Love, well love is like a good cup of coffee

We all want to drink it without getting burnt

Light , curvy rays,
bending,
while traveling from air to water world.
My eyelashes - window wipers.
Crystalline lenses,
sending lovely
but blurry pictures
wait.. let me focus my retina,
underwater dream,
or is it really you?

Dark, straight silhouettes,
frightening,
falling from the busy water above
My chest - darkened vents
reaching far,
wanting lovely,
but faint pictures
I can’t wait any longer,
for the dark room to lighten
I need you to show me

I take a deep breath
And dive in again.
Debrees of scars
And piercing pain.
Your soul still mauve and blue.
I press my lips
respiring pure love into you.

Breathe your best
into the spine of my life
Expelling fortitude
And forgiveness
Hidden in this deep blue
Revitalized for the first time
This moment opened its eyes
to see the beauty
of what beneath the surface lies

Todays sun felt lonely
Drenched in isolation
Melting for acceptance
Draping light upon empty carcasses
Feeling the gravity of the space between

An embrace no one can fulfill
Without the proper tools
The days will be spent empty
Full of giving solar flares of its former self
Begging for a better understanding
feeling altruism at the core

Tattoo your passion onto my tongue

Give me something to talk about

Brand the heart in your chest

Into my fingertips

So I can write about love

Implant your smile to my eyelids

Then I will dream of reasons to wake

It's as if a storm blew in, torrential rains, metal bending winds and standing in the eye was you.
Waves crashing. People locked up for days, hours, as time danced around -- the clocked stopped ticking.
A foolish venture to see the cause of such array. To see. To touch. To feel. Your sight penetrating through the clouds, ripping apart my seams. You watch as I came undone; undone by the velvet in your eyes, the bend in your smile. I twirl as I am stripped clean in your eyes. You see every scrape, scar, bruise and every moment I have tried to sew back together. Your touch burns my flesh. Sear into me a moment I cannot forget, a moment I grasp for in the darkness when I am all alone.
It's as if I can feel your fingerprint on my heart with every beat. As I stumble towards you, exposed and raw --- you absorb me. Absorb my pain, struggles, my darkness. You hold me so tightly it's as if when you breathe, I breathe the same breath.
Your embrace calms the storm. Calms the rush of thoughts, fears, worries and emotions. As I look up into your eyes, you see my future. My happiness. My vision of happily ever after -- holding hands in the sunset, in the rain, in the snow. As the winds die down, as the rain lets up, as the oceans settle -- I see you clearly. I feel your heartbeat. I know I am right where I should be. The eye of you.

I have been waiting
for her to pick me off the shelf

To remember me as fondly
as I dream of her nightly

Wanting nothing more than to be
used like her favorite toy

The one she played with as a child
when holding each other came simple

For her to lay me next to her heart
during the dim nights under gods shadow

Giving up on the complexities
of the never ending day before us

While engulfing each other in stories
of an emotion we remembered as love

Darkness engulfs the morning
Letting the sun rest for a simple moment
Slighting the thought of commitment

On the edge of the earth
The arctic circle spins madly in love
Tilting the earth drunk

Just enough to admit she is shy
That attention never came easy
Going unnoticed
Tucked under the drab sky

Her exterior showed defense
Allowing only the boldest to get close
An example of fear
Representing weathered
With a side of independence


So I bit into her pain
To find life inside her hollow
Water waiting to be swallowed
She is a savior in a barren desert
Waiting to give the right man life

I try to change my socks everyday.

Otherwise i get all tripped up on my past.

Sometimes my life feels like lint between toes.

Rubbed off raw material from a malfunctioned owner.

Getting washed down a drain at the end of the day.

Taken away from a broken home.

Drowning without a chance to breathe anyway.

The hardest part is believe more in yourself than the weight of failure on your tongue.
The lump of give up stuck in your throat.
Broken fingertips that want to surrender.
I pull myself up by my lungs. Rearrange my insides well enough to hide my weakness.
And believe. For one second. That I can do this.

I want to be torn into shreds.

Take me apart at the joints.

Break the best of me.

Destroy all the human in me.


I need to be rebuilt.

A new start.

Something better than before.

Build me into complete again.

The core of our earth gets up to 10,800 degrees fahrenheit. This is the type of heat I know I will never experience. A force so unlike anything I have ever felt. Love does not feel like the core of the earth. It is weightless.

Lifting me off my toes. Putting gravity to disgrace. The earth gave up on holding us down. We moved through the clouds together in a slur of elation.

God let us pass by with a turned eye. Knowing that power has nothing to do with love, but giving up. Letting go. Releasing every burden held between those hinged shoulders.

