You swallow up the light around you
And your shadows cover all beneath
The darkness within consumed your heart

But I fear you not
I see the beauty in your eyes
And I have no light you can steal

You are my Black Pearl
My secret and sacred treasure
I will always protect you
In the shadows of my wings

ᴺᵒᵗʰᶦᶰᵍ ᶦᶰ ᵗʰᶦˢ ʷᵒʳᶫᵈ ᶦˢ ᶦᶰᶜᵃᵖᵃᵇᶫᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵇᵉᶦᶰᵍ ᶠᶦˣᵉᵈ ᵃᶰᵈ ᵐᵃᵈᵉ ᵇᵉᵗᵗᵉʳ ᵗʰᵃᶰ ᵉᵛᵉʳ ᵇᵉᶠᵒʳᵉ⋅ ᴬ ᶜʰᵃᶰᶜᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ᵗʰᶦᶰᵍˢ ᵇᵉᵗᵗᵉʳ ᵃᵍᵃᶦᶰ⋅ ᵀʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ᵐʸ ᵈʳᵉᵃᵐ⋅

Here I am faking my smile for you
Cracking jokes and causing laughs
I'm dying inside and you can't see
"Everything's okay" no it's not

I pasted on my signature cheerfulness
And wear a smile that nobody hates
I pour out care and love on you
All the while dying in my heart

Such a good mask I always wear
If you could only see the tears beneath
The salty poison running down
My face is shrouded in lies and shadow

It's not the death of life that scares me.
It's that limbo between the two, where you just shuffle through the days of your life wasting any and every possibility your life can have.

I'm not suicidal, I just desire the finality of death over the agony of a living coma.

Do you hear this heart thumping? Sounds normal, doesn't it?
Sounds like a healthy and steady heart. But there's death in it.
Sometimes too much blood pumps in it. It regurgitates back into itself, fills it with too much blood and it stresses to pump it all out in time. So if you're lucky, you might hear it do a big thump followed by rapid thumps. Then back to normal.
Normal... I thought it was normal until recently. Now I know it could be fatal and there's nothing I can do about it. It could enlarge my heart over time, or it could pop like a balloon. Or I can live to be a hundred; it's in God's hands.
It never hurts, but it does feel weird. Like one of those rubber toys filled with water, and you squeeze one end of it. Feels like that for only a second.
I'm okay with the possibility of dying. Just know if I do, I loved you all as much as I could. Don't cry for me.

picture me as nothing more
                             than a
      deflated balloon
         clinging to the walls of your heart

Forget the rules
Follow the rules
Learn the wisdom between the two
And remember that sometimes I'm wrong

That's how I write
And honestly that's how I live
And love, for that matter.

I had astounding potential
Such passion
Much drive
Deep conviction
But a habit to lie

I had great potential
Such love
Much care
Deep sympathy
But my character threadbare

I had some potential
A little valor
A little trust
Growing dishonor
Already too much of a goner

I have no potential
Such anger
Much pain
Deep wounds
Time to seal my tomb

I'm losing my focus
so hard to concentrate
my mind is bouncing
like a rubber ball on
glass walls

Everything is weighing on me
like the fact it's been nearly
120 days since I last spoke
to the woman I love without
reservation

Or that I'm struggling
with my close friend
trying to mend the bridge
of the relationship is hard
when she never replies

Or the fact that my addiction
is spiraling out of control
burning me alive and yet
I can't bear to sleep with
a woman since my last

I'm losing sleep even faster
than the US debt is growing
no matter how exhausted i am
I wake up feeling drained
mostly dead

The worst thing about this is
I can't even commit suicide
because I'd rather ****** me
a little each day with the pain
because I hate myself

I know nothing of writing or the art of poetry. I just break myself in my hands and let my heart trickle through the cracks and onto the page.

Lately I've been struggling to look Up
My faith is fracturing, not reflecting
I know God is just sharpening me up
To be the warrior that He's called me to be
In order to do that He's inflicting the pain
But I'm trying to handle it in a fleshly way

I'm trying to say I'm sorry for getting so consumed
By all this hurt that I don't know how to let go of
I'd rather hang onto it and then blame You
Take it out of Your hands and lose my way
Lord I don't know what to do anymore
I'm angry at You for all the things I do
I'm so sorry, I never meant to become this way
I hate the fact You died so I couldn't condemn myself

God, please don't ever take away the anger I have
I just pray You show me how to redirect it away from You and myself
I pray you don't take my pain away, but allow me to endure it
Give me the strength to crucify myself and the demons in my head
Please let me trust in You again, because I know there's no other than You.

As long as you wear glasses with mirrored lenses on the inside, you will always be right in the eyes of the person you're talking to.

An apple fell from a tree
As I tried to breathe
The color violet
Which I thought was brilliant
But it filled me with rabbits
Who wanted some porridge
From this refrigerator door
Which I meant to plant in my living room
So I could marry my little loving broom
Which was pink and red and dusty
Like a flowing dove in the sky
Flittering bright and high
Only we live to sleep
In bathtubs of clay
Which I'm okay
As they are deep

I see all these blank pages of my future and I tear them to shreds//
I only want to live in the pages of my past//
I only wanted it to last//
For her to last//
I don't wish it was different just that I had done things differently//
Maybe it'd end the same, but not knowing hurts//
Not trying hurts//
Somewhere I stopped trying to grow and only tried to control//
I was just a boy in a man's frame//
Yet I knew how to love her//
I still love her//
But she's gone like the ashes of a wildfire//
Alone I still sing of her//
Empty, echoing, loneliness//
It is my new peace//

I'm so sorry I lost you
  I never meant to lose you
   I love you beyond measure
    Why haven't you come back?
I saw you from afar
  I didn't know if I should say
   Hello.... hello...
I'm so sorry...
please come back

my heart no longer
wonders or wanders
but beats with a
serenity scorched
by chaos and
left alone

alone with my thoughts
pain but then
forgiveness
my thoughts
it is finished
peace in the storm

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so very sad,
Not that anyone ever knows I'm sad,
Because I'm a master of disguise,
Happiness I wear in perfection.

