After Hell and back
to hear your voice
all deep and gravely
on the other end
of the phone receiver
makes all the difference
When my belly's empty
and I'm about to collapse
Oh yeah, I already did!
I called you up
biting my lip
and you answered
on the second ring
some new job thing
I'm a foodie, I said
I noticed, you answered
I'm a girl with a BIG
appetite, who cares so much
about other people's well-being
that she burns out quicker than
a single sheet of paper
to a lighter's fine flame
when the going gets rough
her thin skin gets tough
what a shame!
After hell and back
there's no more of
What's left is but the ash
stuck to the bottom
of the bin in fine dust
and after hell has burnt me
to a crisp and worry seeps in
I try to not cry
but tears invade the corners
of my eyes
stinging and ringing
a fear so contrite
but if I avoid the things
that scare me
I'll never find freedom
and that's all my charred
feet want--release from
first time jitters--
and you're real
you're actually real
and that's the scariest part of all
it really is time now
to break down my wall
I fell, hapless, when our souls first met
Just how it happened, oh I will never forget
That wicked one, he worked his charm
Barging into my life, without an alarm
Returned to my senses, when broke, that spell
Trapped as guinea pig, I was, I could tell
His everlasting embrace, it chained my soul
Battered, shattered, half from whole
He left me all alone, but he left me strong
Oh wait, I left him; to say he did, would be wrong
He was but a voice, a frail one, in my head
But I was so affected by all that he said
"You try, you fail, you'll never be good enough
You love, you're hurt, life will always be this rough"
But then I heard my soul so meek
"May I?", he hesitated; I enthused, "sure, speak!"
"You feel like you're dead inside, but look how alive
you sound as you respond with zeal, like you're only about five"
And there released a giggle, a tear
'I found her again, but will I lose her?' I feared
"No, woman, no! The little girl will always be alive"
He said with such credence, "I know she will survive!"
I was falling again, this time, to rise
I turned around to say goodbye, to the one I despise
That voice in my head, refuses to leave
But now, his balderdash, I refuse to believe
He talks, he jabbers, often on mute
I'm lost in sweet spiels, of this new beaut
Now listen, carefully, my stranger friend
If that spiteful voice finds you, shift the trend
Rush out, reach out, to YOU, your soul
protect it from him, maintain your whole
Arduous, it may be, but that voice, do seek to find
For that's true love, not the demeaning voice in your mind
sometimes threatens to invade
to wrap its proverbial fingers
around my neck
until my heart explodes
within my chest--
you arrive on the scene
of fear, angst and regret--
with your eyes,
and remind me
from the depths
(so long ago)
of my dark despair--
so when it happens
when I become
so unbearably aware
that life and love and sorrow
are all intermingled
into one and the same--
I will know then
raise my voice
with true determination
and call out
unto the universe
©Pamela Rae 01.17.2017
His words are fluid yet languid until
he changes tongues and becomes another
person entirely. His sounds become strong
and incomprehensible as he weaves
his way from language to language, dialect
to dialect. He is the manager
of worlds, the linguist. In his mind, his original
language is not his, for he is only
relaxed when amongst the foreign nature
of other languages. The rasping, uncommon
tongue of home is not comforting to him
anymore, so he will rapidly intake
other places until he finds another
sound that resonates within him.
As soon as I entered the dating world, my friends, family, and those random people you have a meaningful conversation with one night and then never talk to again, gave me the same advice:
It's 25% what they say, 75% what they do that matters most.
Always actions over words.
Then I met you.
While we sit in a room full of people, all I want to hear is you speak.
Your voice is like being in the eye of a hurricane.
The serenity envelops me as I watch the walls of the storm look back at me in a taunt.
Daring me to listen to everyone else's grumbles of thunder crack in my ears around us.
My favorite musicians can't give me the lust I feel when you speak.
Though, you definitely pull off the 75% action end well, I love to hear your 25%.
The percentage of you that expresses the things going on inside your head.
Future adventures planned.
When you're tired or hungry.
That time you sat in my car talking about your view on practicing yoga.
Stories of days before me.
Every time your crooked lip parts from the other, piecing together words, I find a little more purpose wading in the storm in order to find your soothing voice in the middle of it.
Your voice is proof that the 25% of a relationship means just as much as actions do in the other 75%.
Who knew I'd love your voice this much?
It needn’t even be a word --
just a mere sound emanating from your lips
penetrates me deep, flips an electric switch,
gets me buzzing, fluttering with an energy that emits
a charge so strong it moves me along
into immediate, stupefied orbit.
So often have I heard those breathless words
transferred from your throat to my heart.
It jumpstarts my blood and seizes my lungs
and vibrates me right apart.
Your conductivity builds effortlessly,
sparking a reaction within me,
as you arrest and possess with a binding current
that overrides and drives me completely.
Magnetic, your essence courses and runs,
powering me up and turning me on,
so that my mind is never mine for long
as inside me you electrify your dawn.
I am attracted to the static of you --
utterly drawn like electron to photon.
Absolutely seduced, addicted and fused
to the friction of your diction.
Your voice is most bewitching –
a persistent, elevating conductor
that beautifully orchestrates this excited state
into an accompaniment like no other:
I am the lightning flash of your allure amassed --
a sudden jolt of ecstatic shudder.
Desperately urging the next surging rumble
of your sweet and rousing thunder.
And that's one good thing I can say,
If nothing else and probably the best quality.
It numbs the pain, leaving you open to a world of awe.
It presents a comfort zone, of being at ease. At anytime, any place.
Such a wonder thing. Your voice.
Becoming a remedy to all sorts of aches and pain.
That one helping hand that seemingly comes out of nowhere, your voice.
That warm invitation that gets you out of the house.
Often taking you to a place you've always passed but never thought to go in.
If only for a minute, your always glad you indulged in such invite.
Finding remedy to all sorts of pain and ache you forgot existed.
Your voice, becoming that feeling you get in your chest when everything just feels right.
That utter happiness that leaves you dimwitted and goofy as hell forgetting that anyone is watching.
Often doing something you'd otherwise never do,
Being taken somewhere you never thought to go.
Even if it's a passing glance on the way there.
What's even better, is that it's your voice that takes me there