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Dec 2019 · 225
Perfectionist
L Dec 2019
No one ever taught you that failure was ok, that’s why you stare at an empty page day after day;
hoping to create something someone will accept.

No one ever told you that you didn’t have to earn his affection,
that’s why you text him back to back,
correcting your “mistakes” from the days before when he didn’t reply; telling yourself you’re too much that’s why he hates you,
but still doing more than he will ever deserve.

No one ever told you that love and art isn’t ever perfect,
that’s why you’ve thrown away your journals and your sketchbooks,
that’s why you block him even though he says he wants you too.
You’ll just never understand any of it and why it just can’t be... what it’s all “supposed” to be
Jan 2018 · 467
Epilogue
L Jan 2018
It's said that it takes seven years for your body to replace its cells.
Memories die.
They wither away;
become unexplained hints of familiarity in a stranger's face.
Scars are replaced by renewed skin. Bruises disappear, erased as though by magic.

My body is a eulogy for your touch.
You were a merciless lover. You scratched your name into my skin. Your teethmarks are still imprinted on my tongue. The bruises, around my throat.
"Here lies he who commands my breath".
My lungs are still learning to forgive you. My muscles are still learning to forget you.

It's been four months and two weeks. I can feel the ghost of you restless, haunting my flesh. It wails at night and I still cry myself to sleep,
longing for dead things to remain dead.
Jan 2018 · 319
She is rage.
L Jan 2018
She devours him; she tears at his flesh. The pieces of him that remain she wears on her chest. She sharpens his bones into spears and wears his teeth around her neck like her mother's pearls.

She is unforgiving and unforgettable; she belongs to no one and everyone all at once. She claims the sun and the sea. She owns the earth and her slaughtered lovers beneath it.

And in her stillness; in the quiet moonlit nights, she revels in the loneliness; in the mix of being both loved and feared.
2.1.18.
L Oct 2017
you smell of whiskey and smoke
your hands are stained with black ink
you forget the simplest things
you're a terrible dancer
you're afraid of nothing and everything all at once
I can tell when you're lying, you always hesitate
you get angry too quickly; it scares me but never because I'm afraid you'd hurt me
you chew loudly
you are wild and unrepentant
your laughter is filled with sincerity
your jokes are always cheesy
you never fail to make me smile
you have made me cry
you make me worry
you're full of courage and whiskey.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
This is incomplete but I am very sad
L Sep 2017
I heard it in your voice that you didn't mean it when you told me you love me.
and then it was all over.
Sep 2017 · 300
Nostalgia
L Sep 2017
She wears a red dress and is made of mystery.
You'll swear you never see her out the corner of your eye; you'll never hear her whisper as she walks past.
She'll appear to you in the simplest of ways.
A crooked smile; laughter carried over a crowded bus terminal.
Restless fingers tapping against the steering wheel of a not-so-strange stranger's car.
She's subtle in her way.
She makes time stand still with her beauty on display,
and you're afraid that if you look at her too long you'll fall in love with her.
You're afraid because you know loving her would mean sacrifice.
She demands that you love without sight; and sense.
So you'll cut out your tongue and pluck out your eyes.
She'll build a home in your chest;
She'll empty the graves, the ones you buried your lovers in,
in the cemetery behind your ribcage.
She'll dig them out.
She'll leave them on display.
She'll paint their faces to hide the rot; she'll stretch their lips into familiar smiles that resemble adoration.
She'll guide their hands to caress your bones,
And you'll find yourself loving the company.
You'll find that you've fallen in love with what is dead.
5-09-17
Sep 2017 · 193
Untitled
L Sep 2017
You were such a selfish lover.
You demanded that I give you time and I stopped the clock for you.
You asked for my dreams and I got lost in sleep for you.
You told me to speak less and I sewed my lips shut for you.
You said I should try harder and I broke sweat for you.
I gave my back as bridge, my knees bruised, my throat sore, my hands ****** from all the demons you had me slaughter for you.
I gave you everything and you left me,
claiming it wasn't enough.
Jan 2017 · 724
Closure
L Jan 2017
comes in a text that says,

