I’ve hit a point where crashing no longer gives me whiplash.
Collapsing is normal, bruises are common.
I got lost alone in the woods at 3 am and prayed I wouldn't find my way back,
I’ve been swinging on the ropes a little too long. My arms are tired.
24 years. 24 years. 24 years.
Cover me in chamomile kisses
And lukewarm lullabies
I'll dance in the haze of your eyes
I've cently discovered that chamomile solves most of my problems. Guess I'm late to the party
Watery eyes stare at the ceiling
As aching limbs stretch across the bed
Grasping for a hand that left long ago
A skid, a screech
A moment veering
A loud **** to the left
a desperate plea for right
I am ******
Why am I ******?
Where is my mind?
Totalled my car this week.
Sudden suffocation and relapsed restrictions, we colored ourselves in silver sets and party dresses.
Half hearted laughter amid animosity hidden by sly smiles and fragile friendships. Our wicked world was perfectly painted in shades of doubt.
Sometimes I ***** words
You are a brand new penny:
Sparkly and bright
Pretty to look at
Worthless to keep
Your broken words
Echo in my empty mind
And fill my eyes
With emptier tears
It's a miracle
We ever laughed at all
Stop. Evaluating. My. Thoughts.
They are not yours
They never were
They are mine.
Stop. Pretending. I'm. Yours.
I am not
I never was
I am my own.
Stop. Inviting. Me. To. Your. Hell.
I have declined
I will not ever accept
Mine is better.
Burn with the paper you write your notes on.
And leave me alone.
Lol I think I'm clever
I've fallen hopelessly in love with self destruction.
Every warning I hear is a cheer.
Send my regards to redemption
Cause my destiny has been written on a block of cement
Tossed into the bluest depths
I'll greet rock bottom with a kiss
Strike a match and light a candle
If night becomes too dark
For our eyes to see hope
Perhaps our souls are dim
I wrote about how the birds still sang
The morning you left me
And the trees were still green
I wrote about how the world doesn't stop
Even when mine is crumbling
But you know, life has never slowed down
I keep coming to the same blank pages
Hoping to fill them with my mind
I have so much to say
But words won't fall
I'm case anyone was wondering why I haven't really been writing
Could we please just go back to the start?
Where our eyes were burning with dreams
And our hearts ignited with hope.
We can take a few steps back
And have our footsteps align again.
Can we go back to breathing together?
Woven finger tips and tangled limbs
So close that every breath seems to echo
In the others mouth.
I'll hit rewind if you hit pause
I wish that moment was my forever.
I'd give anything to feel your lips
Just one more time.
Maybe someday ill read this to you with my head on your shoulder and a tear in my eye. I will always love you, panda.
I can't breathe the air
Between your fingertips
It slips like words
Through clenched teeth
You say my voice shakes
When I'm angry
And yet we wonder
Why our voices don't carry
We are deaf
To our own demise
I slipped up on the word hello
You choked up on goodbye
Our hands lingered but never met
Our minds brushed but never touched
I saw the way your eyes bled
When I said no
You saw the way my soul shook
When you asked
They called you desperate
I called us separate
That friend who doesn't want to be a friend
We are moths and love is our flame.
I'm trying really hard
To put the cap back on the pills
To set the bottle down
To throw the razors in the trash.
I'm trying really hard
To look past the present
To block my memories
To move forward.
Mommy, I'm being bullied and I don't know what to do. I can't escape them and they know just what to say.
Dearest please explain, for your friends at school love you.... The teachers say you love to play.
Mommy you don't understand, they're deeper. Mommy they're in my head. I can't control them now and they all want me dead
This is kinda raw, not really a poem.
Light to the touch, weary and meak
Stumbling over words
That come in heaps rather than syllables.
Bent over and hunched, crumbling
Struggling to breathe in
The air is drenched with regret.
I fell into a world
Where glass slippers
And shiny chariots existed
I danced on floors of marble
And crystals shown in chandeliers.
I spent awhile living in this dream
But glass shatters
And chariots became fuel guzzling cars
My feet grew sore on marble floors
And the crystals grew dull with dust.
