I overthink everything.
I overthought this starting poem, writing and re-writing it time and again in my mind, smudging the subdurma and grey matter with graphite smears and flecks of rubber eraser.
I’m not a poet
I’m not artistic or good enough
I’m not comfortable with vulnerability enough to let people see me as
I am
I don’t know if I trust myself enough to not betray everything
I’ve ever believed in with my musings and thoughts from
Somewhere. That thought was cut and backspaced prematurely because I’m obsessed with perfection and pleasing everyone but pleasing me isnt okay because
I’m not okay to let myself be okay.
I’m done. I have to let me be me, and let go of the
I I never was, but was presenting alone

My mother wouldn’t like this poem. She’d say it’s choppy and why doesnt rhyme and what are all the spaces for and I don’t like poetry or get it and I think it’s just a bunch of people pretending to be impressed by something they don’t understand
This isn’t for you, mom.
I love you, but it’s not for you.

Imagine how many people
Have fallen temporarily in love with you
On the train
On the street
In the car
In your room
Or after you'd fallen in love with them.

buzz buzz* my phone goes off
3:02 am on the clock.
It's you agian.
Every night
At the same time
With the same message
Then a tap tap tap at my window.
I freeze.
buzz buzz "Please, let me in"
I text back "no"
tap tap tap
This time a voice
"Let me in."
I'm frozen.
3:04 am.
He's gone.
He'll be back
He always comes back.

We walked around
We talked the whole time
Your smile made me nervous
Every time you messed with your hair it made my knees weak.
You're everything I look for
You said let's do this again
The weird part is
I haven't seen you in two years
And it felt like I saw you yesterday
You're blue eyes looking in my green eyes
When you would just look at me and listen
You would smile when I made a dumb joke
I want to see him again
The blonde haired and blue eyed boy