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668 · Sep 2014
Moving on (isn't easy)
I am exactly the way you left me
In the wintery day you said I wasn't worthy
The snow has turned me to ice
Like the words spit from your lips turned my heart to glass
So easily shattered
Icebergs of the past revealing the truth of thousands of years in hiding
Brittle bones and DNA
As if you didn't know pain is only temporary
But traces of love last forever
No matter how broken I am
Memories of completeness linger at the back of my mind
Surface back in my dreams like ice cubes in water
Slowly dissolving, transparent and ever changing
Ever alive
A few deep breaths and I see smoke
From the dragon lungs I own
Since the day you turned my heart to ashes
And every season it burst aflame again
Each time a breath comes out
So does the smoke from my burned spirit
And I am back on track
Not the girl I once was
But stronger and weaker at the same time
Hard to love
And be loved
Hard to break
Too tough for you
Sparks flew then it was over
And the only memories I own are those the flames consumed
With burning passion the love evaporated in the heat
Just like the breath of life
I insuflated in your lungs
With my cold cold soul

I am exactly the way you left me
And moving on isn't easy
668 · Jul 2015
Acting
I am a great actress
If no one realized yet I am in tears
Everytime it rains somewhere
660 · Sep 2014
Pour Julia
Ma sœur n'est pas un cachalot ordinaire,
Elle ne se met presque jamais en colère.
Depuis que je suis née,
Elle et moi sommes liées.
Elle me plantait son doigt dodu dans la joue,
Et je pleurais parce qu'elle me prenait pour son joujou.
Nous avons fais de nombreux voyages,
Et ensemble nous n'avons jamais été sages.
A l'arrière de la voiture on se léchait la tête,
Bien qu'à chaque fois qu'on voyageait, c'était jour de fête.
On se léchait les mains graisseuses de Cheetos au fromage, c'était le pied!
Et on chantait à tue-tête du Jennifer, Najoua Belyzel et Jesse McCartney.
Comme toutes les sœurs on se chamaille, on se bat,
Mais au fond, on sait bien que ce n'est que du cinéma.
On se soutient, on partage nos secrets,
Et quand l'une est triste, l'autre sait toujours comment la réconforter.
Les kilomètres entre nous ne nous effraient même pas,
L'avion, le bus, la voiture, le train, le bateau, rien ne nous séparera.
Ma grande sœur est tout ce que j'aime,
Et c'est pourquoi je lui dédis ce poème.
J'ai peur de ne jamais faire les choses bien,
Et parfois j'oublie l'amour dont elle a besoin,
Mais je ne pourrai jamais lui faire du mal,
J'ai trop besoin d'elle, elle est mon petit soleil.
Je sais bien qu'elle me surveille de ****,
Et ne t'inquiètes pas, bientôt, je serai dans le coin.
659 · Nov 2016
L'histoire
My story begins at the end of ours
655 · Apr 2016
Relation épistolaire
C'est le genre de douleur que l'on désire,
Le genre qui nous manque quand elle n'est pas là.
Celle qui fait mal,
Mais que l'on regrette lorsque l'on s'en va,
Et que l'on passe notre vie à espérer ressentir.
C'est le genre de douleur que je garde en moi,
Que j'entretiens chaque jour un peu,
En lisant les lettres que jadis tu m'envoyais,
A la lueur d'une bougie,
Les nuits où je me sens seule.
651 · Sep 2014
On bruises and ghosts
All the things you've been doing to me
All the marks on my body
They get lighter and lighter every day
And there will come a day
I will wake up
Observe my soul in the mirror
And through my eyes I will realize
You left a shadow in the corner
Posing as a memory
And disappeared

*Though the funny thing is
Even your shadow
Is invisible
To me
Now
And I am glad I will never go to sleep with bruises again. *******.
649 · Mar 2015
"Twisted kind of bliss"
Her eyes are two galaxies full of secrets,
But you know with time she will reveal her past,
Confess her hopes for the futures and her dreams for the present.
You wait.
Like a wild wolf, she approaches slowly, it takes time but all you have is time,
Time,
A lifetime as she approaches and you raise a hand and watch as she
Unravels.
Speaks with confidence and a hint of vulnerability.
Instantly, you want to shelter her from the hurt of the world,
Shelter her for the pain, the rejection, the heartbreaks,
But the only shelter you have is the strength of your
Words,
The quality of your
Arms
Wrapped around her.
You hope, you pray,
*Please, God, let this be enough.
Inspired by Danny O'Connor's art of the same title
http://docart.bigcartel.com
I thought you would be my home
I thought you would build the
Foundations
I thought you were the
Foundations
I look at my mother and smell the smoke
See the soot on her skin and the burned soul
But
Mother never told me
"Carve pieces out of yourself
And build your own home
Do not, I repeat,
Do not
Carve pieces out of other people
They'll want them back
They'll leave your house
Shaking
They will take the foundations
Away
From your house
And you will reach into your pocket
Find the matches I gave you
That you always swore you wouldn't have to use
And you will
Light
Your
House
On
Fire.