We sat at the edge of tomorrow
Searching with hopeful eyes
For the future we thought we shared.
We didn't know how long it would last
Nor did we care
For all our plans were promises.
We said we'd find each other
Through festivals, friendship and love
We planned for months and years.
We found our future shattered
At the bottom of despair and distrust
Betrayal and heartache and the cold hard past hit hard.
For us there will be no tomorrow
No festivals, friendship or love
Our months and years of discovery have turned to hatred.
For us the door is closed
The future is blank
The connection runs cold.
I wish I'd never shown you
Every flaw I had
I was so scared
You'd see me the way
That I saw myself
So I exposed them all
Waiting for you to run
And you didn't.
I was confused and scared
You weren't supposed to love me
So I pushed you away
Hiding under a facade of distain
I told you things I never meant
And finally at a distance
You saw me through my eyes
And you left.
Are you really wasting time,
If you wander?
Are you really making memories,
Behind a desk?
Are you really doing nothing,
When you're laughing and thinking?
Are you really living,
When you work the 9 to 5?
You are just a cloud
To distract me from the sky
If love was ever cruel enough
To tease the sun
You would be the one
To get burnt.
I understand you don't want me to go That's fine.
But I can't watch you dig through your car
For money for tonight's numbing.
You can't call me names
And still call me your daughter
And just because you offer me a cold one
Doesn't mean I'm playing your game.
I tried to give you a chance to prove
That your words were worth an ounce of truth
You may have been sober for months
But it's been two weeks of slurred speech
And several days of you
Not leaving that door
For anything more than a bottle.
Why the **** would I want to stay?
You keep saying that
No one here will hurt me
Too late dad, you've made your mark
In the form of six packs and cruel words.
I was better off without you for 10 years.
You have never been daddy.
This is not a poem at all. I'm just upset and can't find pretty ways to say why
Before the dawn is the dark
But that's when the streetlights glow
They flicker in the night
Calling for you
And every whispered dream hangs
Over the sleepless nights
Tossing and turning
Waiting for you
So go on, my love
Freedom was never free
Pick up the pieces, dear
Love was never guaranteed
How dare I say I loved you
How could I?
I was broken, bent, weighed down
By my mere existence.
You picked me up
And I held on.
I was too busy being lifted
To see your breaking shoulders
You became my hope
And you began to lose your own
I never learned your dreams
Not in depth anyway
I was too busy with my sadness
That you tried to take away
I wish I would've asked to see
The talents in your grasp
The music you made
The world's you created
But I was a flooded river
And you were the shore
It's hard to say
Who swept up who
I wore you thin
How long can a man carry
A dead weight
And expect to be strong?
You began to pull away
And you began to slip up
You found solace in a familiar dance
Unprescribed yet medicated
Dosed with doubt
And lack of love
I still needed you
I still expected you.
And I blamed you
For not carrying me
When you were broken
We were twisted around each other
In substance and lack thereof
We crumbled trying to hold each other up
How could we?
How could I?
How could you?
None of this was supposed to happen.
This is meant to be a slam sort of. I'm not good at those. But it's everything I'm feeling right now.
Stop counting the roses that never came
Stop waiting on a perfect tomorrow.
Stop wiping away tears that are only half way out
Stop scratching at skin that doesn't even itch.
Stop listening to strangers with harsh messages
Stop trusting fools with guns.
lingering spells of sensation whirring on my skin
the pounding in my chest meets the pounding of the beat
flashing lights and flashing skin
this sin's the highest of all.
inhale the sequence of lilac and rose
i trip and hit the beginning of the sky
i listen to the drops of rain on ivory skin
I'm getting lost in the fall.
We sit in silence
To others we are awkward
To us we are infinite
Propelled by the fuel
That sits in our cups
And the lust that echoes in
Play a me something dark and lovely,
Something to ease my aching mind.
Let it echo off the bulletproof sky.
And I will sing for you,
My own lullaby.
They say that troubles come and go,
To bob and weave with the currents ebb and flow.
But I've been trying for far too long
To keep my head above the water
My arms are not that strong,
i'm not sweet but i'm covered in sugar.
you're nothing more than an ******* in a nice pair of jeans.
