Maybe one day you and I will meet again
When we're slightly different people;
When your temper's a bit calmer,
When my thoughts aren't that crazy,
And all our dreams are finally fireflies in an arm's length

I wouldn't make a havoc within you then,
You wouldn't drown in my miseries.

Perhaps, right now, you must stay on the shore
Keep off from my cold, unruly waves
Run as fast as you can
Find a lighthouse
Save yourself from my surge of mayhem.

Then when I've finally managed to still my flow;
When my waves are tamed
And the chaos has calmed,
Maybe we can dance again under the twinkling of stars

Tremendous pressure
    Between two trees
The pressures of autumn
    Which crinkles the fallen, forgotten, leaves
    And cry beneath our feet
As we grind them slowly back to the earth
    Unknowingly, she knows
    And drinks it all in
Like a summers mead

Poor little chunky girl
Never had a chance
Losing to the skinny girls
Alone at the dance.
Poor little skinny girl
It’s making her sick
When her godly classmates
Refer to her as "stick".

Poor little plain faced girl
They tease her for no makeup.
Poor overpainted girl
The social kids just break up.
Poor little not bright girl
They call her by names
Poor little brainy girl
They do the very same.

Poor little boy in glasses
They tease him mercilessly
Poor little nearsighted girl
The tease when she cannot see.
Poor little boy who stumbles
They tease because he’s no ****.
The same boy after school
Who has to work on a dock.

Poor little kids who suffer so much
Because there’s no cash for clothes;
Some of them live in camps so
They can’t always smell like a rose.
Poor little kids who are in trouble
Can expect no help from schools
Because the faculty is gun shy
From being sued by stupid fools.

There is no point in living this life unless you find someone or something to love. A person who you would want to spend the rest of your life with or an occupation that you are passionate about.

Ironically, the famous song of Bon Jovi is also true --- too much love will **** you. But maybe, this should be seen from a love recipient's perspective.

We all want to feel loved. Especially when everything else hates you --- like Math, music, or your very own biological family who you live with under one small **** roof --- finding love is really just a lucky event. However, it will soon overwhelm you.

You would think that you do not deserve the joy and happiness that you feel when you are with this person. Soon, you will think that he is too good for you. You might also think, "Why would he even want to spend more time with me when I am such a mentally unstable, emotionally broken, and pitifully toxic *****?"

Be careful what you wish for. One might not be ready to receive the love that is being given to us. It feels as if it's ******* life and love from this dearest person and you have nothing to give. This person is so full of love and you are full of filth (well, at least you are not nothing). And it feels you with guilt that you can never make the person feel the same. Soon, you would think that he would walk away --- the best person with the kindest heart, the best love of your life, the ******* best --- because you have ****** and licked clean his jar of love and you gave nothing in return. Funny thing is that you don't even ask for him to love you. He just does. And that becomes more painful than ever.

Having that thought in mind makes you just want to leave to prevent the heartache and the burn out which the love of your life will suffer from. But you do not have the strength to break up with him because that kind of blow would be too hard that you would painfully hurt him. It seems as if having him burned out is the better way to "break up" with him because at least you think that it would be his decision to leave. It gives you this sick comfort that he left and you have confirmed your filthy self-concept. You have confirmed how undeserving you are and proved that you are the worst person to be with him.

But, he still stays. He still stays despite all your filth being thrown at his clean self. You have shown most of your darkest thoughts and he still chooses to stay. And it hurts you more because it would now be too hard to break up with him and hurt him because now you care more and this person has become the person who is preventing you to quit life. He is a hindrance between your wrist and that small, sharp blade that will surely deliver what you think you deserve. You clearly still do not have the strength to let him go that quickly (sick selfish wimp).

Now, you are stuck with a dilemma and all you can do is cry your eyes out. It's the only cathartic way that will allow you live another day for him until the day he gives up. It seems chaotic now. Everything else is falling apart this one man stands in the midst --- all clean and smiling --- offering you a nicer future. You are not sure whether to take the hand or the blade.

But, tonight, you take the hand yet you keep the blade in your pocket. Now, you carry it around while you walk with him hand in hand. And now, you just made your situation almost impossible to solve.

Sometimes he will be unkind to you;
Say painful words
Make a fool out of you
Promise you heaven on earth

And when you think you have just had enough

He will come with pretty flowers
And kiss your beautiful lips
The moment will taste of
All the sweet things you have
Been longing for.
Sometimes he will put his hands on you
Say painful words
Make a fool out of you

And when you think you just had enough

He will buy you a pretty dress
And take you out on dinner.
The moment will be so bliss that
You will not want it to end

But he will treat you like a pretty flower today
And tomorrow; he will forget to water you.

I...
I dearly miss you
Not because loving you brings me to life
Not because you made me smile a little brighter
Not because I once thought we were meant to be
All these things made me desire your company
But I unspokenly wanted all your attention
If I had asked, would you have accepted?

Or would my greed and insecurities
have driven you away?
You knew my insecurities about
             my appearance
                       my family
                               my past

You took me as I was
But I never found a common ground with you
Keeping me in the dark about you
         Your attention
                  Your Patience
                            Your composure
                     seemed to all be a facade
I wouldn't notice thunderstorm in the background
   Of course, I notice
I always wanted you to be truly happy
A happiness that might not involve me
Sadly with a smile, correct myself
      Will most definitely won't involve me
              if I catch a glimpse
                  please let me smile and cry
                        Let me drunkly sing to
                          Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah