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10 Years in Waiting
ClawedBeauty101 Jul 2017
10 Years in Waiting
Define for me the length of waiting

How long are you willing to wait for a person who is deeply fading?

What to you is too short? What to you is too long?

Do you fear your individual is too far gone?

Waiting is like a jail cell, where your mind is imprisoned

Time has the key, deciding how long you will stay with the life-line you were given

For 10 years I've been slamming my cold weak fist against the prison cell, praying that you would hear it

But still your back remains towards us, it would be cruel for me to throw a fit.

How can you hear us? When the lies of your authorities have deafen you?

I've been in here for 10 years, I know I may be for a little while longer

I may not ever come out at all. Still wait? Why bother?

Am I such a fool to still remain faithful to the bond that was created?

Or a wise young person to believe that the relationship never faded?

I could starve and yet survive this prison without a word from you

Because I still have the audacity to remain in hope,  the hope that someday you will come through...
You know who you are, I hope someday you read this, and know that WE will always be waiting, without any anger and bitterness. We are waiting for you
#waiting #10 #years #prison #hope
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9.23... Why are you following me?
ClawedBeauty101 Oct 2017
9.23... Why are you following me?
Every time it's late in the night, and I go to check the time

It's 9:23...

When it's the last thing on my mind,  and I'm scribbling down my rhymes

It's 9:23...

Even when I'm exploring the stores to buy something, my receipt..

Reads 9.23...

When I ask when their birthday or anniversary is... My heart leaps

Most of the time, they say "9/23..."

While I'm in the car with my family, and a car passes by at the speed of the law...

Somewhere on the Licence plate, it says "923..."

When I press pause on a you tube video, and I go back to hit play... somehow it's paused...

At 9:23...

When it's early in the morning, and I go to turn my phone on to see the hour and mintues...

It reads 9:23...

When my friends are spamming randomly in emails, and numbers reach their limit...

9.23 is always in there...

Heck even when I have lost sense of time, and i'm having too much fun to care, and I ask what time it is...

They answer "9:23..."

Lastly... When I am doing Statistics in School, one of the answers on the list...

Is 923...


So I ask you... Why are you following me? You have haunted me enough for many years. Is it fate? Is it a clue? Is it an answer? I may never know. But please, whatever your reason is... please have it be a good one.
(I JUST realized... This is the 23rd poem I posted...)
It's so creepy and cool, I have no clue why I see it everywhere I go. I must confess I'm too afraid to even tell anyone about it... I have no idea why it's popping up everywhere.. It maybe a Cure or a Blessing, but only the King above knows the answer.
#923 #following #everywhere #time #date #number #why
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A Beautiful Monster
ClawedBeauty101 Dec 2017
A Beautiful Monster
"A Monster!!! A Monster!!!" That is what they all shouted and proclaimed...

But even the wickedness of such a beauty can be tamed...

"It's Coming!!! It's Coming!!!" They screamed as they ran for shelter and protection, fearing it's flame...

But even the most fearsome indestructible beast can be put to great shame...

"Run!!! Run!! It's furry heart can never be softened nor can it's reckless body ever be contained!!!"

But even a retched immoral monster filled with corrupted plots can have a new name...

                             *We Can Be Beautiful Monsters...
Never say never... (oh wait I just did... XD)
Anyways the Lord has given so many retched sinful sinners a new life. We are rebellious people who have failed a holy perfect God... We deserve to be beast and monsters... but the Lord, with her grace and mercy and love, has given us an opportunity to be saved. We have fallen so short of the glory of God... and he gives us the free gift of eternal life... how amazing is that?And we can be made perfect in his sight. Our sins are washed away. We are still sinners and still will make mistakes but our payment has been paid and we can live forever and live for Christ!!!!

This is what I mean by Beautiful Monsters, We are monsters because we are sinners, we are beautiful because of Christ Sacrifice on the cross
#dragon #beast #monster #beautiful #christ #christians #flame
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A Blood Mess of Emotions
ClawedBeauty101 Oct 2017
A Blood Mess of Emotions
As a friend of you
I dare to watch every move
For if you're in high superiority
Then your lips should be under your authority
People look up to you as an example to follow
But your heart is lifeless, damp, and hallow
For you dare use your words to threaten me to the ground
But I would rather die then to apologies for my truthful sounds
You use your sentences to stab me like a sharpen blade
Seep your knife into my flesh as many times as you want! My God is my aid!
You may slice me until I am nothing more then a pool of blood and a blanket of skin
You say I am weak, and that my faith is incredibly thin.
Many of those I thought to be my friends backed away in fear
To scared to back me up and stand with me. To nervous to come near
Do I dare to give up? NO! For what a fool I would be!
For my Lord is over her, and His eternity is free!
Weak and Limb and barely able to feel
I stood in front of her with an iron fist, my lips unsealed
"I refuse to sit on the side lines and watch you play your game"
"For your sinful actions, you look to someone else to blame!"
"If you think your words are going to move my mountain"
"Then be prepared to watch my avalanche fall like water from a fountain. "
"You proclaim to be Holy, but what have you done?"
"You have sliced me with your words, and try to persuade that it was all for fun!?"
She shoved me aside, everyone moving out of her way
What fools they are... to fear one of Life's slaves
So now here I am bleeeding, feeling broken and alone
For now I am a blood mess of emotions....for the place I thought was home....