Never carves pieces out of someone
To build your own paradise
They can only provide
Temporary shelter"
644 · Oct 2014
Red
Red
My favourite colour used to be Red
I though Red was beautiful.
You showed me Red was not what I thought.
Hiding underneath love lays the blood of all the people love killed.
On the edge of passion lurks the green monster of jealousy, claws coated in a thin layer of gore.
"I did not mean it"
He says with fire in his eyes
"I saw red"
He explains as he licks the Red off his fingers.
One.
By.
One.
I though Red was your hand holding mine but your grip is too tight and your teeth gritting together in anger show me that Red is the colour of rage.
I want to escape and hide under a rainbow until the storm passes
But you are an erupting volcano
Propelling ashes in the blue sky to obstruct any hope.
You are wrath, bubbling and slowly licking the Earth with your evil tongue, destroying everything that stands in your way.
Red is a war.
And I am stuck in the crossfire.
642 · Oct 2014
Tsunami
Your love was a Tsunami
You swept me away
Brought me so far from home
And into the unknown

W                                S
A              E
  V

   after

W                                S
A              E
  V

after

W                                S­
A              E
  V

And though the aftershocks are almost invisible
And though the waves are smaller and smaller
The water will recede, I know
And I will be left with devastation
And a new landscape I will need to reconstruct on my own
But right now
*I am still drowning
634 · Mar 2017
Memories of when
I want to know whywhywhywhy did he flush our friendship down the drain.
What I mean is, whywhywhywhy don't you love me?
We sit down with our coffees.
I cannot remember who paid. I think I did. Why? You hurt me, I pay for your coffee? I remember feeling awkward, feeling bad. I want you to like me. I hope, maybe, if I pay for your coffee, you'll pay for mine another time… You'll want to see me again.
You'll want to have coffee with me.
Again.

I don't know that yet, but we only have coffee once more after that, months later. We do not talk about anything in particular. It will break my heart again. But I will get back up. I will gather my heart and let it grow stronger. But we are getting ahead of ourselves.

When we sit down, I realize I made a mistake.
You do not want to be there.
I am on the defensive. Afraid.
I have been burned by you, and I do not know why I hope you won't try to burn me again.

This coffee talk leads nowhere.
I backtrack, I want to go forward but I backtrack and we talk nonsense for an hour.
Nothing that should be talked about is talked about. Everything stays hidden in the shadows, together we walk the 'enchanted' walk where everything is beautiful and everything is fine. The broken pavement where I lay my heart to die stays beneath the ashes of what-we-should-have-talked-about.  

We never talk about that coffee ever again.
I do not think either of us mind.
There are darker things buried in all of us.
633 · Sep 2014
Muse
Your fingers linger on the bruises
You put there just last night
Covering
Last week's addition with thoughtful convenience
Streaks of red and blue around my throat
A word too fast
A breath too short
I made you angry
You did not realize
This one time would be the last
A second too long
A lifetime lost
My body in a bag
A macabre sculpture you created like an artisan
Molding my face into a canvas of fear and pain
Into the blank face of death
You created art and like most artists
I(t) will haunt your sleepless night
With every memory of me
for some reason this was darker than intended
632 · Sep 2014
Ton coeur
Injecte des mots dans mes veines
Emplis mon coeur de passion
Je suis ton jardin d'Eden
Un esprit d'illusion

Observe les étoiles dans mon regard
Et la promesse des mots sérieux
Ne te moque pas de mon ******
Je n'ai pas le temps de me perdre dans tes yeux

Donne moi le temps de souffrir
Pour comprendre la valeur d'un sourire
Je ne suis pas une guerrière
Bien qu'en contestent mes blessures dernières