"I'll miss you every second. I love you. Goodbye."

instead of a final kiss.
29.01.17
Oct 2016 · 632
Long distance
L Oct 2016
In my dreams,
I know the feel of your lips on my neck better than anything else.
I know how tight you hold me when the night is cold and the wind is unsettling.
I know the sound of your laughter when it's in the other room and how loudly you sing in the shower.
I know exactly how rough your hands are from moving earth around in the garden.
I know how cold your feet are against mine;
how your hand fits perfectly into my lower back;
how your head feels resting on my inner left thigh.
I know every inch of you,
only in my dreams.
I hate missing you. Come home.
Sep 2016 · 783
"intuition"
L Sep 2016
Read between the lines.
Pictures sometimes lie.
Why hasn't he called?
Do you like her more than me?
I can't sleep.
You never sleep.
You're still asleep?
I love you. I think.
I hate you. I don't.
I wouldn't blame you.
I wish I never loved you.
Please leave.
please don't
Jun 2016 · 360
Untitled
L Jun 2016
I'm sorry.
I keep apologizing for my brokenness.
Like it wasn't you who broke me.
I don't know how to write about emotional abuse, without feeling like the one who's wrong. I don't know how to write about my hurt when I feel it's my fault.
L Apr 2016
Time can do two things; heal all wounds or cause you to bleed out. Both hurt like hell.

2. Happiness is fleeting. Stop chasing it, let it come to you and accept that like your last love, it won't stay.

3. Home isn't a place you live. Home is those nights you feel most comfortable in your own skin. It isn't him, nor is it her.  It's you, holding yourself together when you thought you couldn't.

4. You belong to no one but yourself.

5. Stop writing eulogies for love lost. You can not rest if you're living with a corpse.
Apr 2016 · 325
Spiral (10 w)
L Apr 2016
I no longer know where you end and I begin.
and I hate it
Feb 2016 · 870
06.02.16
L Feb 2016
I am tired of permanently loving temporary men.
Feb 2016 · 897
Intimacy
L Feb 2016
[in-tuh-muh-see]*  (noun)*

1. you'll let him undress you even though morning light is pouring through his two story apartment window and he's never seen you naked without the dark to hide your flaws; you won't have to hold your breath the entire time.

2. he isn't afraid to pray with you, you aren't afraid to tell him when you're not ok. You both wake up in each other's arms believing that nothing would ever be as simple as this.
Dec 2015 · 443
Confessions of the poet:
L Dec 2015
No one knows me better than my pen.
Dec 2015 · 1.3k
Rainstorm
L Dec 2015
Sometimes your voice sounds like rain beating heavy on a galvanized roof.
Sometimes I feel like I can hear the sadness pouring from your mouth like a rainstorm in the middle of the night.
You tried hard to swallow it, hide it beneath your tongue;
when you laugh you pretend it doesn't sound like thunder and howling winds,
You've flooded my home many times, my dear.
Sometimes I feel like I can hear the sadness,
the sadness pouring from your mouth like a rainstorm
in the middle of the night.
this is all over the **** place
Sep 2015 · 696
on finding myself...
L Sep 2015
With the memory of sweet honey comb in mouth and the sting of nettles on my fingertips,
I am coming home to myself.
It is easy to forget where my heart lies;
silencing it when it calls out from my chest or giving it over to someone with careless hands.
I was once a child whose heart spoke in a language only I and nature could understand
so I sit here, struggling to remember my native tongue;
my hands still stinging, my teeth still stained with the sweetness
and a heart that is saying "welcome home"
Jul 2015 · 618
Untitled
L Jul 2015
...and in the midst of this love feeling so permanent,
I remember that everything is temporary.
Mar 2015 · 680
Untitled
L Mar 2015
Reminder:

