zeph the deer boi: Poems

In life we hope
That there will be light
Along the way
As we float in space
We hope our hearts won't be filled with void or rage
We don't want to be alone with just our minds
We wish to be with others
Not related by blood
No matter whether or not you're alone
We're all doomed to die
So we take our last breath
One last *time

beep beep I'm a sheep
I said beep beep I'm a sheep

#life #idk #thing #homestuck

Bam Bam

zeph the deer boi Dec 2016

Bam Bam

you shoot and they die
why humanity do they
face brutality?

#haiku

beat beat

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

beat beat

my heart beat keeps me up at night
beating fast
beating hard
it hurts to move
it hurts to breathe
im so tired
but I can't seem to leave

don't think this is supposed to happen...it just keeps happening tho

#heart #rip #beat

Beep Bop Gonna Stop

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

Beep Bop Gonna Stop

I started again a month ago
I didn't have a razor but just my Trusty pair of lil scissors
I made patterns across my legs
To help distract me from death
Yet I must stop and let them heal
For I'll have to go to the doctors soon
And they most likely will be revealed

boop...idk I need to go to the doctors soon cuz of stuff...been two months and nothing so gotta get that checked

Billy Joel the Piano Man

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

Billy Joel the Piano Man

oh ****
I saw the piano man
singing his songs
to the uptown girl
by the fire he didn't start
for the longest time
you believed
he was the entertainer
you may be right
but its all in a matter of trust

I SAW BILLY JOEL TODAY!
idk poem with titles of his songs

#piano #song #billy #joel

Binary Code

zeph the deer boi Sep 2016

Binary Code

gender = input("male or female: ?")

def binary:
    if gender == "male" or "female":
        print("born with hex codes
        printed for all to see
        blue or red
        sticking to the binary
        hardwares dictate who you are
        produce more to strengthen security
        ignore black hat delusions
        DON'T reject this false unity
        01110011 01101111 01110011")
    if gender != "male" or "female":
        print("404 ERROR NOT FOUND")

#gender #code #python #programmer #nonbinary

Can't You Let Me Leave?

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

Can't You Let Me Leave?

Why do you all want me to stay?
I'm just a nuisance can't you see
Leave me alone so I may
Take these pills and be in eternal sleep
My existence never helped anyone
My absence will be the key
Everything will be better after I'm done
So don't lie and say you'll miss me

idk I've noticed peeps will say they'll miss you if you try to **** yourself even peeps who thought you were annoying and wanted you to shut up or go away...

#suicide #depression

clap your hands

zeph the deer boi Dec 2016

clap your hands

if you're stressed out and you know it clap your hands
clap clap
if you need constant reassurance clap your hands
clap clap
if your life is just a wreck and you're really tired of it
if you're depressed and anxious clap your hands
*clap clap

Dang Dang Diggity Dang Dang

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

Dang Dang Diggity Dang Dang

well ****
family gatherings aren't that fun
got yelled at right when I got to the house
talking bout little things I've done
criticizing me

when I want to be alone
and make some drawings
they complain
I'm not spending time with my family

yet everything's fine and dandy
when we all hangout in the room
listening to old songs
while they all get drunk

I hate holidays
I stopped feeling joy when they come around
same with other things I used to love
I'm so tired

idk how to title things...

Dream World

zeph the deer boi Feb 2017

Dream World

Can I keep on dreaming
Up a new life
One without strife
Where I’m alright
If I have to live here
I will block the world out
Living in my dream world

In this world
I’m a free deer
I tend to spend more
Of my time here
Living here in peace
There is so much space here
I am made of stars

Can I keep on dreaming
Up a new life
One without strife
Where I’m alright
If I have to live here
I will block the world out
Living in my dream world

In here
I don’t have to deal with
My depression
No acceptance
Ignorant
To the world around

Can I keep on dreaming
Up a new life
One without strife
Where I’m alright
If I have to live here
I will block the world out
Living in my dream world

i like to daydream about being a deer. no troubles no worries. when im not at school i spend my time in this world. it helps calm me down and make me happy