She was born with and old soul
To die young
In a cruel world
In the light she both shimmered
Her name echoed off the lips of strangers
Each phrase was harsher than the last and
Messages that she'd already written in her head.
Suddenly she couldn't see her path
She was lost
Her hands shook as she held them in front of her
Searching for help but all she found
So she retracted into herself
She swallowed nothing much except
Wincing at her own reflection in the eyes of others.
She became a wisp clinging to the grass
Lonely and sad
Gasping for affirmation
Blown away in the night's quiet whisper
The voices got louder, louder then ever
They bowed their heads and wiped their tears
They said, as they moved on to the next.
Sleep taunts me and bad dreams haunt me
Lying awake only to fall into a nightmare
Waking up crying, screaming, panting
Grasping for air that can't come quick enough.
Work work work
Money money money
Work work work
Work work work
Money money money
Work work work
I can't really say that I never loved you
I thought I did.
I think I didn't.
Even so your name still rings in my ears
Sometimes I smile when I hear it
Sometimes I hide.
Never for a moment do I question
The me I was no longer is.
She is forever,
I am forever,
I am scared
I want you to know
How the mirror makes me shake
I cannot get out of bed
Yet I cannot sleep
You won't understand
I won't let you
This is private
You don't get to see
I've made that mistake
Too many times
I suffer alone
My smile is forged
From the belief that
I can do this
And just maybe
You'll believe it
I don't have anyone close to me because I've scared them all away.
Let me be naïve again
Let me fall into the practice
Of not knowing better
I want to forget
About all the ways a soul
I want to be whole again
Not pieced together
Today I'll dance among the wet and wild grass
Breath in the sunlight distilled from the clouds
Embrace the wind like an old friend
I'll be free again.
My fingertips grip at nothing on the edge of a slippery *****.
Aching to hold onto the sanity I feel I deserve,
But nothing's sane. Nothing's tame.
And in that sense I have nothing.
To let go would be a sin, wouldn't it?
To succumb to the numbness of the emptiness,
I don't know how to feel, but have I ever known?
Maybe it'd be freeing to fall.
I'll paint a picture of your eyes
And get lost in the depth
Of my oil paints: only jewel tones
In blue green and amber
And just like in reality
I will fall in to the realms of eyes
So stormy that to capture one moment
Is a sin.
I wish the whirring in my head would stop.
Just like the joy did, years ago.
It's been so long since I've smiled for myself
Now I just grimace in a daze.
I'm tired you know?
Whatever I'm doing, it's exhausting.
I need time to catch my breath.
It seems I've left my mind back a few yards.
They say to fake it till you make it,
But I'm all out of false
I just want some honesty
Without a hint of doubt.
Bend me down and out and over
I will smile as I wither
You can not shatter someone
Who loves being broken
Breathe deeply, stand tall,
For gravity only pulls
When you come back down to earth.
Sorry I've been gone for so long, I'be hit a bit of a word wall and I can't bring myself to write.
Small is five letters
I fit myself into
Small is the bending of my back
To fit your image
Small is the narrow of my waist
To please you
Small is the attention I take
Small is my virtue
While being hollered to
Small is the 30 cents
Missing from my wages
Small are the girls
Plastered on the television
Small are the roles
We see ourselves in
Small is the credit
We never receive.
And we wonder why our girls
I beg you
Ask them to grow.
Pleasure surges through my skin
It's electric, moving in waves
As his eyes dance over my body
Soaking my essence in.
Tonight, I am his.
Tell me again how to fit
Into the gaps of society
Designated for a woman.
Tell me all the ways my words
Are less my own
Than they are a man's
Tell me how my body will always be
The cup in my hand
Remind me of all the ways
Today will never be my day.
He looks at me, the corners of his mouth curling upwards. His eyes aimed at my lips.
He takes a few cautious steps, arms out, like Jesus ******* Christ.
He's close, so close. He dives as I swerve and tangle into him.
We part, his face twists as he looks at me
"Why won't you let me be with you?" He whispers.
"Because I can't"
I'm so scared.