atleast when I am in a cell
blood drips pretty from these wrists
as handcuffs cut through
I am safe from the abuse
slander
and deceit
when freedom looks like ****** handcuffs
they didn’t use the second tool
that stops them from squeezing tighter
and tighter
with steel like unforgivable
cold and ******
and the fullness of the moon
glows through its nearest clouds
red and full of overshadowed doom
like a solar powered night lite
fathomless thought
pervades understanding
dragged two hundred feet
by the chain’s disparity
in-between each handcuff
while stomping on my head and chest
I never used to shake like this
or tremble as if my body
is someone else

These hands of mine are shaking violent

Quaking as tidal waves of doubt wash through me

My insecurities eat me up inside as I try

To tell you how I feel like I’m not real and

How I know that if I were to go away

You wouldn’t know any better than if I stayed

And if I cry I might as well

Just tell you about the hell I’m

Living in because my tears show

What my eyes and mouth will never tell they hold

The remnants of my innocent soul and

That’s not something I have much left of due to

The pain I’ve been in all these years the

Suicidal thoughts the ideation all the

Lies and trials and tribulations I’ve

Had to go through all alone

But it was really by choice now

Wasn’t it when I said

That I was fine

And didn’t let you in my mind

I say it was because I felt

Too insecure to share too anxious

To speak of all my thoughts as if

It was Pandora’s box for

The evil in my brain

So instead my hands shake and you ask me

Why do they tremble when all the wind is gone

And it is silent

And I close my eyes to block the tears and tell you just

As those we love are with us

So is all the fear of

Yesterday it was dark and windy and raining and storming

And all around me there were demons howling and I was

Crying and screaming and bleeding but it was me

My fault

I choked

My tired eyes cry
My weary body lies
And why do my tears
Think they cannot dry?

Shaky hands and nervous throat
Exhausted heart, this stimulated soul
They ridiculously wait, day after day,
For a break from sorrow, a thing called hope.

How is it that I can live, but it is the hardest thing I ever did?

© Melissa Carlson 2016

I'm afraid to be here
At home all alone
When the man in the dark
Could be roaming so close

I'm afraid to be here
After last night
When the man in the dark
Gave me a fright

I'm afraid to be here
With eyes open wide
If the man in the woods
Is lurking outside

I'm afraid to be here
Tell me why did he come
Look up at my window
Hiding for fun

I'm afraid to be here
Without my best friend
Who witnessed him too
Sent our minds in a bend

I'm afraid to be here
Tell me how does he know
The best way to creep
To see my window

I'm afraid to be here
Tell me why was he here?
A chancer, a pervert
A stalker I fear

She likes the cold
Its the most open form of honesty she has ever known
She never liked being friends with girls
They are fake
Boys abuse her tragically
Yet she runs to them unconditionally
All she knows is a broken home and a false reality
Actually she doesn't mind for she is a poet
With a strong head and heavy heart
She immerses herself in the unknown and painful
Because she is the soul epitome of what it means to be human
And we can forgive her for that

Adrenaline
And
Shaky hands
And i guess im not so good.

Im insecure
But you want more
And
I dont know what i can give.

You dont care
About my flaws
You
Have
A goal
In mind

Easy come
Easy go
Im afraid
Thats
Exactly
What
Youll
Do.

blue waves
sorta; kinda,
a little bit shaky

pink oceans
sorta; kinda,
a little bit crazy

green moons
sorta; kinda,
a little bit fun

purple people
sorta; kinda,
a little bit strange