sit across from each other
that what makes their hearts flutter
will one day
deplete their tissue boxes
captured in their camera rolls
be wasting space
in their deleted items
one of their dates
an expiry date.
seconds last lifetimes.
i'm trying so very hard.
at last, you will mourn.
2. certain. i'm with someone new, and now i'm so scared. afraid. wary. trust and love and lust are all dangerous i've learned. you grew daisies in my brain and then, you watched them wither. he grows roses where our flowers had died. but now i know nothing. i am unsure of anything but the fact that i am leaveable.
how easy you changed.
poisoned. a broken promise.
twisting in the dark.
3. bold. i remember when i told you that i loved you. or something like that anyway. i threw up the butterflies in my stomach when you called me beautiful, and i couldn't believe you were (almost) mine. i talked to you like you were my everything because you were, now there's someone else and he's almost got me to want to be brave again. i wish i was brave again. for me. for him. but not for you.
i'll light the candles.
the glow is surreal and bright.
blessed be this lady.
i found poetry
in the gaps between your fingers
that were never meant to be mine
i found poetry
when you arrived in my life;
just like the waves searching for the shore
i found poetry
when I fell in love with you-
and i found poetry too
when you didn't love me back
and i chose to stay in love with you.
I haven't the heart to tell you
I sat on the floor of your place
Reminded by momentos of us
In the picture frames
On the shelf
Because I knew there would be no more
No more laughs
Intimate nudges with our noses
Arms wrapped tightly around each other
Promises of forever
I gasped for breath from crying so hard
I could not stop the flashbacks
Each vivid and beautiful
But now tormenting
I looked back one last time
As I drop off your key
And take with me a weary soul
Because I haven't the heart
To tell you the pain behind my tears
I dreamt of you last night
You were in the body of the love of my life
I remember so vividly calling out your name
You and my former love have become one in my mind
A dangerous amalgamation
It's like you have given me Stockholm Syndrome
There is no reason for me to think of you anymore after the words you threw at my heart
Yet you've been stuck in my head like an annoyingly catchy song for over a week
Meanwhile seeing a former crush has opened up a whole other floodgate of feelings
While dealing with feelings from a current crush
Why must I wear my heart on my sleeve?
How can one person have so many emotions over 4 different people?
They are overtaking my heart and attempting to swallow me up
I feel like I am drowning in a sea of love
To quote The National
Which brings up memories of my former husband
And just like that 5 people each have a small piece of my broken battered heart
I've given out so many pieces
I should have nothing left
But they were returned in abused condition
Leaving me to put them back together ever so haphazardly
Always fumbling for a connection
I can't ever seem to hold onto.
I just wanna fall asleep
In someone's branches again .
The 2500 km between us seems unreal,
when the picture of you in my mind, almost tangible,
keeps my grounded on most days.
Trekking across the corporate bog clinging to dreams of a country life,
with a peculiar combination of smug sheepishness,
provoking instincts to ravish or protect, I cannot decide.
The way you have with words is supernatural,
because your eloquence leaves me hypnotized,
the best case of spellbound I have ever been.
You had me at your first email,
keeping me sane and driving me insane,
you are, my favourite kind of perfect.
You've managed to lower all my guards,
breakdown all the walls, and
gather up a life's worth of insecurities into a ball.
Just as I stopped walking around on tip toes,
you've shattered it to a million shards,
and now I'm lying bleeding on the floor.
I'm drowning in air, waking up to a nightmare,
lost in my mind, paralyzed in my senses,
so much for believing in second chances.
for perfectly blind siding me,
I couldn't save myself.
you feel like both
heaven & hell
the greatest elation
& the fiercest misery
you ravage my body
with lips masked in honey
& a tongue dipped in
the most wicked sin
i should know better than this--
to play your games when i know
i will be split open
only to have to pick up the pieces
& sew myself back together again
but how can i
when your poison