At Notebooks end.
So we’re at this notebook’s end. The pages are full to bursting in there and to celebrate the ledger of poems and lyrics and half formed ideas I’m going to write down this freestyle of topics I haven’t discussed herein. Let’s begin with my senpai she knows who she is she picked the topics out that’s how special to me she is. She was the one who picked these topics out that’s how special to me she is. But I have to ask her finally to be mine because people like her come around once, maybe twice in a person’s lifetime.
Anyway let’s get into the real meat of this freestyle I think I’ll start with my room and its many strange residents that I acquired over the years via dumb luck gifts or just spending dead presidents. I have shorted out headphones that only seem to work with a binder clip two guitars and my grandpa gave me a bottle that contains a ship I have two vinyl pop figurines 1 of Batman and the original robin who later became Nightwing. A sewn pouch full of spare guitar picks additional sketchpads that are totally rad and an N64 console with a messed up controller and a lagging joystick. And last but not least I have on my Bed rest Del the Funky Sox Bear and his little brother Shawn Hawk aka MF.
Now that my room is covered let’s get into the nitty gritty about my hometown Chicago the second city. Warning to all tourists its pronounced S-E-A-R-S tower even though it’s spelled Willis. Anyway I was born and raised here like DJ quik and his hometown of Compton no offense to the man but in my city we have our own definition of Stomping. There just isn’t any city on earth that is quite like mine I have a lot of love for my home more than I can ever hope to fit into one rhyme.
Now onto two more topics that Echo picked out. Laughter and sound, Is it possible to accurately describe these two parts of life in a verse that’s been written down? God only knows because we’re going to find out. Laughter is life’s most potent medicine releasing endorphins that make us feel good all over. But as it can be medicine it can also be a poisonous mask because many people including myself over the years have used laughter to cover up the tears from a broken heart of glass. Speaking of laughter it’s a most wondrous sound emanating from humans occasionally rolling around on the ground. Sound technically speaking is vibrations that travel through the air that surrounds but for me its fuel to write my musings down.
Last but not least let’s address the blue sometimes cloudy and sunset blazed sky, now heights and I don’t really mix in just not that kind of guy. But on the back of a calm endearing Zephyr I would love to fly.

I started to stare up at the pale blue sky
Allowing the clouds to help care for the shards of my mind
And as the green grass tickled my skin, back into the dilemma I'm facing my thoughts went back within
The breeze gently kissed my face as the smile transformed from a grin to a grimace
I started off so well and fell back into overthinking like a man imprisoned

So I guess I should let my thoughts fly as I stare at the sky and let my instincts take over

I haven't written spoken in so long it's like my head is floating on onto a different rainbow, but hey though my Amiga echo is back again and my friend I have a simple question As a lovely young woman who is deaf can you shake away any misconceptions?

Fo sho my amigo, all I can say is, deaf can, deaf can, there was a time I was language deficient, now no longer, though there's only one word not in my vocabulary, is that deaf can't deaf can't yo
Nice

if I choose to have can't in my vocabulary I've lost the war against myself, and next thing you know I'm just another disabled lady working in a grocery store
I gotta be me, how can I let myself down by letting just one word creep in, I ain't that lady, I know because I don't wanna be, a mail carrier maybe but I gotta want it, I gotta know what I wanna be and let that be my dream

there ain't no other answer, i gotta face it, just like people asking about sign language, sure it's beautiful but it's just a language, it's a part of me i can't unsee, is it easy well it's all i know and what makes sense to me, it flows from my hands easy as abc's and 123's, elementary my dear watson of course it is, elementary, my dear friend, now go practice it
thats a beautiful way to put it, shutting it down like jay-z did on the blueprint, thank you miss Radner for your time and rhythmic rhyme, now lets go put those outdated misconceptions to rest because although some see epilepsy and deafness as curses, secretly we're blessed

yeah, blessed because we know he truth, discrimination ***** but ignorance ***** more, you gotta keep your mind open and lend your hearts to others cuz ya know though we may act different we all feel the same and what we feel is lonely and hurt and that gotta end, will it be you my friend?

