Wall to wall and ceiling to floor
They bounce and shake their sheltered home
My thoughts whirl in a whirlwind of smoke

One after the other, there they go
Chasing after one another innocently
My mind enjoys the play of tag

One moment its thinking of this
Another of thinking of that
My A.D.D. Is getting out of hand

Words that are spoken to me
Go over my head
My mind would rather dream instead

Work is a chore for my focus,
It wavers and is forgetful
My mind doesn't care if it is important

Sleeping is pitiful
For the dreams are bursting in
My mind that cannot rest

Getting up is a joke
The midnight dreams want to be relived
My mind is too nice to reject them

A shower takes hours
The water is so nice for a daydream to run wild
My mind gets clouded with the steam

Everyday task gets overwhelming
When my attention runs in the opposite direction
My mind decided to go and wander

A.D.D. Has left me insane
It had given birth to depression and anxiety
My mind is in shambles

Little fireflies flowing through the wind,
Twirling, swirling all the way in,
Through seep settled fog,
And a brief counter bog,
They shine a temporary light,
That makes the night seem bright;

Little butterflies flowing through the wind,
Up and down, and up and down they go flying in,
Bringing nectar to flowers and a show for others,
They go on and never bring bothers,
Instead they give the gift of colors,
To show the world the true making of their collars;

Little birdies flowing through the wind,
Twisting and turning through the passage of the bend,
They do not pay mind to the watching souls,
They rather bring joy to the newborn foals,
This proves their life has power,
Never do they have to show their cower;

Little gifts of life flowing through the wind,
Plowing through the sunny sky out of their whim,
Providing their bodies as a source of show,
Continuing their flights for the peoples bow,
Filling themselves with joyful laughter,
That we shall not bring to shatter.

Find me
Fine my heart
Find my pain
Find my sanity

Please
I beg of you

For I have gone
Too far without it

It has left an emptiness
A loneliness so deep
A numbness that spreads through me
That it boils over inside of me

I miss myself
I miss my heart
I miss the pain
I miss my sane

Just please
Find these things I need

I don't know how long I'll last
Without them here
With me

We didn't see the wind
We didn't see the rain
We didn't see the way
His eyes were sinking in

We didn't hear the storm
We didn't hear the thunder
We didn't hear the way
His voice grew vacant

We didn't feel the humidity
We didn't feel the cold
We didn't feel the way
His hands gripped ours

We didn't taste the water
We didn't taste the salt
We didn't taste the way
His words that were meant to invoke

We didn't smell the air
We didn't smell the tang
We didn't smell the way
He didn't take a shower

We didn't see him heal
We didn't hear him cry
We didn't feel him here
We didn't taste his pain
We didn't smell his self-hate

We didn't want to look
That far into him

Somehow I do not feel safe
In this big life of mine
I do not feel secure
Within these bonds of love
I do not know
Who I'm suppose to be
Or what I want to do
With this impending future I have

I feel so fake
In this world that people say
I'm accomplished in,
That I succeeded in

Yet, I've never felt more like a failure
In the entirety of my life
By preparing for college
And trying to live life

I cannot help but wonder
What my future holds for me
Or how I shall shape it

And I am in constant fear
Of making the wrong decisions
Of ******* away all of my best possibilities in life

There is so many roads to choose from
And I may not choose one at all

I may end the road I am already on

Will they call me a success then?
Will they still believe in my abilities in living life?

Would they still see me as their daughter, friend, and sister?

My therapist told me to think of three good things to describe me
Nothing came to mind
I thought and thought, but nothing good
So I told her I was thoughtful
She asked for another and I spoke in a whisper
Remembering what my grandmother always told me
That I was kind
She looked at me, that therapist of mine
With a look that tried to be understanding and fine
And asked for one more word
Which was really hard
For there was nothing less
So I said I was deep
For there seemed to be
A hole that dug
So low
It left me empty

My therapist thought she understood the words I gave her
But she never really knew at all

Funny things are happening
Funny things are falling

Some things stay the same
Some change for the worst

There is no silence
To the deaf ears

There is no sight
In the seeing eyes

There is no blood pumping
In these hearts of ours

Funny things are happening
Funny things are falling

Some have been left broken
Some have be arised

Both have been affected
By these ignorant eyes

How do we breath in the scent of forgiveness and never once think to ask if it was willingly met?

How do humans function with one another when there is so much prejudice and turmoil?

