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rey Oct 2018
i’m grasping you by the hand—
afraid to let go.
i don’t want you to leave.
stay with me and hold me close.
let me explore the dreams inside your mind.
let me touch your fingertips
and look at your scars.
you have a past
with memories,
let me find out what i don’t know.
my hands are shivering
until you hold them.
my arms shake and my body aches
until you’re wrapped around me.
my loneliness arrives
until you come around.
through all my pain,
just a touch of your fingertips
makes it all go away.
oh yes, a love this deep and passionate
may be destroyed—
but i’m doing all i can
to keep this boy.
rey Apr 2018
Covering all that you are.
It makes each and every person
We destroy our bodies
Tattoos, piercings, needles.
Why do we destroy the thing
That’s been there since day one?

What do we do?
We destroy it more.
Until we rot in our graves.
Covered in destruction
Of what we’ve always known.

From picking at your fingertips
To slitting our wrists.
Destroying ourselves
For pain and pleasure
But we all end up six feet under anyways,
What is the big deal?

Express yourself.
Get that nose piercing,
Get that tattoo.
Do what you want,
As long as you don’t regret it.
Your flesh, your story.
Eh this was a quickie that I actually put effort in :)
Fly
rey Jun 2018
Fly
She took a step
And another
Watching birds soar above each other
Wondering why she cannot herself
She couldn’t understand why
She is unable to fly
She did some research and found out why
But gravity couldn’t tame her
She took a leap and there she went
Floating in the air
She was flying!
She was soaring!
Once you decide
Anything is possible
Go and get it
Go and fly.
Soar, sweetheart!
rey Aug 2018
fragile is what i used to call myself.
i wasn’t to be played rough with.
my feelings and emotions
were too fragile for negativity.
the boys would tackle each other,
and i would watch them, not daring to join.
“Regan, you should play!”
“I’m too fragile to tackle.”

now i’ve noticed how tough i actually am.
my heart has been broken.
i’ve been called terrible things.
sometimes i wish i could punch something.
i’m not fragile, i’m strong.

I...am...NOT...fragile.
rey Oct 2018
‘tis the season,
of coldness.
my frost-bitten
figertips are sick
of the cold.
my red nose
and rosy cheeks
burning from the snow.
i wish i could drown
in the hot-cocoas
i long for.
my shivering arms
and cold toes
just want to be warm.
the darkness of the winter
makes the darkness
in my mind
find it’s way back.
spark me a flame—
thaw my cold heart
and hands.
remind me of warm thoughts,
the summer sun,
the burning of hot sand—
ugh, there’s only
snowflakes and frost.
i guess i’ll deal until
the warmness
finds its way back.
rey Feb 2019
Guess what is funny?

I'm not even sure if I loved you in the first place.

I honestly can not remember.

Those emotions are stored in a box

that I have not opened

since I closed it last.

I am sorry

you are meaningless

to me now

and stored away

in a box.
rey Aug 29
Sometimes I’m reminded
How deeply obsessed
I have made men.
Some have told me
They’d rather be dead
Than without me
I’m too selfish
To care what happens
Every man
Who has treated me
Poorly or carelessly
Live a life of regret
That I got away
And I can’t help
But get off
To the thought
Of controlling
A single
Aspect of
Their life.
Sometimes
When I’m
On the brink
Of release
I remember
And it feels
like
Pure electricity.
rey May 2019
memories
feelings
tears
smiles.

after tomorrow, they'll be gone for a while.
as summer returns
and my main focus is not to learn,
i'll be alone and older by each day.
don't worry, we'll talk, they say,
but summer returns
and my loneliness yearns
for someone to talk to
but I don't want to bother you.
until august comes back
and my head goes whack,
will you speak to me,
you're not a real friend, can't you see?
I'm sorry that we didn't talk
and I feel as if I hit bedrock,
you'll act nice
and i'll think twice
about letting you back into my life
when it's filled with strife.
but i'll fail and become sad
then i'll drive you mad
until you leave
and i'll greave
until august returns.
last day of school tomorrow. sad. surviving finals.
rey Jun 2019
the sky is a gray-yellow
and the thunder fills my empty mind as
the storm surrounds my room.
the rain pitters and patters on the roof,
i watch as water runs down my window.
my favorite songs playing and
filling my room with my favorite shade of happy.
my whole room is reflecting a yellow shade along the walls.
my pillows are puffy and warm and my blankets are surrounding me.
yes, i am alone, yes, company is fine,
but how can you learn to be alone with company always around.
i am happy even if i’m alone.
i’m still living and thriving
putting myself back together
but still happy.
rey Jun 2018
My heart is a bottom-less pit,
Waiting for a ladder.

