of the T.V. all day
It’s a shame because at your age you’ll never get a girl at this rate
It’s embarrassing when you don’t know how *** works
It’s a big shame when you have never recieved flirts


Your elementary school days you were dissed
In middle school the girls thought you were sick
And in high school girls punched you in the lips
It seems as though you never got any luck
You weren’t even close to recieve any lust
Hell, you weren’t even touched by *****
Finding love seems to be a struggle for you
Seems like you need to see The Love Guru
You want to live that kind of life then that’s fine
But if you don’t then you gotta step on the line
Love is not an easy thing to catch
You gotta make like a dog and fetch
Do whatever you can to attract attention
And hope that you don’t fall into deception


If you never been flirted with verebally then you’re a mess
If you’re not even close to that then you’ll never have ***
Having your ***** become wrinkled up and dried up
Can’t let those things keep you down and pop right up
Don’t want live like this then just have to keep trying
Just keep going even though you got people denying
Yeah you’ll be made fun of for waiting too long
With courage so strong nothing can go wrong


Yahoo Phillipness seems to be help
Hearing about people who have dealt
With the harsh reality of not being loved
And to help you move for that special one
If you’re unfortunate they say try a ******
And yeah it’ll cost money just to book her
But that’s probably your only chance at ever getting laid
At your age it’s probably the only option that you can take

'fah masa bla bla bla bla.. bangsct.'

'cowo emang bangsct lu..
santuy, kita juga harus bangsct.'






begitulah
percakapan dua gadis
belum bisa bercakap dengan manis
di sela sela kuliah siang
sembunyi bunyi dari pengawasan sang dosen
terhalang dua ruang kelas


pertanyaannya :
satu, apakah semua laki laki seperti itu ?
dua, apakah kami berdua harus ikut seperti itu ?




ya betul sekali, dua pertanyaan tadi sangatlah retoris.

pastilah jawabannya...








tentu.










gakdeng, saya berusaha melawak saja.

dan untuk kamu, semoga tidak seperti itu ya sayang.

I need to make a diffrents
being the same dosen't change a thing
If I can just change one life with the things I say
when thing in life get hard you just have learn to pray
make the best of everday
if you believe the Father well help you thought
but frist we must all step up and be ready for change

I am a chameleon
Black, white, red or blue I’ll be whoever you want me to.
In therapy I’m told it’s because I don’t know who I actually am, but the thing is there I am also a chameleon.
While sitting in that uncomfortable leather chair I’m a girl unsure- broken by the weight the world places on my shoulder but outside of that room I’m more sure of myself then I am sure of the laws of gravity.

I am a chameleon
Most days my name is Emma, other days its Emilia and on the rare occasion its Ellie. It may seem a little odd to you to have so many different names but I think it’s because I truly am different people.
See Emma is serious, but she has a fun side, while Emilia is fun with a serious side. Ellie is that broken girl from the uncomfortable chair while Emilia is always smiling never feeling an ounce of pain. Emma, well she’s broken too, but in a different way- that dosen’t matter much though because there is no way in hell she will let anyone see that.

I am a chameleon
But not in a disingenuous way. I’m not trying to lie or make you like me. Don’t get me wrong, I want you to like me, but I learned long ago that no matter how hard I try there will always be someone who doesn’t.

I am a chameleon
Because I love you so much it hurts, that’s why I want you to have a version of me you flel in love with. The person I truly am changes with the tide- she is far to disconcerting. So for you I will pretend that I find “Grey’s Anatomy” enjoyable or that I like eating eggs because you deserve some shred of consistency.

I am a chameleon
I hide from the world by blending into the background- it’s safer that way. Not just for me, but for you to. That way I can only show the parts of me that is safe for you to see. The heaviest pieces that have caused so many people to run will remain invisible.
You tell me you want to see. You tell me that you want to carry my burdens. The thing is, others have tried but, eventually, they are all crushed under the weight of my brokenness. So, I am not afraid that you will leave, I am afraid that you will stay.



I am a chameleon
Because I choose to be. See if I blend in then you can’t get too close to me. The farther away you are, the less it will hurt should I disappear and the last thing I want to do is hurt you.
So…

I am a chameleon
Because I haven’t truly decided if I am going to stay yet.

Imagining his voice,
his scent,
the way he would cup my face,
his control.