Invente-moi un poème
Sous la lumière de la lune
Je t'en prie reste toi-même
Ton ombre est une importune

Elle n'a jamais sur parler le language de ton âme
Ou de ton corps en flamme
Elle ne connaît pas la lumière qui émane de toi
Ni la sureté que tu me procure en me prenant dans tes bras

Je n'ai pas besoin de ta protection
Si seulement tu me proposais l'option
Des mensonges sur tes lèvres lorsque tu ne comprends pas
Que la seule chose dont j'ai besoin chaque nuit, c'est toi

Tu m'accuses de prendre trop de place
Dans ton cœur protégé d'une cuirasse
Je ne sais pas comment briser le bouclier autour de ta peur
Et chaque jour un peu plus je me meurs

De toi
Du son de ta voix
De ta présence tout près de moi
Je me rétracte doucement
Vers l'ombre que j'ai rejetée
Ton cœur n'a rien de flamboyant
J'ai compris que tu l'avais brûlé
love french amour coeur heart brule cassé
630 · Apr 2015
Awake
I miss wanting to be awake

I would stay up all night and hide under my cover and read till dawn
Then try very hard to pretend I had a good night of sleep
Truth was, I had the best night of no sleep.

I miss wanting to be awake

I would go to school and wait impatiently to go home
So I could bake a cake before my parents came back
I would mess it up, eat it raw, it was amazing

I miss wanting to be awake

I would keep my eyes open for hours if you would just text me once and
The smile on my face, nothing can compare
I would be the first one up because you were the last one down
And everything with us was a competition.
619 · Sep 2014
Oxygen
I lacked the ability to breath for so long that when you came into my life carrying an oxygen mask I thought you had hung the moon in a parallel universe you have created for us.
But you invited her first.
if she ever leaves give me the key, I have carved stars for us to hang
614 · Sep 2014
Warm hugs
I know it shouldn't matter at this date
Because relations are made on the net
But have you realized
Truly
Really
Realized how amazing having someone you care about around you feels?
When you are separated from your loved one for a long while,
the first thing you do when you see them is
Hug them
Not kiss them
Not say "hi"
Not text it to your friend
Not post it on Facebook
You just hug the hell out of that person
Because humans need contact
We need what we deprive ourselves of knowingly
We hang by ourselves and think it's fine
It's not.
It's never okay.
Hug people
Tell them how you feel, de vive voix
Why linger around when anything could happen?
Tell them
Tell them all
And love them right
612 · Dec 2014
Fading
The twinkle in your eyes has faded
And with it so has your face
From my memories
611 · Sep 2014
The bet
You played with the chemistry we had,
I know,
All the tension you created,
For me to tingle (in fear) in hope
You would make a move on me

I breathed "I need you to move away from me"
You said
Make me
I laughed "I could show you but I would have to **** you"
You said
Oh, really?
I confessed "I could never get enough of you"
You said
Is that so?
I whispered "I could spend the rest of my days with you"
You said
Prove it

You said "I will show how to make you fall in love"
I said
Wanna bet?
I said "I will show you what it feels like to be loved"
You said
Wanna bet?

I won.