"You're handsome nephew, how are you single?"
Im not auntie, but thanks for the compliment.
I know mirrors lie and photographs exaggerate
But I'm not when i say I've never felt any reason
To truly believe that statement
Its grated into my head that I'm... just there in all reality
Not exemplary, not on the other side of unpresentable
Just... there.

"But you're so sweet anyone would be lucky to have you!"

I mean i try to not be an inconsiderate pile of garbage because that's not how i was raised to behave but for some reason not being argumentative over the littlest things or going out cheating is misconstrued as a lack of testosterone or an unwillingness to stand up for myself or my own... that's part of why i take my feelings out not on my S.O. but in poems...

"You'll find someone eventually!"
I appreciate the thought but i doubt it seriously
I'm serially alone, which someone will have to work a near miracle to overcome
But no one is gonna do that, so alone I'll remain like i live on the other side of the sun

I walked into the park as the leaves crunched underneath my feet
I drank in the fall air that tasted ever so sweet around me.
I stared around at the sun drenched leaves
the colors slowly changing
I observed two squirrels gathering leaves for the upcoming icy cold winter,
I watched all of this like a cinematic movie
Nature making its fall display before the cruel winter turns her frozen head...
and kills off these lovely autumn leaves.
"Let it go!" they say but part of me can't let it die, for those colors so vivid are my addiction, I love to watch them dance upon my eyes

I need a jolt
just to break away from
the mental exhaustion
that I keep giving myself
a long walk in the park
to keep my brain from falling apart
I keep getting anxious
I keep getting scared that I'll never get my life together
that'll I'll be another statistic outside in all weather.
I'm stuck in a rut
between getting better and doing what I seem to do best, ******* up.
it's crazy because I know where I need to be but not how to get there

it took me this long to admit it but I'm scared.
terrified of what life may or may not do yo me
shivering in my boots at the fact that I have to face reality.
I'm frightened okay?! I admit it I don't know what more I can do...
because more than anything, I just want to be myself without losing you...

A ****,

I'm a ****, not the kind that you smoke
Although honestly now I wouldn't mind a ****.
I grow around other plants, some mature some in bloom,
And I grow sapping precious resources
And bringing nothing but gloom

Now you may say, "Nero! You write and play guitar! Surely self love can't be removed from you that far!
Well if you're like me, blessed early on with the ability to read,
And a young but bright intellect that made my eyes bleed
It's not surprising after years of pressure and high standards
And demands now matter how i tried I couldn't meet
It's hard not to see why, I think of myself as a ****

Hello my name is Neroamee
Alucard if your nasty
and I'm a nerd,
I've gone through most of my life
socially awkward
Now you'd think at the age of 19
I would've gone out of my cocoon
and become a social butterfly
but I'm a walking Pariah
I'm not even close to fly
Just for liking manga and listening to music
that is older than me
I ended up ostracized
but I did gain friends
and we became like family.
So yes my Name is Neroamee
and yes I am awkward socially
I'll admit I'm sensitive, a nerd and don't fit into a culture homogenously
but I promise you this
you'll never encounter someone like me,
I guarantee you this

I don't think you'll be surprised
But I've had you running through my mind
Like a certain blue hedgehog
Quite frequently I find
That smile, so cute and innocent
Its like sugar for my eyes

But... the thoughts going through my mind
Haven't all been pure
I may not know the pleasures of the flesh
But id be more than happy to discover them with you, of that you can be sure

I want to create paintings on your body with my hands and lips
To taste the passion in your voice, and off both sets of lips
You're a diamond and I want to make your ***** shine like the gem you are

In other words, I want to make you feel like a work of art.

I never want to be a beast of burden,
I happen to know that for certain
I never want to be
my own worst enemy
But I guess that takes me
to this crazy play I call life's
final curtain
I guess I am your beast of burden
and you've said it so much I can determine
that I'm next to nothing to you
a curse, a handicap, I guess it's so true
That I'm only one thing
and that is nothing
compared to what you had put me through
I'm no longer your beast of burden
I've gone away, far away, but this isn't a sermon
our toxicity has died
asking with my feelings inside
ice is in my veins
now morning remains
of your former beast of burden