Sometimes I wish I had no heart,
Everyone says I have a big heart,
They don't know it's broken in so,
Many inconceivable ways.

There is no vice that can dull me anymore,
Believe me when I say I'm incapable of numbness.

My heart has been longing,
Like a thirsty man longs for,
A drop of water,
In desert heat.

But there is no quenching for my poor heart.
Every oasis turns to a mirage in time,
And water holes dry up revealing cracked clay.

Somewhere, buried in a mountain of sand and salt,
Is a heart that had so much love to give,
But died of thirst on his journey.

Stop falling
you've been here before
you know it's not worth it
Do you never learn?

In the aftermath of all our fights
All that's left is pain we can't hide
Nothing around to quench our wrath
So we maim our souls, to try and be right.

Never do we consider
That perhaps both of us are wrong
If we did we may discover
That our love could be lifelong.

So let's holster our guns
And hoist our white flags
So we can find peace with each other
For the sake of our sons.

This heart is not for sale
It can only be given
But you wouldn't take it
Yet you had it stolen

Now I'm here without you
A gaping wound in my chest
You couldn't help but hurt me
Now you see I'm a mess

Actually you don't see because you're gone
You left me all alone with no heart
But I'm not going to break for you
I'm going to keep marching on

And you'll miss me

flickering, a spark, and smoke in my nose
lighter on and off, thoughts oppose
leaning
then flailing
then realizing
ive been standing
maybe not strongly
but still standing
and the steps keep growing
lighter on
lighter off
and my face still glows

Here I go,
Trying to write about you again,
And my heart starts hurting,
Tears collect in the corners of my eyes,
And yet,
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing,
From unending pages in my heart,
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing,
From my flaming soul,
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing,
Reaches the pages,
Forms words,
Gets written.

Everything I try to tell you,
Gets lost in translation,
Because it's only able to be experienced,
The language of love.

Feeling helpless like,
A spiraling canoe,
Freefalling down,
A giant waterfall.

Just feeling so... so empty anymore
Trying to feel the fire that was in me
The wind gust and made my flame fickle
Rains fell and toppled me over an edge

I remember the brightness of my countenance
I recall the passion in my woozy heart
I still feel the fragrance of peace in my nose
I am an alien to my own soul

Sojourner
Stranger
Outsider
Intruder

A broken road before me
A broken self in my past
A fractured will in my mind
No reflection in my eye

I will make you watch the fire you started destroy everything I hold dear. And then I will make you look me in the eyes and see what you truly destroyed.

Eyes are the window to the soul
And you just broke this soul
So now I'm going to bury you
Six feet under!

I'm not giving up
I'm not giving in
I'm not letting go
I'm not breaking!

All the love in heart's blood fails,
The fierce anger becomes silent.
Despair dissipates and dissolves,
Wounds close and become scars.

Tears dry to nothingness,
Wasted away beyond cry.
Withering away from you,
Painfully walking away.

That furnace burning within has gone cold,
Shivering in the steely frosts of numbness.
I have fallen away, lost in shattered glass,
Cuts and bruises adorn my skin, scarring.

Sing me a solemn hymn, for I am unfeeling.
Open up my eyes to the radiant light, again.
I feel nothing but the agony of drowning,
The ground beneath me giving way to death.

Oh, what a sweet kiss death gives.

What is there to write
when the heart knows neither love nor heartbreak?

From darkness to darkness
  My mind laments
    A deep stirring
  Within the fragile
Substance that I now am

Midnight air is what I dream
  Midnight colors fill
    My thoughts
  Provoke a dull flash
As I pass into a deep sleep

Oh, the stars that are alight in the vast darkness we call sky,
So beautiful, but so far away,
So large, but only a twinkle to our miniscule eyes,
How is it with all our knowledge and ambition,
All our strides to seek the unknown,
That we can only yet dream of touching a star?
We are but children, attempting to see the universe, through the keyhole of a door.
So I keep to my dreams that I may fly on a shooting star.

For the briefest of moments, I met an angel;
She held stargazing eyes
And held in her hands, belief;
That things aren't always what they appear;
And I believe there was a smile on her face,
Though one was not on her lips.
Maybe one day we'll all be okay
And she'll be healed and held together,
Not by scars but by love.
One day perhaps,
We'll all be okay.

The leaves of life, fallen from their homes in the branches, blow through my ribcage (because I feel so empty)

Bid farewell to love, never to feel your thorns on my heart again; being alone is safer in the solitude of madness

Let me swallow the sand from the hourglass of time, so that it can be empty like me (you're on my mind lately)

Words are printed from a machine like they are nothing but a receipt; simple sounds, words, without talking

It was too far to fall away, crashing through the solar system to die a million miles away (you were my star in the sky)

Sometimes I sit like I'm in a tranquil garden and let the memories of our friendship wash the pain from my eyes; I have not forgotten who we once were

I want to hold your hand in the silence of the night and let the static from the TV blanket our ears (I miss our heartbeats, when did we lose them?)

We trusted love to the wrong people who didn't know what it's value was, and it ripped us apart like a bacterial infection

Now I breathe your smell, and I see the bloodied remains I made you, and I'm sorry; I'm so sorry. (This wasn't how it was supposed to end)

stars are born when old wishes die
ignited in the sky
by unbelieving eyes
up above the world so high
down below we weep and cry
faith turned hollow and bone-dry
closed up lips only deny
a prayer a plea before i die
wont these old wishes
wish me goodbye