I thought I knew what I wanted when I came here. I think that’s how most people think anyway. They have this idea in their minds of who they want to be and it’s exciting and hopeful. I’ve always had trouble with my identity. I was a rambunctious little girl to an angst full teen to a raging selfish ***** to an emotional wreck to a human and then to a planet. And that’s where we stand right now.

I’ve had such the identity crisis that I honestly believe that I gave up being a human being and settled on being a planet. Far, cold, distant, and lonely. Pretty accurate. But coming here I wanted to try to be a human again. I missed it, honestly. I wanted to feel something more than just ice in my core and a fabricated warmth on the outside. So, I tried again. I tried to be human again. And I let whatever that means in – people, life, hurt, pain, happiness etc. And for a while it worked. There was, of course, a lot of feeling. And when I say that I mean crying. Like so ******* much. But I still let things in that I haven’t let in for a very, very, VERY, long time. I let life give me back my ******* insane emotions, I let them in, I let her in, and him in. I let him in.

But I realized that what I thought I wanted is not what I really want. It’s not what I need. It’s ******* nothing. I tried, I really ******* tried, to become normal again. To be HUMAN again. And it wasn’t worth it. In the end it just made me feel like I was being used, like there is this lie everyone knows but no one speaks of. IT’S LIKE EVERYONE IS IN ON IT. And I thought I could ignore it, I thought I could push it to the back of my mind and hope that God loves me and everything would be okay.

I thought I could do it.

But I let them in… not only that I let them touch me. I thought I could let people touch me again but all I feel is violated. All I feel is constant ******* pain and regret. And when I ignore that pain it just gets worse. And when I tell someone about my pain they don’t get it. Because they are human. Because they are ******* human and they don’t care about me they care about themselves. They care about their life and emotions and constant ******* pain. And they ignore it SO ******* WELL.

AND I WONDER WHY I CAN’T IGNORE IT. I WANT TO KNOW WHY I CAN’T ******* TURN A BLIND EYE BECAUSE THIS PAIN IS EXCRUCIATING AND NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT NO ONE ******* CARES AND I WISH I DIDN’T ******* CARE BUT I DO I ALWAYS DO.

I’m tired again. And I know now that I can’t be human anymore.

I am forever just a cold and a distant planet with a heart too big for humanity.

the first time you said I love you was on Valentines day.
On the way back to my house, on a winding street lined with pine trees
You said it as a joke, and that's why I laughed

the second time you said I love you was when we were on your living room floor
vinyls upon vinyls with the wrapping all around us
this time I just ignored it and gave a tight smile

the third time you said I love you it was attached to a quick goodbye on the phone
I hung up before I could react and dropped to the floor right after

because how the **** could you ever love me and not know about the planet of skeletons I have in my closest?
you never seen my bad days or my worst days
you don't know the way I light up and the way I fade away
you don't know the voices in my head or the numbers on my arm dialing a phone home
hell, you don't even know what that means

you can't love me because you don't even know that I'm a planet
you can't love me because you don't know that I gave up being a human a long time ago
and you can never love me because you'll never understand why

3:04 AM
hey are you up

3:04 AM
i need to see you... or talk to you

3:05 AM
or at least know you're there

3:07 AM
you're probably sleeping...or with someone else who matters

3:07 AM
I know we haven't talked in a long time but I really need you right now

3:08 AM
remember when I told you about my really bad days and how I think the world is about to crumble any second and the sun will never rise again and all the planes flying over my house are going to crash right into it and how every car on the road seems like its about to slam right into mine and how i'm terrified of everyone and everything?

3:09 AM
yea thats what happening right now

3:09 AM
look i need you to ******* pay attention to me right now you ******* owe me

3:09 AM
I'm sorry i didnt mean that i just really ******* need you

3:09 AM
please

3:09 AM
are you there

3:10 AM
do you care

Come to me

with those light eyes illuminating in the darkness
filled with lust, hope, dust ... maybe even love

Walk slowly

with each step
making small vibrations in the house I wish to call my home
I want to hear every creak and every whine it makes
I want to hear it breathe

Don't rush
Take your time

I want to see your chest rise and fall-- quickening with each step you take towards me
I want you to bite your bottom lip, or run your tongue over it
I want to see your eyes look me over.