**So why does it feel like I lost everything?
I have to start all over again
604 · Dec 2016
Around the cycle
I forget the need for physical contact
Then it comes
Like a rain
d
  r
    o
      p
On my cheek, after a long, dry summer in the desert
And then the thirst,
the thristthristthristthrist
For the other
thristthristthristthrist
To be wanted, wanted, loved and loved
thristthristthristthrist
To be part of the world like all the others
To be part of the cycle of life
Around which I only turn around,
Trying to find my way
*in
601 · Sep 2014
Warm blanket
I like my men like I like my coffee
Strong and dark
Hot and silent
Now go away I
Like my coffee like I like my ***
Strong and dark
Hot and silent
Now go away I
Like my *** like I like my men
Strong and dark
Hot and silent
Now please stay I
Am just a shell made of superflus things
I am a bean of coffee that hasn't been discovered
I have a different flavor I
Am not like every bean I
Am whole and raw
New and scared I
Am a woman that hasn't had a chance to bloom yet I
Have not aced the stages of life like the others I
Have not been taken on a date
Or gotten a real first kiss I
Have been used for *** by people who did not care I
Thought no one would ever want me I
Let myself be used because I was too scared
To wake up and realize I would wait my whole life I
Am insecurity itself
Hiding behind the awful shield of over confidence and disdain
I am a ****** in love I
Ran away and I am terrified to fall in love I
Have been used as a ****** object I
Let myself believe it was all I was good for and I
Don't know pleasure or trust or kindness or love or care or passion I know
Hard and strong
Hot and silent
Sad and terrifying
Guilt and shame
Fear and loneliness I
Am a master at hiding away
My emotions I
Have not been taken on a date I
Have never gotten a real first kiss I
Don't know how to make love in a world where everyone *****
Am a abomination I
Don't know how to let people in because I
Am expected to put out and enjoy it I
Am expected to be okay with hands touching my body I
Am expected to know what to do I
Am expected to know how to give and receive I
Am a child I
Am a shaking thirteen year old I
Don't know what butterflies in my stomach are and I
Need someone who understands I
Can't be treated like every other girl I
Am a shaking fourteen year old I
Don't know what lips against mine feel like I
Have the emotional drive of a toddler I
Need to be explained everything and I
Need to be shown how to walk I
Can't be expected to be a twenty year old I
Have the ****** drive of a plant I
Don't know how good it could be or
How anything works I
Need to be watered everyday before I can bloom I
Need the pressure to be a ****** object to stop I
Don't know how to cope with any of the hormones rushing  my brain I
Want things like holding hands to be a huge step I
Want things like the brush of his lips on my forehead to mean the world I
Can't skip any steps I
Am a toddler and I
Can't be expected to run before I can walk I
Have done horrible things to myself and now I
Want to start over but
How would this ever work in a world so focused on ***.
I want my man like I want my blanket
Warm and secure
Hugging me all night to keep the nightmares away
Soaking in my fears and protecting me from the monsters under my bed I
Am only a child.
599 · Sep 2014
you don't know me
You don't get to call me out on my actions
You don't know me at all
You don't know I lost my soul to the devil spying on me
Watching from the ceiling my life pass by
In the bed where I lay
Still
Silent
A statue as strong as the universe
As heavy as the weight of the world
When the sun comes up and down
Bashing me in sunlight only to dim the light
Until nothing is left but darkness
And in those moments of quiet restlessness
I stay silent and let my mind drift to places
Where hidden monsters peek from underneath my healthy mind
Filling my head with thoughts as dark as the night
And I see it
The light at the end of the tunnel
The escape I can't run to
Without sharing my last breath with the empty space next to me
Where you were supposed to appear
To take all my worries away
And lift me in the sky
With the force of your bare heart
Lifting my spirit up in space  where I look up to see you
But you are nowhere to be found
And I am nowhere to be
And the stars won't answer me
They blink and watch upon my story
With a frown upon their faces
Wondering when I will be strong enough
To join them.
And that is why you don't know a thing about me
You don't know my ribcage is empty
You don't know my world is my poetry
You don't know and it doesn't matter
You are nothing to me as I am a shell without a heart
Disappeared years ago in the night
Where I would hold your hand and pray for you
A rescue, a bandaid to my pain
But I bled and ruined you
And now you're gone.
598 · Jul 2016
Paradise lost
Tu es mon paradis perdu
Je n'ais decouvert ta valeur
Que lorsque tu as disparu
Je te regrettes
Chaque jour depuis
595 · Sep 2014
Dreams
I am stuck
My feet are stones
Enchained into this dream
Unable to wake up
Unable to move on
I just watch disaster
Settling into my bones
As I run into the arms of the Devil
I am burning alive
Unable to wake up
Unable to slow down
I just watch disaster
Messing up everything I had faith in
And I cannot free myself from this nightmare
I need your arms to chase them away
But my pride pushed them away
You know I am weak
But I won't show it
And when I wake up
I cannot move on
You've disappeared into the night
You're the dust of my dream
Living when I am
Asleep
Dead when I am
Alive
594 · Jan 2015
Forbidden desire
Holding his hand is like
Biting in a forbidden fruit
The desire so strong
The consequences so severe
593 · Oct 2014
The soldier and the enemy
You threw a bomb at me in a war zone I didn't know existed my heart
Beat
Was meant to be a haven of peace but you detonate and I flutter to the ground
In a heart
Beat
The world spun out of its axis
My body was not ready for the aftermath
Of the effect of your soul on my soul
I can hear a pin

