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703 · Sep 2015
6/3/14
Hannah Beth Sep 2015
it's an odd feeling
To pass someone by
and to know that their favourite colour is green
and that they like only one sugar in  their tea
and to remember slurred words that fell from their mouth
and to remember
that you know your way
around the dustiest corners of their house
to know that they hate being tickled
on the curves of their hips
or to know that you've placed countless kisses
upon their hopelessly chapped lips
but mostly it's just sad
to pass someone by
and to look at them knowing
that never again
will they stop to say hi
a poem I wrote a year and a half ago, found in a notebook, never put it up
689 · Aug 2014
for when you're feeling low
Hannah Beth Aug 2014
Nothing can compare
To a soul as beautiful
as yours.

Not all of the stars
in the endless universes
towering above our reach.

Not every flower bursting
with a life so pure
beneath our feet.

Not a single golden ring
or a diamond or jewel
buried in the dirt.

Not even all of the love
gathered in every friend I've known
combined as one.

Not a single word
read in any book
taken from every library on this earth.

Not a song, nor a bird
A story, a kiss
A place, a jump
A lover, or a home.

Not one magnificence
I have ever laid eyes upon
Will ever compare to you.
For anyone who's ever felt like they're nothing
676 · Dec 2014
Start Again
Hannah Beth Dec 2014
I need to escape

I sit and I stare at scenes I've seen so long
Landscapes ingrained in my brain like a burn to the skin

And all I can think, all I can muster
All I can dream and cry for on this ******* lonely earth

Is change

Give me the unknown,

I am begging.

Give me fear and sweat down my spine
Give me aching bones and frozen blood
Give me heartbreak beyond anything I've ever known

Please just let me be
Free

Hand me a ticket to anywhere but here
I'm really not at all fond of the way my life back home is, frustration in a poem pretty much
669 · Aug 2014
to fall for a friend
Hannah Beth Aug 2014
it is incomprehensible
to believe that never before
have my eyes been opened
to the galaxy that lingers
within you.

I do not know
how a smile so familiar, so kind, so warm
and so often returned
can only now
feel like home.

I can't seem to pinpoint
how such a vicious storm
made of roaring oceans and bolts of light
that paralyze
my every last bone inside
only just now begin to fill my insides
when your heart beats close to mine.

Only now are long nights beginning
to make sense
only now am I beginning to see
and not to see, but to question
Why I've spent an eternity
searching cities filled with treasure
and adventure and promise and gold
when a certain potential,
a promise of happiness
may have been lingering
by my side
all along.
haven't written many poems lately, been focusing more on ze novel, hope peeps enjoy
648 · Apr 2015
a star named sirius
Hannah Beth Apr 2015
every thing
is foggy
and every
thing is
new and
every thing
is blinding
me it's
every thing
but you
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
635 · Aug 2014
Identification
Hannah Beth Aug 2014

                              She ached for identity like a lover for their flame
  but lay despairing and dejected
                                                  When she couldn’t find her name.

One of my favourite shows  deals a lot with the issue of identity, character, etc, and it just got me thinking a lot about the whole concept and obsession people have developed with finding out 'who you are'. Identity's a tricky subject to write about but yunno, a girl can try
624 · Jan 2015
Demons to dreams
Hannah Beth Jan 2015
There's a great big monster in my back garden
He lingers.
He creaks like floorboards under heavy feet with every wind that rustles leaves

He cannot be slain
but surely
He may be held at bay

Befriended, even. Maybe
Someday.

It is of vital importance, I think.
To know that nightmares are often never swayed
But may be moulded and morphed
Reformed like fresh clay

Turn those demons to dreams, you
Begin today
It will all be possible,
Sooner or eventually
620 · Jul 2014
Writer's Block
Hannah Beth Jul 2014
There are so many ideas
Inside of me

Emotions, stories
Fictitious journeys over land and sea

I could paint them all
So beautifully

But it feels as if
I've lost all ability

To record these words
To let ideas come to be

Locked inside the mess of my mind
And I've lost the key
Pretty ironic writing about writers block
597 · Feb 2016
Untitled
Hannah Beth Feb 2016
i find myself wishing i could write
like i used to
write hard hitting poems that leave aches in your bones

i can't
i'm happy. i'm somewhere else, and i'm happy.
i look at old writings and i do not see me
i see a girl who was struggling to live and to breathe

six months ago, i'd take it all back
i'd gather up my poems and i'd stuff them in the trash
six months ago, i'd want to forget
but now all i see is development

i do not recognize that version of myself
but now,
i know it is for the best
i know that without our past selves,
we'd be nowhere near our present

and i quite like her
i like her strength the best
i like that even when it's not needed
i know it's served her well
guyz i made it i'm happy
593 · Sep 2014
Things previously Unseen
Hannah Beth Sep 2014
You gave me the morning sunshine that filters
Through dew-drop leaved ceilings above
And all of the shadows and pictures once missed -

And You were the one
Who showed me the sky
When no one had bothered to look up at night -

You gave me the courage to plunge
Beneath salty waters
To feel the frigid water soak through my clothes -

You inspired me to embrace
The cold and the wind and the heat and the ice
Because how can you know someone if you don’t know their all?