You don't look at me like you only want me in your bed--
but with you, completely.
like you want to see me in your next life (and the one after that)
like I was the Garden of Eden and you were Adam
like I just became your favorite song or movie
like I was a dream-- the one you'll never forget

Hold your hand out now

let me see the blood pulse through your veins
let the anticipation build up

Be steady as you come closer
I can smell you now,
hints of your cologne from this morning
and a rush of your soap from the shower just now

I hear you say my name from your lips
barely a whisper
barely even heard-- but my skin ****** nevertheless

I'm yearning for you
Come to me
Come to me and never go back to where you were before
Come to me
Come to me

*come to me

I used to think of my parents as divorced.

Legally, they were not. They lived in the same house, had the same last names, and on every legal document it stated that they were married.

Though it did not feel like that.

They lived in the same house, but they did not share the same bed. They had the same last names, but their morals were so different they seemed like strangers. They were technically married, but it felt as if they have been divorced for years.

As a child this brooding question had been lingering in my mind that has yet to be answered.

Why do people stay when they are supposed to leave?
Or why do people leave when they are supposed to stay?

I asked my mother why she did not leave my father yet, and she said it was because of my siblings and I. Though, the way she said it seemed as if it was an excuse for something bigger. Every time I would push her to answer my question, she would scold me for being too curious and repeat the same saying , “Curiosity killed the cat,”.
But I was not a cat. I was a confused child who has been through too many years of her parents fighting for no reason or too many reasons.

I grew older, my parents were still together, and the question still never left my mind. Before I knew it, relationships were sprouting all around me. All my friends changed their relationship statues to Taken, my sister started talking about boys more often, and every question out of everyone’s mouth was who was single and who was on the market. It sounded as if everyone became merchants waiting eagerly until a new, rare, product was in stock.

Of course, people fell out of relationships, and I realized it was the same way of falling out of love. It’s just as easy as falling in it, and thats what people are afraid of. I started asking around my question again.

Why do people stay when they are supposed to leave?
Why do people leave when they are supposed to stay?

And the answer remained in the format of excuses. It was always because of someone else leaving first, or the usual “thats just how things are,”response. It was so frustrating.

Out of bitter frustration, I decided to figure it out myself. I allowed myself to become very close with once a mutual friend. We shared secrets and told each other embarrassing stories we never told anyone before. We went out of our way just to see each other and even called each other Soul Mates. I found myself forgetting that this was all an experiment, and started to believe that we were, in fact, Soul Mates. We started to talk about getting into the same colleges, and moving in with each other while in college and after. We started planning road trips that would take two months and even introduced ourselves to each others parents.

Then that person left. Just as easily as they came.

It took me by sudden surprise, and I became immobilized for a while due to shock. I realized that it hurt, giving all of yourself to someone and letting them walk away with all you gave them as if you’re just a nostalgic memory, or a forgotten trinket. My question surfaced again, with much more rage and hurt this time.

Why do people stay when they are supposed to leave?
Why do people leave when they are supposed to stay?
Why do people leave?
Why do people always leave?

In my final conclusion of my hypothesis, I have realized that people leave because they were not supposed to stay in the first place. Everyone and Everything is temporary. I do not think the point of life is to find your soul mate. I do not think its to find someone to spend your whole life with. I think its to try and change every persons life you encounter with. It does not have to be nuclear, it could be really subtle. But change it in some way, for the better hopefully.

I think my parents are staying together for the better. I hope so, at least.

I live through the last lines in books. Thats where you could find me if you wanted to. Thats where I reside.

I don't mind the dust. In fact, I've grown to befriend the lonely particles as well as the dog-eared pages I used to despise.

But, still- If you want, you could find me. Only at the last line of books.

I wrapped my large arm around the house of the pure and stayed until the morning, reciting the mantra I made up

*If I stay, they will. If I stay, they will

I made many mistakes but loving you was never one of them

- I'm sorry I left first

- Every time I think of your face a part of me disintegrates, I don't know whether this is a good or bad thing yet

- I never loved anyone as much as I loved you, please never forget that

- You've changed me, and I don't know if it was for the better, but I'm not the same anymore

- I hope you know that I was ready to run away with you at any second

- You were the first person that made me feel like I belonged somewhere

- You're probably still confused to why I left you, and it's better that you don't know. But, I want to make it evident that you were my first home. Now, I need to move.

- You will always be a part of me, and I hope I will always be a part of you

- You'll always be my petal

- I'm sorry all of this is a little bit too late

Don't mind the days we don't speak for hours
Don't mind if they turn into weeks

If you see a scar on our bodies, think nothing of it. Never ask how we got it, just look the other way.

If you see our journal lying on the bed, move it to the table side and walk out of the room.

If we look frail, smile at us and leave the stove on.