The universe accepted our love. Letting us glide into an ever open space of everything we will know nothing about. Our love will be translated in space as a constellation. A phenomenon we all drop our jaws to watch and will never touch.

Our love is something like that. Unstoppable, but further away than either one of us can reach. Only for the fact that if we could define this love it would not be so special. Our telescope will tell myths about us one day. This love will stand the test of time.

The words splashed over her lips like a waterfall I have seen too many times.

This is what missing emptiness feels.

But I don't miss the empty.

I miss everything that we once had.

I want to drop a toaster in your pool of water.

Hoping that for one moment you would feel the electricity we use to possess.

Metamorphosis
The mimic octopus can make its body look like multiple different sea creatures. When it is threatened it will slide it's tentacles into the formation of a flounder and guide across the ocean floor. Or into a pseudo sea snake. I have always hated toilet snakes. This octopus can mimic about 5 to maybe even 15 different sea creatures.  Now I don't know much about how to change my body and I certainly can't hold my breathe for that long, but I do know the second I'm afraid I change into 34 things that I will never be just to hide in the moment. Giving a ****** expression of std positive on top of an eviction notice of your well being into the outside of your door frame. As I watched this animal take shape across my television screen I made the realization that maybe we are more similar than i want to believe. Because We often change in bedrooms daily. Shedding every moment of our days onto a floor that knows our secrets and won't tell a single reason why there's always an awkward silence when we enter the room. We strip off insecurities that want everything to do with us, peel back our inconsistencies onto the dresser without keeping the change. My dresser has seen every side of me. I'm not all to proud of the things i keep in there. Like socks that have walked over my exes because I didn't cleanse my anger often enough. Or the time I left my sadness in the bottom drawer because I couldn't let you know that my shadow isn't my best friend. Sometimes I think it might be better to follow him around. I have been running around in circles attempting to figure this out. I've dropped math equations into chemistry experiments just hoping for a better answer. When spring came the answer was released with small amounts of heat, a back flip of conversation and a let go of the handshake you held with the past. This is how we learned change. We formed into what we were meant to be. Flawless but full of empty spaces. open to be filled by things like compliments. Or things like patience. I guess it was change that wasn't ready for our presence of purpose. All of this was as clear as octopus ink. We shape shifted into animals. Animals that love each other so hard that everyday on top of every moment they give a piece of themselves away for the better of the whole. We created change into a perfect moment of mutualism. Okay I realize that this a little far out there. But this change molded my knee caps into tentacles, my backbone left me and I folded into an octopus so that we could understand the importance of changing the shape of a person. Shape that you may not see through a telescope but maybe you can see it trough your fingertips when you feel the power behind positive change.

It is still blurry,
The times you held me helplessly. Holding this flesh that blinked with desperation. The glasses of problems brought to bed. Complete care with a side of beauty. Electric fingertips flowing along my sides. Stunning the flow in these veins.

It is still blurry,
The words that pressed off your tongue. Words that finished sleep and solid thought. The same mouth that has changed lives, comforted family, cursed like a sailor. Giving strength to simply continue. Moving mountains, depending on your approach. Making mornings sunlit on cloudy days. Your sunlight showed this life dissipated darkness.

It is still blurry,
Angst and tension between bones. The tension that can't be resisted nor denied. Giving me the strength transverse miles each way, just to sleep next to your breath. Open this heart, cuddle with its inners. Cut this tension with your actions knives.

It is still blurry,
The elation you delivered to my doorstep. Served purpose in my life. Giving me a chance to release all those dusty window sills in the attic. I complied an archives of you in my senses. The way you gave that heart of yours.

It is still blurry,
The times you settled the fears resting on your ancient dresser. Yeah the one you brag about. The one that held our water during rest, held our alarms to begin another day, and even our books of education shared. We have split these lives in so many directions. All ending in the same bed. Closer than my skin is to its bones. We were one in that bed. One after a life lived in every direction.

It is still blurry,
Your purpose. Actions and words in separate realms.  All it would have took was a phone call. You insisted the benefits. Leaving us in seperate beds, different countries, different mind sets. Why not just enjoy love. Love lost in a storm of self discovery.

I saw a tree today

In the arctic tundra

For the first time in four months.

It reminded me no matter what happens around you

You can always grow.

Love me so hard

that I end up being like the earth.

