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373 · Jul 2017
Blue Period
ICN Jul 2017
I started wearing contacts
and you didn't even notice.
You texted me an apology, saying
I'm your only one.
Telling me you love me
But face it, we're just angsty teens.

Tomorrow's a new day,
I'll be halfway across the country
Your lips another memory
And your eyes a faded photograph
Letting go, is harder than I thought.

All I want
Is another blueberry smoothie on your rooftop.
While the sky is changing colors
Purple and blue.
Like we used to do
I realize, I'm missing you.

My body's moved away,
but my brain hasn't moved on.
Whatever happened?

The summer breeze,
now a winter storm.
Oh purple and blue,
It's just blue without you.
//ugh i actually hate this sappy stuff but its all i can write\\
371 · May 2015
thoughts
ICN May 2015
my mind is a fathomless pit of scenarios and what if’s
unanswered questions lying around
never tested hypotheticals

there was a saying that once said “it’s better to regret something you did do, than something you didn’t”
but i wouldn’t know, i’ve never taken a risk
all my regrets are of things i did not do

lies envelop my life
glazed on is superficial perfection
how can i hope to get raw when i dont even know my own identity

pleadingly i stand in front of this stranger
i can't make out the details of my own face much less anyone else's

never loved anyone like they love in the movies
but fairytales and reality rarely collide
my mind is full of nightmares,
but there is no knight to save me

and i am not strong enough to save myself
everyday the pit gets deeper
maybe one day i'll reach the other side...
329 · Jul 2017
Inside My Glass Prison
ICN Jul 2017
I'm trapped in a glass prison
Isolated.
The red tears falling down my cheeks
Tears of despair.
Tears of anger and frustration
But nobody sees inside the thin glass.
It's only me.
//i'm never alone but i always feel lonely\\
327 · Jul 2017
Forget Me
ICN Jul 2017
Forgotten?
Is what I'll be tomorrow
A faded memory in the back of your mind
A distant echo in your dreams
Too far away
Never here to stay
We knew it from the start
Every second passed is a missed opportunity
The things we never did
An never dared to say
We missed our window
We missed our chance
The door was wide open
But I let you in
Gave you the world
Made you my world
And you let me go.
//you did\\
312 · Jun 2015
Three Words
ICN Jun 2015
Our grand era was over
Our final goodnight had been said
Yet I'm sitting, waiting for you at the bed
Because I just can't get over the fact
That nothing will ever be the same
And I have no idea how to stay sane
Something cool runs down my cheek
There's salty taste in my mouth
Three words on my tongue
That are so hard to get out

*"I'll miss us"
290 · Jul 2017
what hides behind
ICN Jul 2017
There's a lot of meaning
behind this ****** cue

Hidden behind it
could be any number of feelings
and infinite combinations of them
excitement
love
pleasure
happiness
devastation
hate
sufferin­g
depression.

Yet we plaster it on daily
often consider it a mask

We bare our teeth
and hide behind
upturned corners.
//smile\\
288 · Jul 2017
Goodbye
ICN Jul 2017
I want to see your face
One last time
Before I, say goodbye
Once I leave,
I'm gone forever
And once I'm gone,
You'll see me never
Ever again.

So enjoy this while it lasts
This is hard, but it'll pass.
You're lonely.
But you're better alone,
Than in bad company.
//trust me on this\\
283 · Jul 2017
Time Track
ICN Jul 2017
The skeletons in my closet,
keep me company.
Running from my problems,
I cannot see.
It's all going too fast.
It's all just passing me by
I'm pushing and pushing and pushing the rock up the hill
But it's pointless
It just falls back down,
every time.
The world's a blur
My feet are tired.
We're at a standstill
Lost track of time.
My life's just passing me by.
//i swear i'm not as emo RAWR XD as my poems make me seem\\
282 · Sep 2017
mburn
ICN Sep 2017
not my childhood
not my adolescence
kind of like a limbo
but still a crucial part
of who i am

i always knew that i would leave you
i didn’t know it’d be this hard
the only thing thats getting me through
is the thought of someday seeing you
once again
oh once again

where did you go
i can’t find you
i’m right back home
but it isn’t home anymore

people change
and so do places
but i’m still rooted in the past
the world is moving fast
yet i stand still

you always knew that i would leave you
you didn’t think it’d be this hard
i don’t know if you miss me
i don’t know if you care
about me, anymore

i’d like to stay at the door
if you don’t mind
it helps me cope
reminds me of cold winter nights like before
i left you
like before
i left you
missing home a little extra today
281 · May 2015
fake smiles
ICN May 2015
fake smiles
hide the pain

our eyes
tell our stories

and I,
have gotten
so tired
of living like this

I've been alone
for too long
loneliness leads to silence
silence has a harsh voice
mother of monsters
destroyer of hope
264 · Jul 2017
Fall Asleep
ICN Jul 2017
Don't fall asleep
with your eyes half closed.
You're looking at me,
like an animal.
Oh don't you see?
It's a miracle.

