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Jan 2019 · 2.1k
I'm Sorry
Catteleya Fukui Jan 2019
"I'm sorry." That singular phrase. I hate it, it makes me feel weak.
No one ever means it. They should give up and just not speak.
It's a habit of mine to say sorry for something I'm not sorry for.
I'm not sorry, not one bit. I hate that it is part of me, it's an eyesore.
Please stop my pity parties. I can't contain them, please help me.
I'm sorry I'm like this. I'm sorry I'm the one making an apology.
I can't stop saying sorry. It's an essential part of my internal code.
It seems that I'm sorry is the only phrase my brain wants to upload.
I'm incredibly sorry and I don't really know why?
Maybe I'm apologizing for something useless that I identify?
I have many questions for my sorry brain, why am I sorry? What for?
I see this as a negative quality that no one will ever adore.
I keep saying sorry, I don't know how to stop it, please help me
I can't stop, help me get rid of this depressing and pitiful apology
I hate myself for feeling this weak, I'm definitely not strong
I hate that my feeling of strength always feels wrong.
I can't stand this feeling of being unwanted wherever I go
My tears say I'm sorry and they fall like glistening snow
I'm sorry that each time I say it, I start crying uncontrollably
I'm sorry that you can't really help me, it will go on inconsolably.
I will always be sorry, there's no changing that fact
I always apologize to people only when I'm feeling attacked
You can't help me in any way possible, I'm forever broken
No one can hear me scream because I will always be outspoken.
I'm an extremely apologetic person, so this poem portrays what I think each time I say that I'm sorry.
Jan 2019 · 173
Catteleya Fukui Jan 2019
Words can be beautiful or hurtful, but they also can be nothing at all
It just depends on who is saying them and who they're being said to
Many understand their purpose while others are absolutely clueless
Broken thoughts and memories can be put into words

Words have a purpose in our existence, they aren't completely useless
Songs, poems, and other such things use many words
Each one longer than the last, words control and contain our thoughts
It would be strange to live in a world without words since they are the fiber of most things
Dec 2018 · 3.0k
Catteleya Fukui Dec 2018
All around me, every day, I see them, lurking
Characters teasing me, praising me, staring at me, smirking
They're there every day, waiting, preying upon me, I'm their target
These characters of mine, I loathe them, they speak to me using an argot

Characters, they won't leave me alone, droning on and on in my head
I can't get rid of them, they'll never leave, each one I hope to shed
These characters most people call "voices," but that doesn't explain much
They hold onto me, suffocating me, they're a huge mental crutch

They're just holding me back, but I can't push them away, I hate it
Characters, I avoid and ignore them, but I share their pain, I'm a hypocrite
I despise them all, each and every one, I need them gone
These characters, these "voices," they're a "phenomenon."

Characters, such a repetitive topic, repetition is so boring
I hope I can keep this up a little longer, my abilities restoring
These characters limit the things I can do, I have a lock
I don't know how to express it, I might go into shock

I hope one day they'll leave me for good, they're such a pain
Characters I see, in the darkest puddles, and in each and every drop of rain
I can't ever get rid of them, they're here with me for life
These characters of mine will be with me, even in my afterlife
Nov 2018 · 1.3k
Catteleya Fukui Nov 2018
Positivity and morality are running low, not a whole lot I can do
I don't know for sure but my future cannot be completely thought through
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a fading light that's barely glowing
Each day becomes slower, I wonder if it'll keep going

How do others do it? Continue to smile even when everything's wrong?
I don't understand how you continue to act and sing along
Even though everything clearly no longer matters
I can no longer hear myself above this chatter

Positivity keeps people alive, right?
Yeah, I guess I'll last until tonight
Maybe I'll continue for a few more days
Give me the strength to think of some different ways

I can't keep this up for much longer
Even though if I do, I'll become so much stronger
I don't know how to feel anything anymore
But to keep others happy, all the feelings I can't feel, I'll ignore
Nov 2018 · 1.6k
Absolutely Nothing
Catteleya Fukui Nov 2018
Absolutely nothing could set me apart from the rest of the world
But each and every thought of mine has unfurled
I cannot believe I could see before, my eyes are blurred
It's like being drunk in eyesight, all my words are slurred

There's nothing all that special about me, I'm not important
I do not mean to be insensitive, I'm just being blunt
I cannot see beyond my future, I see only a blank slate
Even if there's nothing there, it's such a tiresome weight

Absolutely nothing makes me special, not one thing
But I still cannot help myself, I find that I cling
The people who tell me I'm different are lying
I'm absolutely nothing, endlessly sighing

There are several burdening weights atop my shoulders
The mental weight is heavier than one thousand boulders
I can feel them slowly pushing me down
Soon enough, I'll have a mental breakdown

Absolutely nothing is all I'll ever be, let's face it
Forever I'll be here, suffering, I'll never quit
There's still something I'm missing, I'm positive
My thoughts and voice are holding me captive
Nov 2018 · 198
Dark Eyes
Catteleya Fukui Nov 2018
Dark eyes, like a river of black and the smallest white reflections, cannot be seen
Why do I find myself there, in your cold eyes, where it's barren and I find myself lost in between
All those bright colors you're missing, I feel bad that you cannot see anything besides black and white
I'm sure that someone told you that seeing those two colors only is alright

Even in your dark eyes, I'm sure I can find a brighter color, I swear
I love to get lost in those fragile doe eyes, but it's more than just cold there
Your dark eyes scream for more than just help, they scream save me
Each time I try to though, I drift farther and farther out to sea
Nov 2018 · 2.1k
I'm Made Of Glass
Catteleya Fukui Nov 2018
I feel like I'm made of cheap glass
I have no purpose, I'm not of high class
And even though I'm of no use
That will never make a good excuse

Pardon my outburst, I'm containing my thoughts
And each one that goes can never be caught
They all burst from my mind like a brilliant volcano
Each one setting off a light and faint glow

I feel like I'm absolutely fake
I put on a smile because if I'm happy, that's all it takes
It doesn't hurt them if I'm sad, no one even cares
Because when I'm sad, they just feel the need to stare

I don't pay attention to them because I know deep in my mind
All of them have no idea of the things I think of, they're blind
Each thought darker than the last
Remembering all the bad times in the past

Each thought bubbles up and creates paranoia
Each one branches out like a giant sequoia
I hate each and every one for they swarm me like flies
I can't explain how much it hurts, but each sharp sting of pain I despise
Nov 2018 · 3.6k
Catteleya Fukui Nov 2018
She's there, slouching slightly, tall and lean, her eyes like lapis
Who can't fall in love with her? I feel like it's impossible
Her short hair dyed like an ocean in the moonlight, her sparkling smile
Her light voice and her face dappled with small freckles

She can't see it, but she's absolutely beautiful
Literally everything about her, she's amazing
She's the best person in the world, she's perfect
I could describe her endlessly

She feels like dying everyday and it physically hurts me
No one that nice or beautiful should feel like that
Why would someone so perfect want to end her own life?
How did she come to hate herself this way?
Nov 2018 · 3.0k
Watchful Eyes
Catteleya Fukui Nov 2018
I've often noticed numerous features
Many of which are on gardeners and bakers and preachers
But I have never even mentioned my own
Many peers of mine point them out to the teachers
To be silent and observe is what I am prone

I find listening and watching much more meticulous
I realise they don't understand how I stay quiet during the day
For they all speak and sound quite ridiculous
I think they may soon learn of what they say
At least I hope, I can never say for sure when they may

— The End —