Reliving the ****
reliving the abuse

Hating myself
I did this
I should have left

A year ago
it hurts

Don't talk about it
it never happened

Scared
comming out

I was ***** and abused by my boyfriend
said he loved me

used me and threw me out for the next

took my virginity
my innocence
my body

held onto my mind
he dosen't let go

his face haunts me every day,
moving to the otherside of the world and he stays put in me

Hating myself for being *******

I know
She is a princess
she dosen't need a crown,
because..
she is a princess,
She only have to show
because..
She is a princess
so tell the world around
& **I know
There is a princess potential in every girl

On a late chilly night in October
I saw the beams of the moon
A flaming dragonfly slowly flew by me
And landed on a withering pink rose

That rose turned to ash as it waited
Looking at me carefully
Observing my caution with confusion
and took flight rose circling the air

It was so very very blinding, looking like a beautiful star,
Although it was on fire it never noticed
And carried on with its dance so brilliantly

It's burning wings caressed the darkness with passion
Confident and showing no fear
That dragonfly you see is just dying
But it doesn't mind because its happy and free

It dosen't feel any pain or any fire
but the smoke tells it that that its storys different
It tries to rise in the air once again
And you wave it goodbye as it falls

Its life drains out in a hurry, so quickly you barely could see
That this dragonfly, though it was shortlived, had a huge effect on your broken hearts beat

That place.
With it's red vains of life
And breath, laced with sage and dill.
First comes the sage
Then comes the dill.
Juniper trees surround our tiny bodies.
Innocent eyes gaze at rapid wings,
Soft flesh, and seeds burst.
Sweet dew envelops the taste buds.
I skim my feet on blood red carpet,
The lines perfectly aligned.
Hopscotch through.
Never want to disrupt the perfection.
Time is still,
It dosen't have relevance here.
I prefer it that way.
TTFN.

Every time she comes around I feel more alive than ever before
but I can't go back to her anymore
I have to hide these feelings inside because she belongs to another
as bad as I want too
I can't let her know
because if she knew, the burden of my love would **** her
but I'm dying from a broken heart without her
She would die if she knew
but i'll die if she doesn't

There’s not about it my feelings for you are strong
I’ve always wanted to get to know you for so long
It’s really just that my feelings for you are just too intense for words
Spent the whole time getting your attention, not trying to sound beserk
Dreaming what it’s like for you to just look at me
Wanting to be reason for you smiling and laughing
Day after day thinking about what it would be like if we were friends
You’re the one who runs through my mind every single time I rest
So far all I’ve been doing is admiring you from a far
Even wish about being with you on a shooting star


I would always think I didn’t have a chance being seen with you
I don’t even know you and yet when you’re gone I still miss you
You’re as hot as the sun and you glow like the moon
Here I am hoping that I would get your attention soon
Every single day I constantly dream about us hanging out with each other
As a matter of fact I even thought about what it would be like if we were lovers
And finally my dreams come true and our paths cross
Happier than ever, feeling like now nothing can go wrong
But all of the sudden my mind starts to draw a blank
Brain has been cleared out, now I got nothing on the tank
Looking right at me with your innocent smile
But getting a word out of me is gonna take a while
What’s happening to me? I dreamt about being with her
We’re so close to each other, it feels like I’m about to kiss her
So close that I can smell the body spray she was wearing
Now all of the sudden this is starting to become overbearing
Heart ponding so intense it feels like it’s about to fall out of my chest
Why am I feeling this way? this girl was the reason why I was obsessed


Words are coming out of her mouth but none out of mine
I couldn’t say anything but to her it looked like she didn’t mind
Who put the lock on my mouth? ‘cause I can’t seem to speak
Why do I feel tension? and why is my mind starting to feel weak
Why is all the information that I had in my brain starting to leak
It’s like the whole world froze sitting right next to her
It’s just feels like my brain stopped and I didn’t knew it
I desperately wanted to say something but I couldn’t
Wanted to speak to her but I don’t know why I wouldn’t
Was I blinded by love? I just don’t know
It just felt like the world was going so slow
The glow on her face was enough to make me nervous
I don’t want her to think I was feeling this way on purpose
My breath came out short and hard almost had to gasp for air
Felt that I was making a fool out of myself but she didn’t seem to care
She was acting so nice so why do I feel this way
I tried to sit still so she would think that I was okay
I should be charishing this moment, why do I feel anxious?
Trying to keep my cool so she dosen’t lose her patientence
The more I inhaled the fruity scent of her perfume the more nervous I became