#dream #world #stars #space #deer

Election Day Haiku

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

Election Day Haiku

This election day
Determines who's president
Please don't elect Trump

omfg im really disappointed in america right now. trump has 140 electoral votes while hillary only has 104. really?! why the **** do people want some racist, sexist, homophobic pig who will ruin the country!? why are people so stupid!? did they not learn from what happened with england and brexit!? hes an idiot! he said global warming is fake! and he believes in conversion therapy and pro life! hillary better win

#please #only #election #hillary

Eyes

zeph the deer boi Dec 2016

Eyes

they're hidden and blind
only sees beyond your lies
these questioning eyes

idk

#haiku

Five Senses

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

Five Senses

look into the mirror
what do you see?
someone who's lost faith in humanity
and themselves
touch your skin
what do you feel?
cuts and hair i don't need
stop and listen
what do you hear?
someone crying, there goes a tear
in your mouth
what do you taste?
salty tears but that's not always the case
breathe through your nose
what do you smell?
i can't...nose is stuffed...oh well

idk

#senses

Flower

zeph the deer boi Feb 2015

Flower

A withering flower isolated from the others
In this crumbling vase it stands alone
Oblivious to it no one bothers
Always forgotten it should have known
Deceiving roses catch their eyes
Claiming them as their own
Thrown in the garbage the flower will lie
What they're after is what is shown

#flowers #rose

Forgotten Puppet

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

Forgotten Puppet

here I am
waiting
give me commands
I will do
whatever you demand
for just one more touch
for your eyes to be on me
01110011

here I am
waiting
paralyzed
I can't get up
I can't move on
you've trapped me here
with your strings
yet you still haven't realized
01101111

here I am
waiting
like all your other toys
locked away in your closet
forgotten in time
when will you use me
puppeteer?
**01110011

idk

#waiting #puppet

Freedom

zeph the deer boi Mar 2017

Freedom

the metamorphosis of catatonic minds
the freeing of people
crossing freedom lines
free to be yourself
free to be you and
was that so bad?
was it that hard to see?

idk man

#freedom #free

homework outline

zeph the deer boi Dec 2016

homework outline

follow the outlines
make it perfect
times new roman
12 size font
double space

you double spaced your name,
date, and title?
a zero
you failed!
stressed?
shouldn't have double spaced...

don't worry
I'll tell you why you got a zero
after I force you to revise it
without you knowing what you did wrong!

seriously though
he could've told us why we did it wrong
instead of saying its an incorrect
and why does he want it so **** specific?!
put the date same line as your name
make title last name type of document youre writing blah blah

Idk What I'm Doing

zeph the deer boi Dec 2016

Idk What I'm Doing

public class Poetry extends ConsoleProgram
{
    public void run()
    {
        System.out.prinln("* A poem about a word ");
        System.out.prinln(" Continue the poem using the letters ");
        System.out.prinln(" Random? No! ");
        System.out.prinln(" Of course it'll sound a bit off ");
        System.out.prinln(" Sadly that's how it is ");
        System.out.prinln(" To inexperienced poets ");
        System.out.prinln(" I for one don't like this sort of poem style ");
        System.out.prinln(" Can't always do what we want can we? *");
    }
}

idk for some reason i had to put an acrostic poem in my coding program. so heres a lil poem for that program. its dumb but eh. the language is java!

#acrostic #idk #code

im a deer

zeph the deer boi Jan 2017

im a deer

oh dear oh dear
i feel so free
this is a new feeling
im escaping reality
to live in my fantasies
im a care free deer
and no one can stop me

for once im happy and its lasted a while
ive been looking towards the future and im telling myself itll be good
i hope so

I'm Blue

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

I'm Blue

You gave birth to a red
But I'm a frickin blue
Yet after all I've said
You still cant understand my feelings are true

bluh bluh mom doesn't understand

#trans #lgbt

I'm Your Computer

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

I'm Your Computer

A computer
A device for storing and processing data
It's full of bits
Chunks of information
And so am i
I'm your gateway to all your solutions
You come to me asking help for your problems
You come for new information
And that's it
I'm just your living computer

vrrm bip bip

#computer

Insomnia

zeph the deer boi Oct 2016

Insomnia

I go to school and do my work
in the shadows they will lurk
making sure I'm on time
and never stepping out of line
at home I'll cry, and when the clock strikes 3
there with tear soaked pillows I will sleep
whatever I do I am always late
I guess its just an insomniac trait

