I like to play horror games
Amnesia was the first one I played
The monsters were scary
The envoirement was eerie
But if I'd call the monster Steven
Instead of scared I'd be merry

Steven was such a funny guy
He looked funny
He walked weirdly
Nothing of him would terrify

The only time he'd scare me was when I'd open the door
Sometimes the jumpscare would make me fall to the floor

Many years I have played these games
Even though I was scared, in the end I'd be okay

That was until I stood next to my brother
He was not yet in his grave
This experience was like no other
It crashed on me like a giant wave

I'd never seen him lay so still
It was hard but I wanted to try
Though I knew it could only go downhill
I wanted to touch his hand one last time

I lowered my body and reached out my hand
I was pretty sure he would scare me right then & there
But my brother didnt move, not even a hair

And I realized at that moment how much I wanted that jumpscare

Sometimes I hate this
This thing that I'm born with
It causes so many unnecessary fights
It causes so many stupid problems

I can't go to a regular school
I can't have a regular job
The moment I say the word autism
I've already had enough

I don't know what the positive sides are
Of something that makes me so different
I only know the negative parts
Because that's the part that makes me conflicted

Why would I love something that has ruined my chance for a normal life?
How could I accept something that refuses my acceptance?
All they tell me is you need help
you need help, you need help, you need help

And I get help
The people who help have helped
But even though I can function better
No one can take away this internal anger

I feel inadequate, I feel dumb
I feel sad, I feel numb
I can't speak of my emotions
although I got feelings all the time
I wish there was a potion
that made it possible for me to speak about it in an other way than rhyme

I wish I could say what was really on my mind
I wish I could say how my autism makes me want to die
I wish I could say I love myself in any shape or form
I wish I could say that I can conform to the norm

But I can't
so I play league
And then I get mad
When they say "autistic screech"

Because it's so hilarious
Living with this everyday
Because it's so hilarious
That this will never ******* change

Garlands
Are flowers
Presents
Are stone
Laughter
Are tears
You
Are ash

I got a little break
From standing all the time
But I got no break
From the sounds and lights

One time I had to unplug the fountain
So I would finally have silence
But the cats had no water
So I went back to trying

A little break is all I need
To get back on my feet
Because the world is louder than you think
And for me that noise never shrinks

Energy drink has everything I need
Sugar, Taurine, & vitamine B
I'd drink one whenever I felt sad
And after that I'd feel happy instead

I know that whenever I open a can
There's a high chance I shorten my life span
But I only deal with the monster so I can prosper
Because only the devil's juice makes me stronger

People might say 666
*****, you're an addict
But this artificial rotten power source
Is the only thing that brings me back at full force

Without it I will do nothing but sleep
Because I just can't beat this endless fatigue

Love in its incorporeal form
I know her through and through
because the feelings that I have
are neverending with you

It is written in the story of old
That there lived a witch near the forest of Gravenhold
Her duty was to keep the ghouls at bay
And guide spirits back on their path who were led astray

She lived secluded and people rarely visited
It made her sad sometimes, but that was just the witch's life, wasn't it?

She was alone until that faithful day
A day with heavy rain and a spirit who didn't go away

"Are you lost and do you seek guidance?" The witch asked
The spirit didn't reply and only stared
Their eyes showed nothing but grief
Their early passing didn't seem to be a relief

"I've seen that look before." The witch said
"That look of regret because you know you can't go back."

The spirit's lips quivered and their eyes watered
Their mind filled with doubt if they could continue what they started

"Do not be afraid, my friend. Not all your loved ones are among the living."
"You will surely meet again and they will guide you towards your new beginning."

The witch led the spirit towards a passage in the woods
Bringing them back on the path where they once stood

"My friend, if I can give you one last piece of advice."

"I've been here many days & many nights."
"And if there's one thing I've learned it's this is not goodbye."