How does the wind so simply carry away all of our pains when there's nothing to keep it steady?

How does love conquer all when its all just a fictionalized lie?

How am I here when I should be there?

How is my heart still beating when there is no value in the life that I live?

How can I love when all I ever been met back with is the force of friendship?

We let each other go
With the wisp in the silence that was in between
You had hurt me so deeply
But you'll never know
For it was time to let go

There are no hard feelings,
No second guesses,
You did what you said
For the first time ever

And trust me
It was a breath of relief knowing that we were free
From these bounds that we once called home

I'm sorry that it didn't work out how we wanted it to
Or how we imagined it would be
But that was for the best

I wasn't made to be in your life forever
And that's okay
People change

However the world still stays the same
It'll still rotate on its axis
And the world would move on

This isn't such a bad thing,
We left a mark together in our own worlds
In our own way
That's what matters most

Our time has come to a close
But that is not such a bad thing
It was for the best, my long lost friend

I wouldn't change a thing

This is goodbye, my friend

I wish you the best

Beer, you said
Was all you ever had
Affair, you said
Was all you ever needed
Waste, you said
Was all you ever felt
Abuse, you said
Was all you ever wanted
Family, you said
Was such a waste
Reality, you said
Was just an illusion
Daughter, you told
Was such a disappointment
Son, you told
Was nothing that mattered

And yet you beg for us to forgive
These statements you made
The actions and consequences you caused
And this turmoil you've created in our heads

Thank you mother
For showing me that even heros can become villains
For giving me the truth of the world
That everything will change
And it could wreck you whole

You gave me the biggest lesson in life
That no matter the circumstances
You have the right to fight against
The right to take matters into your own hands
To do the best you can for you
Sounds a little selfish,
And trust me it is,
But its the right amount of sin
That makes the world spin

Pain, I say
Is what I have known
Love, I say
Is hard to let got
Family, I say
Is a hard thing to leave
Life, I say
Is never easy

Moving on, I say
Is a fight worth taking

I do not know how to say
These words that I hold
In my heart so dear

They have been plaguing my mind
Boxing between thin walls
Wanting to burst free from within

And how could they
Without my permission
But that's making them antsy

One of these days, I can already see
That they wont listen to you or to me
And they'll fight free

They might burst out in words of anger
Or they could cope with the sound of tears
Either way, it won't be pretty

Holding them back to stop the future
Of you tearing away from me
But I think you already have

And that hurts more than it should probably be

Her hollow out screams
Of a poor broken heart
The way it sank
To hear those sounds
Her vicious cries
That drowned out the night
How sleepless I was
When you broke down like that
All I could hear
Was a fight between self
A fight between hatred and regret
You were my mother
The strongest woman I know
Then you broke
And it tore me apart
What broke you so?
Why do you scream out to the heavens
What are you searching for
Forgiveness
Strength
How did you break so badly
That you forgot how to breath
Oh dear mom
What did you do?

What did you do?

Did you break you?

Oh mom, what have you done?

You've left scars on our poor young hearts,
You tore this family apart
How dare you, mother
Was that man so worth the trouble
That you gave into his pleasure
In the sacrifice of your husband
You gave up much
For such a simple thing
You gave up love
For just an affair
With a man that only cared
For your body

You went away from us, Mom
How dare you
You kept us in vain
Trying to beat out the friend we called father
For what?
Simply because you're our mother?
You didn't even take care of us
All you ever did was give into temptation
The beer became your new love and the yelling your new hobby
Words such as worthless and useless
Now haunt our memories
Our happiest times
Become the ones with shouting

You broke your own heart
And you fought us
Because it was easier to do
Then face yourself

How dare you
How dare you
How dare you

I was just a child

And you ruined me
You ruined me, mother

Moms were made for love
And care
But you were made in a different way
You scream and cursed
Until the noise had drowned out the curse
Of living with the regret of your misdeed
You fought and drank
Shook and sank
In this quick sand that you made
You always took and never gave
You always butchered us in vain
Never once had you cared
About the damage that you had left
In our skin and in our minds
These hearts you made
No longer beat same
As they did with you
Before you changed

You take
You destroy
You break
You scar

And nothing will change
The damage you've done

Mom, what happened to you?