I have a lot of trouble sleeping at night and I usually fall asleep at 3am
I have to wake up at 6 so I can be on time but I never do
its been getting so bad that I couldn't do my hw cuz my eyes hurt so much
mom let me stay home cuz she knows its better to just be absent than to go with missing hw

#sleep #insomnia #school #rip

i suck at this

zeph the deer boi Feb 2017

i **** at this

can you play the right keys?
use your right, left, right, right, left
hand
-wait which one?-
one at a time
now both
-crap i cant do this-
*******, three fingers
take it down an octave
stay at the rhythm please
follow everyone else
-i cant focus on mine and everyone elses!-
and now repeat
*-help...-

im not good at playing the piano especially when i have to play while violins, cellos, violas, and the bass are playing at the same time

#piano #orchestra

Jejune's Makeover (Draft)

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

Jejune's Makeover (Draft)

they tell us from a young age
to be ourselves
yet we're expected
to be like everyone else

I made my own
snowflake world
special to me
yet others found strange

they stalked their celebrity crush
and listened to rap
while obsessing over shoes
expecting others to do the same
why do I get looks
for being in my own world?

bzzrtt
-here comes loud obnoxious infomercial voice-
stop diverting
hide yourself
conceal away your desires

you are flawed
we can help
you're just one payment away
from sheep like happiness
bzzzrtt

falling under their spells
i was doomed from the start
i'm like every other teenage girl
dealing with this lipstick chaos
now I am jejune

idk this is like a ****** song I'm working on. there's this person who makes songs using vocaloids and she uses themes to tell her story. some themes she's used have been, colors, trains, teeth, color bars/tv, and radios. I love these songs and I wanna make songs like her! so the theme is supposed to be makeup...idk...I'm working on it...I'll be revising it. I already drew the character for the story and eventually when I get a vocaloid ill put it on youtube!

#idk #makeup

Left On Read

zeph the deer boi Sep 2016

Left On Read

where'd you go?
my friend
my will to live
I've been having trouble
with my mind
with my thoughts
I miss those days where it was just us
all alone
all satisfied
now all you do is ignore me
you left me behind
you left your home behind
I told you my secrets
yet do you even care?
do you even remember?
found others more worthy of your time?
while I sit here waiting
wasting mine
text after text
all night, I'll wait for your reply

left on read

I find it easier to write my emotions out in poem style. I just miss my friend

#love #phone #text

List Part 1

zeph the deer boi Sep 2016

List Part 1

Welcome to this friendly desert community
Take in the fresh hazelnut smell
As you get lost in this mystifyingly beautiful town
Do you dare go to the library to learn about our history
Written by lizards and cuttlefish?
Listen to the larks as they scream
Lurking in the trees
Don't be fooled by Robert
Who sends out anglican pheromones
Put the halters on top of deers
To stop their egalitarian anarchist ways
The hardware's lasers signal the feral dogs
To howl into the vacuum of nothingness

so in welcome to nightvale (a podcast about a desert town where strange stuff happens) there was a list that everyone had to remember. i wanted to write a poem containing the words from the list and put them in the order they were said. its kind of hard since they're random...i decided to split the list up into different poems so it'll be easier for me. the first part of the list i used was:
Hazelnut, Mystify, Cuttlefish, Lark, Lurk, Robert, Anglican, Pheromone, Halter, Top, Marmalade, Hardware, Laser

#random #nightvale

Me At Myself

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

Me At Myself

do you ever feel like
your friends never cared about you?
like your entire existence never affected them?
hell they probs would've done better without you...
you've annoyed them ever since you met them
and now here you are
still bothering them...
you're probably the cause of their problems
or making their problems worse for them
and you know it
you hurt them so many times
and only came back to you
because you were weak
and couldn't go on without them in your life
you want them all for yourself
because you don't know how to speak
to other people and make friends...
how much longer
til you've broken beyond repair?
a year, a month, or just a few hours?
when will you finally be consumed with despair?
or have you already died inside
and are too scared you'll mess up
and have to explain to everyone that you don't have the will to live...