*I am a Blood Mess...
Standing up for what you believe is hard and painful, especially when those who believe the same refuse to help you. If you are doing what is right then DO IT and you will be rewarded! As long as your motives are right.

Never ever give up...
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A Galaxy's Plead (Cover My Ears)
ClawedBeauty101 Jan 2018
A Galaxy's Plead (Cover My Ears)
I am running... into a tunnel that seems to be nothing but a galaxy of voices

Echo the stars into its shooting state,  for I chose to ignore their choices

Comets have left their trace,  But like an icy breath,  their existence goes extinct

Cover my ears! For their twinkling whispers of constellations will never predict

The future laid aside for this black hole Dreamer. For I have disposed the old axis

The dwarfs of my outter life I have chosen to betray,  I need a morphallaxis

Soften my core with an after glow ripple of silence, and open up wisdom through the coronal holes

Cover My Ears! I only listen to the language of the Solar winds. It understands my soul

My planet has enough craters... No more damage shall be done.  I am the mistress of dark matter

My  past and  memories have been dipped in the light of a lunar eclipse,  it's blood scatters

Only within a Large field of view can I  recognize it's purpose. Not through men's atmosphere

Cover My Ears! I must deal with these super clusters of instincts alone. Now and Here

The Super Novas have no sensitivity to the relationship of  Outer Space and  Precious moments

Gravity is quick to make me stumble...So now I beg the Novas to no longer see me as an opponent

My life has been spilt into two hemispheres. Meteors shower down, destroying every Neutron Star

Cover My Ears!  For only my eyes will notice the Satellite from afar

Where is my home? The milky way?  The singularity of my black hole had ****** me in

Please someone! Anyone!  Flare me away at the speed of light! No longer do I wish to be a captive of sin

Once blinded by the Oort cloud,  But praise the Nebula's, I am now a T-Tauri of a young force and desire

Cover My Ears! Oh Zeinth! So I may focus on your celestial point of view.  Your rays are my purifier.

*Cover My Ears...
Definition for the Space words (https://amazing-space.stsci.edu/glossary/#T-Z)

After Glow - a sudden BURST of fireball gamma rays from deep space

Atmosphere - The layer of gases SURROUNDING the surface of a planet, moon, or star.

Axis - An imaginary line through the center of an object. The object ROTATES around this line.

Black Hole - A region of space containing a huge amount of mass compacted into an extremely small volume. A black hole’s gravitational influence is so strong that nothing, not even light, can ESCAPE ITs grasp.

Comet - A ball of rock and ice. A comet’s “signature” long, glowing tail is formed when the Sun’s heat warms the coma or nucleus.

Constellations -A geometric PATTERN of bright stars that appears grouped in the sky.  

Core - The CENTRAL region of a planet, star, or galaxy.

Coronal Holes - Regions in the corona from which the high-speed solar wind is known to originate.  

Craters - A bowl-shaped DEPRESSION caused by a comet or meteorite colliding with the surface of a planet, moon, or asteroid.

Dark Matter - Matter that is too DIM to be detected by telescopes. Dark matter MAKES UP most of the total mass of the universe.

Dwarf - a dwarf planet has NOT cleared away any loose cosmic rubble from its orbit

Field pod View - The area of the sky VISIBLE through a telescope.

Flare - A SUDDEN and VIOLENT outburst of solar energy that is often observed in the vicinity of a sunspot or solar prominence

Galaxy - A COLLECTION of stars, gas, and dust bound together by gravity

Gravity - The attractive FORCE between all masses in the universe

Hemisphere - HALF of a spherical or roughly spherical body

Lunar Eclipse - A DARKENING of the Moon, as viewed from Earth, caused when our planet passes between the Sun and the Moon

Meteor - A BRIGHT STREAK of light in the sky caused when a meteoroid enters the Earth’s atmosphere.  

Milky Way - a spiral galaxy, is the HOME of Earth.

Morphallaxis - REGENERATION by the transformation of existing body tissues.

Nebula - A cloud of gas and dust located between stars and/or surrounding stars. Nebulae are often places where stars FORM

Neutron Star - An extremely COMPACT ball of neutrons created from the central core of a star that collapsed under gravity during a supernova explosion.

(Super) Novas - The EXPLOSIVE death of a massive star whose energy output causes its expanding gases to glow brightly for weeks or months.

Oort Cloud - A vast spherical region in the outer reaches of our solar system where a trillion long-period comets reside.

Planet - An OBJECT that orbits a star. Although smaller than stars, planets are relatively large and shine only by reflected light.