Belle

belle laid beside me, exhausted we both were after she finished riding me
she took a drag of the menthol again, she always did.
"You can't keep ******* and going like this"
You really want me to, flaws that you know and abhor to commit?"
"yes, you may not be perfect but you treat me with respect, which is more than what everybody else taught me to expect."
"But just yesterday you snapped at me for botching something nice."
“Yeah i Jump down your throat a lot, so to your ego apply cold ice"

Belle is a nice lady, but she’s got a very messed up past
she’s been cheated on, broken hearted, and been dropped on her ***
but she’s got a good soul, but her sense of affection’s gone cold
but you can still se that desire for happiness in her eyes

i guess you could say i won the nobelle prize?
She left last night, said i couldn’t be assed to commit,
so she took her stuff and split.
****… i guess belle is gone,
well, she jumped downn my throat a lot, so maybe there’s a blessing in the storm

Belle is a scarred girl, shes been hurt and bruised by this cold cruel world.
Now, She left me, so if she got my attention then the ball's in my court, so to speak
I don't think she would even consider wanting me back though, so maybe i needed to be alone again i think.

So the day after she left, i walked to work, as per usually
I stopped in the guitar shop to play on my next investment, a lovely Candy Red Ibanez Jem you see.
I sat in the shop for a good few hours, letting my heartbreak out through flat strings that were starting to sound sour.
I got up and saw someone beautiful having some trouble at the counter.

Belly oF the Beast
if you don’t know my story you’ll be eaten like a Christmas feast but sometimes life is like walking straight into a hideous ugly beast
you swallow the fear that builds in your throat then you Swallow so much you start to ******* choke You wipes those little beads of sweat from your brow
As you walk inside the mind of something that’s trying to find the weakness you have to hide This is what drives us to make crazy choices amnd even though you don’t want to you keep hearing voices and noises that no one else hears
Until the torment has ended and you lie on your face stone cold scavengers now interested in your remains you once had a future but now it’s plain to see so goodbye oh and at your funeral enjoy watching your friends and loved ones cry

A sight beyond sight
Forever watching the stars,
Fall from the sky
Beyond a galaxy too immense to describe
The lights traveling thousands of Light years
Seemingly instantaneously

A love beyond love
Caring for one another despite time,
Space, distance and age.
They stand as one, hand in hand,
Two wandering spirits traveling together

A friendship beyond
Even my own exorbitant expectations
With these figments of my imagination
Manifested into my nerdy possessions
And my 6 stringed expression machines
However, attachment with material things is not to be taken lightly...

Birthday

So I'm 19 years old today I didn't party but I celebrated internally I laid up happy, got some dead presidents to spend and as a bonus I got to speak to a very good friend

Now ordinarily I'd choose right now to destroy many others in this flow
But I'm gonna give a shout out to the lovely @thicksnoww
Seriously she's awesome you'd be a ******* to not follow the page
Take this as the advice from Nero The Sage

But anyway thank you one and all for all the birthday wishes the love filled me with fuzziness and happy days like a kid on Christmas
Anyway I'll lay this to rest,
Thank from my heart because you're all the best

Have you ever loved someone
with your body and soul
would do anything for them, in a heartbeat
just them being around is enough to help you soundly sleep,
But life soon happens and it drives you apart
but nothing and no one can fill that space, that hole, buried into your heart.
You know you should move on, but can't let them go
why do you care so much Nero? I really don't know.

Well, my birthday is coming up soon again,
I'll be 19 and spend the day with two of my friends,
but there's only one thing I want this year,
just the chance to say that I love you so much, and I want you here,
just to hold you tight and never let you go
to kiss you like a madman, on those lips and cheeks white as snow
That's really all I want this year, just you nothing else
can't anybody see this? can anybody help?

Tell me do you know
How diamonds are formed?
After years of heat and pressure
Coal becomes so desirable

So black diamonds aren't rare
Rare in the slightest
Hell there's one walking down the street right now
Braided hair and skin so dark like Hershey's chocolate

Locks and supple lips and afros going across wide brown hips
Black diamonds walk among us, and believe me they're not to be missed

I think I put back on the mask
that covers my feelings like a cast
that no one should ever know my past
or my future which the die hasn't cast

I think of pain I try to escape
I think of all the times my heart had to break
I think of all the hurt I've had to take
I wonder why do I hide my scars

I guessed I'm like a puppy that's been kicked,
******* the outside but soft like an old man's Dxck
Or maybe even a glutton for punishment

because I keep getting stabbed again and again like practice dummy or a much too trusting friend
I wonder.. when will this rain ever end
am I going to see the rainbow? or do I not see that magical light bend

I know Life can kick us around
but **** it my pride is already in the ground
My feelings are numb, what more can you take
just give me something to hold onto?
I won't trade it away....