Its been a while since I last saw you
Oh my, how far you have grown
You're about to reach the stars above

Its been three years since your last visit
Were you just as busy?
Did you, too, have battles fought?
And work undone

Time has aged you, my dear friend
Your now have wrinkles
By your eyes
They say you've smiled more than before

Oh how it makes me so happy to hear that
You've had trials before
You've dealt with them over and over again
But now you seem to be at peace with the way you sleep
There's no longer bags beneath those eyes

Has life been kinder towards you, my dear friend?
Did she give you the chance you've been asking for?
Before she only took and never gave
But that never seem to shake you

Your hair has grayed
Is that from the stress of a past?
Did it just come naturally, my friend?

I have forgiven you for leaving
So please don't worry,
You did what you did
And it was for the best

At the time, I couldn't see that
And you had
So thank you, friend
For breaking me in the best way possible

I hope now things are clear
Because I don't want to lose you once again

Losing a friend is never easy
But not knowing your friends is a very hard thing to comprehend

She told me we would be best friends forever
Until our hair turns grey and our skin into wrinkles
But oh how our forever was so short
How you left before the grey could set in
How you went away before our skin turns to raisins
And yet you wonder why we never speak,
How we never dare to see
That this life we lived is surely dying
Because one of us destroyed the ending
And how do I know if we're friends
If you never speak a word to me

The memories we have together
Hurt me a little more then ever
When I saw you this morning walking away from me
You didn't speak
You didn't look
But your boyfriend did
And he held something within his eyes
That gave me a bad feeling

Maybe you told him how you never speak to me
And never invite me
Maybe you told a little white lie
Of how I was the one to disappear when I was most needed

But then again you've never been that type of girl
Then again my mother was never that type of woman either
Until she was

How am I suppose to trust a girl who said we would be friends forever and left me alone
On a time of dire need

Now I live day by day confused of what we are
And what we'll be
When the end of year
Comes near

These empty spaces between us
Causes my herat to clench in fear
For if they get bigger everyday
Then surely we'll waste away

How can we heal something this broken
If all we ever do is turn the other cheek?
Do you even miss me?

Do you even remember me?

Am I so easily forgotten in these spaces between?

I don't know how I got up this morning
How I kept my eyes forced opened
Everyday it seems to get harder
I ask why
But I never find the answer

Why is it so hard for me to get up and live?
Is it because I forgot my dreams?
Do I wish to find them again when I sleep?
And relive them again and again
Creating new endings and possibilities

Have my eyes grown tired of watching the world day by day?
Has my schedule of everyday life become boring to my heart?
Is that why I can only take so much old that I want something new?

Have I lost all faith in me?
Is that the reason that I sleep
So that just maybe I could not see
The way I seem to ruin everything

Is my heart just way to weary?
Has it heard way to much?
Dose it remember my mothers words?
Worthless, useless, and dumb?

Why is it that I cannot wake?

My body has been scarred
Beaten and left broken
Its been torn apart
By my single hand
And the heaviness of the feeling that was left behind
Weighs me down at times of blue

But there's a flicker of fire in my soul
Something that hasn't been extinguished by my ****** hand
And it speaks to me softly of how I should be
That this life I have put myself through isn't the life I deserve

And this flick of hope gives me courage
That fills me with fury
To do the things I've been told I couldn't do or couldn't be

There's also the darkness in my head
And it tells me not to hope
Or not to believe
Not while I'm still living

This spark of darkness tells me that I deserve all those scars
And all the beat and tear
It shows me that the only relief to find is
The relief of life

The problem is
That I can't decide
Which one is right

One wisp of auburn hair
I know who I hold dear
Eyes of fire
That never cease
To amaze the ones
Who do not see
How is it?
You say
How do they ever see the fire
And the answer will be:
My dear
It is better to ask
How do they not?

It's the thing you feel when he stares
The fluttering of wings that fills your head
Its the goodbye waiting to happen
The one you should have seen coming
Its the life that has no light
That you feel once he's gone

For all this is the way of love
Its tearing down your heart
While trying to mend
The single thing he broke
But that's not right
For he broke more than just one thing
He took the soul you had
Twisting it in two
Leaving it rotten in hell
He broke the heart you once healed
From a previous love
Not only reopening the old,
But making new scars, too
He broke your mind
Scarring your memories of everything you once held dear
Making the new ones in terror

The final thing he broke
The one that really counts
Is this body you hold dear
For he left reminders of his skin within yours
The way he touched
The way he kissed
To the way he stared
Now ever time you say your fine
Everyone will know its a lie
Because he made what he did to you visible
And you can't hide what's not inside