If our eyes are red, hand us eye drops and give us cold glass of water.

When the principal calls to see how we are doing after a week of not coming to school, tell him we came down with something contagious. Don't tell him we ran away for a couple of days.

When my friends don't come over or call, don't think anything of it.

If you're worried, don't be. We'll be alright soon enough, we just have to get through all this **** by ourselves first.

I am a girl that calls herself a planet.

I do this because I look around and I see that I don't belong. I first thought it was the world that was different, but as I grow older I see that it is I that differs. The things I like are deemed weird. I speak with blunt force and honesty- but in this society that is looked down upon. I am not what beautiful is defined to be. In fact, I'm the exact opposite. So, I choose not to be seen.

Yet, I want to be wanted. Though being wanted is unattainable for a planet like me. I have a house, but not a home. I have parents and siblings, but not a family. I have people to talk to, but not friends. I am alone. It's not that I feel too small for this world, it is that I feel too big. I'm not good around people. So, I must be alone for the better of society. And I'm afraid, that I will be alone for the rest of my life.

That is the burden of being a planet; remaining untouchable.

if you're in my life theres probably
a poem written about you

I have to remember that the shape of the Earth does not resemble your fingertip.
I have to remember that my name sounds like a curse slipping through your lips.
I have to remember the hold you had on me.

I thought I peeled your hands away
I thought I took a new breath on my own without your aid
I believed in my independence... but only for a while.

It took me five bottles of liquor to realize that your hands never left my neck, and it only took me five minutes to realize that I still liked it.

I wasn't afraid if the Devil sent you to me. In fact, if it was the Devil then this would all make complete sense. But the thing I'm terrified of is if God was the one who brought you to me. I wondered if you were a test- some graded assignment I had to complete to get to the Gates of Heaven.

Yet after meeting you, I didn't want to ascend into the Gates of Heaven. I wanted to stay on Earth, still using 24 hours trying to figure out why we are here. I wanted to stay in Purgatory, sinking my nails into the depth the darkness while you hold me up. I wanted to descend into the hole of hell to feel comfortable in the fire with you. All I wanted was you- in each stage of hell or life. I wanted you.

You see, thats why I think God gave me you. I think God gave me a test, and I'm still not sure if I passed or not.

The trees talk to me in my sleep. Sometimes the walls do too.

Sometimes the tree's and the walls talk to each other while I just listen. I can't speak their language, but I know they are speaking about something amazing. I tried to learn languages. Spanish, latin even, but none of them seem to stick. I feel like I'm drowning, and then I begin to float only to drown again.

I lose myself sometimes, and bread crumbs don't help me find my way back. I get scared most of the time as well. Everything scares me and it's a waste of time to scream all of my fears so I keep them under my skin. I feel so small sometimes, and then I don't. Sometimes I believe I drank the growth potion like that ******* Alice and everything is too small for me. But then I shrink, and I feel insignificant as a piece of dust in the sunlight.

Because who really cares about one dust in the sunlight? Sure it's pretty, but you don't take the time to wonder about where it came from and how it got there. It's a stupid, little piece of dust. That's what I feel like.

Besides all the times I feel disconnected from myself and the world, there are times, moments I guess you would say, that I feel like I was meant to be there. There are times where I believe whoever is up there is actually paying attention to me and not regretting. But thats only for a small moment. Did I mention that I'm usually sad? The weirdest things make me sad, and the weirdest things make me happy. I think whoever made me did it with their eyes closed for ***** and giggles.

I do not love him.

Maybe for a bit I did, but I don't now.

I have to keep telling myself about the sarcastic way he said, "I'll always be here," and "I won't leave,". I have to keep telling myself about the way he would love his alcohol more than my company.
He never waited for me, or held the door. He had to be the first one to leave and the first one to arrive. He turned his head when he saw something he didn't like, and he would die before trying anything new.

I do not love him.
but I did.

I fell in love with the way he said my name and the rasp in his voice when he said, "I'll always be here,". I fell in love with how he would look at me like I was his whole world, and become jealous when other boys would look at me the same way. He would play with my fingers and look at them for the longest time as if he was trying to decipher some lost language of the human body. And when he would stare at my lips, I would just crumble into his sublime. I loved the way his thumb would run over my lower lip like he wanted to touch me just to be sure I was real and not a dream.

I do not love him.
but I did before.
not anymore.

Not after he slammed the door in my face and deleted me from his life like a single button. He refused to look at me and when he would say my name it sounded like a stranger. I don't love him anymore because of his growing lies and distant hands. After he decided to ruin my heart he went the extra mile and ruined my life.

