I want to sip from the same cigarette
I want you to unzip my dress
We're suicidal but we're set
Lets get room and just forget.

I can't be in the same room as you
Why?
Because my breathing quickens
My pulse begins to race
Red paints over my cheeks
I just want to walk up to you
To touch you
Feel your heart pulse under my hand
Trace my fingers on your skin
But I can't...
Because I can't be in the same room as without shying away

You pull me closer
with your magical love
like a magician
doing his brilliant magic

I give up,  disappear,
lose my mind
as if I am yours, for
finale in your room

Half-asleep on my lap, embraced against me
The dim light of a soft box paints your face
Formulating the perfect pose
Preserving the unspeakable beauty in my arms

Silence.

Except for the constant clicking of the camera
A few flashes and wham your eyes open, a shred too wide, too curious
And you smile your best

I wrap myself around you
Three clicks happen real quick
My smile mirrored in yours
Pictures of us together
Glimpses of real love caught in the moment
Mine. Yours.
Pure and true
Perfectly happy

Then you go waka waka on the giant bean bag
Sprawling around, contouring its shape, expelling your body in all directions
I holler your name from the top of my lungs
You respond with a scream displaying two pearly whites and a hint of bare gums

As the breeze cools your skin, you splash into the inflatable pool
Rubber fishies swim along, you dunk them one by one
Soapy bubbles blown in the air circle around you, gleaming in the sunshine, revealing your face and burst with a pop
Still unable to sit unassisted, bam you fall into the water
My heart escapes my chest
There is water dripping all over you
I comfort you and brush hair away from your eyes

But I wasn't quite finished yet

You curl up in the fuzzy charms of a teddy
A new found hero in the making

My darling then arrives as a prince entering his humble kingdom
I fall in love with you all over again at the first glimpse
Bitter, reserved, aggressive, brisk, fresh, strong, assorted moments

I said one last photo

The softness of your young skin glowed in a playland of toys
I sit, stare and sigh at how delightful you look
Capturing candid photos of your innocence at play

The evening was getting tired, you drifted back to sleep
It wasn't easy as one would think

I saw you coming from the start
I rewind the times in my heart
A whole world of just you and I
I want it to be more than just a memory
A reminder of the road taken

Here I am, taking in every bit of you and smiling because I know you are all mine

I'm shivering of cold
and I don't know if it's the fan
turned on in my room
or rather
the absence of you

THE ROOM IS BURNING
UP IN FLAMES AND I
DON'T EVEN CARE
BECAUSE NO FIRE IS HOT
ENOUGH TO MELT THE
ICE COVERING MY
FROZEN BONES

Every night I go down my secret staircase I have in my bedroom
No one knows about it expect me of cores
When the clock strikes midnight
I open the green door behind my bed
And start to quietly walk down my secret staircase
I magically turn into a beautiful lady when I touch the final step
The room is beautiful
It has many pathways to a new journey
In one room I fought a bear
In the other I danced with my princess
Even in the last room to the right I slayed a dragon!
Each room is amazing and great each experience
A new start and ending to every adventure

why did you leave me in silence,for so ******* long
why did you leave my mind all scattered,now i dont know where i belong
why did you lock me in this room of memories
why when you didn't mean to return my call,
i'm sick of this,of your stories,
this time i won't take the fall...

why you bother to come back now,how long has it been?
i forgot to feel love i forgot the sun, the wind
why come now..oh god,you are so mean

why do i fall for you so easy,the moment i see your tears
all of this time,all off your flaws,all of you i've missed...
when will you visit this room of mine,where you let my body to rot
i'll start to hate you until you return...i'm lying..ofcourse i won't..

Out across the distance,
they'll be knotting up loose ends
and taking names from strangers
like suggestions, fading into
                               sunrise friendships

Waiting room.
A dreary day.
Silence couched
                      in thumb-smeared detail

What they found
was fresh enough
to stop the gap
                       between smudged-out Fridays

To remove their ceilings.
To rip off old, dead scabs.

Listen, now, I'm not angry,
I only need some air.
I've bloodied hands against these walls
and I'm done doing all of my dying here
                        So pick me up at 9.
                        Let me leak into the night
                        and help me saw through my tethering lines.

Here in this apartment,
sit and simmer in the dark
and bevel out the edges
of a batch of nights 'til this one's
                                        dulled out, hand-safe.

Waiting room.
An Autumn night
swiftly rose
           beyond these four walls.

All I've got
are window panes
to lean my arms
             and glance out at rainfall.

As it falls asleep and
snow flakes drop like old scabs

Listen, pal, I'm just hungry;
d'ya wanna grab a beer?
I've made fast friends with these four walls
but I'm done doing all of my dying here
                          Let me out into the night,
                          where the weather can't decide--
--between cold rain
                                                            ­               and lazy, half-assed snow.

There's no room left
No more room for all
this ******* trauma and pain
no more time for
taking shaky breathes
no more love for people who don't love me back.
No more
because feeling like I'm drowning
Every God ****** day of my life
isn't how I want to live
not anymore.

So I'm gonna step back
and assess this shitpile of a situation
and then leave it
and leave you
because I want to feel like I can breathe again
and you're just holding me under the water