My heart is burning,
From where you set me on fire.

My heart is depressed,
Longing for someone to love.

My heart is lonely,
Stuck in my lonesome body.

My heart is broken,
From the words you jabbed into it.

© Regan
:’(
rey Nov 2018
loving me is Heaven.. and Hell.
my angelic mask
hides
my demons.
stick with me
long enough
and you may meet them,
my angels
and unfortunately,
my demons.

~•~

they hurt me.
rey Feb 2020
Hm, the luring call from this crowded place,
but what are the intentions?
diabolical feelings in this place I call home.
But why do you and I stay?
our routine of sadness and evil
hovers around our heads,
as if we were the sun, and the sadness orbits us
like the planets in the vast universe surrounding.
only dark and damp places we exist
filled with hatred and impurity.
each of us contribute to this fire
oh, but what is this?
a grasp on my mind,
a calling, a desire, a higher power.
my feet walk for me as if I am being lifted
the stress and pain is floating away
A godly figure is implanted in my mind
heaven? God? is that you?
my broken pieces pick themselves up
they hover and lift themselves in the air
my shattered shell of a body is floating
pure thoughts paint themselves in my mind
what brought me here?
a smooth transition from my living hell
to a placid place amongst the sky.
God? Allah? who brought me here?
even my strongest beliefs were being questioned.
quite frankly, everything I knew was foggy.
the only feeling I obtained was bliss.
my feet were placed back onto the surface
and the darkness crept back,
but my outlook and intentions changed.
I kept the happy and the bright
and it outshone the malevolent world.
this moment lasted and stays in my mind
being there forever would be beautiful
but sadly, the best feelings do come to an end
because everything is temporary.
but the best feelings, can be felt forever.
rey Jun 2018
I’m sitting in my room.
Art supplies and paper scattered around.
I’m sitting next to my bed on the floor.
I’m writing this poem.
I’m crying.
I have pain that isn’t physical.
I have pain that hurts my brain and head.
At the end of the day, at currently 12:27,
I sit here, completely drained of energy.
My tears are too heavy to help me up,
My floor catches my tears as they fall,
My walls watching me.
My knees are up against my chest,
My arms rapped around myself.
My body is cold,
And I’m shivering.
I’m having a panic attack.
What do I do now?
I don’t want to move.
I can’t force myself up.
I’m stuck,
Weighed down by these extremely heavy tears.

© Regan
I’m cold and alone, only my room keeps me company now.
rey Dec 2022
i wish i could take back every nice thing i said
i had a big heart and you took every inch of it
you tried to change it and make it fit your needs
but it was never yours to change.
rey Apr 2019
how are you so
heartless
that you can
break someone entirely
shrug,
and walk away,
like you’ve done it...

...a million times.
rey Jun 2018
I’m tired of being alone,
Letting myself fall back into depression.
Sometimes I wish somebody
Would love me.

My family is great,
But they don’t realize my pain.
I wish somebody
Would miss me.

I feel sad.
I need someone to care,
Or pretend to, at least.
Please?

Maybe it’s a “phase”
Maybe one day I won’t be lonely.
That one day, someone, who cares,
Will be brave enough to hug me.

Could someone possibly tell me,
I’m all they’ve ever wanted?
Tell me I’m gorgeous,
And say I’m the only person,
Perfect enough for them?

Not now at least.
Probably never.
Could be close.
I’m not sure.

Maybe someone will adore me,
As much as I adore them.
Hopefully, they won’t have
To pretend.

© Regan
I need hope.
rey Oct 2018
you know what really hurts?
being in so much pain that you forget
what hurt feels like.
it’s like being on fire,
but you’re immortal.
you’re stuck with the pain,
but it all feels the same.
you’re stuck on an elevator
that is always falling
but never goes anywhere.
hurting is necessary for growth
but sometimes i question
why i have to go through it.
what did i do to deserve
this awful feeling?
what did i do to make this
my state of mind?
why am i in so much pain?
rey Jul 2018
I almost lost you,
I really could’ve too.
You wanted me to tell you,
Something I simply couldn’t do.
I hated how I let you,
Walk right over me,
That really hurt,
Can’t you see?
Threatening our friendship,
Over a petty little thing.
Trying to destroy me,
But you can’t,
You can’t hurt me.
You have already
Broken me enough,
But I’ll tell you,
I’m pretty tough.
You hit me, jabbed me,
Told me you could trust me.
Just because I didn’t tell you
What you simply couldn’t see?
I almost lost you,
And it would’ve been for the better,
Because you’re like,
A loose string on a sweater.
but what i’ve found out,
I really should’ve forgotten her.
This is for trying to tell me I was wrong for not telling you, when you have no right to make me tell you.
rey Jul 2018
Too worked up over
The tiniest thing.
She laid her hand down
On my back,
To say everything will be okay.
She held me close,
While I bawled,
She didn’t judge me
For expressing emotion.
More people
Should accept
other’s emotions,
Because how would they know
What they’re going through.
The moral of this experience,
Is to accept the doubt.
I cried in front of my mom, and she showed me how much she truly loves me. Thank you Mom, I love you.
rey Jun 2018
I thought we had something special the world couldn’t understand
I thought you loved my imperfections.
I thought I loved everything you are.