That we're standing here
Face to face
You're my greatest fear
I'm looking you up and down
and left and right
But I'm not getting used to you
My breath hitches, I'm in trouble
I can't breathe, and I'm seeing double.
I close my eyes
Count to ten
And you're not there
I realize
I should've known
You wouldn't care.

I can't fall asleep
Knowing you're not there
I'm looking for you
In all the wrong places

I can't breathe
Life isn't fair

I'm realizing now,
There is no easy way out.
The truth hurts, but it empowers
My life, my struggle
Your life, your trouble.
//don't you dare, so easily forget me\\
263 · Jul 2017
Old, Broke, and Alone
ICN Jul 2017
We’ll end up old broke and alone.
No honey to call our own,
nobody to guide us home.
When we forget all the memories,
when we forget all the could have be beens and have done’s
nothing to tie us down to this world anymore.
Nothing oh nothing
It’ll all be gone, there's no forever.
Theres only now and i can’t stand it
I want to leave
I want to be free
But looking back I see,
I was just running from the possibility of you and me, of us.
You’ll always be my happily ever after,
My mindless chatter endearing and sweet.
I was just too icy
and cold to see it then.
I see it now
//forgive me?\\
260 · Jul 2017
Pathetic
ICN Jul 2017
Talking to you also
makes me feel so small
Yet you're the only one I want to talk to
because you are the only one
that can keep me up at 3 AM
you're the only one
that gives my brain electric shocks
And just your voice
makes my heart palpitate.
That's why I get so frustrated
And why I fall apart when you're cold
Your icy words cut deeper than you know
That's why I'm crying in the bathroom
Pathetic and alone
With a bottle of GreyGoose and a cigarette
My reflection distorted and I can't tell
Is the powder on my nose Coke or Salt?
I'll admit that I'm lonely,
But I hate admitting it's because of you
//why do I do this to myself?\\
257 · Aug 2017
ghost in my head
ICN Aug 2017
don't mind me
i'm just a ghost of past memories
in the back of your mind
the could have beens
would have beens
never were

thats who i am
thats all i am.
which means,
that's who you are
it's all you are too.
//but thats not who i want to be\\
235 · Apr 2016
Purgatory
ICN Apr 2016
The devil takes the crown
The walls to heaven tumble
Civilization begins to crumble,
and there's no longer a difference from wrong and right
What once was left is now right
slipping away, falling into depression
and I can't find a way to save myself
234 · Dec 2017
Miles Away
ICN Dec 2017
I left
Drove 1,000 miles
Spent the night in the U-Haul
But I wish it were you I was hauling with me.
All the way down south
I'm regretting this right about now
But i think its better for us
To be apart and figure things out.

You were my missing puzzle piece
I was scared we were so easily falling together
Falling forever
I hope I'm not forever in this limbo,
forever unsure.
I want to be with you tonight
I want to be in your arms,
Want you to tell me I'm pretty,
Tell you miss me,
Tell me you love me, I'm lovely

A thousand miles apart,
and i'm singing this song.
Singing my heart out for you
It's unhealthy to say the least,
How can i hope,
to get over it like this
I have to change
I have to move on.
I cant stick around for much longer,
I wont stick around for much longer.
I'm dying on the inside

You were my missing puzzle piece
I was scared we were so easily, falling together
Falling forever.
Now that I left, I'm missing you
and it just hurts we're still falling together,
we're still falling forever.
Forever in this limbo, forever unsure
Undefined and impossible now,

