You were supposed to give of yourself--
Your angel dust was dragon fire;
*The spark to her funeral pyre.

"As the same fire assumes different shapes
When it consumes objects differing in shape,
So does the one Self take the shape
Of every creature in whom he is present."
(Katha Upanishad II.2.9)

"As the rivers flowing east and west
Merge in the sea and become one with it,
Forgetting they were separate rivers,
So do all creatures lose their separateness
When they merge at last into pure Being.
There is nothing that does not come from him.
Of everything he is the inmost Self.
He is the truth; he is the Self supreme.
You are that Shvetaketu, you are that."
(Chandogya Upanishad IV.10.1-3)

I don't understand,
Why, in this land,
Where these sacred
scriptures were written,
Were so many religions born--

I don't understand,
How, in this land,
Were differences encouraged,
When the backbone of all life
Always was recognized as liberation--

The acknowledgement
Of all different religions, castes, creeds,
Really broke the deal you know...

Imagine, if all the cultures were mixed
Instead of being *separated, unconnected, segregated;
And churned into a liberal philosophy
The Philosophy of Liberation (read: Moksha)
We'd have prevented so many wars,
All fought under the cloak of differences and disparities;
We could have averted
So much bloodshed,
So many innocent screams--

And these shudders down your spine right now?
They would be the product of fiction;
Not the echoes of cruel reality...

my phone beeped
in an almost deserted train compartment.
my boss,
'where have you reached?'
I sighed and replied,
'should reach in 5'
(would reach in 20)
same old dance
to the tune of corporate slavery.

a sharp sound,
I looked up.
the sound dissolved
into a fit of giggles.

a group of kids
playing around, teasing,
their mother close by;
a hawker, selling trinkets in the train.

it looked so natural.
a working mum
looking after her kids while on the job
(doesn't work that way does it?
guess they didn't have anywhere safe
without her)

I couldn't look away.

it was such a sight...
torn, tattered clothes
dirt and mud all over
and those innocent giggles;
it didn't add up.

I was tired, aching,
infatuating about sleep;
feet bleeding in killer heels,
rushing around without purpose,
forced into an exploitative overtime job
by myself; frustrated,
trying to keep up with society.

the little family
calm, collected;
torn, tattered smiles held with grace,
facing their exploitative poverty
with innocent mischief and honest labour.

confused,
I had a thought:
that's the life they've known,
this is the life I've known.
we fit in our lives...
differently?

no...
we fit in different lives in the same way.
I struggle she struggles,
we both have good bad days.

I didn't realize I was smiling
till she smiled back.

I bought something
and got off at the next stop,
wishing she has more good days than bad
and the kids keep their giggles
a little longer than they can..

There is a sleep
That beckons to me:
Takes hold of my soul.

There is an ache
That deepens the wound:
Tears open a hole in my heart.

There is a mask
That stays on my tongue;
My self
And in my eyes,
So they know I haven't fallen apart,
*Just yet...

I wonder where
Have my words gone

Falling short of thoughts
Struggling to find something to say
I achingly try to articulate
Stopping mid sentence--

I miss the poems
The ballads, the prose
The words that flew
From pain, from joy
To sorrowful dark and light jest

I fear I will lose myself
Soon enough...

Will you still speak to me--
Will anyone still speak of me--
When I have nothing to say?
When I have nothing to give?

rain finally falls,
pitter-patter,
the heavens burst,
splitter-splatter,
it pours,
drip-drop
down,
noisily,
making itself known,
and thunder growls,
to tell me,
'I'm here!'.

She takes a breath;
A big one--
The kind that lifts her chest
Reaches her stomach.

She holds herself,
Steady little birdy,
5, 6, 7, 8...
Then unleashes
All of her raw wild grace;
As they sit in awe
Of the most beautiful animal
She brings before them.

She embodies the maelstroms,
The typhoons, the hurricanes,
That have destroyed so many,
As she devastates her audience
In subliminal bliss.
She is purely a creature of light;
A force of nature, so absolute,
So fragile;
She could break herself,
Have the world shatter
In but a flex...