He destroyed me in four ways
First my mind
Second my heart
Third my soul

Fourth my body

I've lost people before
But don't worry about me
I have been know
To get a little to deep

I let my feelings
Get the best of me
And allow myself
To give a little to much of me

But I hate not letting
them be knowing
Of how much they mean to me

There's been times in the past
Where I have forgotten
How to say
How much I love them
And what they mean to me

And they went all day
Hating the way
I never seemed to care
About them any in certain way

So I do get a little to deep
And I will always be known
To give up a little much of me
But that will be my gift
And a curse that I am willing to bear
If it means making
All those special
Happy
Even for a day

I am an ocean
Powerful in waves
I crash into anything that stands in my way
I have no heart
And I have no soul
I have already sank an entire graveyard
Of ships that were once great feats

Don't worry,
For you have no fear
You're just the captain
On a ship I held dear

You will sink beneath my waves
For that's what I do
I am a possessive being
And I'm not ready to give up you

You will die
Here in my reefs
And allow my fish
To home in your grief

And that's were you'll be
Another lost century

That's what's happens when people look to close to me
They lean a little to forwarded
And crash into me

And my waves has no mercies
For those sailing to get through me

'Was it all worth it', she wondered as her feet hit the earth. Was the experience she had taken in a disappointment to the ones she held dear?

Will they accept her broken promises and look the other way? Have they already anchor her down to the sorrows they have felt?

The way her mind swirls many will call a paradox of a time relapse that has been lost forgotten in an empty deserted land. And she wonders if it'll ever make sense to another living man.

Her life doesn't shine as they say it should in the books and her feet don't care her as long as they should.

They call this depression, but she wished she never heard. Then maybe the voice of misguided gestures of the ignorant will stop raving her mind.

She never felt truly accepted by the people she calls home and they call this anxiety, a word that means no home.

Fitting isn't it? For a girl with long hair to feel as if her life is a never ending misery?

The only thing she hopes for is to be free on a day with daisies and butterflies in the air.

I should have known better than to believe that I had a chance of him ever loving me

The only thing that he ever did was break me

And it was only at the sight of their hands intertwined in the loving embrace that I once dreamed

Of him and me

Now those memories of him smiling is all just heart breaking

And the sound of his voice is all but breathtaking

As these sobs of horror grow stronger in my lungs that grow smaller and smaller

Because of him and me

My heart was tore well before he came to me

Now its just shattered dust of a once beautiful dream

Of him and me

And it seems as if these images of fantasy that grew in my head all just seem so silly to me

Now that there is

And was

No chance of we

I had hoped you were the one to fix

To save

To build

Me into the women I fought so hard to be

That I believed I could reach

Now I know better then to get too high of an expectation of me

And my heart no longer feels as whole as it once did

And this is all because of the fantasy I drew

Of him and me

Her shot eyes screamed at her to go to sleep
But her demons convinced her not too
She hears that the only way to live is to fear death
In her case that means fear is a threat
Her thighs are swelling from forgotten memories of the past scarring
And her wrist itch everytime she looks at it and remembers what she had given up
She questions herself if it was worth the relief that she lost
And the demons convince her that the relief should not have been lost at all

Why do we have disgust for dirt?
The simple thing that helps plants grow
Why do we say no to the black boy down the street?
And make him beg for forgiveness in exchange for his life
We say life is precious, but we **** those who we deemed unworthy
What's with the color brown that we associate everything with it as an abomination?
A color does not seem someone's worth and its not a personality
We say cops are the bad guys when in reality we all are
We search for equality, yet we separate ourselves from colored to white
And when the real war comes, all the faking of acceptance will come to an end and the guns will start rising
The equality that we all search for does not exist in a world as cold as this
But if we come together as people, no matter our color, we can bloom like Phlox and thrive no matter the weather
Let us accept the things that others deem useless, because there's always a worth, even in dirt
K.W.

Anxiety, anxiety
Can't you see?
How your love is tearing me?
They say that love
Hold no bounds
And will forever
Let you rest in peace

But the truth untold
And the disgusted lie,
Holds bounds that make me
Chained in an swallowing ocean
As the water slowly suffocates me

Away with your love,
Anxiety, please
Let me be free of these bounds
That's others call chains

Please, anxiety
Stop hurting me
For this life has better meanings
Then to be left in a forgotten sea