I guess the universe screws things up
Eventually.
I thought when you said you loved me
You meant it.
I thought a relationship consisted on loving each other.
I guess our relationship was one sided.

I did all I could.
It just couldn’t be saved.
I miss you infinitely,
But I cannot befriend you,
For the pain you’ve caused me.

© Regan
rey Oct 2020
I’ll always be right here if you need me


please don’t leave me here
rey Nov 2022
i woke up this morning
i reminded myself i’m worthy
i don’t groan when i see my mirror
i greet it with kindness
and the reflection does the same
i used to hate what i saw
i used to cry when i looked for too long
i would hurt her feelings
i would cut her skin
i would bash herself
why did i not realize
only by loving her
is the way to love myself
rey Nov 2022
sometimes i smell you on my sheets,
but only for a brief moment and it’s gone.
it reminds me how easy i could lose you,
and it only makes me want you more.
rey Oct 2022
the gateway to the heart
lost in a blink
but the passion remains
look at me
become one with me
keep your eyes on me
stay right here
don’t lose the gaze
i only start to fall in love
more every glance
watch me as you
make love to me
you’re in control
can you see it
in my eyes?
i’m all yours tonight
and tomorrow
and eternally
just keep looking
into my soul
feel the vibrations
start to turn towards you
stay on my wavelength
let’s just stay
right where we are
but im lost in yours
but are you lost
in my eyes?
rey Jul 2018
I feel as if I drive myself insane;
Not for a particular reason, that is.
Only a slightest clue remains—
I dislike what I do, but that’s not it.
Insanity is just a loss,
Losing what keeps us sane.
When common sense is just tossed.
It’s something that we have learned to tame.
By creating vices, habits, and by coping,
Insanity is brief, to those who hide—
It creates emotions, from smiling to moping,
But at least, I can say, I tried.
Sometimes, you have to fight your mind,
Just to relieve the insanity that lurks.
rey Oct 2018
In the End—
it might be good.
I’ll know my past was lived.
I might be happy,
but I could be sad.
Who knows?
Do we give up when we reach the end?
What if we never reached the end—
would progress be existent?
We finish a book
or a test,
and we move on,
because we have more to progress
otherwise.
I guess we may never reach an actual end.
But how would we know if it was
The End?
rey Jun 2018
I’m fascinated with your intoxication
You must really like this drink;
To let it steal away your paychecks,
Destroy your liver,
And your teeth.

You must really like this drink,
When you drink it,
You become it.
I don’t recognize you drunk.
Your mouth is ******,
And your head is gone

You must really like this drink
To let it change the way you think.
Let it consume who you are.
And those who love you, turned away.

© Regan
You must really like this drink
rey Dec 2022
but there’s not a chance i’d change it
rey May 2018
I wrote a poem about you,
Except it’s not for you.

I wrote a poem about you,
But you may not have it.

I wrote a poem about you,
But It’s not sweet.

I wrote a poem about you,
But not for your physical existence.

I wrote a poem about you,
For the pain you caused me.

I wrote a poem about you,
But it’s not a good thing.

© Regan
I write poems about people all the time. I don’t write poems for people, I write poems about emotion, that’s what they don’t understand.
rey Oct 2018
what turned us from strangers
into lovers?
what made you decide
i was the one for you?
how did this
all work out in the end?
what made you
choose me over her?
why do you trust me
enough to love me?
am i the only one
you can love completely?
how did you
accept my flaws?

why did you choose me?
rey Jul 2018
I’ve wronged you too many—
And I’m sorry for it.
I’m young and ignorant,
I hope you’ll understand.
The yelling is in your head—
But I really wasn’t trying to.
I’m very sorry;
The isolation and tormenting
Wasn’t intentional.
The words of hate,
Are just a cover
For my insecurities.
But in all reality,
Just kick me out,
Not of this place—
But of my own head.
I take things too literally some times and as soon as I make things right, I tend to destroy things right after.
rey Mar 2019
seconds
minutes
hours
days.
insanity creeping
with little droplets

plink..
.....plink...
.............plink....