The melody
Of her expression will run out soon.
As the last few bars thunder down,
She recedes;
Her energy smashed
And scattered
With those who saw her
When she was in her space,
Where they could not touch her
Or her spirit.
They were helpless in the face
Of her fire--
So hot, so bright,
It blazed in the brilliance
Of a thousand suns,
Before the last flame of the candle
Lost it's light...
Not with a bang, but a whimper

A coldness takes hold,
She realizes she has to come back
To their world.
She will miss
Her own little dimension
Where she is Queen;
Her space where she can fly,
Where she can move mountains,
And reign over thunderstorms...

The curtains start to draw
As she prepares to leave the stage,
Taking hold of the memories made
Only to be forgotten and remembered;
Thinking of her time in the sun,
She takes a last breath
And bows out.
Her grace, now a dim memory
Forgotten, only to be remembered
In these eternal phrases,
*When you read them.

Their laugh was your alarm,
You woke up to find yourself down.

Don't let your awakening be caught
In the circle of sleep and sentience again.

Live. In every moment. Don't close your eyes anymore.
Don't rest now. An uneasy siesta just isn't enough.

Saddle your dragon and fly to the limitless sky.
Breach your extremes and push through them.

Let your armor shine, let them know they forged it.
The pain they caused, it has welded with your skin.

When you arise from your trial,
*The next time they laugh, there won't be tears in your eyes.

My walls are crumbling,
My world shakes,
And Shatters in shards;
The stones they fall,
Raining down on my dreams,
As I find my throat and scream.

I thought of you today,
Of how you hurt me,
Of how I left you.
The days we loved,
And when I cried;
The days we stayed away,
*When I could finally find my smile...

To be haunted
By voices of people
I have known,
But will never meet;

To be drawn
Into worlds
I have explored,
But will never see;

The sheer emotion of reading,
Magnifies and withers across each page;
With ink tearing into our hearts,
Leaving us yearning at each epilogue...

The light is dimming:
Every year, hour, minute
Slowly passes in silence
In distances, lost and forgotten

The light is dying:
Slowly fading in memories
Revisited countless times
By lonely, wrinkled hearts

The light snuffs out:
Tears of regret staining young hearts
Seeking forgiveness for time lost
Words unspoken, love neglected

Freedom,
Like the rain, it washes all away
Past memories, horrors - everything is rinsed away; relief remains.
It feels like sand between your toes,
Leaving you lost in your impulsive throes.

Freedom,
In her dissolving smiles,
Her mischievous flirts,
Her sweet small skirts...

You've missed her for so long...

The touch of her spine,
The caress of her thighs,
The weightless good byes--

Ah! Freedom, *she smells like rain...

I run from end to end,
chased away at every bend;
I fall and I falter
and for my faults I alter
my self...

it is their say that decides,
whether a monster resides
in my soul...

A soul that is played
For my innocence is slayed--
they laugh at their profanity,
the ***** dogs, the *******;
the masterminds behind my insanity...

...

A voice speaks...

You hate me.
Yes.
You do not play with me anymore.
You do not think me *worthy.
You do not recognize yourself.
Do you not see what is inside You?

You answer, 'I do, I choose not to give you power.'

And yet you spend your days in the decadence of war, sorrow, suffering, jealousy, anger, death,
and with all that, I grow inside you.
Bit by bit, breath by breath, every single second...
I flourish in the dark of your heart.
The abyss where you stack your loneliness.

Know your true self.
Face me now, in this dark hour,
or I will devour you.

The light in you retaliates...
You protest, 'You are not a part of me.'

I am a part of you, a part of all that lives.
Why do you hate what gives you power?
You do not think me worthy...

You brace yourself to face this self,
a part of you...
The flame in your veins burns brighter;
A new resolve...
You say, 'I do recognize you..
Yes.
You are a part of me.
But you have no power over me.
Through patience, compassion, courage, bravery, serenity, and all the light that flows to positivity,
I gather my strength and I control you.
You do not control me.
You are that dark part,
deep inside, where you claim to stay;
And you will live there always,
For I reject you.