lelel tired
friendos probs hate me
like deep down they do
I'm so annoying cuz all I do is complain about how I wanna die
lol

#eh

More Games Please

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

More Games Please

↑ ↑ ↓
You have so many options you can choose from
↓ ← →
Yet every game is you shooting from a gun
← → ⒝
I'd like some more variety in games please
(ª) start

boi I'm tired of fps

#games #video #fps

My Cut Sew Pattern

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

My Cut Sew Pattern

My own family mocks my creations
With my patience wearing thin
I cut the delicate fabric
And wait to sew it back up again
And I repeat these actions
It's an endless battle
Between myself and my family
*Can they see the thread?
Can they see the patterns I've created?

boop I'm tired...

#family #cut #pattern #thread #sewing

New Found Awakening

zeph the deer boi Sep 2016

New Found Awakening

I've been waiting for 4 years
Until today, I come to tears
As the band I idolize
Comes back to life

***! so gorillaz updated their website and have been posting pictures from phase 1 and tomzy theyre posting stuff from phase 2 and thursday stuff from phase 3! THEN THAT LEAVES FRIDAY FOR PHASE 4 AND HOPEFULLY A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! MAYBE THEYLL POST A SONG! SO EXCITED

#music #gorillaz #excitement #band

No Crowds No

zeph the deer boi Dec 2016

No Crowds No

lost in this sea of bodies
right in the middle
they're everywhere
surrounding me
make them go away
make them go
their noises
louder than thoughts
no space to move
no place to think
they can't hear
these silent screams

I get really anxious when I'm in a crowd and everything is so loud. I can't even hear myself think and it gets me anxious...idk can't handle loud noises especially when there's way too many people

Oh Look a New Hairstyle!

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

Oh Look a New Hairstyle!

I usually go by unnoticed
Especially when I'm crying
Or having a mental breakdown
Yet I dye and cut my hair
And that's when I get a wave of people noticing
Like thats the only thing there
*Do I seriously have to change how I look
For people to acknowledge my existence?

****...

#hair #invisible #school

Oh Looky Its a Poem?

zeph the deer boi Dec 2016

Oh Looky Its a Poem?

there's too many of them
why do I have to be here
there's no space for me to move
they're all watching me
look away please
itd be weird if I started biting my pen
in front of them
I need to do something
I need to calm down
what can I do?

when I get anxious I need to do something. like move around, bite my pen, flap my hands idk. it helps calm me down. I can't really do that at school especially when I have a stalker in the class...sometimes I'll find myself biting my pen or just drumming my hands on the table. sometimes that isn't enough sometimes it is.

Oh No They Fall

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

Oh No They Fall

there's our zealous king zeph
with his wife the anxious queen amaryce
be careful zeph
the queen she warns
our kingdom will fall
in prophecy its sworn

one by one
the letters they fall
one by one
they can't recall

first falls z
not many use it you see
now what do we call the king?
how bout luke it has a nice ring!

one by one
the letters they fall
one by one
they can't recall

next falls q
in the wind it flew
now what do we call amaryce?
how bout king number 2!

one by one
the letters they fall
one by one
they can't recall

next falls x and m
oh wow what'll we be left with then?
king 2 will be referred to as lucy
you see it fits nicely!

idk got bored and don't wanna finish the rest

#letters #boop

painted closets

zeph the deer boi Sep 2016

painted closets

paintbrush flows, patterns unfold
occupied hours, the doors closed
hidden in plain sight
both a comfort and a weekness until
little black tablets make a colored world
turn down transparency so you can be seen

on the screen colors
are arranged so
rainbow connections
bring you closer to who you truly are
so embrace your new found colors
in this colorless existence

make a new layer
draw another line
pixel by pixel it all comes into place
blurring into existence
pixie wings and pictorial symphonies
swing open closets
I'm coming out

aaah so I haven't been on in a year! so much has happened! so many new poems to make! this one I've been working on for a few days. Imma keep coming back to it and fixing it up because I really like this one