D
R
O
P

Every time someone says your name in a conversation I
Freeze
And in the space of a breath I can see, hear, smell and touch you
I can almost touch your love with my fingertips
Like holding a heart
Beat
Oprgan transplant to give a new life I wear a mask and observe my heart
Beat
As it quivers for you, longing to feel your breath on my lips
The overload of senses is too much on my fragile heart
Beat
The devastation is unlike anything I ever witnessed
My home is a pill of dust and I don't feel safe
Walking around the ruins
I stay tucked under the stars I never close my eyes anymore
Behind my eyelids the world is ruined
And my blood boils with anger you
Exploded in my rib cage and destroyed everything in a heart
Beat
You threw a grenade and hid back in your own universe
Copper is seeping through my hands and the smell makes me nauseous
I hold my insides together with my own ten fingers
If only you were here to see
The desolation in my deserted heart
Beat
You were a soldier and I understood too late
Who was the enemy

(It was me, wasn't it?)
586 · Oct 2014
Bone marrow
Greedy hands pulsing at my throat
Searching my bones for the marrow
My essence, my soul,
It all seems to narrow
To this one word
583 · Jan 2015
Moses
I am tired of moving mountains for people who only make them crash.
but this girl is hercules and doesn't give up. I'm gonna keep moving 'em.
580 · Sep 2014
Dynamite
I am between the shadows of human bodies and those of ghosts
My skin is fire and my smell is rotten
My everything
Burns
Bright against the canvas of the dark night
Reaching its long black fingers into my hair of flames
I burn brighter than the moon
Brighter than the stars
I am not a Sun
I am my own dynamite.

**And I will explode.
I am a ship
Steadily moving forward into an ocean of unknow promises
My strong heart pumping the heavy water
To propel me in the horizon
Tracing my path like an explorer

I am a sailor
A heart at sea
Lost into the depth of the abyss
I am not precious nor am I fragile I
Am neither one or the other I
Am undestructible

I am not the Titanic
I am the iceberg
And I make them all sink
D
O
W
N
Down down my cold body
Made of ice and crushing weight
I show them who owns the place

I am the ocean
I am heavier than the rest of the world
I am blue and green
Calm and stormy
When they try to tame me I push them down
Into my body I swallow them
For being too sure of their strengths they will disappear
Into my depthless heart
Long lost to that which will hold my eternal love
Land and water,
Caressing each other every second yet
Yet
Yet confined in our own beds of sand and ground
Forever held hostage of that which we give life to
Forever embracing the slight touch of a wave
The glowing sun warming my blood to heat up her skin of sand
Calling to the inhabitants of my ever moving body
To tickle the side of her sandy hand
With my love I bath her edges
With my rage I explode into a million droplets
Cursing the earth for this fate
Doomed to live forever together
Forver apart.
575 · Oct 2014
Hurt feelings (extended)
You are hurting me
You left me drowning for weeks
We have been playing pretend for a while now but
You cannot hold my head underwater
And expect me to breathe
Like you are not suffocating me
In this lake of incomprehension.
I have wondered three hundred and forty eight times in the past two weeks
If we were all right
When you asked
"Is everything all right?"
I couldn't answer because I wonder
If it is.
Two months ago you grabbed my pinkie at that dance and didn't let go, even when the blood rushed out and it turned blue. We had known each other less than twelve hours. You oozed confidence, didn't know the steps and yet you went for it.
I thought ****, he is going to be my best friend.
We are going to eat pop corn and have water guns fight and build fires and laugh for hours

And if happiness were a glowstick
I would wear yours on my wrist and give you mine so we would shine for each other.
I never got around to getting my glowstick back.
You never got around to giving me yours.

If happiness is a glowstick I am a toxic liquid broken by inadvertence and hidden under your bed so you don't see the memories I painted in your head when I broke open.