Spinning wildly in orbit exposing every surface to your touch

Love me so hard

I find myself hung over from drinking the wine of your skin

Causing me drunk in a tumble of forever and a inebriation I never want to stop

Love me so hard

I forget what day tomorrow is

So I can live in this moment for that much longer

Love me so hard

the glacier of my past melts

Into a sea of forgiveness

Love me so hard

I crumble onto one knee

Asking you to melt your last name into mine

A teachers heart is one of learning.
Of constant modification.
Lending pieces of it at the sound of a child's voice.

What is not seen  
Are the broken parts.
The times when my heart falls out of my chest.

My child, I am sorry
My child, you don't deserve it
My child, here is safe

A heart of protection.
Showing each student their worth
Value more valuable than the words of this poem

Without you my child
My heart
Would simply

collapse

The best I have felt in the past 74 days are the days I didn't at all. The ones where I allowed the arctic freeze to clench my veins. My Days took a leap year. Leaving us solidly broken. A times table of rejected latitudes.

We stood at the edge of the world. And By we I mean I.. And I was not standing I was crouched. Feeling out the curve of the earth. Acknowledging that we are all too similar.

We have both been walked on too many times now. Our trenches are deep and less than 5 percent of them have actually been discovered. These mountain tops of ours are hard to reach, but it can be done.

Both of us, holding enough water to give life to those around us. Enough solid for others to feel supported. Air to split atoms and remind others, that maybe this life is worth living. And gravity that keeps us both grounded.

We are one in the same. Spinning madly in empty space too big for us to understand. Feeling small in the presence of giants. Victim to our surrounds. And heated at the core.

Alone. Surrounded by nothing and everything at the same time. I spin. Becoming dizzy. Pondering the impact of actions on my crust. Waiting for someone to treat me better.

Your sun shining on my face through the tinted windows of restraint. Walls broken down though drop kicks and hammer hits. Crumbling to the ground with an earth shattering I love you.

Arms open take me home to somewhere unknown. To the distant unfamiliarity that I call comfort. Trust fall, head slamming smitten. Dazed as a tacky cartoon character. Blistering wind of happiness content.

To where I will go as the heart I carry. As a rock in my chest waiting to be moved by the storm of absolute ness. Walking through a curtain of shivers. Drop me to my knees as I fall forward. Catch me with your strong will and acceptance.

Be able to take this to a different dimension. Somewhere far away from what it once was. It being the thing that is not clear. The pure feeling of electricity in your touch of eel shock. Breathless and abandoned in pure form. Leave me elated again and I promise. I promise.... Ill show you

Drink me up

Tell me what your heart really feels

Today she is iceberg present
Holding her bones still
Showing 20 percent
Hiding the rest
Freezing in time
Slowly shrinking down
Into her surroundings
Out of sight out of mind
Inch by inch
She forgets herself
And became an ocean
Freshly tainted
Another part of the whole

She lit a cigarette with good intentions
Took one slow deep breathe in
Holding onto the noxious relief for longer than reason
Finding single mother half time
Somewhere between 2 sons and a stack of bills

She put out her cigarette with exhaustion
Gripping onto any possibility of a helping hand
Her fingers a light house for the weary
She is disaster relief
Shelter for the homeless

She saved lives
While taking her own
With each smoldering breathe
Her lungs held in my chest
Smoke free for the first time

The tundra drips Wild West like bad cinematography in theaters emptied out like popcorn bags
Desolation finds me staying warm
My blood may be the only boiling hope in this land
Trails of DNA on old bandages asking someone to look at my scars to prove my time here
My time is measured with broken wind dial microphones
Screaming for AED support bands
Artificial shock therapy reminding me there is still time
That this life is not leaking moments of divided glory
This moment right now...
Will never happen again

Her heart reminds me of a classroom

Full of words
Dripping eager
The warmth of a fire

I want to step inside and learn

Everyday
From beginning to end
From the sole of your heart

Teach me the way you love

We are broken
Laying in a bin full of legos
Potential to be beautiful
To be whole again

We wait for the right hands
To mend us into something more
Than the broken body parts in the mirror
Build me into something new
Something more than myself

The sand mustn't worry
for the wave will always return

Her clavicle found me weak
Surrendered aside my confidence
Melting into each curve
Found under the sheets

We fell hard into tomorrow
Missing pieces of ourselves
Writing history in the dark
Telling stories about god
And freedom

Two things being discovered
In the gold rush of sleep in our eyes
Fixated upon allocated perfection
Her body spoke to mine

Teachers are working organs in a sick body
Constantly challenged out of our comfort
Lungs expected to pump blood
A stomach that can't break down
Hearts begged to filter water
Diluting our true purpose
Administrators cannot function without us
A body is working system
Not a conveyor belt of replaced organs
Death is known from organs going on strike
Sickness can only last so long before we pass

It reminded me of the way you talk

Repetitive.