You are a mere reflection of my hubris
and the shadow of my soul.

*The beast is me, and I am the beast.
To deny you simply gives you power.'

With every day that passes,
They say we grow into someone else;
But we have a person inside of us,
Who we meet every time we wake.
It's the person you speak to
Right before you sleep at night,
That conscious mind you coexist with;
The voice that speaks to you,
That lives in you...

*We simply become our true selves again...

Writhing on the ground,
Battling for every breath;
She cried for the end:
But in vain, it wasn't yet time for death.

She sat outside in the blackness,
Begging for some flame;
Scared of the dark, she screamed:
But in vain, no comfort ever came.

She felt her fingers tremble in the cold,
And pleaded for some heat;
She gasped, as frost froze her to ice:
But in vain, her heart just ceased to beat.

She came here alone,
And that's how she left;
She cried for someone to save her:
But in vain, she lost her innocence to theft.

She never knew of hatred,
Still, in ignorance, it's what she felt;
She never knew of forgiveness,
But with the relief of death, all her fury began to melt.

She felt her end approaching,
Before it came at the break of dawn;
She stretched towards the rising sun,
And without another sound, she was gone.

Like glitter in my veins
It slowly moves
Closer and closer
Further and further
Thump ba-thump

Like poison in my heart
It spreads
Slow and steady
Numbing me,
Rocking me gently
To a sleepless slumber

Like hope in my soul
It shines through
Bright and warm
Like shimmer
Aglow in the sun's gaze

Yet, my heart rests, unmoved
Like undisturbed dust
In a house
Where no one lives
Deserted and forgotten

I bleed out
In unheard breaths

Empty sobs
And silent scars

Without a hand
Warm to touch
Not arms
Strong enough to hold
My life, my mind, my faith...

A friend to have,
A walk in the rain;
Drowning in the droplets:
To forget about the pain.

A hand to hold,
A heart to touch;
Requesting that your heart
Wouldn't hurt so much.

A light to guide,
A lesson to seek;
Trying your best,
Though chances seem weak.

Some Faith to behold,
A truthful tale;
Mending the peices,
Of a heart rendered frail.

A simple love,
A day in the sun;
Loving each other:
Two hearts, as One.

There is a deep space
In the corners of our minds,
Where our hearts dwell,
Solemnly, and in silence.
Patiently, the stillness draws closer,
The feeling recedes,
As all awareness is numbed.

The quietness takes hold,
We are asleep
And alone,
All on our own;
And we meet ourselves,
See what we've never known--
The darkness inside
That gives way to the light,
That shines from within us,
Like moonlight slowly caressing
The earth,
Consoling it,
To not fear the darkness
Of space.

We awaken then
To realize,
What we hold within us,
The energy,
The positivity,
To overcome,
To strive forward
And move on the path
That would lead
Simple beings like us
To *greatness...

In the spaces between
The seconds passing by,
My running heartbeats,
My soul and my mind;
I shall love you always...

We live under the sun,
Its brightness warming us,
Leading us to every other minute,
One moment at a time;
It casts our shadow on the wall.
But in every moment we live,
We forget.
The shadows, they lengthen till dusk,
And vanish in the dark.
And we don't miss our shadow,
We don't remember.
That gentle touch that didn't leave a mark,
But marks our existence in the light...

Just as we don't always remember,
The gentle love shared with us
In a stranger's smile.
A smile, which with a helpful hand,
Lifts us up and tells us we were seen.
*A gentle touch that doesn't leave a mark,
But acknowledges our existence in this busy, busy world...

I feel a presence inside of me
The presence is not a part of me

I carry an ache in my chest
The ache demands that I surrender and rest

There is a darkness in my eyes
It was fed by your deceit and your lies

I found my memories that I'd lost
That night, you paid your cost

Don't look for my heart, its eaten by the beast
*It lives in me, where I can hurt it least

I quit
your ******* list
a long time ago...

Breathe,
Slowly open yourself
To that blinding pain...

