I feel worried that there has been such a long stretch of time without reward seeking behavior that the part of my brain which handles motivation is now a cold plate of hamburger

By this stage in a man's life, should he not seek another's company?
I don't chill as I did during the time my mind still was soft and simple
I've grown into melancholy, though many memories ago I'd desired socialization

There is globalization; I feel alone, I've bathed, I'm soaked in isolation
I set out two years ago to be sure that I learn before I continue to live, my reasoning suggested that this action shall produce enormous benefit
and my self-esteem was gleaming hot & sensually satisfied
This I learned at 21 was not just for women
But for the wise whom admit they need it

I shall try to smile more, perhaps my brain does not know what reward is
I will fool my brain into happiness, you'll see
With a new mindful world these words will be continued

Memory of: the last month that has passed;
Fades--
Ive allowed infatuation to develop perhaps
due to the cold shorter days

I have gone wrong
Because when we speak
The way i feel inside is dead and empty
I miss before
I felt complete,
Alive, and whole

I liked you better
before we, welllllllll...
you know.

when I was young
I learned mathematics
I applied how to multiply and divide

but
I find now
I just philosophize
trying to grasp the psychology of a womans mind

but
i find now
im with puzzled eyes
trying to grasp the psychology of a womans mind

It's okay to love. Life is real, life is made up of little things, like touch and feel
Its okay to smile, It's okay to relax
It's okay to look back at the past and laugh
It's great to be free, its great to feel loved
It's great to feel peace in the form of a hug

I am grateful for the paths that have been wrote onto pages, I am aware of my ignorance to my pre-generations
I am in tune with reality though I seek to change it
I am in control of my own and bleed out ink to the nation
I respect myself first and all others past
I seek to understand first, I seek peace alas
I choose not to fear egos of man on this plane
For that Is no script of redemption from pain

When I'm high, I'm high, when I'm low, I'm low. My emotions swing around the world, I walk the dog, I rock the the cradle. I've been off of the wall, I've discounted whatever is lowest; I stopped following the downs, to keep an opportunistic mind on focus. I'm focusing on the present, because today is always now. I started thinking like Buddhist, and I've accepted suffering for what it is.
I've become enlightened but there was no where else to go. Atrophy of my mind, I'm dying, with nothing left to know. Where should I direct my thoughts to grow? I desire wealth in every area I touch. A dreamer for every wealth I could ever own. Aware of power that draws spirit away from soul, I hear the devils calling and see only one road to follow. I've mirrored what I've seen, and copied any role-model, but now I see no-one else to follow, have I grown to where now I am an example? I'm just as confused as any, I see the reality wishy wash, I see a society properly programmatic willing to accept being brain-washed. I've learned I should never break the spell of one who is following their truth's, I've seen it as an ethical choice to let a winner win, and to let a loser loose.

We fall in love too quickly
*We’re inexperienced in this life
We know not of the hurt
Because the pain escapes our sight
We continue to get hurt
As we search for what is right
We’re all seeking happiness
So we give love another try

The power of now
the energy flow
the focus
driven

all effort controlled
and plans are in making
the winds roar through the screen of the window
the green leaves nearer than the the milky sky
beauty is in the eyes today
the automobile soars as well as the breeze
my ears tell me this story

the power of now
this very second
if desired
renew

chilled or steady
my body exists
my mind is the video of all I have
my hands are the maker's of all I craft

the power of now
the touch
smooth
keys

electricity such a powerful presence
a vibrating vein
to the world of components

the power of now
this age of time
this shiny day
this is now
-
William Crowell September 9th 2012

I'm not trying to be unauthentic, im just trying to stay...cool
rhymes with meaning are sweet like cherries, chocolate, whipping, and ******* gurl!
I love when I make u smile, the wordless cool goes with the flow
good vibrations and time is patient, it's cool so just go with the flow
I'm loving mother nature, and i just sipped fine berry wine
don't **** my vibe and let me rhyme, time after time be mystified
Let me guide u on this journey, let us not rush
Because
Because, u and I we're in no hurry
and what we got is time, time, time

The longer we do what we don't like,
the more difficult it is to become who we want to be.
The moment we choose to do what we feel is right
is the moment to explain to those who are blind to see.
If we are critical of others
we expect that's how we're seen;
to allow others to make mistakes
is to allow ourselves to succeed.

I long for discovery
For, knowing excites me
I value information
meaningful sentences
simple to take in
A book is a weapon
A book is a friend
A book feeds a growing discovery
Exciting, I know

much time together from the start
the magic shared has vanished
I know you gave me many chances
but the dance i pranced has barely managed
I've grown apart while we lay together
I feel closer to you when we're at far
perhaps because I get to miss you
within a day or two, I really do
I believed that you were my soul-mate
I stopped spitting game and spoke the truth
it's not that i lost compassion
nor that I stopped aim to impress you
I settled down very soon
and I know it's not for you
I want to set you free
like a flower
watch you bloom
there is feeling in my mind
that what if you love me true
I can do to my self self-respect
and chase a dream or two
i shan't believe all in my head
when it fills with many fears
*I only must begin to trust
and have faith within my dearest

time moves so quickly
you know I'm just sitting back and taking it all in
how much that has changed
everything that has happened
the battles that I've overcome
the lives that I've crossed paths with
the emotions that I've experienced
the memories that I've remembered

and to this present place in time
I can see everything in my past
and I know that much is not my present

I am having trouble seeing how much time has actually changed things

one hundred years from now what will they remember
will you or I be remembered

50 years from now will you or I even remember each other

25 years from now will I have young adult children

10 years from now will I be self satisfied and reach all of my ambitions

5 years from now will I still have contact with my current friends

2 years from now will it feel like only yesterday

1 year from now I imagine it to be foggy and uncertain and an uphill journey.  