Satellite - A man-made object that orbits Earth, the Moon, or another celestial object.

Singularity -  black hole’s center, where the matter is thought to be infinitely dense, the volume is infinitely small, and the force of gravity is INFINITELY large.
Solar Winds - STREAMS of charged particles flowing from the Sun at millions of kilometers an hour.

Speed of Light - The speed at which light (photons) travels through empty space is roughly 3 * 108 meters per second or 300 million meters per second.

Super Clusters - a CLUSTER of galaxies which themselves occur as clusters.
T-Tauri - A class of very YOUNG, flaring stars on the verge of becoming normal stars fueled by nuclear fusion.

Zeinth -The point on the CELESTIAL sphere that is directly above the observer.

        Cat Lynn ///                                                            
January 31, 2018
#galaxy #space #cover #ears #star #solar #satellite #nova #nebula #way
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All Hellos and No Good Byes
ClawedBeauty101 Jul 2019
All Hellos and No Good Byes
It's all Hellos, and No Good Byes
Yes it hurts, but still, I'll try

No more See Ya, only getting Hi
Yes you leave, but still, I ignite
Shjejwowosidjfbfbewoqoqodndnfbebwjdjd
Dndndjekwkkwksksnenfbf
Smdnejekiswkwkw
Emotions are gross
And contagious...
Ew...
#hello #good #bye #see #ya #hi #ignite #leave
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Allow Me To Thank You Lord Before It's Over
ClawedBeauty101 Nov 2017
Allow Me To Thank You Lord Before It's Over
Dear Father, You have given me so much, You have blessed me beyond words

With the brothers and sisters in Christ You have provided for me, their words are songs on a record

You knew I needed them, and You brought them in your holy perfect timing

But I won't lie, my hands cover my face to hide my tears, I am ashamed to admit I'm dying

Is it so wrong Lord? That I weep over them? That this is my last year?

Will I be a forgetten memory? Will I even see them again?.. There are countless fears...

What connections will be cut?  Will this bring me closer or more apart with them?

Do I dare let go of the place you have called me to go? The place where my faith has increased? They are more precious than gems.

I beg You Lord, I know it's almost half way over, but I know it isn't fully over yet...

But my God, I surrender my fears and these emotions, these people I never want to forget

I treasure them Lord, more then they'll ever know! You know how long I have suffered to FINALLY find true close friends who burn for You!

Please I beg You Abba, don't make this come an end... Allow me to still share some moments with the ones I hold close, you know my desired view

I do not know what the future holds... Only You do... I am lost and in wonder what will happen a year from now, or two, or three, or four, or five.

But... You do, I have no control, I'd be a fool to try to take the wheel... I pray these relationships were meant to last, You used them to keep me alive!

...even if it is the end... I pray Lord You bless them, give them a great long, blessed life... even if it means I must suffer and end up alone...

Protect them, even if it means for me to remove my shield, if it's better Lord for me to remove my self from them for their benefit, I'll gladly accept being disowned

Do Whatever Is Best For Them
Do Whatever Is Best For Me.

Even if it isn't what I desire and long for... Even if it tears me apart the inside out,  at least they'll be set free

Lord, I love them with all my might, You know I'd give up anything and do anything for these brothers and sisters in Christ

But Lord, You hold the past, present, and future in your palm, You know what will happen, and I know with You, I don't dare to fight

You have led me to find them, I'd be heart broken to loose them, I give this prayer to you my King, my Shepard, my Father

I don't want to be pulled away from  them, please , continue to use me to help their faith become stronger

Dear Savoir, I thank You for the wonderful blessed times I have had with them

It's only through Your mercy and grace I was able to be apart of this beloved churches hem

So God, Allow Me To Thank You Lord Before It's Over...

*Because  I don't know what the end may bring...
Thank you everyone at the beloved church I call home. For making me aware of my flaws and getting me through the toughest battles. For strengthening my faith and trust in the Lord, and helping me up whenever I fell into sin... You Brothers and Sisters in Christ are an answer to prayer. I won't stop praying for you. I KNOW the Lord will use you guys to help and guide others. Every day I praise him, for I KNOW i could have never asked for greater God seeking friends

Thank You So Much, you know who you are :)

~ Cat ///
#lord #god #church #brothers #sisters #christ #awana #pray #over #thank
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...a.l.o.n.e...
ClawedBeauty101 Mar 2019
...a.l.o.n.e...
...a.l.l..
...l.o.n.e.l.y...
...o.r.p.h.a.n.s...
...n.e.e.d...
..­.e.s.c.a.p.e...

...a.l.o.n.e....
...g.e.t...m.e...o.u.t...
...s.h.o.w...m.e...y.o.u.r...
...w.i.l.l...
...g.u.i.d.e...m.e...
...
...p.l.e.a.s.e...
#alone #lonely #empty #all #orphans #need #wants #escape
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A Message From Your Deleted Poems
ClawedBeauty101 Jul 2017
A Message From Your Deleted Poems
Do you realize what you do? Whenever you delete one of us?