You're scared
Of removing the bandage;
That quick fix of dissociation-
A welcome escape
From your crashed reality.

It terrifies you
That you might bleed out,
Or find something worse;
A festered wound
Incapable of healing...

You've closed your eyes
But the world hasn't fallen away;
The clock still ticks
And you need to heal and move on,
To the next chapter waiting to be read...

Overcome the pain you fear,
Find yourself in your darkness
And breathe--

Slowly
Open yourself,
To the balm of healing...

You rushed in,
Charging through her barriers;
You wanted her, so you had her--

Then, you simply up and left,
*And she was wrecked...

I'm a steamroller on a highway,
Unstoppable, and gripped by craze.

'Get out of my way! I'm coming through!'
My vision's blurred, I'm trapped in a haze.

I swerve to the left, then swerve to the right.
Through the windshield, I see the moonlight;

Bright and shining; shining, bright,
Everything is coherent in that bright light.

The bang shocks the ride, and the glass shatters;
It's that rare moment of clarity...

The weeping bark is my destiny,
And I swerve again to meet the tree.

I've broken through my shell,
And I stand exposed.

So this is how the levee breaks...
I can hear the river barging as it explodes.

My crystal barricade has been breached.
There's no escape, there's no defense.

The night's conspiracy is in fruitition.
And I rest my case, cease pretense.

The moonlight was a gentle kiss,
On this night, it wasn't alone...

You were the target I was destined to miss;
I'd lost the mortgage for my time loan.

--

My number was up, I was your slave
Funny how that worked out

On saving you,
My core reactor burned out.

The little boy in the moonlight
Was the reason for my demise.

Were you my personal demon?
Or my salvation, my prize?

--

You devoured me, I worshipped you.
Then up you got, and there you left.

Guess you were my demon then...
You abandoned me, bereft.

I liked today...

I had a peaceful rest,
Carefree laughs,
And held hands
With someone who cares

It may happen again,
But I want to remain with this feeling,
Just for a little longer...

I hope I like tomorrow as well.

The angel that fell,
The one bound in hell;
Burning in fires deep and dark.

Banished from heaven,
His sins they call seven;
He eats off their bones like a shark.

Liars and cheaters,
Thieves and deceivers;
They squirm as for hell they depart.

He breeds on their fears,
He laughs at their tears,
And squeezes all hope from their heart.

He owns all their souls,
Makes them walk over coals,
He tortures their spirit with his fork;

He whips open their skin,
While he burns up their kin,
And slaughters their faith just like pork.

With hate for a heart,
He plays well his part,
As he waits for a new light of day;

A day when he shall be free,
And roam the earth with glee,
While those who banished him shall pray.

But pray as they may,
For another Godly say,
No warmth shall break through the cold;

While innocents are slayed,
And daylight delayed,
And stories of hope sell like gold.

It was selfish of her
To leave.
She needed the change;
Had to move,
Having been stuck so long
She felt suppressed,
And so depressed.
She just needed to leave,
But where could she start?

He was easiest to leave,
The most convenient to cut off;
He didn't hold on,
He didn't even try.
She didn't know,
Was she angry
That it was easy for her to leave?
Or that he didn't even try to stop it?

But she had to leave,
The reasons didn't matter,
The semantics were moot,
Whether he wanted her to,
Or he didn't--
Whether she wanted to,
Or she didn't want him to let her;
Nothing mattered.

It was truly selfish of her
To leave.
She had to fly
And he made it easy for her
To leave him behind...

It feels unbounded,
expanded beyond wrinkles,
hammered by swinging pendulums;
hardened, with time slipping by...

I feel bound
by forgotten promises,
lost and unfounded;
with tearful, tired eyes.

In the dark, I find words I can barely see,
feelings I can barely contain;
falling through the cracks,
overwhelmed with disdain...

I see no end to this depthless void...

light dark bright black white,
the yin and the yang of time;
morning, day then night.

You hold the reins I wear,
I feel my skin blister in tear;
My heart lies in your hand,
My breath escapes your palm like sand.