Every song had his name in it, and every piece of clothing smelled like him. He ruined me in the most deadliest ways: by slowly ripping my heart out with his green eyes.

I don't love him.
but I did.

His heart was as cold as the Alaskan air but his voice was as warm at the alcohol he drank and that was the only thing I'm still in love with.

I always walk up the stairs with a cup of tea filled to the brim. Not even walking just taking small steps periodically just in case the tea spilled. Sometimes I made it to the top and sometimes I spilled it and I would have to come back downstairs, go the the kitchen, get a paper towel, wipe up the mess, throw the paper towel away and try again.

It was a very tedious Task.

My mother used to yell at me for the times I get too lazy to clean up the mess and just allow the tea to dry up on the floor to stick.

When I was twelve I realized how many times I allowed the tea to dry up. Most of the time I didn't even care if all the tea spilled by the time I got to the last staircase. The boiling hot tea spilling on my feet and the carpet and the granite didn't bother me. My mind was wayward- somewhere unknown. My thought process didn't care to think about my mother after a hard days work coming home to yell at her old enough daughter to stop drinking upstairs. She used to get so mad at me sometimes wondering why I always said "I don't care,".

She used to despise me for it, and I did too.

Maybe I liked how the tea burned my feet causing me to walk faster, maybe I liked the pain. Maybe I was too busy to care about the abundance of spills maybe I wasn't. Maybe I just didn't care.

The whole world stopped spinning for me but my mind didn't. I loved leaving a trail of sweet hot tea for me to follow again and again, my mother didn't.

Finally my mother broke all the teacups and threw away all the tea we had in the house. In all honesty I freaked out. I could've ripped the whole house from its foundation and throw it toward the horizon. I could've take matches and burn the place down letting its ashes fill the toxic sky. I could've done all of that.

But I didn't. I disintegrated into my covers and let my bed seep me in, like tea leaves brewing. I was brewing.

And like the perfect cup of tea, I finally became that dark, rich color with the perfect amount of milk and sugar, placed onto a saucer that was the right size. I the ridges kept me in place and the walk upstairs wasn't so bad anymore.

-The Name That Should Never Be Spoken*

I know you still think about him. and I'm sorry to tell you that you still will. the color green will never be the same for you and you'll still flinch every time you hear his name. and I'm so sorry because he doesn't give a crap about you. no matter how many times you change your outfit in the morning for the slim chance he might remember your name.

he won't. he will never.

you're just another girl that's infatuated with him. you're just another victim. stop being a victim. he's not worth it. loving him is not worth it. love isn't supposed to hurt that much. I know we don't have that much experience in the love department but I know you're not supposed hate loving someone. you're so dumb for giving every part of yourself to him. didn't you realize there was nothing left. didn't you realize that you started to become a shadow of who you once were, but even that was fading. I know it hurts and it still does. you won't even bring yourself to say his name, so don't. because he is not worth it. he was a waste of time.

you deserve someone who will love you back and will actually remember your name. you deserve someone who will touch you without even putting his hands on you. you deserve someone who could take off your party dress and see the memories and heartaches and laughs laced into your skin along with the dreams and hopes. you deserve someone who's strips away all of the anger you have underneath your pores because that's all you really wanted to take off.

Dear ——,  
There are a few things I wanted to mention. Don’t worry, this wont be long and depressing I promise. I just wanted you to know that I’ve learned a lot for my time on this planet. For some reason I feel like I’ve lived thousands of lives already, and gradually picked up on some things in my time. This is what I want to mention to you. I’m not sure if it’s the secret of our unfathomable lives, or just a bunch of cliche words tied together to make you feel something. But I’m still going to mention it.
I was in pretty bad place before, and I’m most likely still in a bad place but thats okay because I was there and I felt everything and everyone. Even if I hated them, I knew they came into my life for a reason. You see, I believe everything happens for a reason. And **** those people who say everything doesn't matter because it does. And it does because you’re there and they're there, and you are all there together and it all ******* matters because you matter. Don’t ever believe all of this doesn't matter. Because if you do, I’ll start to feel bad for you, and nobody likes being pitied.
I’ve also done many bad things. To myself and mostly other people. I’ve had a hard time in this life, but I think it was worth it. I think all the pain, the stress, the dissociation, the mental issues, the loneliness- it was all worth it for this moment I’m in right now.
Because in this moment, I’m in the comfiest red truck. I am covered in the warmest blanket. My favorite song in the whole universe is on a low hum. The sky is a bright orange descending into a faded twilight. The stars are so bright, and I don't even care if they are most likely dead, they are still hopeful. The mountains make me feel like I belong somewhere. The sun’s orange light is illuminating you, and I swear to god you look like an angel. And you love me with every bone in your body, and I love you with every atom in mine, and thats okay.
I guess what I’m saying is that, don’t be afraid of death. Don’t be afraid of the unknown. Learn to love it. Learn to love what you hate. Learn to love who you hate. Learn to give yourself to everything and everyone even if its dangerous. Learn to love goodbye’s. Learn to love Mondays. Learn to love the bad days. Learn to love every bad thing in the world. Learn that everything no matter how ugly it is, is so beautiful. And truly beautiful things never die.
So, this is goodbye. This is my last letter to you. These are my final words. They're not great, but thats okay. I just want you to know that right now I’m staring at you, and you are so ******* beautiful. I never thought I would love someone so much, but there you are, breathing everything in. You’ll be fine, I swear to you. And who knows? Maybe, I’ll see you my next life, because whoever’s up there knows I’ll look for you. I always do.


