It's best not to hang around.
This has happened to me before.
I give up on things,
People, and Dreams,
It's kind of like slamming a door.
I know it'll hurt you.
But it could be worse.
I've taken chances with you,
And I'm sorry.
I know you'll be confused
And I can't help feeling amused.
Because this is always my story.

The girl who helps,
But who's heart remains glass
Never softened, welcomed or touched.
When someone gets close,
I push them away.
And soon I'll shatter
Because of too much pressure
And I don't want to cut you
When the peices go flying.
Because that's what happens
When people get to close to me.
And I simply can't hurt you,
So I'm setting you free.

For your sake,
I hope the world sees you
As you see yourself.

I like it loud.
You turn it off.  
Why don't you go?
You stand in shock.
I want to dance
You make me stop
You ruin us.
I stare at the clock.
All I can say
Is just get out.

You see, there sometimes comes a moment
In a persons life,
When they finally say
Enough.
There comes a moment
When a persons heart
Realizes it's been through too much.
And in that moment,
That terrifying,
Hopeless moment,
They learn
And let go
And harden
Till they forget.
Till the heart turns
To stone.

I was wandering through life.
Looking around me I watch as I see faces transformed.  
Smiles and bright eyes
Now cracked lips and salted cheeks;
Unmasked.
As I wandered through life,
I yearned to touch every soul with my earnest, trembling fingers,
And bring the sweet smiles and eyes of laughter back
Into the faces of those I love.
But I had forgotten the reasons behind my trembling fingers.
My own face, warped by the never ending confusion that is this life.
I ignored my pain and shoved it aside.
I made a fragile wish,
But my denial and staggering steps through the sea of faces
Would only drown me.

I look at you.
And I see and endless pit of pride.
I look at you,
And I see a cruel soul that will soon die.

You look at me
With judgment in your eyes,
And you'll see a scowl.
It will take you by surprise.

So look at yourself.
See what you've done?
You've created someone
Who has a company of one.

You're alone, locked in your
Egotistical mind.
And you'll never get out.
Even once you wish you'd been kind.

Their story wasn't real.
They'd forgotten how to feel.
So they began to learn.
For they couldn't watch each other burn.
And so they walked
Side by side and talked.
Letting the pain of life
Glance off of them
Like blunt knives
They were stronger that way.  
As they chased their feelings away.
But they realized one day
That it wouldn't  go away.
The pain.
The idea was plain.
They needed to feel.
So they made a deal.
And their story became real.

There's an ache in my head.
An ache in my heart.
And though I'm told they're there,
I can't see any stars.
One face turns away,
Another
And another.
One seems to want to stay,
My heart is being smothered.
And I don't know how to save it.
When the face, once so kind
Stares directly through me
And into another's eyes
One face turns away.
Then another
And another.
Until, to my dismay,
It's just me alone, as the darkness
Stays and hovers.

they know
they see
they hear, they feel.
the raw pain,
the magnitude of it
crashing,
surging through the glass eyes of those
right in front of them.
yet still, they stand by
and observe
simply.
patiently assuming.

Should I?
Should I speak?
Or shouldn't I?
Maybe I'm just too weak.

Because when I see you,  
I cannot speak.
I cannot.
Cannot allow feelings to start to leak.

Because what will you say?
At my heartfelt speech.  
Will you reach out?
Till our hands meet?

Or will you pause.
As the rhythm of our friendship
After all this time
Sounds it's last beat.

I can't decide
If I am dying, praying to forget,
Or  
If I'm thankful that I don't know how to.

I miss a person who I don't think I've met.
He'll love my fire
And won't mind my strong will.
With him, I'll feel safe,
Completely at peace,
Still intense but
While my mind remains still.
His arms will be strong,
Reassuring and kind.
And it will not be perfect,
But I know
Someday I will find
My home in a person.
I feel it so deep.
My heart, though it's breaking,
Was given hope it will keep.

I could spend days
Months, years,
Trying to figure out
What to say
To you.
But you see,
No amount
Of time
Will help me
To decide
What this feeling is.

Thank you
For that moment
When
My heart was sinking
Mind was overflowing
Soul breaking down
Shaking.
Thank you
For that moment
When
I felt a hand
On my arm.
And looked up
To see
Your eyes.
Deep blue eyes
And a reassuring smile.
And I guess.
When all seems dark and ***** black,
Sometimes all I need is a deep blue.
So I thank you for that.

My world is forgein shimmering lights.
Lights speeding over, around, through me
In a constant blur and
I stumble in attempt to follow.
My world is a sea of faces.
Smiling, laughing faces that
Quickly flicker and transform,
Twisiting in agony, and only I can see.
My world is a swarm of words.
Humanity's words invading my mind,
Coursing through my veins
And causing system failures in my mind.

Welcome.