Stop making your body a home for broken men with misshapen dreams of romance.
Feb 2015 · 2.4k
midnight
L Feb 2015
The night lives on my skin
but there are no stars here to observe
and if you try to
I will open up the depths of my being
and swallow you whole
my dark skin does not make me a spectacle
Jan 2015 · 739
Mosaic
L Jan 2015
When weakness is synonymous with triumph
and your heart bleeds red into a pen filling empty spaces with words that only spell truth,
know that this love is not going to be easy.
There is nothing small about this love.
No,
it commands attention, demands candour
It takes up all of your time,
yearns for all of your secrets
Bares its teeth in the face of your fears.
This mosaic love is needy,
and it will not rest until it knows every blackened corner of you,
every crack, every seam, every stitch
Let it in.
Let it light the way.
Let this love do its work, I promise you won't regret it.
On learning to love oneself
Dec 2014 · 2.9k
Shipwrecked
L Dec 2014
this body of mine
is a sunken ship
wrecked and rusted,
seemingly nothing left to salvage;
this vessel can no longer float,
I know but,
the moss green coating these corroded limbs
a whole spectrum of colour peaking out from behind my curves
an ecosystem,
making a home of an empty frame
this body might be submerged in this unforgiving sea
but don't worry,
there is still life here.
l.h.

I have a thing for ships/shipwrecks obviously
L Dec 2014
You are like the sea. Men will try to conquer you, they will claim to fall in love with you, try to tame you, even bury themselves in your depths; you will swallow anything that threatens your greatness. You, like the sea, not only deserves respect but commands it.

2. When a man calls you out your name, remember that "*****" is just another word for woman who dares to speak her mind. These words are daggers aimed at your throat to cut out your voice, when they use them against you, speak louder. Scream, yell, howl, let your voice be the one sound he fear the most. You cannot be silenced.

3. Love hard. Love everything. Love yourself. Love your work. Love your heart. Love your skin. Love the rain. Love the night. Love fearlessly. Let your love be thick, but once you stop loving something...or someone, don't force it.

4. You cannot experience intimacy without a measure of vulnerability. Don't be afraid of being vulnerable. It will hurt and it will get your heart racing; the feeling in the pit of your stomach will threaten to knock you over but let it happen. Vulnerability allows you to rid yourself of the poisons you've consumed from passed hurts and heartbreaks. Let the vemon leave your bloodstream, let healing take it's place.

5. They never tell you that it's fine to be comfortable with reservation. This is probably the hardest feat. Being comfortable with the fear and the doubt you feel when you step out of your comfort zone is the bravest thing you can accomplish. Embrace it, assess it and if you feel like it's too overbearing, walk away.
this is a work in progress, more to come
Dec 2014 · 328
Untitled
L Dec 2014
When it feels like you no longer have the strength,
I will cradle you, wait patiently for you to fall asleep,
whisper prayers around the scars left behind by the blade of your father's tongue;
you can count on me to envelope myself around you ,
you will never feel alone.

When your ears ring out with the cries of your mother
and fear lies at the base of your spine,
waiting to watch you crumble
I will make sure that my voice be
soft, so when you fall
it can gather your heart in satin and place it in my breast pocket;
I will make sure the rhythm of mine reminds yours how to keep beating.

Until you are able to rebuild yourself
I'll remind you that our bones do not stop dancing even when they have been buried or left in ashes
and the garden bloom on your chest only needs sunlight
to break free from its concrete tomb.

When your hands, callused from years of holding on to caustic ropes of fleeting happiness,
tuck themselves away in the pockets of your favourite jumper
I will always be willing to caress the chapped lines of your fate, your palms;
of your cheek, at the place where your lips curl upward
I am constantly reminded that there is still salvation in your smile,
hope brewing,
more serene than the sun's first kiss with the horizon
and buried underneath the surface of your skin
perfect imperfections, lines, van gogh etched into your pores
each one is a masterpiece