You use minutes of your life to write us up, Isn't that such a bust?

We wait around patiently in your drafts, possibly abandoned or alone

Hoping for that day where we will be finished and complete, your profile would be our home!

But there was something about us that you didn't like

Instead of revising and editing, you clicked "DELETE". You gave up the fight!

Change us! Revive us! Turn us into something that will please you!

Afraid of what people may think of us? Then allow us to seal their lips like glue!

We will be whatever you want us to be, but PLEASE give us a chance!

Are you a coward? Are you too lazy? You have everything you need in advance!

Don't let us go so quickly! Please don't put us to shame!

Or do you only see us as empty words with no meaning on a blank white page....
Here is a Challenge I want all of you to take on
Take a Poem that you Deleted, you thought that was gone
Post in the comments and see what will happen
Let's see how many complements you can gain, let this begin!
Edit it to your hearts desire
Let's see if this Poem can grow on FIRE!!!!
#deleted #poems #revive #chance #page #words
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•○Are There...○•
ClawedBeauty101 Dec 2018
•○Are There...○•
•H• eavenly
•O• penings
...or...
•P• ositive
•E• nterences?

•○Is There Hope?...•○
#hope
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A Stage of a Black Rose
ClawedBeauty101 Feb 2018
A Stage of a Black Rose
A wilting rose is slowly regaining it's strength after years with out sun or rain...

And finally it's leaves reveal their greenness of hope. It's Mistress beauty remains

For once it speaks out from it's slowly blooming petal's within. Weak and soft, sick of being haunted

I can't see myself to be something that is beautiful or worth loving or wanted...

A small grain of grass speaks into it's almost lifeless soul, waving in the wind to catch the beauty's attention.

Why can't you? Look at me! I am simply green! With thousands of others who share the same attraction!

And here you are! The jewel that stands out alone! An easy target for the eye!

And what is it I hear? A selfish complain? Your Midnight core wakes up the dead inside!

Madam of Dark Matter! Your shades of shadows break out the harmony of dreams!

You inform the creatures of this world the realness of death and how it's not what it's seems

You contain an elegance that many have labeled as wrong. You have qualities that are beautiful and rare

Should you put to shame the gift the Lord has placed in you individually?  Stop being so scared!

The thorns of her small thick body grew in a hurtful rush, tears from  yesterdays rain returning

What if my thorns of protection become a burden, What if I were to become a bush, would they stress out because my arms are reaching?

The single small piece of grass dangle with the rest of it's family in the wind, it's eyes locked on beauty in distress

Look out into the distance and you will see a family of me. There are billions of us, we were created to bless!

Though there are so many, we are never a burden, for we are the carpet of nature's foot steps.

We guide new members of the ground and dirt, We build them up to lift them from the depths.

Be in praise you have thorns! For too many are foolish not to protect them selves from danger

Stand your ground and deepen your roots. Do now allow your blossom to desire to go back into the dirt as a stranger

Everything has a purpose... everything has a time... everything has worth when it is used for the creator of our universe... Follow his words! You won't be lead astray!

These words of hope can save and change and dire helpless bud. Sadly too many of natures treasure have too quickly withered away...

The Black Rose did Blossom and bloom and reached it's leave out to the heaven's. Through it's growth it produce more life.

It became protection to those who were too weak, It became a symbol of true love, and became the proof that faith is a guide

Not all stories end so happily and glorious... that's why WE must spread out the message of hope like plants spread their seeds!

Before... like the strand of grass, we surrender to the ground... for everything has it's time to fade... Death is a need

The closeness of loyalty will stick by you, like the roots of a rose, it will be with you until your final days, and last breath

Good Bye... My sweet dew grass friend... The God of Creation has used you and you have completed your task... please... welcome your death!

You will finally gain your reward... For you have been used to pull me out of my darkest stage in life... and I thank our Creator for his provision!

But now that your gone... I too shall be used to awaken others from their dream, and bring them out from their stage... of depression...and fear...and *SIN
Praise the Lord that I have been forgiven...


Cat Lynn ///
February 3, 2018
#black #rose #grass #nature #stage #worth #look #creation #thorns
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Bed Time Ceiling of Regrets
ClawedBeauty101 Jul 2017
Bed Time Ceiling of Regrets
Dear Bed Time Ceiling,

                    Why is it that whenever I go to end the existence of my body, I happen to stare at you?

I lay down myself to evaporate my troubles, but like the rain it comes back down again....

Why can't I turn my body to the side and glare at a blank wall?

Your tiny hill and hole like outlines make up designs that drowns my heart right into Hell's thunder.

You’re dead, not even alive, but you every night you bring me to the closed in field of regret.

Why must you remind me? You ceiling that has a heart of stone

The time that I used and abused my actions for the pleasure of myself?

No one can see me now, but how can you?