#drawing #art #lgbt #closet #comingout

parasite

zeph the deer boi Apr 2017

parasite

i am a parasite
with nightmare eyes
you have given up
so by me, you'll die

my existence is monstrous
your useless cries
they dont care
they're already dead inside

idk

#dead #idk #parasite

Past Dreams

zeph the deer boi Dec 2016

Past Dreams

given another chance
at life
a new me
every time I change
I am reborn
starting at the last save point
with a new feature
a new view on life

a poem about a dream I had
where I kept dying
every time I came back to life
something had changed
and so did the world around me
I realized it was every time I changed as a person
and how I saw the world changed with it

#dream #self #change

Porcelain Doll

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

Porcelain Doll

"Stay away from others
You're too fragile
They'll break you apart"
But that's something you've done from the start
"Wear ballroom attire, and go on display
Everyone will see
Your beauty right away"
I'm not a toy you can collect
I'm not something you can play with,
Something you can dress
Mom leave me alone
*I'm not your porcelain doll

boop

#trans

Scales

zeph the deer boi Nov 2016

Scales

I'm under the influence of these scales
Controlling my every action
Twisting views of my reality
The distorted reflections
in the mirror
Remind me of past memories
And what's to come

#self #mirror #scales

see me hear me feel me

zeph the deer boi Dec 2016

see me hear me feel me

can you see me?
hear me?
feel me?
can you see how broken I've become?
don't you see?
with every little touch
I crumble

idk

September 3rd 2014

zeph the deer boi Dec 2016

September 3rd 2014

you hurt me
they were all on your side
you told me to
i couldve died
you wouldnt have cared
i can still feel the wires
tangled around my neck
i cant help but feel scared
that you guys still feel this way
should i just let
these wires take me away??

im still upset about this
my friend and i got in a fight
and she told me to **** myself and that she hated me
and i tried to but couldnt
and i told my other friend and she didnt care cuz the girl who told me to **** myself was crying
and now i cant get over it
im worried no one cares
that everyone wants me dead
i probably should have died that day
it got bad
i became obsessed with her liking me
i had to have her approval for everything
and i still act like this
i need to stop
i need to leave her

Space Dreams

zeph the deer boi Dec 2016

Space Dreams

float through space with me
let's be cosmic entities
living within dreams

#haiku #space

speech poem

zeph the deer boi Mar 2017

speech poem

why is it important for authors to recount past traumas in their work?
what do you do
when all your bad memories seem to lurk
in your mind, resurfacing,
causing you to relive the past that only seems to give
you negativity, no tranquility?

dont let your traumas fester
manifest into some kind of monster
one that you cant tame yourself

we had to write a speech about why its important for authors to write about traumas so i made a lil poem for it!

#traumas

Stalker Eyes

zeph the deer boi Sep 2016

Stalker Eyes

your efforts to stop him are in vain
whatever you do he never refrains
from watching you from a distance
showing no resistance
to stop having his watchful eyes
follow you through the world of lies
everywhere you go
will he ever understand the word no?

so there's a stalker at my school...its really annoying cuz I told him I don't like him and to leave me alone yet he still follows me and if I stop walking, slow down, or go to a classroom to get something he'll stop too and stand there watching me...its creepy...

#stalker

The Darkness

zeph the deer boi Feb 2015

The Darkness

The light always fades
It never seems to stay
The dark is drawing near
Leaving people in fear
They quiver and shake in its presence
Soon enough they'll befriend it
Try and try with all their might
But in the end, they'll never win this fight
There's no point in running away
From the darkness that's here to stay

#depression #dark

the idk what im doing im bored and emotional poem

zeph the deer boi Dec 2016

the idk what im doing im bored and emotional poem

no one can see me
I hide myself can't you see?
cuz they dont care
how is that fair?
they have others
why would they bother
to be with someone like this
i bet they wouldnt miss
me when im gone
dont tell me im wrong

I can't seem to control
all my emotions and it seems to play a role
in why no one seems to stay
that and I may
not know how to hold a conversation
its quite hard to make friends when
I'm socially awkward

so instead of trying
I'll just be here hiding
watching everyone else
have a life while I'm by myself

its great when you want to make new friends but you know no ones gonna like you or care bout you so you don't even bother trying. and then when you do try you end up annoying them cuz you're so used to talking to like two people and you start acting like how you normally would around the new person and they don't like it.