I will open myself up for you.
Surrender that broken vessel to me ,
I will care for your wounded heart and those knees,
bruised from the years you spent believing in something that could not prove itself.
I promise
to love you
even if you are only just learning to be whole.
for my best friend
Dec 2014 · 675
You are...
L Dec 2014
It's said that love is supposed to be messy.
Chaotic,
thunderous fights and passionate love making;
you're supposed to be a disaster.
To me,
you are the first streak of sunlight pouring through my window on to messy bed sheets.
You are the steam rising from hand-painted teacups on cold mornings.
You are the sigh that escapes from deep within my chest when this feeling catches me off guard.
You are snow falling in the cone of light under a street lamp;
the serenity that lives in the glow of a winter storm in the middle of the night.
The last note on a perfectly composed symphony.
You are not a catastrophe.
You are all those beautiful feelings that remind me for the first time that life is so worth living.
can you tell i am disgustingly and ridiculously in love?

(this is so cheesy i am so sorry)
Dec 2014 · 1.4k
Volition
L Dec 2014
I never said you could command my spine;
yet you did
and now I can't remember what it was like to stand on my own.
why do I still bend for you?
Dec 2014 · 1.5k
Sext:
L Dec 2014
The taste on your tongue will always belong to me.
L Nov 2014
I am tired of dreaming you next to me.
and then waking up alone
Nov 2014 · 878
Open Wound
L Nov 2014
I have made a mess of my soul.
It is calloused and ugly.
I have collected every heartbreak, every hurt.
I carry around my mother's trust issues, shackled to my ankles,
my father's tendency to fly off the handle
and regret.

The scars left behind by my past lovers are still aching
and I am small. I am an open wound.
My insides are spilling out; oh, what a mess I've made of my soul.
Nothing but an insecure girl, who once knew but now could not see; constantly looking for ways to remind herself of what she is not worth.

I am sorry that I ask why so often when you say that you love me.
It's just that, when you say it, my knees would shake with uncertainty,
my heart would ache with uncertainty
This isn't your fault. It's not that I don't trust you.
It's that I can't trust my heart enough to keep you.

I am sorry that this ruin of a soul is all I have to offer.
I know it is hard to love something so full of chaos,
please, I promise
I am trying my best to clean up the mess.
I know you are tired and that I am hard to love

(title by Hova)
Nov 2014 · 564
...
L Nov 2014
...
When we met,
I learnt that there were a hundred ways to rhyme "I love you".
I've realized now that there are a lot more ways to rewrite indignation.
Nov 2014 · 992
Nostalgia
L Nov 2014
Your body was a road map,
of all the places I'd never been to,
of all the places I wish I'd remember
and of all the places I wish I'd forget.

Each freckle was a monument.

Your inner arms were my block,
gang sign graffiti and the signature click of marble stones knocking against each other,
nostalgia.

But I could never tend enough gardens or build enough playgrounds to make your chest my home.
I've been thinking about you a lot lately
Oct 2014 · 439
Untitled
L Oct 2014
I let you get under my skin
and seep into my bones and
now the only way to remove you,
is to incinerate myself
and yet I do not regret it
Oct 2014 · 1.6k
When I think about you
L Oct 2014
I am reminded that the women before me also had their bodies turned into sinking ships.
Captained by reckless men
who abandoned deck,
When their words could no longer be used as anchors.
Oct 2014 · 451
Untitled
L Oct 2014
Let us both find heaven in these sheets
and in the space between
the curve of my thigh
and your lips
L Oct 2014
Remember
my body is not your temple
do not worship there
I am not a deity
I am not a holy place
I have many sins, many scars, many demons

My heart is not your home
You have no claim
Learning the secrets I have locked away in darkest corners of my person is a privilege
Do not take my willingness to let you explore me for granted

My love is a gift
it is wrapped in the battered letters that I wrote to my last lover before he left the shattered remains of my heart behind in a wooden box
Be gentle when you unwrap what is left of me
I have only just begun putting myself back together
Oct 2014 · 328
Untitled
L Oct 2014
And she poured herself over him
Enveloped herself around his body
so that he would never have a moment where he felt alone

— The End —