I.....
Wear glasses,
Because weak are my eyes,
Am one of those backbenchers in classes,
Cracking jokes and breaking the ice,
Upon my lips always a,
Sweet,
Mischievous,
Caring,
Smile,
I try to be the perfect friend,
Take the blame in the end,
Play lots of sports,
Mastered games of all sorts,
Teacher's pet,
Prefer when a plan is set,
But it's all the face of a card,
That's all a façade,
In reality I'm a mess,
Always high on stress,
An emotional wreck,
Overthink every little thing,
I'm the Joker in a deck,
Unwanted and ignored,
I find joy in being lonely,
For then nobody I can trust,
And words won't hurt me,
I may look strong to see,
But inside I'm very weak,
It makes me sick,
Sadness is a pain,
But in it I feel a dark pleasurable gain,
And it kills me from inside,
It is how I am as a person,
It is my style,
My life now,
For tomorrow is another day,
Before everyone I have to dawn a smile..

Anxiety
Every little sound seems loud,
Sounds of footsteps pounding in my head,
Everyone is talking loudly,
Even if I don't want to,
I can still hear what they say,
I bite my nails,
Always fidgeting like a dogs tail,
I grit my teeth,
Keep tapping my feet,
I feel uncomfortable talking on the phone,
I can  hear leaves being blown,
I am nervous in a crowd,
Afraid of sounds so loud,
Fireworks scare me,
Movie halls scare me,
I wake up sweating always,
Carrying a coin with me always,
I feel safe with it,
When tensed I bite the back of my hands,
I feel calm,
I listen to music all the time,
I like to be silent like a mime,
I feel calm by the sea,
Or in the rain,
The sound of water is soothing,
The waves rolling,
Hitting the rocks,
I get distracted easily,
But can focus like crazy,
I have something called,
Anxiety.

Assam is a place full of trees,
Green as it can be,
A place with cool breeze,
A sanctuary with animals free,
Here ones soul is at ease,
A place of tranquility,
A place where rice and fish,
Is a delicacy,
Celebrating the harvest,
With bonfires and dance,
A place to celebrate nature,
Here live many a tribe,
They provide with a feast,
Assam... The pride of the east.

As a child,
I would carry something,
It was always on my mind,
It could have been anything,
A rock, a pebble and plastic find,
And I would keep it on me at all time,
I never had any friend,
And that weird thing,
Was mine,
I was hold it in my hand,
Talk to it,
Feel it all over,
And I could trust it,
For months I would carry it,
Till I accidentally lose it,
Or my parents throw it,
Relying and trusting a useless object,
Is much better than trusting someone,
The object will never hurt you,
But someone will,
Now since I don't have anyone,
I carry around a necklace,
I bought it for someone dear to me,
Close to my heart,
A necklace with an S,
But I will never get to the part,
To give that person,
And I just have given everything,
To this necklace,
And I rely on it,
It is a source of pain,
But I just can't seem to leave it.

When I enter a bakery,
I gaze at the variety ,
Of fresh baked cake,
And cookie dough ,
Ready to bake,
I smell the tempting flavors of donuts,
And the wide range of cookies with nut,
I glance at the crossiant,
Something I gravely want,
I order a coffee,
And a crossiant,
To satisfy me,
I taste the luscious buttery bread,
And relish the spread,
Enjoying without worry,
Well this is the,
Adventure of a bakery

Sitting in an open cargo carriage,
Feet dangling off the edge,
With you by my side,
The world sailing passing by,
Look into the distance,
Into the green mountain side,
Cranking of the train pistons,
Just with you by my side,
Spark of love in your eye,
Living the best life,
Carefree and wild,
The wind against my skin,
The silence within,
The warmth of the sunlight,
Infront the world will glide,
Nothing is more precious,
Than you being by my side.