I want to make an apology, but the signal won't go through...
Every Night I can't help but to weep

Cause all I want is to feel closer to you
#ceiling #bedtime #regrets #apology #sorry
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Before 2017 Ends... There are somethings I need to say...
ClawedBeauty101 Jan 2018
Before 2017 Ends... There are somethings I need to say...
The minutes tick down to a new year...
But so many lies and problems I know I'll hear...

So before 2017 ends... There is something I need to say everyone I know...

Despite all the times you may have lied and betrayed to me...
Despite all the times you may have tore me away from my friends and family...
Despite all the times you may have believed your sin would always be hidden
Despite all the times you may have said trust was fore bidden
Despite all the times you may have inflicted damage or harm
Despite all the times you may have accused me of alarm
Despite all the times you may have insulted me and pushed me aside
Despite all the times you may have ignored my words, and allowed my love to go dry
Despite the times you may have yelled and screamed to my face
Despite the anger you may feel towards me, and the bitterness you incase

and lastly... Despite Everything Single Thing You Have Done Wrong...

I Still Love You And Will Always Forgive You...

Despite and Regardless...
Thank You All For A Crazy Eye Opening 2017... Through the Dreams and Disasters, there was Beauty From Pain

12.31.2017 - 11:41
#new #year #2017 #need #say #despite #regardless #love #forgiveness
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Blank
ClawedBeauty101 Oct 2018
Blank

Because sometimes not even words written on paper can define how we feel.. Sometimes it's better to leave it blank...
#blank
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BRATT
ClawedBeauty101 Aug 2019
BRATT
When they call me a brat...
They ignore the fact...
That to me...
Being a brat means that I'm trying to be someone who is...

B - Building
R - Righteously
A - Although
T - Terrorized and
T - Terrified
...so say it to my face... I know I am a Bratt
I know i struggle
I know i can be cold at times..
But please know I am trying to keep my eyes on Him and what I really need to focus on
So forgive me for being scared
Forgive me for being unfair
But i am trying to sort out my emotions
And focus more on Him...
#big #brat
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•///•C/A/T/T•///•
ClawedBeauty101 Jan 2019
•///•C/A/T/T•///•
•///•
•///• CLAWING •///•
•//•ALL•//•
•/•THE•/•
•TIME•
•///•
Or Cutting All The Time, Either one works
Gotta sharpen those claws.
#cat #claw #cut #cutting
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Caught In The Web
ClawedBeauty101 Mar 2018
Caught In The Web
Like a fly, I am capture too easily and quickly by the beauty of others...

Their web traps my gullible mind... and cages in my withering body... they couldn't choose another...

My vibrational screams of mine only caused their monster within to awaken....

Their eyes filled with delight in the blood dripping pain they'll cause, their fangs break in....

Finally... their scheme is revealed through their venom, and slowly... life is ****** out of me...

Senses betray me... as I am dropped from the laced-up web kingdom... dry and lifeless...but I can still see

I was caught in your web once...but when I come back... I swear I won't get caught in it again...
MEANING BELOW

Sadly... I must always remind my self that we are fools... And we all can be deceived and be fooled and fall short...

It's so easy to get caught up in people, with their kindness, knowledge... but we must remember they are human...And they will fail you... and they will mess up...

The Fly can represent anyone... Anyone who looks up to someone, someone who is high in the knowledge of Christ, Spirituality off the charts... or anything

The Web represents us easily getting caught up in the glory and positive "they could do no wrong" mind set...

The Spider represents the sinner that they still are... They will make mistakes, however, for those who get too wrapped up in the web, see it as a BIG DISBELIEF. They are shocked and CRUSHED and DESTROYED AND HURT....

So this is why we shouldn't make others seem like they are higher then all of us, we can't lift them up too high... nor think of them as almost perfect... because it will crush us.... it's not bad to look up to someone however... There is a limit, and sometimes it will cause us to look down on our selves...

The falling of the fly represents the the looking down on one's self from looking at someone as more superior, OR it can represent the BROKENNESS  in love and trust....

The blame depends on the situation. Sometimes the spider may be innocent and the fly is guilty for it's thoughts

or the spider can be guilty for and the fly is innocent...

So...who is innocent in your story?
#spider #webs #caught #lifeless #dead #venom #gullible #trap #fly #flies
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....Chok(h)er....
ClawedBeauty101 Jan 2018
....Chok(h)er....
A command the neck hugging necklace was given

.....Chok(h)er.....

Believing the suffocation will comfort her fears and insecurites

....Chok(h)er....

A dazzle is distress is it's appropriate title. Secretly, into her skin it is driven.

....Chok(h)er....

Believing it has the right to silence her nerves that desire to warn her of their up coming death

....Chok(h)er....

Innocent in charm, it convinces her neck and brain to go numb. Her voice now hidden

....Chok(h)er....

Soon to be mute, this man made design,  confined to her neck

....Chok(h)er....

Is the unseen burden she carries. This chain of confinement should be forbidden

....Chok(h)er....