You tied the reins that hold me back,
You didn't believe that I'd follow your track;
My love succumbs to cold despair,
This loneliness you can't repair.

I'm distorted here beside you,
I can see you're afraid of whats inside you;
The beasts ate your heart,
*With mine ruined, now we'll never part...

She sings her sweet songs,
Calling all the sailors home;
*A homing beacon.

Blank pages,
Doubtful thoughts,
Lonely nights,
Painful sighs...

Bound in my silence,
Starved for touch,
Gasping for warmth,
Trapped behind a screen.

The walls
Will soon
Claim
My soul.

when it aches,

with every breath;
in out in out in
out.
each inhale exhale punctuated with a sharp pang of pain that leaves you gasping on the floor.

when you bleed,

and you can't find a puncture wound;
drip drop drip drop drip
drop.
the crimson nectar that flows out of your veins, fleeing from your heart, evading you.

when you go blind,

your head aches;
bang bang boom bang bang
boom.
a hammer tolling on the top floor of your anatomy, like that church bell you religiously avoid.

when sounds get overwhelming,

screeeeeeechy sounds,
that make you want to jump off a cliff.
as if your ears decided to behave like 'whats-her-name' at 'holy-****-that-time-of-the-month!'.

you should know then, that you've been shot;
right at that literal sweet center spot.

and you've fallen hard,
for that treacherous huntress.
who would chew you raw,
with all her blunt honesty,
with all her fierce stubbornness,
with all her untamed compassion,
not to forget, her screaming womanhood
you can't get your eyes off...

the one who would walk all over you,
in her not-less-than-seven-inch Steveies';
and wouldn't give it a second thought.

and you know,
in that torn tattered broken cardiac ***** at your core,
*that you would let her...

It's raining outside;
I want to wash away the ash,
but I don't want to put out the fire.

You think I am a happy person...

I know I dont trust you enough
To show you my pain.

--

She wears a smile
And shares her warmth,
She wipes her tears
And hides her scars;

You see the rainbow she exudes,
Because she doesn't trust you--
With her festering darkness
And the thunderstorm she survived.

She hides her demons
Behind masks of her strength,
And iron will--
While they devour her from within;

You will never get to see it,
She will never let you in...
No one will have the power
To hurt her - never again.

We live another complication everyday,
Adding another thread to bind us.

It's been so long...
Can't move my wings, my limbs--
How did I get stuck?
Did I do this to myself?
The *puppeteer is pulling too hard!
I want to move,
But I can't
I'm twisted up,
The thread is too tight;
I can feel the dread of suffocation on the horizon.
I'm trying, I'm fighting,
I want to be free!
But I can't move anymore...

The thread won't let me,
The strings are being pulled too tight--
My prison, it cuts into my skin,
I can barely breathe enough to live on...
I want this suffering to end!

Aah! Yes...
I remember now,
I took the thread of my own free will!

It started that day...
When I heard them speak,
I did as they asked,
And the thread wound around me.
I didn't ask for answers and didn't speak of my questions;
I kept on going where their path lead,
And I ended up here:
Suffocated, stranded, in naïve ignorance.

Even though the puppeteer wants me to move,
Even though I can feel his anxiety to help;
He can't do a thing.
The thread has been wound too tight,
*If the thread won't snap soon,
I will.

That day was the first time
That I saw the light.
Out of a carton, and onto a shelf.
My life was about to begin,
But I was alone and confined.

I could feel a presence to my left,
And another to my right,
But no one to please my eyes.
Till the little boy came,
With the tingle of a bell.
Wonder, gleamimg in his eyes;
He looked around and smiled.

He ran straight to my rack,
Brimming with excitement,
And jarred me with the shake of a lifetime.
Jumping to get his mum's attention,
He said, "I wan' this 'un!"

I felt a pang in the middle of my molded chest,
And I wished I could keep that smile.
I tried to imitate the little boy,
But for all my wishes I could not move;
I was but a plastic doll: armed, clothed and inanimate,
Stored to be sold...