RIP
to those insignificant things
You know, nothing really
just our dreams
Sometimes they are impossible
but they give us something to believe
but it seems our dreams are falling like human beings
like a black man in America
it's like they have no meaning

My greatest nightmare seems to be coming true
It's like every dream or hope I have is falling apart like meat in a zoo
maybe being real doesn't appeal to the dreamer in you
But it's like my dreams are crushed every single day or two

I was bleeding
My essence falling to the ground
The life left my body
I didn't resist, I didn't make a sound

My heartbeat slowed, the light began to show up as I closed my eyes
And though I thought you simply an acquaintance
You turned out to a blessing in disguise

And though you didn't wipe all the tears from my eyes
And you couldnt patch up all of my cuts and bruises
You picked me up and kept me going
So never ever confuse this

I had a very ****** up day so if you value your life stay away I'm not afraid to slay whether it be on page or to your face I'm enraged at the fuckery I had to endure today if I had my way I'dve laid in bed all day but I guess that's not how things work in this age I'm grateful for this ink to abuse because without this therapeutic fuel I wouldn't have a muse but then again I draw on life the good and the strife

wait a minute... cut that **** off

(beat to hit em up drops)

First off **** yo **** on this grim *** day when it rains I feel pain enough fuel to slay
you claim to be a gangsta but you ain't done ****
so sit the **** down ***** and **** my ****
Cyber Tough guys go ask your admins how I'll have ya cut yo little *** up, seen you in pieces, now go eat your release Little trolls don't **** around with me I'll reach thru and smack you through the screen, like I'm legit mean.
I'll let you ******* know it's on for life
don't let your account cause your death tonight


haha... little troll ******* murdered on page and killed... **** with me get yo blood spilled you know

see type emojis you little ***** brony
keep talking **** Imma ******* up.
keep insulting me but you just can't finish now you're gonna feel the wrath of a menace ******* I hit em up.

Bloodlines.

Blood runs deep but some times family can reach to far I still carry inadequacy like simba being crushed by Scar,
It hurts to know that although you mean well you keep invading my space and judging my Life making me feel out of space around those that helped give me life.

It's like although we share DNA and features in the face you can't see passed that to my hearts black space,
It's like now I'm simply an eccentric freak to stare and laugh at,
You can't see the tears falling down each night you crafted and the spirit you've cracked

So thank you for all of that, the judgement, the pain and inner separation,
Thank you for self doubting my own destination,
But thank you most for stabbing me in the side,
I guess family isn't always right

Drawn from the seed
whether that be hurt anger or greed
on life it feeds
punishing misdeeds
it's not a pestilence
but it strangely represents
not dead presidents
but precedents
and the presence of man
comprehends and demands
that we make a plan
to understand
this simple constant

Blood.
Dripping crimson essence of life
Warm and wholly essential for my feeding tonight.
My body is ready for the darkest harvest
of the... heh heh... innocent sacrificial lambs placed before me....

The flesh unsuppled... and the blood so pure

MORE! I NEED MORE! I'M AS INSATIABLE AS A DOG IN FRONT OF A STEAK!

Blood on the walls...

It's a strange sensation to try to describe
A condition that can't be cured by any medicine prescribed
When the mind wants constantly, like an aimless drifter
Only to be suddenly thinking of greatly useless information, like how to access software that filters

When you start out humming stickerbrush symphony
Only to be doing ****** backup vocals to the trees
My brain is a child that can't sit still but maybe, one day soon it will.