This piece of dark fashion, shows its goal loud and crystal clear

So why are people blinded?


For it is called...
The Choker...
....The Chok(h)er....
MEANING BELOW!!!

I have nothing against this beautifully designed piece of shadow jewelry XD for I wear them all the time!

But it is interesting how it is called a choker
Sometimes I find my voice mute... My singing fading because I wear them so much, and so tightly they damage the nerves in the back of my neck, and slowly bring forth numbness to the rest of my upper body...

It's like this, the chokers can represent the sin or danger in our lives that is so noticeable and clear, that we either ignore it or are to blinded to see it.

And we don't usuall see it until it's to late... Our if we do see it...  it's either to late to do something about it....
Or...
We notice it just in time and we are able to remove that danger before we get hurt, or someone else gets hurt...

Some thing so innocent and charming can be the most dangerous, painful thing in your life, just like a choker...

We can't become a slave to something that is so wicked, like sin, looks so harmless and innocent

But if not taken cared it correctly or removed... It will devour you.. And you will be it's slave...

Sometimes that numbness and pain we suffer can seem like a comfort zone for us, a place to feel safe,  but that pain will only betray you...

How much longer you spend this suffocation.. Of your Chok(h)er women of young and old (This also goes for men too XD)

Jesus is the Way
1/27/2018 (Saturday)
#choker #her #neck #suffocation #distress #skin #nervesinnocent #charm #dark #fashion
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Christmas Spent In A Corner
ClawedBeauty101 Dec 2017
Christmas Spent In A Corner
Spending Christmas alone, shivering in a corner

Refusing to waste my time engaging in conversation with these lost foreigners

Talk about women like they are an object to their advance

Saying life's next step is at their finger tips, always willing to accept a dangerous chance

Dunked laughter deafening my ears and the smell of alcohol choking my throat

This is not the main reason why my heart breaks for them. Their good works won't keep them afloat

They can have all the fun they desire for now, but if their souls are not saved... They will suffer

I weep over their foolish souls that strikes me down, believing I will be one of them, but I'm tougher...

I spend Christmas alone in a corner... To protect my self from their abuse

What better person to be alone with on this day then the Creater and His word? What is there to lose?

The silence never seems to welcoming unless I am alone and secure

In a blanket by the fire, thinking and reading and praying. His comfort is there for sure

Have A Merry Christmas!!! Its more then just a time to be with family, but a time to be alone...
Have a Merry Christmas :) My Christmas celebrations are nut always the best.. It can often be terrifying and scary sad frightening, that's why I don't mind being alone sometimes :)
#christmas #alone #abuse #drunk #creator #god
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Closer Then I Appear - My Run Away Letter Poem
ClawedBeauty101 Apr 2019
Closer Then I Appear - My Run Away Letter Poem
I am not here, I am not there
You will not find me… Not anywhere

I have not run away, I have not disappeared
I am close. I am closer then I appear

Not sure how to type what I feel
When all of these feelings just make me feel so lost and ill

This is not a rebellion. This isn’t out of frustration
You are not the enemy; I have nothing against your radiation.

In the night I have gone like the wind
But I am alive and well, this is not out of sin.

I am not gone, just hidden away for a while
You know all my locations, all my places, you know my style.

I could be anywhere, but you know where I go
I am not gone; I’m just no longer home… I’m solo

My number code now a mystery, but you know my accounts
You know and have more then what you realize. You have the amount.
You know my people, you know my spots
Although I am physically cold, my heart is burning hot

Forgive me for the pretty little lies, and for my acts and stories
My wrong, my bad, I am sorry. I greatest my apologies.

I am not fooling around with strangers, or with the fools of this earth
I am safe, and I am close by. I am not shutting you out, I’m building my own turf

Watch the black now fade away, the spikes dim and become dull
For I am independently going on this journey on my own, it’s quite the hull

I’m sick of disappointing, I’m sick of the back and forth, I want to truly know
Jesus in the desert for days, Moses on the Mountain, and Elijah with the birds sought Him alone.

Days, and weeks of isolation, alone with Him.
I want to know!!! I Need to seek and find!!! I am so sick of guess’n!!!

As far as I can tell, this is God’s leading, and if it isn’t, He can work it all out
I won’t know until I take the first step into this unfamiliar world. I promise I am safe and sound

Trying to be discerning, and wise with every step I take, as far as I can tell
I can’t hear him when many are shouting. When too many feel the need to yell.

Not abandoning the problem. I’m not abandoning His Call
I am looking for peace and answers. I want to be his Princess. He won’t let me fall.

