I want you
So ******* bad
The in between my thighs ache
I want to kiss your lips
Until they are a raw blue
I want to dance my lips across your neck and collar bones
Leaving bright red seeds that will burst into purple blossoms
I want to track down the planes of your stomach
All the while you whimper for me
My name circling around us
Squeezing us both into a warm embrace
I want to take all of you until I can't no more
Until it physically hurts
I want you deep within me
In my soul and in my body
I want to know what your slow, low moans sound like
Deep in the night time
I want to feel all those colors burst out around
To know what you feel when you are completely satisfied
I want you, but you are not mine
I'm high key crushing and I want to know what he's like in bed so here I am fantasizing.
Things that make my stomach hurt
White Mazda Tributes
Queens of the Stone Age
Girls named after birds
Brown floppy hair
Soft brown eyes
For the boy that made me want it all
I have stomach aches
Caused from the hole deep within me
Where the butterflies ate away at the flesh that I was
You see butterflies are nasty little things
They like to come when you want…to come.
For that special someone
But I have butterflies for people that don’t know I do.
So I tried to fill the hole with honey
With anything that I could get my sticky fingers on.
The only thing my fingers got on was me
And then they got me off
Because I have this hole
This deep burning hole that gives me stomach aches
That I want to fill with peaches
Sometimes the stomach aches come in the night
When I lay there in my peach colored sheets
Pulling at an old band tee shirt until it comes off
And I become a writhing mess in the witching hours
But sometimes my stomach aches for the boy that wears sweaters
It twist and turn and the hole will scream from my abdomen
I want to kiss his lips
I want to stain his sheets with my ***
But then the ache goes away
I’ll get an ache for the arrogant and snarky boy
When he sits there with long, admirable fingers
I want him to dig them into me
And sometimes my stomach aches for me
It aches for the day that I can completely satisfy myself
In every aspect a human ever could
Written on February 27, 2018
When he left my mother told me something.
She said it's okay and this will pass
He's nothing compared to you
But as I laid there
On my bedroom floor
In the room where he claimed me
Where little girl dreams were shattered
I didn't believe her
Instead I screamed about how I hated life
How he left me like dust on my fingertips
Like the ash of my burned down home
Two weeks later and I'm a shell
Of who I was
Of who I am
Of who I'll ever be
My ribs poked out like piano keys
Just waiting to be played
And my collar bones
Oh they were waiting like glasses
Glasses expecting hard liquor
That I of course drowned myself in
The day her name left his lips
I was done for
I wanted to become nothing but earth and essence.
But my best friend cradled me
She promised I would find love again
That this hurt, no matter how bad it is,
Will only be temporary
I didn't believe her
So I rebelled against them all
It was only me
4 months later and I'm sitting in the car
My best friend sits beside me
I'm genuinely laughing
And she looks proud
Then she tells me how he's talking about me.
From my ******* boots
My infatuation with peaches
To how I harbor guitar pics on every inch of my body.
I relapse into him immediately
I wanted him so bad
6 and a half months later and he tells my best friend
That he hates me
My name swims out of his mouth on a raft of profanities.
But it didn't hurt as much as I thought
I think I grew
Little by little I became the new girl
The one that writes again and breathes the air a little deeper than the others.
6 and half months plus 3 days
I caress my fingers over my body
The shower beats down on me
"I want to be your friend" I whisper to myself.
He was nothing but a thunderstorm
But I am more than he
I am the sun
I am the heavens
I am the thing everyone revels in
And I made it through hell and back
And now I can finally say goodbye
Hey you love me right?
Let me send you something
Let me intrude into your thoughts
When I am not there
See my naked body flash before you on that tiny screen
Did you get it?
Let me send another and another and another
Until all you can do is bleed from your cheeks
Until that pit in your stomach begins to tighten
Until you want that sweet, sweet sorrow filled ecstasy only I can provide
Now I can stand before you
The nudes I sent were sanded down
I was the epitome of what a **** really is
Not one stray hair visible
Not one, single intrusion
But here I am
Rough bumps, bones sticking out, intrusive hairs
But when I am not a **** I am your girl
So sail across the sea that dips down in the hollow of my back
Hike your way up mountains made of thighs
Let me show you something
Put your fingers in
Everything feels so soft and warm right?
Now take them away from me
Lick the lust from between your fingers
Does it taste like vanilla and caramel?
Make me yours
But you can’t
Or is it that you won’t?
You may even refuse to
So a **** can cause chaos on a sun filled day?
But honey I am a thunderstorm
I sanded myself down
I became a **** all for you
So what happens when my own fingers trace my hip bones?
When I climb the mountains?
Can you be jealous of something you never even had?
‘*** now please’ flashed at you
My teeth seem to rip into my own lust
Yet all you want are my nudes
You don’t want me fully and entirely
Is It alright for me to sink my own teeth in?
Until nudes and lust come flowing out
Oh but wait, they will wrap around you completely
Because my nudes and lust will always come back to you
So you love me right?
Let me send you something
Another **** appears
Originally written on April 5, 2017
I love the idea of healing,
But I'm not just suffering from symptoms,
I am the sickness,
Punching myself black and blue,
Refusing to stop until I'm soaking red.
I'm better off suffering from the thing that kills me,
Than cutting away parts of me until useless fragments remain.
Like the captain that goes down with his ship,
I will never see salvation from this point onward.
This disease has seeped into my cells
And now I'm more sickness than human.
If I took away the biggest part of me,
What would I be left with, but emptiness?
We were born from the same star
But stars burn out
So we did the impossible
We fell here
To this safe haven
But what is safe when it's gripped by your screaming?
Can nudes save us?
Can pure, ****** passion break us until we are fixed?
So someone picked us up
They made you, a glistening beacon of love and hate
Then me, a scared girl made up of the whole universe
They tied us together
A red string
Connecting us here and here
Our pinkies only tied together almost like a physical promise
But now that tiny red string is being cut
Now its frayed and worn and tired
Kind of like me
So they made us into matches
But those burn out too
So maybe it's not we or us
It's you and me
I can remember so clearly the day you left
The day you whispered I love you still
So my bones became brittle
I fought the universe within
I broke down until only nebulas and stardust was left
Because we can't be us again
There can only be