You were the first to help me to open my eyes
And not to tell me or to force
And for that I am grateful

*You are one of a kind.
Feel free to interpret as you wish :)
581 · Sep 2014
January 11th.
Hannah Beth Sep 2014
5:58 pm.
The tortures of the week
are bookended at last.
The sun has gone to slumber
Hoodie zipped and a layer
Of crimson lipstick;
I am out the door.

6:15 pm.
Numb hands clutch each other like lovers
there's a wind that snips like scissors
The train is late.
I wait.
Just another weekend, anyway.

6:17 pm.
Warm breath gushes from an open mouthed train
I step inside.
Bottles clink at cold feet as my bag is lain.

6:20 pm.
The train stops.
Shudders.

6:22 pm.
It's moving again.

7:00 pm.
Miles from home
I've entered my mini weekend world
That gnawing weekday feeling lifts from my chest at last

7:12 pm.
We walk, the six of us.
Up the hill,
Turn left.
And there's the woods.

7:14 pm.
"Does anyone know how to start a campfire?"
"I can't see a ****** thing."

7:45 pm.
Orange flames spit at the sky
Illuminating the branches above
A criss-cross mesh gives cover so little
To six cherry red cigarette ends.

8:32 pm.
The clinking bottles are
gone
thrown in a bush?
I think
I may
have drunk each
one. or more?
(Who knows)
I do.

8:45 pm.
I explore.
No one to guide
But five pale faces
moonlit and smiling and tripping on twigs

I finally feel I can join in their smiles, too.

9:01 pm.
I don't know these faces of moonlight all too well
But they're starting to feel like home.

10:32 pm.
A change of plan
We stagger though the door
Of her empty house.
I count 8 of us now,
I thank my lucky stars
I've spare clothes packed
And bask in the warmth
Of a new friend's house.

11:06 pm.
Sat on cramped carpet floor
I smile as the warmth fills my lungs
A buzzing high replaces faded intoxication
I pass it on
And am given a shoulder to rest upon.
(I'm so happy. Wow.)

11:48 pm.
My head is so fuzzy.
And the quiet boy from school
Sits across the room
Him and I
We're far more alike than I'd ever have known
And I'd never have known
If not for tonight.

1:15 am.
I never want this to end.

1:30 am.
She plays her hushed guitar
As I lie on her shoulder
She's so beautiful

I didn't know she could sing.

I wish she knew.
I sit back on the floor.
(She strums her guitar
And sings her last line
In a voice so **** quiet;
'Where is my mind?')

2:45am.
I never knew how different a film could be
Surrounded by friends
And high as the sky.

3:33 am.
I sleep.

5:02 am.
I wake.
The boy waves
From the side of the room
A silence not uncomfortable
It almost feels like June.

6:58 am.
I go to sleep once more.
And I'm happy.
I'm so happy.
At last.
A slightly longer poem I wrote about the most memorable day of when i was 17. What I thought to be just another weekend at first soon turned into one of the happiest, most peaceful nights of my life, and I'm not particularly sure why, but I hope I captured it relatively well.
566 · Sep 2014
10w
Hannah Beth Sep 2014
10w
Turn the corner.

You'll find
Endless sunshine
for your mind.
553 · Aug 2014
Untitled
Hannah Beth Aug 2014
eighteen spins around this earth
it has taken me
to realize that growing up
is not as I thought;
To long for something more.
But having the strength
to acknowledge the fact
that I
as much as anyone else I've met
I deserve something more.
515 · Sep 2014
Amherst, MA.
Hannah Beth Sep 2014
I never thought it possible to ache
for a place like a person
or time

I miss the skies wider than space
I miss endless sheets of electric blue
Blanketing my every worry
Anxiety swallowed whole
Skies that left me unknown happiness
A feeling I no longer know

I miss the leaves
crunched between finger and thumb
specks of sand and muck that stain my skin
I could live with such stains for eternity
If it meant a life simple
Amongst the trees and scorching sun

I miss the sense of knowledge
knowing I had found
Where I belong
The thrill of discovery
Upon finding a missing puzzle piece
Lost long ago
I pluck it from hot tarmac
of a street walked years before
Pocketed immediately
Never again
will I let it go

I miss cricket filled nights
And days of smiles unexpected
Warmer than the air clinging to my skin
On even the most humid of summer afternoons

I long for this place
Three thousand miles away
Please save me from suburbia
Where I can't pick apart the days
Missing America again.
508 · Mar 2015
Me
Hannah Beth Mar 2015
Me
I want to be -

What?

That is the problem. I simply want to be.

To clarify -
I wish to be me.

See, me - it is  not the easiest thing to free. Eighteen years of uncertainty, of broken puzzle-piece searches through fear, love, art, what have you -

All for the chance to grasp even an inkling of identity;

Of me.

But, look -
I did it.
A start, anyhow. I saw my shadow, my outline,
and without hesitation
It was seized.
I gripped it tight
Refusing to let something sought so long
Slip through my fingers like water would fall.