I don’t want to let out these feelings because she might think that I’m insane
My mouth feels like it’s been wired shut, I don’t know why
I wouldn’t of felt this way if I saw her face in the nightime sky
In my dreams I just pictured us laughing together
I thought being with her I would feel a whole lot better
She’s right next to me and my brain stops working
Was I intimidated by her? I just don’t know for certain
Right now I feel like I’m going through a nervous breakdown
Sitting right there next to her quiet not making a sound
Sitting there with my brain melting like butter
I can’t say any words so now all I could do is stutter

From the day that I met her she clinched onto my heart
I knew this was gonna be love right from the very start
It’s extremely difficult to erase her from my mind
This girl was attached to me and that’s no lie
I said a few words and she was already swept off her feet
It seemed like I was the guy she desperarely wanted to meet
She clinged herself on me and dosen’t want to get off
Her words instantly makes my emotions grow soft
In just days we went from best friends to lovers
Who knew that we would end up being with each other


I would go through hell and high water just to defend her honor
I will do everything in my power and my will just to charm her
I could mess up my entire life and she’d still be there for me
She intensely loved me to death whether I was cool or corny
There’s nothing in this world that can destroy her love
It’s pretty clear that in her eyes that I’m her chosen one


Not even my parents’ love was intense than hers was
In her mind trying to grab my heart was really a must
Many times she would trap me in her intense lust
For whatever the reason she declared me the king of her soul
With this honor I will cherish her love and never make her feel cold
That’s how I am, I can never break a girl’s heart
In her life I definately play a very important part
I could even hate her and she’d still fall head over heels for me
But I don’t want to feel that way all because she really supports me


She’s been hurt repeatively throughout her life
Never once did she ever live her entire life right
Her mom gave her up and her dad wouldn’t support her
Basically there was nobody in her life there for her
No one to lift her spirits when she was down
Everyday her face would always be in a frown
Tears would flood her eyes night after night
Hoping that love would come in her sight
Older sister leaving bruise marks all over her body
It sounds like her step-parents left her heart rotting


All this time she was looking for a prince to save her
She spent her whole life finding someone to not hate her
She found the happiness in me and now won’t let go of me
To a lot of people it’s easy to tell that she really does love me
She engraved my full name into her heart
Easy to tell that her life Ieft a very big mark
There’s nothing that I can do to change her opinion about me
Her luck started to change ever since the day that she found me
Since that day she never wanted to let go of my hand
She constantly sees me everyday as her loving man
She’d even die just to protect my spirits


And wants me as her sweet loving dearest
And to think that she would feel that way after only small talk
I know if something happened to me her heart would just stop
I’m the only person in this entire universe that she actually wants
Even willing to pump her blood in my heart
She says in her life I had created a new start
The farther away I am from her the stronger her love grows
Why she feels this way to be honest I don’t really know
I showed up in her life and that’s how things got started
I guess it’s because of the fact that I’m really big hearted
She’s so attached that her worst nightmare is us being departed


Whenever she’s in trouble, I’ll become her superman
If I fall to failure I know for sure that she’ll understand
No matter what happens she forever branded me as her guarding angel
She will always be by my side whether when times are good or fatal
She’s had a rough life and it’s up to me to create her happy ending
When it comes to taking away the pain, it’s me that she’s depending
Her love is so intense and strong for me that I swear I’m not pretending


She’ll even give her life away with her blood in my hands
I’m gonna try to please and satisfy her in anyway I can
I know it’s up to me to dry her tears
And it’s up to me take away her fears
I know **** well that she’s suffered a lot
And it’s up to me to give her what she wants
She gave me her heart and it’s up to me not to break it
I know that in this relationship that we can definatley make it
Constantly sending me messages over the internet hour after hour
I’m destined to make her waking moment sweet and never sour


She’ll stop at nothing just to be in my presence
Showering me with her love is atually a present
She gave me the trust to carry her heart
Now it’s up to me not to break it apart
The last thing I ever want to is to break her trust
I have to lift up her spirits and that’s a must
I’ll be the pillow that she can cry into when she’s upset
I’m destined to be the best human being that she ever met
I’ll be the soilder who rescues her from all the pain and misery
Take her away from the sea of sorrow, her suffering will be history


No matter what road may lay ahead infront of me I will always be there to defend her love
When it comes in bringing her an endless life of happiness she choose me to be the one
She choose me to be her knight and shining armor
And I will do whatever I can in my power to charm her.