A perfection of revolutions.

Telling me of things already known.

I tasted the ignorance on your lips.

Fill me up with your everything.

Your breath. The wind.

Stale air.

I don’t feel cool.

You’re pushing air in circles.

Chopping up all the times I asked for forgiveness.

Forgive me.

Until this moment.

Please give me a breeze of all the moments you have watched me act ungodly.

The phone line dripped apologies
While I sat silently
All 3,000 miles north of me
Isolation froze solid on this moment

He had a heart attack they tell me
The room gift wrapped around me
Ripped open
Exposing a flaky rib cage

My arms wanted to stretch back home
Grab his heart
And palpitate his benevolence
Rewinding muscle memory

I have been told too many lies in hospitals
Watched a plethora of lives fall victim
Heard too many **** machines scream
Longing for the lost all too often

So I reprogrammed a code
For my Heart to beat overtime
To satiate the hearts
That no longer exist

May you remember to stand up straight
May your spines be flagpoles
Sailing your heart at full mast
The caps in your knees full of steel
Unstoppable in your travels of Alaskan tundra

Let your mind grow roots in your culture
May your hunger for knowledge
Be that of a (amaguq) wolf
Never give up on yourselves
For I will never give up on you

I wanted to give you something more than the pen stroke on paper, more than emotion, something more than the Soft breathe that expelled the words I love you.

So the labor in this mechanism called my brains goes into overdrive. Pumping out words like a chimney releasing smoke. Creating a way to show you my appreciation.

Left with empty lungs from all the times you took my breath away. Weak from the moments you kissed me. Stunned from your everlasting natural beauty. I fail to represent the true meaning of you in my life

Searching for something more. Trying to show you your worth. Knowing your worth more than you can believe. I sit here to realize. These words are misrepresentations of my emotions.

There is no alignment of grammar or sentences to explain what you deserve. stuck. Stuck a single equator away.

I'll show you one day. I'll be able to give you something more. More than you know. Until then, catch my breath with your beautiful butterfly net.

Keep it in a mason jar. Tighten down the lid and watch it as it breathes life.  Keep it for memories of what is and what's to come. This breathe is all I have.  So I give it to you.

Her smile is my favorite geometrical anomaly

Mathematicians have yet to discovered a name for it

Expressing sunshine

Solving the issue of yesterdays broken equations

The corners of her lips are the product of perfection

We have become static on the television
Ringing noises at random moments
Sore backs in cold weather
Knees that don't always bend the right way
Hair that doesn't comply to orders
Traffic jams in hot weather
Gum that has lost its flavor
The warm side of the pillow
Frayed shoe laces without purpose
We have let our lives
Become the trivial annoyances
The writers block accepted
Giving in to the frivolous empathy
We complain is everyday life

Her body is more than a form of elation
Delicate as a dandelion on a summer's eve
Respect does not define the way my hands have graced her
What happens when you take care of something too perfectly
That in the end you lose it
With too much delicacy you can never fully understand
The true beauty of something

I want to tell this to you now. But I could never find the words to tell you. I wrote hieroglyphics across your eyelids, stapled memos to your chest, and flew banners in the scenery while you dreamt.

Translations of these words alone will not be sufficient enough to tell you what I want to share.  I... Miss you. I miss you like a front tooth on picture day.

Hold me together
Pierce me with your silver
Mend me

I want to be your forest fire.

I want to burn down all the good in you.

Everyone needs a fresh start at some point.

The times when our hearts interlace their deepest roots.

That's when I feel the most sober.

When your voice is the honesty I swallow.

That's when I feel the most sober.

The times your eyes promise me an upside down future that you flipped right side up.

That's when I feel most sober.

I want to be sober every moment with you. Because you are my finest form of inebriation.

I'll bottle up the fragrant sea breeze
into tufts of baleen.
Scooping up secluded.
While pressing frequent calls of
loneliness into the fabrics of air
inside of us.
Breaking up the ice sheet
with a warm heart.
Joined by precious
ocean lull.
Ice holding moments
that already passed us.
Poor some whiskey in
let us release the past.

My skin longs for your touch
A phenomenon so easily taken for granted
Given but a few minutes of your time daily
I will never forget how perfect your body felt against mine
The sun hides so sweetly here in the Arctic
Each day my body walks my skin
Searching for the horizon
That has this star tucked behind it

Depression is the view from a plane.