I guess I'm delving in my feelings tonight as I write this poem it storms outside and that gives me no fright anymore but it did before
I swear I can't travel through life's Boggy Marshes anymore
Now don't get me wrong I'm not ending my life
but I do wish that It didn't have all the strife it's like everyday I'll wake up to a new struggle
everyday I wake up happy until somebody bursts my bubble
I guess that's why I loathe humanity at large even the bear necessities of living require some kind of charge
I mean if life's an ocean and the rich are on a barge
then me and people that share the skin I'm placed in must be the barges ****
I guess we'll get nowhere wishing we have to make changes
and there's no simpler way to explain this
then get up and get out and make some progress
and maybe the world will be as perfect as a summer recess

I don't get you brain
You're practically impossible to find when I need to be awake
Yet when it's time for new to sleep
You're more active than San Andreas during a Richter scale measurable earthquake

I guess my internal clock is running on either Australia or japan's local time
Because I'm running out of reason to stay awake for this rhyme

Me and dixie
Made it into the swamp
How did we get into a patch
Of bramble pads and cannon barrels
We're so far from home
In Kremling Territory all alone
But though the challenge is increasing
We'll fight on through the day and night
K. Rool won't take donkey Kong,
Not without a fight

Know what the worst thing is
Its not wanting to be a burden
But still finding yourself feeling weak
And powerless, i doubt its just me
That feels this way, you don't want to be worrying anyone you care about even though you know that worry comes from a place of love
You want no one to have to worry, even if you don't know itll be alright
Despite this, i write this to tell you that you can't live your life chasing spirits and piecing together long broken wounds, but you also can't assume that doom and gloom will follow your life from front to back and side to side

So never. Ever. Give up. Till the last stand we broken souls will fight

Call Me a sentimental fool
but I miss you
our conversations
those goofy nicknames we had
for each other
how we'd talk on the phone
I just don't get it,
You've gone for no reason
I wanted you for a lifetime
but maybe we were destined for a season
but I still dream about you sometimes
and quietly worry about you, and those lovely blue eyes
those rosy cheeks that were sweet like an innocent cherub,
Call me a sentimental fool,
but **** it aura, I miss you

Goodbye Norma Jean
though I never knew you at all
your face was the summer sunshine
slowly transforming into fall
And Though you lived your life
as fleeting as a candle in the wind
your legend hasn't gone out,
and I doubt it ever will
the original hourglass that sent many a woman envious
confidence was the dress you wore
still the reason so many still adore
Ms. Monroe although you're gone
your legend, like an everlasting candle, burns on

Sweet And sugary
tantalizing and tempting
I know I shouldn't eat it
but I can't resist

Licking and tasting
every sugary drop
I know it's bad for me
but I just can't stop

the forbidden is sweetest
when experienced with another
This is some great sorbet
what, you thought I was writing about something
other than sweets?

Can it all be so simple?
like your eyes lips or adorable dimples?
Can Fate finally be kind
kind enough to stop playing jokes and let you be mine?
Or is life like a Rubik's cube... you have to be on ******* to solve?
Because if that's the case I am a Tetris nut... so I am learning to arrange for my fall..

Can There be a day where I don't have to fight myself for control of my thoughts can I just have one day of respite where I can't feel like my hearts in a knot
can I be like Nas, Have one Mic and one crib, one girl and one God to show how to do things his son did?

Can my brain stop holding fast to memories long past and let the last unpleasantness die between us.
and move on to bigger and better things worth more than sonic's rings?
Can I just be free from the very thing that's slowly killing me?

Can I just be free from my pain? I love more than I should but I'm falling apart here, like a newspaper in the rain....

The problem with being strong is no aids you when your weak
the problem with being small is people always attack the meek

the flaw in being ambitious is you won't have many friends
the flaw in having no hustle is your monetary troubles won't end

The trade off in being quiet is no one will care what you say
the trade off in being a perfectionist only occurs in one bad day

What you give up when you love too much is the curse of the good hearted,
because when you love so much abd they leave you, your mind sinks into places uncharted

It seems sometimes you can't win for losing,
in this crazy thing we call life,
however I didn't mention being a poet,
you'll always win putting feelings into rhyme ;)

Can I trade lives
maybe with a lothario, just to know what it's like
to not get shunted to one side
my affections not having to bury until they wither away like dust and die
So I don't have my insecurity up with me at night screaming at me until I want to cry.

Can I trade lives?
Maybe with a car,
my lifespan may be temporary
but I'll be able to carry you, know matter how far
I could contain a president, hydraulics, maybe even a czar,

Can I Trade lives?
Maybe with a cat
I'd get to sleep all day
and lay in people's lap

Can you be to me
what that baby blue blanket was to Linus, the younger brother of Lucy?
Can I meet someone I can hold and have all of my stress melt away?