Somehow
I was a stranger then
I am a stranger now
In a very different way
The dynamics changed
And I don't understand how
You went from floating around places
To supporting this invisible weight you carry around
I cannot believe how easy for you it was

To wrap your hand around my easy heart

And choke me from the inside
Leaving me with the words you said
That made me laugh once
But make me frown now

And anger is building inside me like a volcano
Anger is rising to the surface like burnt milk forgotten on a stove

Anger is seeping into my veins because I have been nothing but nice

Yet
You make me feel like I am a bother
A stain on your carpet you cannot wash out
A nail sticking out of the furniture, just a little
                                           Out of place

I cannot believe how easy for you it was

To release me and slither away

As if I never mattered at all

As if I never existed at all
You told me you were glad
I had taken a chance on you

You told me I could be your friend
Only if you could be mine

You told me you would be there
Whenever I needed someone to talk to
***** data roaming

You told me to shout really loudly

If I could not reach you another way

You told me the both of us

Made a pretty good team…

… Unless we were playing Monopoly
 

And
I cannot help but wonder
How often I saw you
And if I had stopped and said "hi"
Would it have changed anything at all
I always wonder
How close we were

How often we almost met

How many times we may have passed each other on the streets
I always wonder if I ever bumped into you
And brushed it off
Just like you're brushing me away
With a flick of the hand
A chip on your shoulder
And it hurts because
Pretending I do not exist won't make me disappear
Ignoring the fact that I am alive
Doesn't mean I am dead.
I am very much alive
And I just
Don't
Understand
How
I was your friend
Then
But
I am nothing
Now
I have been choking on words for days
Wondering how I could talk to you
When we do not communicate anymore
Speaking out
Is always better than bottling feelings in
So I am speaking out in the only other way I know how
When actual words fail to be spoken
I do not expect anything
I just need to do this for my peace of mind
Because I cannot wonder forever
And stay silent
About the reason why you flushed
Our friendship
D
O
W
N
The drain.
571 · Dec 2014
On a bench
The air is warm, light, like cool drops of rain of my burning face. I stare at the horizon and try to think of something nice. Something good.
Something else.
In front of me lie miles and miles of land, green, orange and yellow, tinted with red sparks of autumn, a leaf dipped in flame. And like all leaves dipped in flame, it will shrivel up and die. Disappear.
Dust in the wind.
I wonder if my bones are heavier than ashes.
I wonder how light a body filled with so much guilt can be.
I feel heavier than the world, emptier than a black hole.
I feel nothing.
But I see.
I see autumn, a chameleon taking over the colours of dying summer and growing winter.
I watch, as branches stand strong, skeleton aiming for the sky when the leaves reach for the earth, growing bigger and stronger every year.
I wonder if trees know how incredible they are, offering a trampling for the birds to soar from, to rise into the translucent void.
I look up and the emptiness both frightens and excites me.
I wish I could get lost in it.
Then perhaps I could loose myself and forget… forget it all.
On letting you go.
566 · Sep 2014
The thing
Love has no way of staying attached.
Love is not an *****, not a cell in your body.
Love is this thing.
Love is there, then it isn’t anymore, and there is nothing that can be done.
So you create a ring to put on someone’s finger to say they belong to you.
Maybe they will keep it.
But they can pull it off.
They can do anything.
You have no control.
And it is terrifying to know that love,
Love is a thing.
Not a person.
You cannot lock it away and force it to love you back.
Love comes and goes
Love comes and stays

But love never takes any advices.
Love has its own frame of mind.
And its mind is as cloudy as this autumn's evening.
You cannot predict if it will rain, if the wind will blow, if the moon will appear, if snow will fall unexpectedly.
You cannot predict a thing.
But love is always around,
Perhaps to break your heart,
Perhaps to sew it back together.
But it is there.
It lurks.
And strikes everytime it hits.
"hit me with your best shot baby, why don't you hit me with your best shot?"
566 · May 2015
Scare tissue
I saw the scars on your face
The same as the ones on my heart
So obvious people struggle to ignore it
One on the side of your hairline
The other only revealed when you smiled
Broken hearts and broken skin
The only thing left is
Scar tissue
Tender to the touch, phantom limb and dreadful nightmare
You never bothered to hide them out of sight
Neither did I
I guess we bonded
Over scar tissue.
564 · Mar 2015
Pensée positive
Sometimes I forget I have talent.
I pick up a pen and somthing magic happens... I make myself happy.
561 · Oct 2014
Instead of running away
You came to me as a stranger
Settled in my heart as a friend
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

The contact was close enough for me
Not close enough for you but still
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

You let your heart bleed out with love
I didn't know how to cure you but still
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

I wanted a love as passionate as yours was for me
But couldn't find it in you no matter how hard I tried yet
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

You wouldn't talk to me because it hurt too much
I had no idea how to reverse the evil spell of love but still
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