nightmare­s
churn through
the dark thoughts
while listening
to the droplets

plink..
.....plink...
.............plink....

you tighten the bolts
the echo repeats
in your head,
the drops keep
dropping rhythmically

plink..
.....plink...
.............plink....

screaming and ringing
in your ears
become louder
and sync with the droplets.

plink..
.....plink...
.............plink....

yelling and groaning
at this faucet
pushes you over the edge
with the hammer in hand.

plink...

but you realize
the droplets
weren’t the problem

it was all in your head.
guilty or just impatient?
rey Aug 2018
letting others read my poetry is strange—
it’s as if they’re in my thoughts.
they feel my feelings, read my emotions,
and capture the essence of me.

letting others read my poetry is odd—
but not in a bad way, por say.
it’s just strange letting them into
a part of me.

letting others read my poetry is smart—
it helps me improve my writing.
Better understanding others helps me
understand myself more.

i like letting others read my poetry.
a quick, cute poem. i hope you enjoyed it! i have a bunch of other poems as well, i hope you read a few!
rey Jun 2017
Bright.
Noticeable.
Lights.
Laying in the hospital bed being pushed around by screaming doctors. The IV rushing fluids into my bloodstream. The fuzziness of the lights as I slightly open my eyes.
Fast.
Running.
Doctors.
Am I dying? I definitely am dying. No I can't, I'm too young to die! I can't die.
But I can.
I'm old enough to die.
I can't choose when I die.
The operating room is cold, and smells like it's too clean. The anesthesia slowly drowns me in a sleep like stage.
Am I dying?
I am living through the thought of dying.
The ventilator is keeping me from dying.
The anesthesia has caused me to die.
I'm not waking up.
I'm not alive.
I am dead.

© Regan
Trigger warning. I just want to write the things on my mind.
rey Jul 2018
A skipping child approached by an older woman,
This child was aware the woman had approached,
and ignored her.

“Now come here, honey”
The lady said shakingly.
The girl approached, kind of worried.

“I’m going to give you all of my knowledge”
The woman started,
“Of what I’ve learned in this world”

The girl sat down,
legs crossed, eyes wide and alert.

The woman began
“Sweetheart, cherish everything you have now,
And don’t forget to live”

The girl thought about what the woman had said, as she walked home that day.
“Live?” She thought,
“But I already am!”

As the girl grew older,
had her own experiences,
And children, she still kept thinking about what that woman said.

Now she’s the same age as the woman,
who she spoke to at such a young age.
She began to wonder “Have I lived?”
She thought about a deeper meaning
To in which living is.

“I have everything I’ve ever wanted” she stated,
“And nothing that I don’t”.

The next morning, the kids who lived in the home across the street, were out playing tag.
She approached them, and kindly stated
“Now I’m going to teach you everything I know” and she then said,
“Cherish everything you have now, and don’t forget to live”
just like the woman who she met many years ago.
Narrative poems are so fun to write, I really hope you enjoyed this!!
rey Nov 2018
who’d lend me their shoulder?
who’d listen to my thoughts?
who’d wipe my tears?
if you weren’t around.
my mind would wander back
into its darkest places.
my wrists would bleed
more than before.
my already-shivering arms
would be colder.
my youth would lose its youth
and i would be older.
my sadness would creep back
until i forget happiness again.
without you, i couldn’t be me,
i’d be back to where i don’t want to be.
the stinging tears
and harmful thoughts
that only exist in my mind,
would become actions and consequences.
i’m glad i have you,
because i wouldn’t just be lonesome,
without you.
rey Jul 2018
I have a lonesome heart,
and I’m not afraid to admit it.
My friends think I’m boy-crazy.
But truth is, I’m just lonely.
Having a lonesome heart is miserable.
You feel empty and low
And once it feels complete
It’s broken again.
Nobody can love me,
And if they do,
I cannot accept it.
It feels unnatural
And strange,
Being sad, insane, and alone.
I’m just tired of it all. I want to love myself, but somehow I cannot accept my own love.
rey Sep 2018
I've lost my feeling
I’ve lost my rhythm
my poetry feels weak.
I cannot get that connection
to what i used to have.
They were filled with passion
and desire.
My poetry had more emotion,
something you could feel.
The words would flow and paint imagery.
The emotion was raw and real.
I’ve tried so hard to get a feel.
now all i feel is numb.
I thought my poetry was alive
but now it all seems dumb.
I want that emotion
I want that spark.
People would connect with what i wrote,
but now i cannot make a mark.
I wish i had more ideas,
to create the inevitable,
something very creditable.
but all i am is numb.
and my work isn’t what is was.
I’ve lost my emotion
I’ve just lost what i had.
rey Nov 2018
love is like Pride & Prejudice,
you might believe
someone isn’t the one,
but you may end up
falling in love with them.

and that’s the love i want.
rey Jun 2018
Four letters, many meanings.