At seven years old the fire started
It kept my veins hot,
As I brushed past those shallow souls
Around me.
By the time I was eleven
I would play pretend.
The fire wasn't bad,
The anger in my heart was
Fake.
The scars on my porcelain arms
Were silver.
When I made it to 15,
I was a princess
Of marble.
Never feeling,
Never breaking.
Quiet like a fire.
Smoother than a storm.
When I reached 18,
The silver scars were gone and
The deadness in my eyes
Never betrayed
The fire within, which never left
And never will.

She stared at the wall
Surprised by her lack of thought.
She used to stand tall
But cared more than she ought.
She thought there was a simple answer,
A way to stop the pain.
So she let the cold control her.
Never letting her heart take the place of her brain.
But now her once sparkling, gold eyes
Were dull and lacked their fire.
Because she left, at least in a way
And through this change, her control level was higher.
She thought no one would miss it.
Her laughter, her crazy mind.
And so I never knew it
Whether I was right or just blind.
And as I stare at this brick wall, I miss it.
But there's no one left for me to find.
I'm invisible.
Not to them but to me.
And believe me, I wish the answer was simple,
But I can't seem to let myself free.

I took a step back,
And let out a small cry,
For though his hands were outstretched,
I was unable to fly.

But I never once gave up, because
I still had a few low lifes to prove wrong.

Did this really just happen.
Did I understand what he said?
That simple "I love you" will ring in my ears forever.
Do I believe it?
Probably not.
Should I leap?
Should I trust him?
No.

Running through the parking lot
I keep racing.  
I can't stop.

Slowly I'm collapsing.
The blood runs down my arm.
I scream. I laugh.
My spirit isn't alarmed.

My hair is askew
My laughter fills the air.
After all I've been through,
I'm glad that he's not there.

But soon a shadow approaches.
I glance down at my stained hand.
I try to run, but he grabs my shoulders, I am not strong enough to stand.  

He holds my arm and looks at me
As tears run down his face.
"What the hell were you thinking?
You could never be replaced."

My laughter was gone
As soon as his tears escaped.
And so, as he holds me tightly,
I stare down at my knife
Now a foreign shape.

I pull free and throw it
As far as I can manage.
I take a deep breath in
As we go to repair the damage.

1, 2,
Real life is coming for you.
3, 4,
Honey go walk out that door.
5, 6,
I'm just so done with this.
7, 8,
No, go, it's getting late.
9, 10,
I never want to see you again.

I want to sprint through
Cities with him
Until my heart bursts.

Are you insane like me?
Do you dream in vivid color, and walk on roads of ice?
Do you live in a mind,
Where nothing conventional would suffice?
Are you insane like me?
Can you hyper focus on a certain pair of eyes?
But only those eyes.
Are you chased by visions of legends and ghosts of loves that will never exist?
Are you insane like me?
With the heart of a lion, and a soul filled with fire,
But still somehow cold as stone with a mind hard as iron?
Unbending.
Are you insane like me?
Do you walk at a different speed than those around you?
Always aware of the chilling fact that your pace is too fast?
Yet aware that the speed isn't caused your physical body,
But more by your soul and the codes hidden in your strangely mystical DNA?
Are you insane like me?
Can you trace patterns in the air with your fingertips?
Can you zoom in and out with your senses?
Can you lose control of your daydreams
And forget of the one who is trying to reach your mind?
Are you insane like me?
And fully aware that a mind like yours is something that cannot be understood or reached?
If so, can I ask you something?

Do you feel alone like me?

My life is so filled
With sorrow and strife,
That I can no longer breathe,
My veins filled with ice.

No, I don't want to leave you.
I never want to leave you.
But I want to leave this.
Because I don't know what it is anymore.

We aren't children anymore.
Open your eyes.
There's army rising up.
Open your eyes.
Our generation can fight the dark.  
It will flee in sight of our light.
Open your eyes.

When you are like me,
Heartbreak makes a sound.
A heavy pounding sound.
It's so loud that is shatters your mind until nothing is left.
But as I look around, I realize that I am the only one who hears.

My knees shake and my legs threaten to give out from under me.  
My face burns as I remember the gentle words you spoke to me.
You're oblivious, and it won't ever be the same.
It was a dream.
A dream that ended so fast.
I woke up with tears of regret,
with a sudden realization.
Fairy tales don't exist.
And I should have known that.

Used to be..
Used to be..
I guess that's all you are to me.
For I've been clinging
Hoping
Wishing
That someday you'll come back to me.

But I am longing for someone who no longer exists.

When the world is too harsh
And cold and just dark.
When it feels like a stain
On your already burdened heart,
When your life feels so empty
And your dreams have all gone,
When you feel all alone,
With nothing left to lean on,
Don't forget about me
And my love, strong and pure.
I promise to hold you,
At peace, but aware.
Aware of your pain
And sorrow and strife.
And you won't forget
About my love in your life.

