******. you are the most wonderful thing I have ever met.
And I'm not saying that just because I like you too much-
I'm saying that because you are the best thing to look at.
I'm saying that because when I look at you I don't want it to ever end.
I'm saying that because when I hear you laugh I want to be able to play it on repeat forever.
Im saying that because ever since the first day I looked into your eyes- I knew I needed to know everything about you.
I'm saying that because out of anything in the world- I would pick you.


Unfortunately. Some things come to an end, without a second chance.
Who am I kidding? take all you need.
I won't pretend to be as tough as you like to seem.
With all this confusion clouding my once clear skies, I give it all away.
He knows what's right, He knows you'll be back.
all I know is, He will keep me safe.
I wipe my slate clean.
Leave the worry behind.
Sigh in relief - Sigh in disbelief.

One more hour to go.
One more hour to show.
One more hour to slow.
One more hour to quit.

Quit.
Quit breathing.
Quit stealing.
Quit keeping.

Keep.
Keep yourself happy.
Keep yourself true.
Keep yourself dancing with shadows of the truth.

The truth.
The truth is out there.
The truth is hidden.
The truth needs patience in order to reach you.

Patience.
I done ran outta that ****.

Got the call before noon.
I can't believe this news.
Jerry, you're gone.
I can't believe this news.
My nephews and sister left all alone.
I can't believe this news.
I can't process.
I can't.
How could this happen?
It is too soon for God to need you.
My sister needs you.
Johann needs you.
Jaben needs you.
I'm so sad.
You're gone.
This has to be a joke.
What a cruel cruel joke.
I need time to process.
I need this to sink in.
I need. I need.

Graveyard shift ain’t got no **** on me
Oh wait, held over my head
I look up
I realize
It’s me watching me
Nonsense thoughts
Unobtainable shots
I stop
I look
I call.
I call myself out in the open
I hold myself up to a fantasy
A fantasy which took two years
Two years to create
Two years to assimilate
And two to discover.
I’ve discovered you and I know you.
I love you and I can’t wait to marry you. But.
But.
But. There’s never a perfect time to get this thing right
Temptations a *****, but so is karma
All together held with a lick.

Her knowledge of this has come with age


And so it begins.

Stranded in the abyss between dreams and reality.
An unhealthy position for me to put myself in.
But as I open my eyes and focus on the picture, I realize I'm right where I need to be.
Alone, Stranded, and Hungry.
I strive to become someone who has never known hunger.
I strive to become someone who can fly away as she pleases.
I strive to become someone who fills herself with her own company.
I strive.
I strive.
As I strive to become who I wish to be.
I learn.
And I learn to become every part of me that has been hiding in the shadows for the last couple dozen years.
That's a long time to forget those parts of you.
And they come back without hesitation.

Darkness envelopes the thoughts of carefree living.
Darkness sets in and we turn to the light.
Don't worry it's taken years to reach this point.
Each battle leading us higher, I can see over the clouds.
Each battle pushing us further below, don't think there's a way out.
Does this sound familiar to you?
Forget the contradictory remarks and thoughts intended to belittle.
Belittle, what?
Belittle the heart.
Does this sound familiar to you?
Thoughts racing like the beat of a drum, droplets of sweat present to accompany the stress.
Hide yourself, they'll never know.
Keep eye contact, they'll never know.
Keep nodding yes, they'll never know.
Does this sound familiar to you?

Hold myself.
Awake.
Hold myself.
Awake.
Hold myself.
forget.
Hold myself.
Let Go.
Hold myself.
FORGIVE.
Hold myself.
Repent.
Hold myself.
Hold myself.

hold Myself.

I have never needed someone to be a part of my life so much.
I don't even really know you.
Do I?

I feel like I do because I know I love you.
And I know I need your touch.
But do I really know it's true?
Do I really know it's you?

If this life has taught me something.
It's that your heart will tell you the truth.
-When they're important.
-And when it's time to run.

You see that day our eyes met.
I heard my brain let out a faint-
Oh ****.

And it was in that moment of clarity, in that moment of peace.

My soul realized, it had found its missing key.

There was nothing else left to see.

Awake and a little bothered.
It's okay though.
I'm not that sober.
The usual routine.
Crush. Roll. Light.
It's my best past time.
One of my favorite outlets.
Forgetting to turn off the buzzer.
Remembering it's all in your head.
Being awakened with a reminder.
A reminder needeth be remembered.


Pause.


Don't forget to breath.


Okay.

give yourself hope
don't ever let go
there has to be
something other
than these foes.
hold yourself higher
don't let yourself go.
hearts full of doubt
I know you must know
we'll grow through this
I just ******* know
please please don't
shed your hope
open my eyes
and just feel
the blow.

Sometimes we meet people
who radiate vibes
that make us reach for stars
and never give up
Even before you know
there is a small chance
you're drawn to that person
Like love at first glance
I couldn't say what it was and I won't even try
But if I was new to this thing
I would **** your heart dry
Knowing the difference
Between lust before love
Will change a few things
Then make you feel smug
The damage is done
Don't you worry my dear
This fog will clear up
And you too will be able to hear
Why it never quite sounds right
-Till it's said the last time
--When you know that it's true
---And you know that it's mine

Don’t be afraid to take a big step, you can’t cross a chasm in two small jumps. David Lloyd George

Chasm
The definition of chasm can come in two forms
1. A deep fissure in the earth, rock, or another surface.
2. A profound difference between people, viewpoints, feelings, etc.

Taking a big step is needed to cross both.
To get over both
and fetch for sanity.
To reach for the furthest branch
To take the leap
To jump and release.

Plummet towards the earth.
Lose all sense of reality
Master containing hope.
Just don’t let go of that rope.

Dangling from the tree of life
Channeling the strength to fight
No other human in sight.
Hindered by the gift of design.
Hindered by the thought of this lie.

Desperate to forge tonight
Hold my body up to the light.
This law we cant defy.  
Is this all we’re willing to try?

Laying here thinking. It's time to get stitching. Too many holes in my soul to be keeping. No way to reduce the abuse of this world. Oh my god. What's gone wrong? this can't be the fate of our lives. Written on the whispers of all of our hate. Together in spirit but too far away. [this can't be pretend] When days come together and nights come to an end. We'll stare at the stars and dance with the sun. Hoping to never lose what we once saw. Hope of the ages. Hope from the wages. Getting to the top is never a simple hop. Too much of that **** and you'll end up unhitched. Dead in a coffin. Don't worry they're just coughing. too many tears and uncleared checks to put you out on top deck. Born in the butter. Gone with the gutter. Humble the hearts of the people who stumble. Struggle here now. Strengthen here now. Each stone getting lighter than the previous one now. Look down the cliff and notice who you forgot. Pull their cables up and never let 'em drop.