What is it? I’m not sure.

Is it pain or something good?

Is it an emotion, action, or both?

How do we really know?

How does it make us feel?

Love, a word with many connotations.

But I don’t really know what it is yet.

I love my possessions, I love my family.

I am not quite sure, what it is exactly.

Maybe I’ll have to receive to understand.

© Regan
“What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more”
rey Jun 2019
AWAKEN.
This thing you call love,
Is not love!
This is pain
This is unhealthy
This is abusive

GET OUT.
You do not need them
You are smart
You have been blinded
By what your heart replaced
in your brain

BREATHE.
Your troubles have died down
New days are coming
New ground is below your feet
Time can stop rushing you
You can stop

DO NOT FORGET.
You are not fragile
Do not let them treat you
as if you are breakable
You know better
Do not let your heart fool you.

LOVE AGAIN.
Find real love
And filter out unhappiness
Stay true to who you are
Do not let negative influences
In your life.

Live again
to love again.
rey Sep 2018
I have been attracted to you for a while
but didn’t think you felt the same.
but infact you might even like me more.
you think i’m beautiful and special indeed.
you’ve trapped me in your heart and blue eyes
you tell me you were to shy to tell me,
but i was too shy to tell you.
do you love me?
do I love you?
do you love me afterall?
you say things that make me blush.
and tell me what i want to hear.
you call me baby and your love.
things really did work out, didn’t they.
I’ve missed this feeling of love.
i guess you just might love me after all.
thank you, you.
rey Jul 2018
Anything can be a lullaby,
if you try hard enough.
Ring around the Rosie,
is about death.
kids will find out sooner or later.
rey Mar 2018
Dancing
Intoxication
Blurring of emotions
Head’s pounding
Strangers falling in and out of unrealistic love.
Caught your eye.
The stench of cologne
The rush of everything
The slowness of you looking at me
Our eyes meet as you slowly make your way towards me
Shaking hands, goofy smiles
Music flooding our thoughts
Making it easier to confess to you
How much I want you
But I can’t
The music drowns out everything
Leaving it with just you and me
Holding you close but keeping my distance.

© Regan
haha he read this one lol
rey Oct 2018
standing in a crowded room
while dancing in slow motion.
you run your hands down my dress,
adrenaline rushing faster
and words whispered in our ears.
forget the disasters wandering near.
you reak of cologne, but it’s all too familiar.
you grab my waist and pull me closer
reminding me of last year.
we were torn apart
but now we’re together.
I won’t let you loose
because i don’t want to lose you again.
rey Jun 2018
When I was little,
I thought the world was on my side.
Now that I’m older, I’ve realized
It’s me against the world.
Society is going to try,
To tempt me, to hurt me, to destroy me.
And so far I’ve tried ignoring it.
But now, I know it’s out to get me.
As a child, the world would hold me close,
And told me it would keep me safe.

The world has opened my eyes,
Drowned me, and made me realize
I can only trust myself.
It’s alright, I’m okay.
Or I’m not, maybe I’m insane.
Maybe the world is just the world,
And I just can’t accept it.
Maybe I’m searching for a deeper meaning
To my pain.

© Regan
I’m just confused
rey Jul 2018
Be like
A mirror,
And reflect.
rey Aug 2023
i don’t feel the need to impress anyone
living life worrying
that people won’t like me
will not hold me back anymore
i’m simply who i am
despite the flaws, imperfections,
and whatnot
and if anyone tries to bring it down
they simply will only fail
i am who i am
i see who i am
i love who i am
and i don’t care if you don’t
the mirror only reflects to me
what exactly i am to be.
Mom
rey May 2018
Mom
I’m sorry mom,
I’m really sorry.

I’m sorry for locking myself in my room.
I’m sorry for hiding.

I’m sorry for being a hassle.
I’m sorry for my pain.

I’m sorry for the money spent on me.
I’m sorry for wasting your time.

I’m sorry that I’m needy.
I’m sorry I get out-of-line.

I’m sorry I disappoint you.
I’m sorry I try too hard.

I’m sorry Mom,
I truly am.

© Regan
...
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