**how are my current thoughts affecting my feelings?

im not ready for a new relationship
but friendship with new woman will start
I spoke with a slammin' feline today
and made her blush and smile hard

I didn't ask her out to close the deal
though her smile left open space
I knew that i'm not ready for a new relationship
but in time that this will change

when only friends women are honest
they are open--they're sincere
but when you're in a relationship
then there is change within appearance

there's jealousy hatred and deluded beliefs
and on pedestals we're placed
and if she is looking for a knight in shining armor
good luck maintaining there in her mind-state

there is no happily ever after
but there's the wonder of each day
there is loving one another
and holding trust, and keeping faith

if all else fails then there is tomorrow
although the pain will last today
there are plenty of fish
and plenty there is
love, as well, heartache

When all the world is moving quickly
it can be a difficult battle to carry on
I battle as a lonely warrior
on a lonely field
of lonely stones
So I try to carry forward
Because time waits
only for fools
I slow my roll
and control my breathing
uncertain of the outcome
what's hidden within that of the unknown?
is ignorance as bliss as it was before it wasn't?
where must one gaze their eyes
if they seek fortune?
to where has greed not already swallowed armies?

Enough! with that ponder, now is current
I am, today, that which is uncertain tomorrow
and the days before are thoughts held in my being

Responsibility for happiness present in my being
lays solely on myself
selfishness is an option
for I must be happy in order to share such feelings with others
instead of plague the being of another's receptive gaze

of course i love myself more than my love for you but i don't love you any less you're so finesse don't get confused

when our bodies brush and glide together i get a rush
because your body's so electric that i pulsate upon touch


it feels electric when i got
you through my mind
you're there in my memory
like an eternal summer time
it feels electric when
I receive your call or text
you remind me
of summer's
seemingly
eternal ******

the mood was blue like the sky late afternoon
the day was long like the line-up at the bathroom
Their words went quiet, just noise in a crowded riot
the mood went violet within 6 seconds flat
as the artist mixed black and blue on his palette

don't hold back for nobody'
live your life with fire
make many happy relationships
chase your every desire

spend time with those who love you
and avoid ones who cause you pain
you are worthy as a person
and that will never change


you deserve to be treated respectfully
and theres a gentleman out there for you
theres a harley riding biker dude
and maybe right now he'll do

the point im trying to make
is that you have a life ahead to live
do what you feel makes you happy
because in the end
happiness is all there is

I just cut a coconut in half
or rather took a hammer for it to smash
I hit it from my hand
it's juices fell into the pan
and it tasted like a nut, well fancy that

1+2+3+4=10
2+3+4=9
1+3+4=8
1+2+4=7
1+2+3=6
2+3=5
1+3=4
1+2=3
2=2
1=1

I slept in my chair last night
I tried to sleep in bed
as soon as I entered the room for sleep
she echoed through my head
I knew before I laid my head that
this feeling wouldn't pass
so I grabbed a pillow and my blanket, and on a chair is where I crashed

I might not feel whole
but I feel fresh
Girls hearts are stone cold
leaving cold breath
As I think what emotion
I wanna show the world
I realize Im in control with what's anew
so out with the old! — *feeling fresh.

a long trail -- a stretched painting consisting of infinate tones

I'm thinking of turning to god
could I seek the righteous path?
Can I get onto track?
The devils calling holds me back perhaps
Born into this universe
Neglected as I've grown
Into a man unloved by many
That might be why
if I've became unfriendly

I know that I have faults
I do not shy or blame the cosmos
I still love me for me and see
That quality within others
that I seek
I'm thinking about turning to god
Because i feel alone within my thoughts
I've thought outside and in the box
And perhaps 'god' is all that I have ever saught

All that I have ever got
Is what at first, is what I gave
when I leave this universe
'god' has not fired me
I just quit this silly game

By just a day, I would pay, to be ahead
They come as a wave drowning me to my grave
I could afford what the world takes away
If I were one day ahead of the game

So now I stop
I think
I conclude
that the solution is not far out in the blue
If I were to sacrifice one day in advance
I could change the wave which was previously chance

I think of this girl
My smile is sharp
She's close to my heart
I hold in my farts

I'm feeling a joy
My smile is sharp
She was first my friend
And won't toy with my heart

I think of this girl
And my eyes shine with joy
I get excited when I know
That I'll see her rejoice

I'm not nervous at all
I'm cool, calm and stuff
But I get a feeling inside
maybe lust? maybe love?

Beautiful eyes and short term memory can save me time

I close my eyes, I open them; I'm still alive.

Early to bed late to rise
was the man behind in times.
He always slept but he always woke
he was rested well and woken slow.
Early to bed late to rise with heavy eyes heavy like lead.
Early to bed and late to rise, his life was led and then he died.