I know you cry
and don't know what to say
I've been ther to
It'sto walk away
Nothing you've done causes this pain
I promise it's not your fault
You are not to blame
Keep on trying
Things can always be worse
I know it dosen't seem that way
I promise it will go away
Next time you wake up
Things might be the same
But when you look back
Many years to come
After saying good bye
To that some one you love
You might thank God
For getting you through
What you thought was the end
And ask to wear
Those shoes again

This poem is of sadness
Of all of life's disappointments
Much like water continuously poured
Until you can no longer breathe.  
Until you would want to break free.
Until you want to give up and break down
Until you reach a point where you just want to end it all
How cruel should life be?
When you did not do anything to deserve this.

This poem is of sadness
Of the lack of happy endings
Life only have happy endings for the fortunate ones
So little that many go out disappointed
So much more wanting it to happen

This poem is of sadness
It is of all those things kept and almost forgotten.
****** and broken but is not to be put away.
Always kept away but is still dreaded
For seeing those broken pieces that once was whole and functional hurts.  
In every level.  
In every aspect it has.  
But it is kept to keep you company in those drunken nights.  
When you can't feel the pain  
If a cut reaps your flesh.  

This poem is of sadness
Of that sadness kept in for the longest time.
Of that sadness who never saw the right
The key to light it all up.  
To keep it all away and erase it from the mind.  
To replace it with that much wanted happiness.  
To live a life better than what is right now.  
But think it over, see my dear, isn't too late to actually wish for it to happen right now
When life already took its toll  

This poem is of sadness
Of relationships broken and wounds that take too long to heal
Surely no one is to blame
But the self, the mind, and the heart
Three which is in constant battle
With nothing ever settled
The mind thinks; but doesn't see
The heart dictates; but dosen't feel
The self doesn't follow; but will give in too soon

This poem is of sadness
To the person  
Who has been looking for answers  
Constantly
In every place the feet drags  
Looking for peace
But everywhere
Was too hostile to stay

This poem is of sadness
To the two who hasn't been honest
Been there forever to conceal
Everything that needs to be revealed
An explanation isn't too hard to give
To at least relieve what has been breached

This poem is of sadness
To the support group of madness
Not knowing which ones to see
Didn't know what else to believe
Too torn of what's happening
Human caught in the middle
Silently apologizing for the damage that's too big

This poem is of sadness
Of forgiveness hard to let go
'Cause once you've been told
Not everything you see is so
Now tell me which is right and which is wrong
So at least, even in the deepest of thought,
There it is seen
The peace that took too long to see

I see them walking down the street without me
All my footprints are covered by the snow
I don't know if they still care about me
If they do, it dosen´t show

The cold wind´s blowing and hits my exposed heart
I am walking faster carrying all my hopes
Despite the snow the road is getting very dark
They're fading into the background in those white winter coats

White coats, white coats
Why do you gotta leave me out in the cold?
White coats, white coats
This shield around me is getting hard to uphold
White coats, white coats
I'm just looking for someone to call my friend
Before the cold wind comes back again

I see them laughing on the corner without me
All my footprints are covered by the snow
Talking about places I´ll never go with them to see
And sharing secrets that I´ll never know

This is the coldest December we've had in years
They are huddled together under the lamppost
I walk away melting the ground with my tears
They don't feel my pain from the warmth of their white coats

White coats, white coats
Why you gotta leave me out in the cold?
White coats, white coats
This shield around me is getting hard to uphold
White coats, white coats
I'm just looking for someone to call my friend
Before the cold wind comes back again

That very 9 minutes
Proved that i shouldn't have been alive
As the clock ticked on the dashboard,
My impulse became weaker
Pools of tears formed at the base of my eyes...
Every second reminded me of
The deeds i had done in the past,
'LOVE' was the cruelest among all..
My parents were disgusted in me
More disgusted in the presence of me
Then why wasn't baby foetus throw out
and fed to the dogs?
Why did baby foetus climb up in mom's belly?
Innocent. it didn't know whether it was evil or good.
It wanted a home and  food.
It wanted a mom to be proud of
A dad, brave & strong
A sister who she would love
All life long.