I was desperate to see you again
Hear your voice
See your face
Listen to our hearts beating
Looking out at the stars
Longing to be a part of them
Wondering why your heart had chosen me
Wondering why mine hadn't chosen you

There are a lot of things I have done wrong
But doing you wrong was what hurt me the most
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

So I wrote you a letter, explaining why love wasn't in me
Explaining why I could not love you
Why I was broken,
Why I may forever be in pieces
And why no matter how hard you tried to put me back together
You may never succeed to be something else but a friend
Because I did not know how to love myself enough
To let someone else love me

I do not have an excuse for what I have done
And I will never be able to change things
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

You drove to my house, knocked on my door
And I knew what you had come here to say
I had seen the glimmer in your eyes
Of hope and courage, the kind a man has to have
To come and pour his heart out to the girl he loves
But I never let you say it.
I hurt you deeper than a bullet wound,
Because I never let the words pour out of your mouth
No the way words are pouring out of me now
Ashamed and guilty for writing down what I had to say
But being too much of a coward to say it out loud
And you had this courage, and I refused to acknowledge it,
Instead leaving you on the porch,
Running away from all the love you had to give me

Please know that I long for it
Please know that I regret it every day
Please know that after months, I still think about you
Please know that I'm sorry for letting you down
Please know that you are my best friend
Please know that I still love you more than I thought I could love someone
Please know that this love is deeper than friendship and deeper than love
Please know that I never knew this kind of feeling existed
Please know that I hurt everyday
Please know that I probably wouldn't be able to change my reaction
Please know that you surprised me
Please know that you scared me
Please know that I'm not used to love
Please know that I love you
Please know that I am not in love with you
Please know that I never wanted to hurt you
Please know all the things I've been meaning to tell you
Please know that I wish you knew I wrote this poem

Please know that I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away
560 · Sep 2014
Insecure
Insecure people make me angry.
I get upset when someone talks themselves down  over and over again.
Find something beautiful about yourself and stick to it.
If you cannot find anything that you love about yourself, you are going to be sad forever.
If you cannot see the beautiful in yourself how can you find the beautiful in other people?
I wish everyone would realize they shine a different light, and all lights are beautiful.
They light up a different way, they light up different people.
It's a magic light that some people can see, and some others can't.
I wish it were enough for everyone.
You do not need to shine for the world.
You need to shine for the people who can see it.
For the people who can love it.
Who can love you.
I wish it was enough for me.
I want to light up the universe until people drown in stars and dance in black holes
554 · Apr 2016
Lethal defintion
"Lethal:
1. Sufficient to cause death.
2. Very harmful or destructive"

The dictionnary's definitions of lethal is my only definition of you.
What two weeks do to you when you cease to speak to the one you love:*
Dreams.
They haunt you, day and night, filled with images of the past, possibilities of the future.
The future you envisonned for the both of you, once upon a time.
The future you destroyed before it destroyed you.
Memories.
A smell, a slightly similar profile, a piece of clothing that looks just so…
It's not him.
Anger.
Sadness.
Freedom.

In this order.
Let the emotions run you, let yourself feel the spectrum of emotions, you will wear yourself out
Eventually.
Eventually is the word I hold on to, still.
Soon.
One day.
Perhaps.
I spend my nights with you and my days finding you everywhere I go.
But the days, they pass.
And you, you disappear.
Eventually, you'll be gone.
And I,
I will be
Free
There is the day before and the day after.

The day before you'd poured sunshine into my cereal, brought me breakfast in bed and let the light shine through your eyes like I was the gold you'd been digging for your entire life. The day before you wanted to know if I would get teased about you, and I didn't say it wasn't necessary to worry, they were all already rooting for you. The day before I walked on a cloud, oblivious to the rain dampening my shoes like a warning sign. The day before you made me believe there was hope for me, for you, for us both to create a magical unicorn and ride into the sunset. The day before I was keeping you awake because neither of us wanted to stop talking. The day before we made plans. The day before you went out of your way for me. The day before I mattered. The day before I was so happy. The day before I walked down to the shop to buy your favourite cereal and spent the day watching sport to understand what you were talking about.

Then the day after arrived.

