I know what you are doing
After all you told me so..
accidentally
you told me without realizing

You advised my cousin to stay in her mess until she found her strength
You feel like this, us, is a mess, and well I guess I feel the same.

I thought that I needed you because ..
I just felt like I do.. did
but I don't need you
I mean
I did  ..I do

I love you,
But why does your love come with all this BS
Cheating, lying, fussing, fighting, crying..
You have no empathy for me
You hurt me and expect me to not complain

I know what you're doing

You are waiting on the right time
devising your plan to Leave
But the door is available for you now
You do not have to plot and scheme on a better way to hurt me,
You can leave in the morning
you can just leave in the morning. ..

You've always been so loud.
Yelling, and throwing my insecurities out for all the neighbors to see. Embarrassing me. Your voice is so annoying it's depressing me. With thoughts of my lows and rarely thoughts of my highs.

I've become good at tuning you out. But on lonely days where your words seem so right I can't help but to get drunk off that cup of misery. But I'm tired of hanging with you - you simply make me so blue.

And it's hard to get away from your words, let alone break away from you.

So why don't I try something new. Your bags are packed and the über man's waiting- to take you - somewhere where lonely hearts go to do exactly what it is you like to do.

My mother died a month ago
On a Sunday, well it was Monday
But she was dying on a Sunday
No matter the day I will always remember how she left
me
All alone in this dark cold world..

I am alone here with no one and nothing that will care
for me...

He stayed with me on nights when I was lonely.
He came the day mom died to hold me
He was here  but he wanted to be there, with his one and only
It made me sad to see that he didn't want to be with me
and even sadder to know that I was still all alone

If my mom was here she'd tell me to stop being so lonely
Brush off my dancing shoes grab a friend and go somewhere new
somewhere far away from you.
She'd say "my dear you are never alone, I will always be with you.."
My mother wouldn't want me to be sad
My mother wouldn't want me to be mad
She'd tell me to try and keep a smile on my face and remember to pray for better days.

OK I will admit it
I guess I'm numb
I feel numb
numb ... numb's a good word
I feel nothing...
but I guess, if I feel numb
I guess I feel something
maybe I feel indifferent or indifference but there's no difference
I feel numb and that's OK because in this world we live in feeling numb is not so bad and I'm OK with it and I hope you're OK with it and I hope that you feel better knowing that I feel numb just like you and we can sit here or we can be blue but I'd rather be numb with you

I lay in my bed
And think of all the bad that you do and did
How I spent so much time thinking I was the one in the wrong..
How I allowed you to mind **** me into hating myself
I started to think I was unattractive, unattainable and undesired
I even believed you when you cried and said it was me
But
It was you who lied
It was you who cheated
It was you who left me alone during dark times
It was always you that I could not count on.

And you're here trying to prove me wrong, saying that all of that is done.. so why do I still feel undesired, why do I still feel unattractive, why do I still feel this way?

Can we do this in the open? And I'm hoping we can be open. I mean available to do favorable task for each other.

Or we can take it the bedroom, where our love can bloom...

Sling my leg over your shoulder and get closer.. Take me on a journey as I'm yearning for this to last longer.

I'm still hoping that we can do this in the open
So that in between your strides I can feel the wind glide up my thighs

Or I can take a ride and try to hide my expressions of pleasure

Or would you rather do this on the low,
In that dimly lit dark hall
So that we can fall madly in love with making love
With our mind body and soul.

I fell asleep on you, one night, I regret.
And now I fret..
In my slumber you did unspeakable things to me
And now I wonder
How can I get over what took place?
I knew better than to trust you
Knew better than to be with you
And yet I did it
I slept.
Fell asleep on you .. Lay naked with you
And now I wonder how can I undo what's already been done
how could I enjoy such an awful song.

For I was wrong...
You see,
I knew better and so did he

I hate you being here in my space reminding me of all my mistakes

I know better but I don’t ever do better

My life is at a standstill whenever I choose to stand still with you.
You
of all people, I choose to stand with you.

I tire of playing the victim.
Tired of being the damsel in distress,
I’m more than capable of rescuing myself

But it hurts now, like it always does
and I feel lonely in your company like I always do
and you look at me with eyes that seem lost in someone new and I know the truth
I’ve always known the truth..

You have never loved me and I let you use me
Use me up until I had only a few drops left.
I let you.. I always let you..

Sometimes you have to go out into this world alone
Be without your friends and family
Sometimes you have to create new adventures
Sometimes you have to make new mistakes
to become better

Just remember at times it will be tough,
This will get hard
and you will feel alone
Just remember you will never be lonely

There are new regions to concur with your name on it
Places that will take your breath away

Just don't be afraid to be on your own, away from home, just you, all alone.
Give yourself time to find out who you really are and discover the wonders of the world and you will learn to find happiness in all you do.

Sometimes it doesn't happen right away
Sometimes the clarity you need finds you in the midst of a perfect storm
Then your friend calls you to express her regret and you find shame in your disposition and realize that your life has been nothing but wrong turns ending up nowhere

And you want to give her advise but you can't, because you're still searching for the answers

Then clarity finds you face deep into your favorite box of tissues and the world pause for you and everything you thought to be true is now a lie and you search for peace amidst the chaos .. You search for calm in the perfect storm

Then it happens that moment of bliss and you cry "yes, this is it.. Ive figured the secret to life lies in the hearts of those who truly love me and the happy moments we share" and then things settle

And you get up the courage to continue and you realize that God  or whoever is in charge of universe has blessed you and your humdrum life now makes sense

The world has lost its taste
The trees don't even smell the same
I face this doom that looms over me daily
I'm afraid, a bit nervous..
I'm tired of feeling tired and sick of being sick..
I want to feel again.. I want the rain to wash my pain away.. I miss you to the depths of my soul and I feel your absence as it knocks the wind out of me... Then a small voice cries out in agony saying, "you can do it, just one more day, just one more month, just one more lifetime.."