Yet I lack time
I lack space
I lack ability,
Opportunity,
To break free of old restraints

Me - it is just infuriatingly

Beyond reach

I see you, me. I know what I need.

Yet I lay here imprisoned in a world worn by greed
Worked like a slave til eyes droop with fatigue

All I need is a door
A little room to escape

Room to breathe; breathing space

To find residence elsewhere;
Grab "me" on the way.

(Then, maybe then - I'll find peace. Some day.)
Bit of a long one!
486 · Apr 2015
wandering
Hannah Beth Apr 2015
I am walking
I walk and I see and so suddenly
I am not seeing and I am falling
Down a well and it's deep
I grasp around me
I bump my head and I scratch my arm
I fall too fast and lose sight of the stars
One by one they flicker out
Of sight and life like the speech from my mouth
As it is stifled by leaves and debris from the fall
And I stare up from this well at trees so tall
They are vivid and alive and so far away
I panic and wonder if I'll ever escape
I fell down the well and I can't find my breath
I wish for a ladder, for some help, it's a stretch
I know this, it's true

But I stayed there for you

Years ago, on your kitchen floor
When you thought life would stop if I walked out the door
Now I'm reaching for hands to pull myself out
And I pray you're still here
That you'll throw some rope down
460 · Nov 2014
Empty maps
Hannah Beth Nov 2014
Every single part of you
Oh lord, it feels so foreign and new
The most refreshing wave crashed upon me.

We step slowly through stray pebbles and foam
There is so much still unexplored
Yet I have found all these little crevices

and they have started to feel like home.
434 · Feb 2015
More dreams, please
Hannah Beth Feb 2015
So many young bodies aching to wander
From here
To yonder
In circles no more

And I wish for packed bags
Closed doors
Shut behind me

Like me
I am sure you long for this with a passion just as bright

I give you no blame -
Escape is sweet.
****, is it sweet

Far too sickly to feel true
To be real as fabric that can be felt twixt *******
Like something only grasped at
Up high in the blue

So I'll fly there if I have to
I will, I will, I will -
423 · Dec 2014
a world of my own
Hannah Beth Dec 2014
I yearn to belong

To feel a little less...

off.

To pull my head from the clouds
Join the others on the ground

I'll be ready some day
I won't shake or cry

We'll get along eventually,

Reality & I
i have an awful habit of avoiding reality
418 · May 2015
Sonder
Hannah Beth May 2015
Alive is the energy of a newborn mutt
Running in circles and covered in soot
A black blanket so messy, acquired only through
The curiosity found often inside the world’s new.

Lonely like the woman who stands in her shop
That’s withered from business the place has forgot
She peers out the window and stares for a while
She thinks of better times from when she was a child

Smitten as the boy who spends his last notes
And then sits at the harbour and watches the boats
He gives to his friend the new present he’s bought
He hopes it’s not too obvious – he loves him quite a lot

Lost as the accountant who has lost their position
They sit at their desk and think – what a sick competition
After all this time, they realise that they have been
Sabotaging their colleagues for higher numbers on a screen

Hopeful as the student who’s just come home
She rifles through the post and reaches for her phone
She rips open the letter and her eyes shine with glee
And she keys in the numbers of some students she’ll soon see

Broken as the child who is hit and abused
They cower in fear of some anger lit fuse
They hide beneath the sheets, into a ball they soon curl
As they dream and they smile in their own fiction world

These are the people I see day after day
I see them in myself and I hope they’re okay
Sonder:  n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.
400 · Nov 2014
(5w)
Hannah Beth Nov 2014
I look forward to joy
Trying to stay optimistic :)
383 · Aug 2014
hopeful
Hannah Beth Aug 2014
Within the month of December
comes a chill
It gnaws and it claws and it scratches and bites
it strikes unannounced
in the dead of night

A winter so sudden
beats me down to my knees

in the depths of December
hide the broken and bruised
in this sanctuary unexpected
I have found all of you.

Newfound beacons
Of incredible light
They stand beside me
To my left
To my right

Alone they are dim
But united
They give me paradise

I never knew that a month so dark
Could leave me
With a gift so bright.
346 · May 2015
starting over
Hannah Beth May 2015
Where is my suitcase?

Idolized is the inanimate idea
That surely to succeed
a Plan is what you need
we all know –
a Plan is a Degree.

Only half the space is occupied - surely I own more clothes than this.

Is it too much to ask –
Freedom?
Apparently so
For to avoid ***** looks and shaking heads
My mouth must spout some *******
Concerning myself
The strangest stranger of all
And the make belief notion that I know her.

www.google.com
-
Aer lingus
-
One way

No, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
Yes, I want to do something with my life.
No, I haven’t picked a course yet.
No, I don’t have anything in mind right now.
Yeah. No, no. Not yet. No.

”Your boarding pass please.”

Whatever happened to living?

”Please ensure your seatbelt is in place for takeoff.”

It’s a bit sad, really.

”So, where are you from?”
“Does it matter?”

— The End —