The little boy was a joy to see,
Every morning he would wake up to me,
He would speak to me while going to school,
And play with me instead of eating his food.

His father and mum were hardly home,
He stayed with his nanny and loved her so,
But talk was little for the endless chores.

Late at night when his parents would come,
He would try to talk to them,
But was rushed away with talk of excuse.
In the dark he lay, tucked in with me,
Tears would stain the covers and me,
He held me close as he shut his eyes,
And the next morning again he'd wake to me.

For a life to be spent alone is sad indeed,
With a world so big and plenty,
To have not a soul to talk to can be lonely.
He cried with me by his side,
Thinking he was all alone;
If only I could move this plastic form,
I could let him know it wasn't so!

He played with me day and night,
He kept me close when he shut his eyes,
He took me to his school and everywhere else,
He gave me friends: his other toys and himself;
But his tears every night always stained my heart,
I strived so much to play my part,
To make him smile from dawn to dusk,
To comfort him when smiling was tough.

This cursed life I wish to forfiet,
If only once I could shed but a tear along with him--
*Even toys have things and people
They wish to protect and cherish,
But tears won't fall from these tin eyes...

That moment of absolute clarity,
When you can feel
The truths you have always known-
Fit in with perspective
Right down to your bones...

Like a forgotten thought, so familiar
Snaps into place and knocks off your breath;
A weight heavier than Time
Settling on your ancient soul-
Reminding you of your fleeting existence...

We are living through
The consequences of our history;
The light as well as darker shades of humanity
Let's not add to the burdens
Our children will carry someday...

Twice upon a time, did our worlds collide.
Two pairs of limbs, had broken ties.
Two worlds had ended, when one began;
As a new dawn crept, I held your hand.

Charred
From flames past
Stunned into silence
By their selfishness,
anger,
detachment,
indifference...

He hears their voices
screeching
his name--
The void awakening
to consume
his sanity

He whispers,
defeated,
"Can I steal
my Self away
from this world now please?"

The stars are beautiful,
And I miss your light...

I am drowning in silence,
Beaten down senseless;
Spirit and soul waning,
Shrouded in brokenness...

As I lay shattered,
The light you brought has scattered;
Like escaped breaths
Lost in the shadows of regret.

I want to move again,
To feel again,
To sing again;
Joyful, with a beating heart.

From a time flown past,
That is now ashen,
Pale and bloodless,
Shards poking a forgotten ghost...

Another year has passed,
I am a shadow of a dream,
Treading alone on a darkening path,
As time walks across the sky...

The stars are shining brightly
But I still miss your light...

Overdone rituals and the burden of traditions.
Peer pressure and annoying gossip prevailing above reason and reality.
The unwarranted compulsion of academic excellence, with no acceptable compromise!

Our rotten society and it's cruel, cruel judgment!
Living in a body, no, it's a cage--
Craving acceptance in isolation--

The cage became a cave
And eventually, the door shut.

It got so dark inside,
I could only see black...
I was sick of it!
Frustration rising to the point of retardedness!
Angry! So very ANGRY!
I wanted to defeat it,
This darkness on the inner side.
So bad, the ache for reprieve was getting worse!
So desperate!
For a way out...

Then, inspiration struck!
And a melody chimed its way in.
With the clock going tick tock
I imagined a chocolate block;
And I ate my way out!

*I've never bothered with their rules again.

I found my love,
*He told me to wake up!

By following the light,
You will break yourself.
You will be punched and pushed,
And stretched to lengths
you never thought you could venture.
But you will survive.

The light saves you from that decaying part of you that would be your demise.
It heals you and makes you whole.
By destroying you,
and putting you back together.
Tighter.
Stronger.

--

A new day,
A new person.

You rise from the fire;
The flames lick your skin.
They feel warm,
And you feel rejuvenated.

You are reborn from fire, from the light,
And light you become.

--

The darkness is repelled by your presence;
You have broken free of your deficiencies.
By conquering your demons,
You have proved yourself above the dark.

The blackness is trapped beneath your feet,
*It can never control you again...