Beautiful.
Intricate.
Far away.
Too close.
Out of reach.
Memorable.
Suffocating.
Vast.
Below us.
And above us.

Depression is something all around us.

Crater deep dimples filling hearts with mirthful spinning pinwheels. The sun rays illuminating the iris full of expectations, stories, lustrous joy, life. The energy shared in space made weak knees crumble. Silhouette causing brainwaves running rampant. The architecture of your shape is staggering. Staggered right through thoughts. Elated fingertips never found a better home. Hair blessing the wind with its presence. Giving flow to nature around. Flow through my life. The orbit already taken place. As simple as the circle I see in your glance. Smile again. Memorizing forms, unique, pictures, keeping them stored in a treasure chest behind my bones.  Completed. Play your algebra once more.  Lets get acquainted. Equal to the wonders of our body. Like the landmarks spread upon your skin like a treasure map. Let me discover you. The entrapment you caused upon my ability to speak is stammering. When did Things become so simple. Beauty slammed through ideas of broken bodies. It's an archive. Your body. Sun kissed and blessed by the noon. The way you illuminate under the vast open everything. I find my eyes fixed upon yours. Lost in the translation of their movements. Closing my eyes to imagine the holographic wonders taking place behind your reality. The turbulence in your chest is ever clear. Beauty isn't a word that I can make sense of. Not when I am presented with you.

I found myself in the hollow
Painting pictures of you
With no color and all the memory
A film with audio cut
Silently grab my hands
Trusting knives for fingertips
Show me how how to feel again
Painting this backdrop
Of the darkroom we hide in

Living alone in the arctic circle has challenges of its own.
The weather drops to negative sixty degrees
and during the winter months wolves watch you breath.
Although this is a challenge I have found a challenge of my own.


So, hey asked me, "Is there anything wrong, Jon?"
I tell them no.
I tell them I am fine.
That I am happy.

The cold, grips at my vocal chords.
As the tundra spreads across my veins my body numbly forgets where I am.
The mind that works all to often takes a vacation of blankets and existence.
My fingertips sent in their two week notice without the strength to give a reason of departure.

I am swimming in ice.
Whaling like a baby, with everything to say and no one to understand.
Rolling over the same spot that I swear I can melt into water.
The weather looks down upon me, with closed ears.
Negligent to the heart inside of my chest.

Running away does nothing but create distance.
My problems will never be further than the bottom of a bottle.
Finding and reaching for the tongue out of my mouth.
Asking me to accept the fate dropped before me.

Mimicry, to act or mimic another object or animal.
I became the tundra that day.
Unforgiving to the existence in my chest.
Misunderstanding to the tender chords that hold up life.
Leading on that my heart will not feel again from this day out.
Love will not play its games on my frozen land.
Being polite will never help you hear boy.
Keep running, I will keep extending my reach in front of you.
Today I became,
Cold.

I am told to take out the garbage.

To rid myself of things that are bad for me.

Every time i do this,

I feel nothing but,

Empty inside.

For we never question the beauty of the sun during its rise, as my love for you shall never waver when I wake.

Spine tantalizing sensations
Bringing xylophone ribcage shivers to a halt
Salvaging an output of love
From an input of purity

Find me tangled in webs of elation
Laying prey to your immensity
Riddles I don't want to solve yet
Simply to relish in moments of you

Each day comes as relinquish
From times before we found love
Hidden in blanket forts and wedding rings
Loving each other like children

"God why, why god? Why me? Why is life so miserable? I want to give up. Show me. Help me."

These words. The ones weighed so heavily on a hospital bed. They dragged the air down to my shoes leaving all lungs without oxygen.

The walls felt deep.

Never ending abyss of confirmed failures. Continuance of a ringing that still bleeds in my ears today. The slow beating of a flatlined life.  

This was simply the bad news on repeat. Stuttered and obliterated my brain waves that couldn't find up from down.

I've never seen a heart spread so neatly on the floor.

The pieces too small to pick up one by one. Instead we stare and observe a life not wasted across the linoleum. Watching the pieces flutter and shake in their space

So we swept the pieces into the corner. No need to keep this reality playing like elevator music. Stand by if you know what's best for ya.

These walls are for the broken hearted, the wretched, and fallen, you'll fit in just fine.

Lets push this bed out the window, it will be the first time we've been free in years. Like a bird? **** that, today we are our own.

Find wing tips fluttering fallout baby balling on a window sill. Haven't felt this way before. Outpatient freedom that will last as long as that nice pair of socks that somehow, your dryer ate and turned into lint.

I'm gonna need some therapy with that noxious cup of coffee. I can't simply continue the same beaten path.