But now as baby foetus grows
Dad grows no happy
Mom cry beneath the pillow
Others grow angry.
Is baby foetus a monster?
Not the same kinds of species?
Baby foetus brought a cat
Who didn't have a mom&dad;
She wanted to care of it
And dad feeling nothing for baby foetus
Not even for the kitten
Threw it out kicking it bad.
Baby foetus can do no good deeds
It wants only love
From which it stomach fills
Now baby foetus grabs a knife
With hands shaking bad
It puts it in her belly
Feeling more than glad

As the clock ticks,
Blood drains away from body
Baby foetus dosen't scream,cry or
shout"help somebody"
Baby foetus knows tears have no value
So it is blood which it has to purgate
Baby foetus looks at the ceiling
As her eyesight began to daze
She smiles & remember her kindergarten teacher
She closes her eyes and whisper"i really miss her"
And then she smirks of her proud memory
"declaring that she would score big"
But tears fall from her eyes
As she got nothing but a big kick
Baby foetus knows that she
cannot fulfill daddy's dream
Baby foetus has no power
to fight or to scream....
Baby foetus knows that she should die soon.....
She smiles as light fall on her face from the moon...
Baby foetus suddenly remembers
A story she had read.....
Hansel,gretel&the; witch
that they met
Mommy,daddy of hansel,gretel
keeps them away....
But as gold pour in
They allow them to stay
Baby foetus knows that she couldn't
do any any valuable deeds
But baby foetus is a baby
is the greatest thing
In mind they have to keep......
As eight minutes passed
Baby foetus felt uneasy
so she fell on the floor
Being tired and lazy
But what baby foetus didn't forget
was valuable very much
Mom,dad and sis photo on her
chest that she had clutched...
5,4,3,2,1...........

two sides of the same coin, two parts of the same struggle, a heavier burden to juggle,
Ive seen trouble in the eyes of the children on the news,
visions of the glazed and un-phased, shuffling in ruin
as foreign investors appraise the worth of the people theyre *******
the one moral man looking in the mirror asks what are we doing?

Coffee and cocoa-beans,
oil and toil,
diamonds on the queens ears ripped from the soil,
these are the things for which we ****,
and people wonder why they can never get their fill,
why they feel morally ill?
perhaps paying taxes dosen't wipe the dirt from your fingers,

halfway around the world construction workers hurry the child to drop his dead mothers hand,
so they can bulldoze her home because the land is high in demand
for agricultural redevelopment, swine being brought in for re-settlement
people for pigs, the market is your master,
the dollar is your god, and your life is a disaster

the reason your life is a facade, is you cant turn false idols through ego worship into god
from a fake wife with fake *******
to fake kids with fake mental problems,  A.D.D.  generation and corrupt therapists to absolve them
to fake pastors, with fake ideals
this is what happens when one man profits from what another man steals,
and corporations re-define how love feels

and the rich try and justify why the poor have no food
why their own poor have no food, but why its more important to allocate funds to the protection of crude,
this is the slavery to which you have been raised
the hypocrisy of democracy can go on for days,

America, land of the thieves, where ideology is cheaper than bark on the trees
America, the land of the lie, where the children of the poor happily die
and yet America, the land where ideals meet reality, where the hopeful optimism of the middle class rightfully challenges the decadent edifices of the status quo
and where evil in the hearts and the minds of all of us has a chance to be laid to rest through the spirit of altruism,
America the ultimate battleground for truth to triumph over lies,
but where you stand, in the end, is the ultimate surprise.

Should have gone to the library
It's shoulders dosen't judge
nor dose it bend for your heavy heart
For they know the feeling of being forgotten and newly discovered

How easy it is to just fade into the background
How each breath gets thinner and thinner,
until it completely fades away

A mere puff of air leaves my lips
and the dust falls dancingly of the books shoulder
like an invitation to open and turn the page
return to a world you left behind
and rejoice in finding the lost memories of happiness and bright as childlike laughter.