I don’t hate you, there is no anger or disappointment in this heart
I swear I leave in peace and love, for I am hurting with this part

Dad, I know everything you said and did was only out of love
I know you didn’t mean to hurt and scar me, so I hid my scars with gloves
I know I disappoint, but I contain no anger. I need a moment and time
To ask and then receive, and to seek what I am trying to find
Answers

Mom, you are wonderful and beloved, I’m sorry if I made you feel so worried
I promise you; I am fine and safe and treasured and in good care. Please have no fury
I loved working alongside you and doing what I could to help
You did so much for me, and prayed like a warrior, breaking every spell
Blessing, that is what you are ♥

Rachel, it’s time for me to be trained on how to be a woman of service
I am on my knees like I’ve seen you done so many times. I’m encouraged
I’m sorry… But He has shown me his leading… So, I am just walking forward
I may not know where it takes me… But I swear it is HIM I am walking towards
Boldly

Dennae, I am praying for you and the things you struggle and ache with. I know the look
I’m going to miss your *******-up phrases and your unintentional jokes
But I need to go on a journey with my Savior for a while to know Thy way
He will change your heart, and your desires, you keep seeking His face.
Everything will change when you pray

Amy, I am sorry, but I tried to do what I could to be there for you
I tried to be the big sister I needed to be. I did what I could so you could see Him through
I love you little one. He has an amazing job planned for you ahead.
He has not forgotten nor abandoned you. Because for you, he bled.
Remember His Love

You can come, and see, and visit! You know where you can stop by
I am not dead; I can assure you, that I am very much alive.

Take care of my baby fluff, and the fish down below
Trying to follow His leading, and not drench myself so low…

Time to grow up, time to discover and learn.
He is the greatest teacher; He will protect me from the fires that burn

Gone indeed… But to really seek and discover what is in store
Alone and Solo, I depend on Him to really speak and show. My body on the floor

Don’t be worried, scared, or frightened, for I am in good hands
I love you; I miss you. You are not locked away from my stands

From the darkness, I escape, but only to seek the light
Forgive me, my beloved family… but I need to take this step… I’ll be alright

I may have crossed the line
But I know as long as I seek Him… and Surrender to Him, He’ll make everything fine…

Till I can see you again, Beloved Family
April 13, 2019 - 1:00 am

My Move-Out Poem Letter to my family before I left...
#run #away #appear #disappear #closer #move #out #love #sorry #safe
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Could You Handle My Heart?
ClawedBeauty101 Oct 2017
Could You Handle My Heart?
You would think my heart was a diamond, pure and white.
Because though many are cruel to me, I love them despite.


My kind words of encouragement you'd swear came from an innocent soul
But if you could read my mind and crack open my heart, the truth would be told.

Could You Handle My Heart?

When my heart is frozen and I give you a frost bite kiss?

Could You Handle my Heart?

When I feel so alone that my lips refuse to smile for a lovely bliss

Could You Handle My Heart?

When I feel on drowned in the darkness that I have embraced?

Could You Handle My Heart?

When my soul is bleeding and I laugh in insecurity and disgrace?

Could You Handle My Heart?

When I reject your warm soft glow, and pierce it with my shadow?

Could You Handle My Heart

When I create a puddle of sinful tears and scream because I am determined to grow?

COULD YOU HANDLE MY HEART AT ALL!?!

Could you even handle my heart...if it were to fall?

Answer the Question... Could You Handle My Heart?...
The Lord has put up with my pride and my insecurities and my disobedience and all of my lies... He can handle my heart... what an amazing God we have....
#handle #cold #frost #heart #question #pierce #god #turht #screamdisgrace
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Cut! Cut! Cut!? Enough!
ClawedBeauty101 May 2019
Cut! Cut! Cut!? Enough!
Part A:
Cut it out
It won't do a thing!

Stop cutting yourself!
You're gaining nothing!

I slice and dice and move my mice
Claw myself with my built-in knives

Screaming and Crying as the blood drains, right?
Scars and wounds keep you up all night!

The alcohol string, do you feel the pain?
It burns and eats the bacteria in your veins

Sometimes the healing aches a lot
So that you learn something and begin to stop!!!

Chorus:
CUT CUT CUT CUT! Can we get enough? ENOUGH!
Trying to live like we wanna get better!
Your linen won't hide your cuts forever

KNIFE KNIFE! SLICE SLICE!
What are you doing your life? LIFE!
Heart pump's blood to keep you live'n
Why can't you accept that you are forgive'n?

Part B
"Hey! What's up? Are you doing alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine! Just had a really bad fight..."

A fight with yourself that you can never win
Using gloves and sleeves to keep your slits hidden.

Do you not see the diamond you are?
Ignore the lies that formed those scars

Your numbness won't just fade away
When your life is mixed in with the gray

Sitting alone in the darkness, blackness
Trying to hide all blood drop messes

Chorus
CUT CUT CUT CUT! Can we get enough? ENOUGH!
Trying to live like we wanna get better!
Your linen won't hide your cuts forever

KNIFE KNIFE! SLICE SLICE!
What are you doing your life? LIFE!
Heart pump's blood to keep you live'n
Why can't you accept that you are forgive'n?

Part C*
Razor Sharp... It feels just right
Holding on to that blade real tight...
Hidden in the darkness, out of sight...
It is worth the damage it causes? Worth all the lies?
Worth the secret? Worth the hide from the ones who love you with all their might?