How do I tell someone,
To stop talking to me,
To get out of my life,
Because I can never help,
But fall in love,
Even after trying to forget,
To ignore,
One message and I'm in love,
How do I tell someone who is hurting,
That I don't want to talk to them,
When I am the only person she trusts,
But even I am hurting,
Only thing is I have no one to trust,
I have to suffer to help her,
To make her smile,
I have to shed a tear from my eye,
I cannot leave her,
Atleast not now when she needs me,
But I do not want to talk to her,
Cuz I will fall in love again,
And she will break my heart.. again,
And never love me like I do,
How do I tell someone,
To stop talking to me,
Seems like I am in a catch 22

I feel happy when I hear your voice,
I fell in love with you,
I did not have a choice,
And when I told you,
I could never hear your voice,
Your eyes would never meet mine too,
My heart felt like broken toys,
You became a ghost,
For you I was just another boy,
You are what my heart desires the most,
For you to play with I was not a toy,
I was just a boy,
Whose happiness was your voice,
And he fell in love with you,
He did not have a choice.

I would never hurt anyone,
Or make them sad,
Even if it risks my reputation,
Or make me feel bad,
I would make you smile,
Even if what you say breaks my heart,
In your shoes I have walked more than a mile,
I know how it feels,
And I would risk everything,
Just so happiness a person could feel,
If I cannot have it,
Doesn't mean others cannot too,
I will sacrifice every bit,
Of my emotions just to make you smile,
I would lie,
I hate you for what you have done to me,
But I can't tell you that,
I can't tell you how I truly feel,
It will hurt you,
And I can't let that happen,
I guess I will give up myself,
To you,
Something like a clown,
Nobody sees the frown,
Behind the laughter and mask,
No one sees the heart,
Behind the entertaining art,
No one knows the truth,
This is the purpose of my creation,
To make you smile,
Even at the cost of my reputation.

I recently looked through my poetry,
they are all past stories,
all locked away memories,
I realized something,
something I worry,
all I write are dark story,
fueled by dark memory,
what is happening to me,
when was the last time I was happy,
in my mind is a painful mark,
oh why ! oh why !
are my thoughts,
so dark..

What happens when someone dies?
I say,
There is an island that meets the eyes,
And slowly float from life away,
Upon the banks the perished soul lies,
For now it is free and must find a way,
For eternity to survive,
For maybe the soul can die,


What happens when someone dies?,
I say,
They see endless white light,
And they see what's most precious,
It can be a sight,
To the eyes gracious,
It removes the fright,
It may be deceiving,
From the pain,
Of dying.


What happens when someone dies?,
I say,
A person hears his worst lies,
Has to suffer the guilt,
Of the pain inflicted on many lives,
It is endless suffering,
For those who ignores the forbiddence of sinning,
They suffer for all eternity,


What happens when someone dies?
I say,
They are set free from the shackles and tortures of life,
And that is the ultimate freedom,
For one to desire.

I struck up a conversation in a park,
A stranger sharing the seat,
The sun is setting and just about to get dark,
They sounded timid and meek,
We spoke about dreams,
They said ' I find myself standing on a pier,
Looking out to the end and the ocean's gleam',

We met the next day on the same seat,
They said 'today I saw a boat at the end of the pier,
And I had been feeling a fear',
' There is a ferryman in it and calls me near ',
'He doesn't speak any words and just waits'

On the third day I saw them again sitting,
'I've been waking up late each morning',
'The sounds of the ocean keeps me longing',
'I can hear the sounds of the boat creaking',
'And the ferryman continues waiting',

On the fourth day,
'I spoke to the ferryman',
'He didn't speak but he listened away',
'His presence calmed my shaking hands',
'His eyes felt like he was showing the way',
'Under his boat shifted the sands of time',
'I awoke late crying'

On the fifth day,
I sat there and await,
I was curious to hear what they say,
Today they were late,
I looked around to search for them,
I sat there until the dusk at eight,
I wanted to hear about what they dreamed,
I thought to myself they were never late,
They finally got on the boat it seemed,

I stood up and left,
And never again we met.

I am in Netherlands,
Through my university course,
Has allowed me to travel across the lands,
Of the beautiful Europe,
Me and a friend have come to lend a hand,
To farmers for voluntary work,
Which is also a school on the farmland,
For kids who can't achieve the mark,
Who can't study in the normal system,
I am in the pure countryside,
And it is beautiful and majestic,
There are fields wide,
Long clean canals blue,
It is a beautiful sight,
I cycle looking at this view,
The sun shining golden bright,
The wind blowing past you,
The dim villages at night,
It feels nice to be away,
Away from the fright,
This is what I like,
This is,
The Dutch countryside