POKEMON

My favorite pokemon is absol
why you may ask
dosen't it cause destruction others may say
i say no
all it ever wanted was to warn you of a coming disaster
but you caused it to hide up in the mountains
so now it can't help you...
no it's not that it can't, it's that it won't
all because you drove it away

I'll tell you the tale
Of a guy whose cool
He so doesn't fail
His name is Deadpool
The number is not zero
For this crazy man
Doesn't call himself a hero
But always has a plan
Was in Special Forces
Really had the moves
Didn't win races
But never does lose
Not nice like Prancer
Dosen't go south
Soon got the cancer
And known as the merc with a mouth
Has a heart that's not pure
But this was no test
To look for a cure
His skills are the best
Soon found a way
To end the disease
But his face I'll say
Is something he can't please
Body being a wreck
His past is on the go
And you'll say what the heck
When you see his alter ego
What is next
Won't make you dead
Him wearing spandex
All in black and red
This is now his path
Its quite alright
Dudes will suffer his path
If they put up a fight
So Deadpool is lit
A dude who is rad
He dosen"t **** one bit
But has an attitude that's bad

it's like i'm swimming from coast to coast
but still i'm drowning everyday
by body is an unwanted host
that dosen't listen when i pray

it's like my soul is so tired
that it wants to exhaust
i'm mad and uninspired
i'm lost

For some reason untold
I feel nothing when I write these words
They used to be my refuge
When the world was crashing down
Yet, for some reason
They don't mean so much now

For some reason
I read the things
That pours from another's heart
How these words are keeping them
From being torn apart

For some reason
I wanna let it go
what was its meaning?
I no longer know
For some reason
I can't understand
My poetry dosen't mean...
Anything

I figure
What's the point
If my words
No longer
Want to be heard

I'll still write
I just won't share
It won't make the diffrence I always dreamed
If no one cares

For some reason
I think it's time
To give up my rhymes
Set down the pen
And when I pick it up again....
Maybe they'll listen

hello.
hi.
how are you today?
ok, as usual i guess.
just ok?
yep.
would like any tea or water?
no thank you.
ok. well, how was your weekend?
fine i guess, i went out with schuyler and his girlfriend and austins girlfriend. i guess their friends now. we went to the beach. i didn't eat anything and drank all day so i work ****** the next day.
you don't sound very enthusiastic, didn't you have a good time?
sort of, cora brought a friend and i apparently wooed her somehow.
well that's exciting. are you interested in her?
not really.
why?
i don't know. she seems really nice and smart, i just don't have any real motivation to go through all the dating hurtles right now.
can you explain?
(long exasperated sigh) i'm just tired of being disappointed. the person i'm in love with dosen't love back anymore, i don't really want anyone else and the idea of meeting some new person that somewhere down the line will tell me i'm "perfect" and then leave when i've invested myself into them sounds pretty awful.
what about all the parts of dating?
what about them? i guess i'm just tired of going out with people and thinking of willa the entire time. it makes me feel boring and crazy. i try to hide it and not focus on it and you know what happens? i get asked like 4 times a day if theres something bothering me. i'm just too transparent.
i understand, how you feel but you have to move on.
i know that. i want to. i deleted my facebook, my tumblr, i took down all the things she gave me and put them in a box, believe me, i'm trying. but despite everything, i have these moments where some random little thing reminds me of her, a song, a youtube video, a street, something someone says. and all i can do is think of how amazing she is and how much it hurts to not have her in my life.
...
i understand.
...
how was sunday?
...
...
i'm tired of them.
why?
i don't really feel like talking about it.
(light scoffing sound) well, i hate to break this to you gil, but that's kind of why your here.
(slight smirk) yeah i guess that's true. i'm tired of them because of they make feel fake. i have to be this different person that is nice and helpful and almost chipper. and it ***** when im in a bad mood and i just have be that way anyway.
does pretending ever trick you into being happy?
not really.
do you like your job?
sometimes. 60/40 these days. but since the breakup, i have to see her pretty much every sunday which kind of *****.
really? that must be difficult. why do you say "kind of *****"?
its a bitter sweet thing. i like seeing her cause she was my best friend and the person i loved more than anyone and its nice reminder that all it was real but at the same time its a reminder of how its gone now.
plus she doesn't get it.
what do you mean?
i don't know, shes just so ok with everything. we're on apposing ends of it all and i bet she doesn't even think about me anymore.
i'm sure that's untrue.
yeah maybe. i don't know. she just seems so happy whenever i see her and i wish it was cause of me.

end

midnight thoughts and wasted eyes
waiting for the sun to rise
owls are howling, so depressed
the morning light will be our guest

dosen’t matter if we’re drunk or sober
wasted nights in late october
leaves are floating down to earth
feeling like we’re nothing worth