I know this may seem weird but as cynical as I sometimes can be
there is a softer side to me
trust and believe not very many see this often
because in this crazy world you have to be strong, never soften.

Can you love someone like me?
Who's grown Comfortable alone in my own zone like me?
Can you really invest in me?
Are you going to be there during my best and my worst because the two things are so different you see

Can you love someone who's been rejected
Brokenhearted, dosed, depressed, yet infuriatingly introspective
Can you look past the medieval exterior and see the troubled but loving soul within?

Do I meet your short term requirements? Or am I simply not a "good enough" man?

There's that stinking
Sinking feeling
In the pit
Of my brain

"You're a burden.
Dead weight
Carry your load
You're better off
Being nothing
But vapor in the air"

I've run from this feeling
By writing
Escaping into the page
Expressing sadness, lust and outrage
Into these words Instead of a shameful display
But how can you run from something
That follows you night and day?
Try as you might to escape...

Why can't you see
The beauty that I do
I swear you're so amazing
In all that you do

But you focus on your flaws
Scratching yourself with your own claws
But I see someone special
But you let insecurities boil like a hot kettle

Where you see weakness I see strength
Where I reach out you pull away with a feint
Where you see ugliness I see beauty
Even though you don't believe me when I say so, that you think it's my duty

It's so frustrating when someone is so special
But they can't see it?
Can you see what I see?  I hope you will, you won't regret it

There was no joy in Mudville,
The air was cold that night.
For the hockey team was losing
And shorthanded, following a fight.

With 5 minutes on the penalty clock
And 1 minute left in regulation
It seemed as though the season was over
And the team would be heading to the unemployment line by the train station.

The next face off was won by Mudville,
And they dumped the puck down the ice
Wilson raced down after that 3 pound puck, and out of nowhere came Johnson, a pass to score as he fell down the ice!

Tied with about 30 seconds to go,  the crowd gave an almighty roar
Because they tied the game shorthanded,
Johnson, a defenseman had scored.

The teams headed into overtime, and you could cut the tension in the air with a knife,
For in hockey overtime is sudden death, the next goal would win the night.
And after a 10 minute intermission, the teams returned to the ice

The referee skated out to center,  and dropped the puck between two anxious Sticks.
The duel was on,  and both goalies were tested
But neither one would fall for the forwards tricks

With overtime ended, we went to a shootout,
This seemed to be the only way to decide the game.
And after Wilson stepped back onto the ice, he scored giving Mudville a chance to win the game.

But Jeralds would tie the shootout in the second round, and Johnson, following him would do the same. So after a miraculous stop by Mudville's goalie,  it would fall onto Casey to win the game.

A hush fell over the crowd, as Casey stepped onto the ice, he took a deep breath and started on his way,
He skated wide left stick handling down, his head up at the goalie trying to get him out of play.

Oh, somewhere in this favoured land the sun is shining bright, The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light; And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout, But there is no joy in Mudville—mighty Casey was shutout.

Censored

You hate me don't you?
My brown skin ***** hair and long dxck intimidate, don't they?
You say we're violent but you don't see the fear in our eyes
You say "He was no Angel" when one of us dies.

You said Columbus discovered America when he pillaged and destroyed an entire culture
Then we were brought here, and slavery picked at us like the meanest vulture

You want to say it, but you don't want to alienate the people that were so long hung killed profiled enslaved and *****
I'm not stuck in the past I'm just sticking this pen up the *** of those who say racism has seen it's day

I wish I could say that. But like Alex Hayes we need to bring our roots back,
Study our history so it's never repeated,
That way, one day racism can be defeated

"Of all the Charlie brown's, you're the Charlie Browniest"
Anybody remember that quote?
You know from the Charlie Brown christmas special
I think lucy said that after he Brought in that tree that was broken down and busted

Well, I'm thinking christmas is kinda about that tree,
It was broken down and puny,  but there was beauty in its simplicity

My dream....

