Another broken heart
lost within the dark
trying to fight
to erase the scars and marks
searching for a light, believing...
but when its found you feel
as though you're still not healing
so quickly ripped apart
because of the left over pieces,
they are like glass
had to watch my whole life from the mirror of the water I tried to drown in
standing in pause
holding my own heart
as it shattered.
Unfolding what I didn't expect
nothing seemed to be real
but I stopped falling when I heard this
Theres not a mountain God couldn't move, and theres no wound He couldn't heal
Until I remembered the
numbing pain inside me
slowly realizing my own self crumbling
shards and the splinters from fighting the world unwillingly snuck into me.
and I pretended I didnt notice
pretended I didnt care
but it stuck onto me
Scarlett letters for all to see.
I've been through it all
now, I said enough
There's a house on a hill that I'm running from
but that decision was never tough.
I sneak out in the dark and say so long
without ever returning
I mumble a quick goodnight.
Help comes by,
I've made it through
with no thanks to you
those who lived in
the house which I abandoned
A God given ship
in my dark tossing waves saved me,
God, picked me up
and He warmed me.
And eventually I know you'll see your wrongs
whether in Heaven or hell, inbetween
only God could really tell,
but we humans sure seem to know so far especially where you're going,
after you laughed at Him
mocked, banned and broke His beautiful songs.
Little by little my things changed
over more time plans, goals, life,
I had gained
and here now I feel very safe,
happy, but still struggling,
away far from you
I'm beginning to trust again.
Yet still hesitantly, cautiously
I reach forward to others for
help instead of God
not because I don't want blessing or belief
but because I was born to see
what somehow Id fail to forget,
what my parents gave to me as a gift with no mercy or zero regret,
only every single ounce of burden in me,
is what I'm weighed down by
even though God I sincerely promise I want you to send it in the air and to forever show me so that I may see in you I am free.
Losing all the people in my life might sound like disaster
but I've found nothing aside from
learning, love, hope, order, and newness
from him in the sky,
the almighty pastor,
you can joke around about timing
but all good that looks, sounds, is, is eveything unlike you.
Because it is funny,
that perhaps the one you say isn't real,
though you even think that you have any heart,
I'd like to point out to you,
He who you dont see, or know, or believe exists in any way
God saw my place because of you
and He loved me alot faster.
I'm still broken
but I'll use those rough edges and knives to survive
the house on the hill that I'm no longer hiding from
im finally throwing bad memories into the garbage where they've always belonged
giving away instead of holding on
because honestly I've hoped for way too long.
Thinking things could be better,
rhought my prayers had been prayers wasted,
but thats really not Gods fault.
Now they may be forever late
I'll see any smiles as fake bait.
hugs as a beartrap
kind words as their curse.
no matter how or if they do someday change for the better
I'll keep the unbudging so long
and permanant goodnight to them.
another silent night
filled with forgotten lullabies
a life ahead with endless possibilities
what emotion will it be this time?
you wonder if things could ever be right
but you're too focused on the inabilities
to see anything clearly through that layer of personal grime
you know very well the past can't be changed
focus on just today and tomorrow
stop remembering the pain
and dont throw any part of a future away
Screaming and manipulation
it was in The house on a hill that I ran from
a quiet story only known to some
im living fully since I've been long gone
many times I dreamed to say
and goodnight to it all
The house on the hill that does not exist to me anymore
in the back of my mind it does not dwell
no longer hurts me
I'm no longer mourning.
I can finally say
I've successfully escaped
so, so long
and after a great many years being patient
becoming healed and safe
I can peacefully sleep
and refreshed I can wake
it's been so long since
I've had a good morning.
I say so long to that misery
and goodnight to the suffering.