The day after, the cereal box sat the entire day at the same place and you forgot to text me. The day after I ran circles wondering if I should text you first and I caved. It took you 4 hours to write back two words. The day after I doubted for the first time in weeks. The day after I drank so I would forget the feel of your body curled into mine. The day after I was falling off the cliff you'd brought me to to admire the view and you weren't watching me. The day after you left me dangling because you were watching her. The day after, and even now, you are still staring away and I am still waiting for you to pull me up. The day after is as empty as a beach without an ocean, a winter without snow, a storm without thunder, a bed where I lay without you. The day after is my personal apocalypse where the memories of you crawl up like the undead from every direction. The day after is a desert and no oasis to quench my thirst. The day after is turning my phone on silent because I cannot bear my jumping heart every time it chimes and it isn't you. The day after is drowning my thoughts in alcohol until I cannot breathe and pray for it to be over. The day after is wondering when "after" becomes "now".
I bought you ******* crunchy nut and I a nerf gun and they're still sealed and everytime I see them I want to die
551 · Apr 2016
Edith Piaf
Quand elle me parle du ciel,
Je n'ais d'yeux que pour elle.
Quand elle me parle des cieux,
Je n'ais d'yeux que pour nous deux.
sur l'air de la vie en rose
539 · Sep 2014
Circus
You.
You juggled us so well between your life you should be in a circus. You could be a magician with how well you hid her from my sight until she was so close I could feel her heart beating as fast as mine. Mine with betrayal, hers with the rush of victory.
And the worst is, you didn't even try to deny it, you ruined me and left me and she was here to witness it all and rejoice in the massacre you made of my feelings for you.
You could be a clown for that matter, since you know so well how to make me feel like a fool.
You could own that ******* circus because you master the art of illusion. You come and go as you please, and you never stay in a place long enough to see the hearts you broke crumble in front of you.
But you broke me.
You broke me and I will never forget you.
I want to forgive you for forgetting me
533 · Apr 2016
Quand reviens l'hiver
Il y a la douleur d'avant et la douleur d'après.
Il y a le bonheur d'être avec toi,
Et le vide auquel on n'échappe pas.

C'est une peine invisible,
Une braise sous un feu éteint,
Qui n'a besoin que d'un souffle,
Pour enflammer le mal.
531 · Jul 2015
Hopeless
There are memories between those walls
Places I put my head on your chest
My hand engulfed in yours
It may be stupid but I thought
For a while...
Maybe.
529 · Jan 2015
Mamie
She wears red lipstick and a necklace of white pearls
Put on rollers in her hair and a smile on her face
When she laugh she is happy…
… was
I see the shadow of the grandmother I love in the grandmother I see…
…now
She does not wear red lipstick or white pearls around her neck
Tying a rope hanging from the folds of her skin instead she
Tightens it everyday a little more
Aveuglément
A ritual for depression
Cutting off her life she
Lets herself go
We watch
Help…less
We watch
She lost one sense and somehow
Gave them all up to the deadly monster
Drags us down with the rope she uses to strangle us
We watch
Help…less
We watch
I chip
My red polish
To keep my mouth shut when she says
I want to die
My eyes fill with rain from the cloud inside my heart
A storm of sadness wetting my cheeks and thundering down my face
Streaks of tears like flashes of thunder
I am mad
But I smile and say
It will pass
Even though I know
For sure
Every night she wakes up and digs up her grave
I hear her cry and mourn her sight
And my smile
Torn
Broken
Is still in place
Even in the dark, I clearly see her pain like a forest fire in the night.
I cannot quench it, no matter the amount of water in my eyes.
526 · May 2016
Flamme
Ton regard est une flamme
Je suis une bougie
Mais tu n'as d'yeux que pour elle
Alors que je m'éteins
517 · Jan 2015
Papillon
The butterfly doesn't know
Fragile for a day
Dead for eternity
515 · Dec 2014
Claws
You put your hand on my heart to warm it up
And squeezed so hard you left claw marks
On my broken chest
511 · Sep 2014
The price to pay
I wouldn't change the way I am
But I am a passionate person
I react strongly to everything
I love fast and hard
If only I could
Stop…
As easily as switching a light
On
        And
                   Off

But it only works one way
And I am destroying myself
Each time a little more
I pour my entire being in one go
I give and give and give until nothing is left
But
So often I am rewarded with silence
Then the pain
The pain
Is the worst kind
A burning blade slicing and burning
Fire in your veins
The pain makes my mind go numb
And attempt at shutting it all off
But always comes back
With a vengeance
I am a passionate person
And as they all do
Passions come with a price
I wonder how long I will be willing
**To pay.
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