love,
——

I am everyone, and I am no one. I am the air in your lungs, and I am your lungs. I am the blood that pumps through your veins, and I am the wind that barely touches your skin. I am your mother, your lover, and your friend. I don't know who I am, but you know who I am. You love me and you hate me. I am your darkest secret, and your favorite memory. I am all the bad and good in the world. I am the rug beneath your feet and your pillow you keep flipping to find the coolest side. I am your bed, I am your home. I am... but then again I am not.

I am a ghost, a simple shadow that no one notices. I am the thing you don't see, but feel. I am the background people in your dreams that you can't seem to remember. I am not even a memory. I am a figment of your vast imagination, I am not real. So you see, this world is so big and its not. We are this contradicting light and darkness that is called the human race. And I may or not be real, but I know you are. I know you are gravity itself. I know you are the big bang, and the space and time continuum. You are here. You've always been here. And even when your bones rot, and your name fades on your tombstone, you will still be here.

You will still lead, and I will still follow.

I like when silence fills my veins and the distant hum of civilization is barely in my ear. I like when the steam from my cup of tea fogs up my glasses and I have to put down my book for a second just so I can wipe them. I like when I get lost in the pages of a book and it feels like I'm watching a film in my head; making it up as I go.

I enjoy being alone.

Though, I do not enjoy when I'm lonely. I hate when I'm in a room filled with people and everyone seems to be laughing and having a good time while I'm by the corner wondering where to begin. I hate when I start talking and then gradually fade out because I've realized that no one gives a **** about what comes out of my mouth unless it's blood. I hate when I ask for help and I can physically see someone getting annoyed with me and roll their eyes wishing to be anywhere else. I hate when I find myself the loneliest when I'm surrounded by a group of people.

I enjoy being alone.

I met him on a subway.
and when I saw him it wasn’t those cliche looks.
it was just something I never felt before.

I ran onto the subway, leading me to 42nd Street, it was crowded for a Wednesday.
I got in at the last second and let my air sigh of our my mouth louder than I wanted it to and I looked around self consciously seeing if anyone heard me.

then I saw him.

and I wish I took a gasp of air before I looked into his ******* eyes because I found myself not able to take another breath.
he was perfect, just simply perfect.
he had his earphones in (listening to a song I will never know)
iPhone in one hand, a light brown backpack on his back, and an easy wardrobe of faded jeans and a black t-shirt.
he was simply perfect.
and when I thought that he couldn’t be anymore amazing, he smiled at me.
not one if those “hey stranger” smiles but a “hey I’ve known you for a long time” smile. and maybe I’m looking too into it or I’m just imagining an angel in one of these “life crisis” moments. but it didn’t matter because I was here to see him I was here to see him breathe and think and watch him so normally but I just couldn’t help but feel like it was the most fascinating moment of my entire existence.
I wanted to speak to him, I wanted to hear his voice, his name, his favorite song.
everything.
just every single thing about him, I didn’t even know this guy and I was already in love with him!
is that even possible? to be in love with a complete stranger?