I'll be gone someday.
And you'll be here wishing
I had one more hour to stay.
After all I've done
The pain finally ending,
And all the harm that I have caused
The time you've been lending.
Will no longer affect you.
For the day will come,
When you shall rise, and I shall not.
And you'll rise, still strong.  
And I'll softly call,
Goodnight, and joy be with you all.

My breath won't stay strong
It comes
In sharp bursts
I know it won't be long
Before my heart starts to hurt.
The pain is too much,
Overwhelming my lungs.
And so I can't breathe.  
Heart, caged
Has been stung.

For the song you have sung,
Though so full of love.
Is killing me softly.
With a pain I won't be rid of.

I loved you.
In the truest way.
I still love you.
Though I'm about to go away.
I don't want to.
But I'm too scared.
I could have told you.
But I never would have dared.

96
     97
         98
             99
Counting to one hundred where
My heart will be just fine.

It's going to end,
I keep telling myself.
There's nothing in me to defend.
So I'll keep my heart on a shelf.
But how lucky was I to know you.
I loved you a whole lot,
So that's one thing that's true.
But everything else?
I don't know, I'm not sure.
Because if you
No, WHEN you leave
I'll question whether your motives were pure.
Was I used again?
Do I trust too fast?
Because if that's really true,
Then that "friend" will be my last.

I looked into his eyes
And told him it would be okay.
I took his hand
And told him I'd lead the way.

He told me he was fine.
That he'd found what he needed.
But he started to fade away.
And though I held on as hard as I could,
His heart froze
Like an unsuspecting flower.

And I watched in horror
As the smile I had once  loved
Became empty and meaningless.
And people didn't notice.

And I saw him breaking.
Slowly
Like a back bearing too much weight.
And I tried to reach out.
To touch his hand again.
To try to warm it.

But the he wouldn't let me.
And I was forced to watch him freeze.

There once was a girl
Who saw the world
In a completely different way.
Then she met a boy
Who gave her so much joy
That she could throw all the pain away.
The boy came
And told her she was his light.
She knew he would play the game.
And though he tried with all his might,
He threw the girl away.
She cried
And cried.
Until she died
Then he, alone would say,
"I'll never forget her..
No. Not at all.
The girl I threw away. "

It's incredibly sad,
How much damage can be done
To a heart like mine
With a few simple words.

You ask me if I'm sad
No. I am not.
You ask me if I'm distant.
No. I am not.
I'm just listening. Just observing.
You're thoughtless actions amuse me
No. They do not.
They anger me.

You can fool many. Almost all.
So congratulations.
But no longer will you fool me.
So sorry,
But I know who you are.
      
             So know this.  

You will hear me when I say
That one day
You will crash.
You will get what is coming.
And I won't be back.
So good luck with that.

Why are you still here?
Why haven't you left....
Please stay near.
My heart has been kept.

By the boy who comes and leaves  
Makes my heart skip three beats.
He keeps my mind safe and warm
While my heart turns hard as stone.

The best gift
That a person can give me,
Is one that is written on paper.
With thoughts that are real,
And words that can heal,
From the heart, to make me feel safer.

I know. I believe you.
        I actually don't think it's true
I promise I'll talk.
        no, my heart kept it's lock
I'm fine.
        Im suffocating
I've already forgotten.
         *my mind is on fire

Tick tock
Goes the clock,
As my life goes on and on.
Time passes.
Memories fade.
please don't go,
I want to hold on

I want to re-live every hour
Claim back every moment.
You,
My love,
My brave soldier,
Have gone and died alone  

And I want to to back,
Look you in the eye,
Hold your hand in mine
And say it'll be okay.
But I can't.
All I can do is think
And wish.
Wish you hadn't gone that way.

When you realize
A light isn't real,  
And the shadows are chasing you.
And the fire is consuming you.
You scream
And cry
And something in you
Dies

And after the hurricane
She wore a tapestry out of cobwebs.
Used ink bleeding from her fingertips
To sign her name
Beneath the truth.
Till they told her the hurricane was a
Fictional conspiracy,
Saying she'd have seen the sunshine
If she were wise.
She thought to herself:
If they don't believe me,
Why should I?
And so she clawed through her tower,
Collecting raindrops
To prove to herself that she was not someone to
Invent fabricated props
Like a delusional playwright with
A crumbling set of plotholes.
As they threw stands of disbelief
She continued collecting raindrops
Each more cloudy than the last,
Repeating to herself
It happened
It happened.
It happened?
Putting her mind on trial,
They did the same with bleeding dockets.
Her certainty diminished with each test,
And her tapestry blew away
Mocking her mounting distrust.
As she feared her mind had gone
Her dry, stained fingertips found
No more raindrops.