My dream is an elusive  mistress as I seem to consistently miss it
It's a constantly running wonderland rabbit
To be frank, I need to stop splitting hares about it
Anyway, I wanna become a skater, or sedated I'm not sure which.
Nah I'm just kidding I have a desire to command concrete
Either with inline blades or a four wheeled board,
Whichever I can pick up first
And whichever I can allow to inspire and enhance my verse

A skating poet huh? I like it

In case I haven't made it clear
I don't really care for people my dear
I like being alone I like solitude
I don't really mind, but I apologize if I come off rude

But here's the thing, while I cherish being by myself
I don't like being lonely, that's like living an eternal hell.
To reach out when I desire some form of companion
only to be turned away, cuts deeper than the grand canyon

now I'll admit I've made my mistakes
I've got flaws, like my jaw or lack of things about me I find great
I've tried to overcome them but I've gotten shot down
if like life's a game of chess, I'm a king with no crown

Every move I take, whether it be by myself or one of the pieces
the took defending me, the bishop cutting corners like a seamstress
Every single time I think I've finally won the game
life calls out Checkmate! And I've only myself to blame

Is my city the city of angels or demons
Thats a stupid question you heathen for a very odd reason because my my city is filled with the broken and the scheming no reason to question
Why the hell is my identity is so wrapped on those concrete streets and graffiti murals that white red and blue flag with stars in a plural
because through life's many hurdles this place while it changed has always been the same
A bright smile crosses my face as i look at the skyline and whisper her name from the Lakefront movers and shakers to the K town killers and the south side bakers chicago is my home and that will never change

In a city full of fake thugs and now record beef they just settle it with 8 slugs
There rose a kid from out of Rogers parkway who kicks slow flows containing dopamine in the bars I slay like Dre Day I'm celebrating out the melon insane like dry water the sheep I'll slaughter like a psychopathic ******* with a daughter
Allow me to introduce Nero The Damphir psychotic and I kick knowledge like a field goal my pen is spinning the rumpelillest gold causing static with the lyrical automatic I splatter brains on the floor it's a nasty habit to endure.

I'm Chicago's poet I spit knowledge and split spines with the rhymes so solid no one will notice I roll this ***** up like the best cest and smoke it unless you take it off the wax and into the turf I'll make you taste the salt of the earth and after you're in the dirt I'll bear you like Paul you have no chance at all against me the pen is all I need to destroy then employ my victims my rhymes stay within them like That dude they net in juvenile detention center I'm centric on hip-hop that is I got love for cold crush sugarhill grandmaster flash and whodini Wu-Tang naughty by nature and Cypress Hill

There's a disease infecting the churchhouse and surrounding community,
It's putting the bible behind personal opinions and political policies
Obviously we're all human and as such we have opinions that differ but you'd think we'd have learned by now that the pulpit isn't the place for issues
It's you that I'm talking about if you find yourself offended by this
And before i go on I'll be the first to tell you that I'm far from perfect
I'm no rocket scientist but as a kid i learned
That people who live in glass houses and throw stones are liable to get burned
So if you're reading this and find your nerves on fire and your stomach had churned
Then tell the "Christians" in the world to go back to the word

First I'd like to say Merry Christmas
Happy Hannukah, And Kwanzaa, and happy New year, this time I wanna do something different
Or, if you will, present a twistmas to the happy holiday of Christmas.

See, I'm from the isle of misfit toys
yes it's real, I wouldn't lie Girls and boys
So this year on this holiday
all the misfits like us should be praised instead of betrayed today

So give to those people out in the streets
beside the beleaguered believers of the salvation army
to those people outside just looking for change
give to them too. time, money, whatever you can spare on the brain

And to the quiet kid in school who has trouble at home
invite them over for dinner, don't make them feel alone

This is Christmas, the happiest time of the year
but I'd like to present a twistmas, so that all are held dear.

Chrysalism is defined as the feeling associated with being inside
Cozy and warm through a rough thunderstorm
And that sensation is a pleasure that's hard to rival

Maybe I'm going through an extreme bout with that emotion
Because I've been inside so long i could probably compare notes with Noah about the creatures in a rain filled ocean.
But with the motions and tide of life and the things I've been through

Most of which dear friends I've told to you
Im living with my demons, and if i can make it so can you
Break through your chrysalis' I'll be cheering and praying for you