What a great idea it was
to be apart to figure **** out.
this just doesnt feel like home
224 · Aug 2017
the death of us
ICN Aug 2017
i wanted to be special
i wanted to be art

you wanted to be great
you wanted to be known

she wanted to be wild
she wanted to be changed

he wanted to be grand
he wanted to be inspiring

we were all wanting something
and in the end, that is what clipped our wings
ultimately, we were no longer wanting anything
except an end
//i honestly have nothing to say i'm tired but i like this aesthetic\\
221 · May 2015
You, Me, and Her
ICN May 2015
you were the whirlwind after the tornado,
you were the aftermath of the storm
you were multifaceted and unpredictable
but unfortunately for me, all that came at a price
i came alone armed with weapons, prepared to shoot to ****
my defenses were unmatched, yet without a scratch you walked through

and too late i realized…
the things you said to me, you said to her too
the things you confessed to me, you confessed to her too
the question you asked me, you asked her too

the difference between me and her though,
was that she said yes, and i said no
she did you and she did him
but you didn’t mind, until her stomach grew
so you told her, ***** you
back to me you came
to the beginning the story returns

but at the middle it ends.
220 · Apr 2016
it's the truth
ICN Apr 2016
everything I write is filled to the brim with mediocrity
//i admit it\\
211 · Aug 2017
ass.u.me
ICN Aug 2017
not going to lie,
i'm a bit disappointed

i know you like to think you've got me all figured out
but that's so far from the truth
and i'd like to remind you
that all your assumptions are baseless and false

we were in this together
but it seems to me
that we've fallen apart.
//what happened?\\
202 · Sep 2017
private treasures
ICN Sep 2017
we walked through the city at 2 am
it was calmer then
but still not calm
what else could one expect from the city that never sleeps?

we tripped in the park at 3 am
i was dizzy
you were clumsy
we fell into each other like two forced puzzle pieces

you walked me home at 4 am
i invited you inside
you took me up on the offer
neither of us remembers what happened after that

how come you and i can only be together in the solitude of our shared intoxication?
was i really a treasure or were you just ashamed of being with me?
201 · Aug 2017
the air and the eye
ICN Aug 2017
your embrace is no longer warm
it's not a field of sunflowers
or a safe place
anymore

now it is a cold winter storm
your arms are the gusts of a hurricane
while i stand in its eye;
we feign our affection
and the air can feel it.
//i miss the old you\\
191 · Aug 2017
is it really unconditional?
ICN Aug 2017
temporariness
is one of the most scary truths we must face as humans
everything in our lives is passing
the hair on our heads
the stain of a sharpie
even the sun
is temporary.

will your love for me be temporary?
will it fade when the collagen in my skin weakens
when my eyes no longer sparkle as they used to
when there is nothing left but an ancient soul in a frail old woman
will it fade then?

in short, what i am asking is
will your love be unlike everything else, and stand the test of time?
//does this keep anyone else up at night?\\
188 · Aug 2017
rirt doad
ICN Aug 2017
39th and a dirt road
     isn't it funny
          how you pretended not to know
               that my petals were falling

39th and a dirt road
     i was walking with bare feet
          my toes brown like the ground
               ***** and grass stained, tainted

39th and a dirt road
     i just can't get over
          this transition is killing me
               maybe it's better this way
                    please promise me
                         you'll stay away

39th and a dirt road
     acceptance is difficult
          the country is calm
               i need to learn to let go
                    if i ever want a shot
                         at a new life
                              so

39th and a dirt road
     is where you'll find me.
//i find a lot of things funny nowadays\\
181 · Apr 2016
Effect
ICN Apr 2016
I never cared

Until I did.
//you changed everything\\
178 · May 2015
We Were Nothing
ICN May 2015
I kept telling myself we were nothing
probably because i knew that if anything ever happened between us
it would end too painfully
but i’d forgotten that pain is better than feeling nothing
because now the nothingness is tearing away at my insides
and watching you with her should be killing me
but it doesn’t,
because we’re nothing remember

I barely talk anymore
I don’t know why
but all I do is observe
and everything I used to not see is so visible now
so obvious
and ****, I can see
174 · Aug 2017
who i really am
ICN Aug 2017
I tell others that I am "multifaceted"
Which I mean as "two faced"

I lie to myself daily
unsuccessfully.

the epitome of a hypocrite
147 · Aug 2017
she is the thrill
ICN Aug 2017
she walks in with the world on her shoulders
commanding attention
never seeking it
some stare
others glare

her smile lights up the room
even though it isn't genuine
her eyes are kind and thoughtful
but her actions are spontaneous and
her words are silk

she is addicting
one whiff of her and you'll want more

you are starving
and she's the tasting menu

she's who I want to be
//she's someone I don't think I ever could be\\

— The End —