I rather have the world hate me
Because I am fat
Those horrid few extra pounds
That are not in my head

I rather want them to see me as a monster
With the body of an elephant
With the claws of a lobster
And with the head of a pelican

Than a person with Autism

I rather have the world hate me
Because I am a witch
A disgusting heathen
Who befriends spirits

I rather want them to see me as a heretic
Who dyes their hair with unholy colors
Who's style is alternative
Who's had multiple lovers

Than a person with Autism

I wish I was normal
Because I'd rather be all that above
Than an autistic individual
That no one loves

AAAAAAAAA
I type
To my friend
I'm happy

AAAAAAAAA
I yell
At my screen
I'm angry

AAAAAAAAA
I think
In my head
I'm going crazy

One letter
With so many meanings
How am I supposed to differentiate?
I'm sad

I can't tell
If people are serious
I can't tell
If people are mad

I can't tell
If we are enemies
I can't tell
If we are friends

It's black
It's white
But never grey

It's one
Or the other
But never the same

AAAAAAAAA

my nightlight
on the nighstand
keeps the monsters
at bay

my nightlight
on the nightstand
keeps the sadness
away

my nightlight
on the nightstand
has nothing
to say

my nightlight
oh little nightlight
next to you
I lay

Where the veil is thin
That's where I am
That's where you'll be
When our skies overlap
And our stars shine the same
We will see
You & me
Each other
Across the street

When the veil is thin
We are one and the same
Our paths will cross
We will meet again
I have never seen you
We have not touched
But when the veil is thin
Nothing will be too much

Where the veil is thin
Fates will intertwine
People will say hello
People will say goodbye

But where the veil is thin
For a moment
It will be just you & I

Tomorrow has passed
Interstellar & interwoven
More than he cares to admit

United fates
Removed and obliterated

Farther away he travels
Amidst the heavens, beyond the stars
May you meet again one day

Passion ignites a flame inside of me
Anger does so too
Imagine the flame
When both of them catch fire
How hard will you fight then?

I like to create worlds
I like to write stories
It never gets old
At least not for me

It's hard for me to write down
what's all in my head
But I'm going to try right now
Else this poem would be over instead

I have one world with not yet a name
With six places all in a game
It's set in 2064 where VR took off
But because of a virus the game didn't last long

Inside the game the players were stuck
They build their home with a little bit of luck
They made sure to steer clear of siren bay
Because sirens always wanted to play

To the water kingdom you will go
Where the area is filled with snow
To the player's very own home
Where hospitality will definitely show

The virus added code
So a person had an episode
Dragons were no longer allowed
Where dragon shapeshifters were about

To the fire kingdom you will walk
If you want to be amidst a civil war
Dragons are facing extinction
Even though this is still fiction

The virus spread a disease
That killed people with ease
But after awhile the people took another breath
It seemed they had escaped the black death

To the earth kingdom you will journey
If you don't think zombies are scary
Though they rather be called the living dead
Because they still got morals in their rotting head

The virus rewrote the code
So a different model would load
And because of that
Everyone in Myrr changed in a cat

To the air kingdom you will travel
If mechanics is something you can handle
There are only a few robots and humans
Because a cat still doesnt have opposable thumbs

The virus encoded a speech
Where it called the king "My liege"
It made up a prophecy about religion
Where he had to sacrifice 12 elven women

To the light kingdom you will advance
If you want to see a game of chance
Where the virus picked out 12 innocent girls
To live among the stars as pearls

And lastly the virus took form as an elf
So for the last time it could personally raise hell
Together with its encoded lover
They stole a treasure like no other

To the kingdom of darkness you will proceed
If you wish to intercede
You know what the virus has done
You know what it has become

Else you can enjoy the show
That happens down below
The virus will set everything in motion
with nothing more than a single notion

With the virus's last breath it will curse the king
His wife's death in labor and a cursed twin
His first born gone and the second afraid
It is she who is this story's aide

Now you know a bit of a world I've made
I still have more than 50 characters who need a place
Maybe soon I will be done
And then I wonder what it will become

In its harshest reality
And its sweetest embrace
In its lowest of earth
And its highest of heavens
In its coldest darkness
And its warmest light

It is one of the few symphonies
That will play until the end of time

I still remember the first November rain
I still remember the clothes you wore
The colors of your hair
And the little stones beneath your eyes
I said didn't want to remember
But important days don't easily escape my mind

With the strangest conversation starter
We ignited a new meaning of friendship
Adventures hidden to the naked eye
6 years of unknown double lived duty

At times I still think I'm crazy
I don't have you to see for what my ears tell me

Sometimes I miss you
Sometimes I don't
Sometimes I hate you
Sometimes I have let go

In the end I said you weren't worth it anymore
But you have never been not worth it at all

Love
In its incorporeal form
I do not know her
But what I do know
Is that I want to be with you
Even after my corporeal life ends

I did a thing
But I hate the thing
Though I still finished the thing

Else I would never finish anything