I was ****** out of my thoughts when the subway halted suddenly.
my grip tightened on the metal bar filled with every germ I could remotely think of.
the doors whooshed open as he stood up from his seat and started walking over to the door. No!
I didn’t want him to leave just yet.
I wasn’t even allowed to take him in yet, I wasn’t able to understand him and how his heart works.
a burst of feeling erupted in my body and every fiber was telling me to do something.
but I did nothing.
he simply grazed my shoulder and whispered a gentle sorry in my ear.
and I’m still trying to figure out if the apology was for barely bumping into me or for not asking what my name was

I never really understood poetry
with Mary and her secret love affair with a lamb
and with Humpty who fell off the wall
honestly I thought that poems and rhymes were a waste of my time.

then I saw you
and till this day I never really understood how you always tapped your foot, and how you always held your coffee mug a little slanted, and I was always scared that it was going to burn you. but it never did.

you truly fascinated me, in the most spiritual way and I just had to talk to you or I'd die.
and so I walked over.

I didn't even introduce myself when I sat down. All I asked was, "do you write poetry," and you answered with the simplest yes. you then asked me if I wrote poetry too, and I shook my head saying I never really understood it.

I never really expected my heart to jump out of my chest when I saw your pink lips stretch into a full grin, and it fascinated me in how your top teeth were perfect straight, but your bottoms were crooked. and how you kept on tilting your coffee mug, and how I just realized you had four freckles making some sort of constellation on the bridge of your nose.

you then told me about how people wrote poetry about stars and death and life. and nature and mostly love, and God and the truth that we all know but don't. you told me how poetry is about nothing and everything, but at that point you lost me.

I wondered how poetry could be everything and nothing when you became my poetry.

poetry like the way you tapped your right leg to the beat of Jessie's Girl
poetry like the way the dimple on your left cheek looks like one of the moons craters.
poetry like how your long brown eyelashes hide the cosmos of your green eyes.
poetry like how you throw your head back and laugh as if you just heard the funniest thing
poetry like how you smile with all your teeth and heart, crooked and all.
poetry like how you tilt your coffee mug to the right instinctively.

poetry like how you stopped tapping your foot.
poetry like how you got braces on your bottom teeth.
poetry like how you never smiled anymore.
poetry like how your cosmos look dead.
poetry like how your constellation of freckles disappeared.
poetry like a straight mug of coffee.

"If you're happy, I'm happy too.*

The thing is

I don't want you to be happy when I'm not with you.
I want to walk out your front door and know that once I'm out of your sight, you'll feel lonely again.

I want you to live life to the fullest, but wish that I was there; right next to you.

I want you to ******* breathe and just miss the sound of my over exaggerated sighs and loud laughs.

I want you to feel completely miserable without me.

Because that's how I feel when you aren't here.

I just want to trace
your veins with my
finger and drown in
the sound of your
voice

I want to be injected into your veins because that is the only way I could get close to your heart.

Forgive me darling, for I have sinned.
I didn't love you enough.

Forgive me mother, for I have sinned.
I wasn't the child you wanted.

Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
I wasn't as smart as your first two children.

Forgive me sister, for I have sinned.
I didn't comfort you when he broke your heart.

Forgive me brother, for I have sinned.
I've forgotten to teach you the way to love women.

Forgive me, for I have sinned.
I'm sorry for never being good enough.

Forgive me, I am a sin.

I bite my nails
down to the nub;
scared that you'll
never love me the
way that I love you

I've been thinking lately of how your eyes resemble the lightning that flashes outside my window on a daily bases.

And how when you're angry, your voice sounds like the pounding thunder that shakes my windows regularly.

And when you cry, how your tears look like rain falling from the heavy, grey clouds that look like they are about to break any second.

It is then that I wish I knew how to calm a storm.

Lord knows I'm not enough.
But I'll give you everything I've got.
Hell,
I'll give you the ******* stars
If you want.

I watched as you licked your lips
and the wetness of your tongue
seeped into their cracks filling them
with mysteries.

That is when I found out that I
wanted to taste you, and solve
those mysteries in the process.

Dear ---,

I know I am being annoying and I promised you that I wouldn't bother you anymore, but you have no idea how much I worry for you. I don't even care if I'm being clingy, but if you're hurting I need you to tell me because I love you so much and if you hurt, I hurt.

I just want to know what you worry about endlessly.
I want to know what you think about when you escape your mind and daydream.
I want to know what you think when you see me.
I want to know what scares you.
I want to know about the questions you think of that makes you sit and ponder for days.
And I just want you.

So please, I know that right now we are rough but please tell me what's wrong because you know I would come to you in a heartbeat.

You have to trust me, and Lord knows I won't take no for an answer.

Love,
---

I bite my lips, but not sexually.

I bite my lips until they bleed
and I don't think people find that attractive.

It's quite sad when you fall
in love with the moon and
even he doesn't love you back