Don't you feel their love, His love...
ENOUGH!

Chorus
CUT CUT CUT CUT! Can we get enough? ENOUGH!
Trying to live like we wanna get better!
Your linen won't hide your cuts forever

KNIFE KNIFE! SLICE SLICE!
What are you doing your life? LIFE!
Heart pump's blood to keep you live'n
Why can't you accept that you are forgive'n?
Another poem song I hope to write up someday... maybe...
It's a song about cutting and how it never seems to be enough. We can;t just do it once... it's a temptation and a struggle that makes us want to do it again and again...

and we forget about the ones who love us
We forget who we are in our Creator's eyes... and how worthy we are...
#cut #cutting #cutter #knife #slice #enough #forgive #life #blood #scars
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Deceptive Comfort
ClawedBeauty101 Sep 2017
Deceptive Comfort
How can we, so small
Expect to win it all
Our minds so full of us
Blind our eyes to the one and only Jesus
Remove our deceptive comfort
That we cling like a favorite toy
The sudden pain of life's adversities carries away our counterfeit joy
For the lies of deceptive comfort only seek to **destroy.
Written by someone close to me...Thank you
#comfort #deceptive #destroyblindjesus #counterfeit
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Dented
ClawedBeauty101 Jul 2019
Dented
I was dropped...
And now thought to be broken

But I'm still in one piece
However, now dented

But even broken and dented things can be fixed a mended
With time, wounds can heal
#wounds #dent #broke #broken #dented #mended #fix
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Depressions Awakening Torment
ClawedBeauty101 Dec 2017
Depressions Awakening Torment
All in a line... everyone's foots steps moving at the same speed... at the same pace... with the same sound...

All their heads... hanging down... hanging low...their percent of depression increasing with every heart pound...

All forced... to surrender their bodies to the whip... the whip of Depressions guard...Pain...

Pain... even thinking of the name caused the slaves to tremble... a single cry...a single crack...only brought forth screaming rain...

They have learned to betray their senses... They have been trained to trade their emotions for emptiness...

Chains...heavier then the burdens they bare... suffocate the nerves in their neck, ankles. and wrist...

Continuously walking into a tunnel that seems to go on for all eternity... Their eyes no longer dilating for light...

No comfort...no warmth... not even the ground showed mercy...reveling and reminding them of memories... memories they try to fight

Their eyes growing blind by Depressions overcast...closing...some creating water falls...

Some of their wells are dry...For their deceitful friend Anger stole their heart of flesh... they can't hear Hopes call...

Anger... promising  relief... if they only would give their hearts to him... sadly....some have listened and fell astray...

Some refuse...and with that....the wrath of Suffering is spilled over them...there is no such thing as day...

In the line... they continue on...their minds screaming for comfort... Their soul drowning in the shadows... Their veins frozen in time

They all will soon meet depression itself...what an earthly torment...to not know when...how...or why..

What will Depression do?   Only what you fear...  Do you dare look into the solid ...zero degrees below eyes of the beast?

Are you strong enough?... Or will you accept it's blade sharpened jaws?... Do you desire those black stained claws to  throw you to the east?

Do you want the thrill filled feeling of blood dripping into your mouth?  The scratches to prove you've been defeated?

Will you accept weakness to be your grave?  Would you like Regret to be your funeral!?   And allow Hell to be seated?

LOOK UP LOOK UP!!!

SCREAM AND CRY OUT FOR LOVE!!!

You have misplaced and lost your hope, do you truly believe it's lost and gone forever?

AGAIN I SAY LOOK UP!!! THE LIGHT NEVER LEFT YOU!!! NEVER!!!

Just because on your level it's gloomy and dark... and danger is your air

Doesn't mean the sky above you contains the same!!! Release your eyes!!! Don't be scared!

When Depression snaps it's jaws at you, and you can see your dead body in it's reflexion

Reach your hand to the sky!!! Dilate your eyes to the sun's rays again! This is your confession!!!

Grab the Sword of the Spirit!!! Yes, you are unworthy of it!!! But don't use that as an excuse to stop fighting!!!

In the spiritual battle you are not alone!!! For the one who took your place will some day arrive like silver lightning!!!

Use that sword to permanently silence the monsters lips!  Skillfully slash open it's cheeks!!!

Hide your blade in your Belt of Truth! And reveal your Faith that will protect you! For you have created a blood creek!

Was awakening this Dark Death Grappling Beast worth it? Are you willing to continue to suffer??

Depression will slash at your Shield of Faith, and will try to cause it to shatter, sin's reminders will hover

Stand strong and firmly on the Gospel of Peace, for it's has a firm foundation... not the ground of sinking sand

Betrayal... Guilt...Shame... Worthlessness... Fear... Lies... Hurt.... will pour over and suffocate you if you stand on unstable land

Your eyelids lay heavy,  doubt contains your soul... Depressions shuttering fears will dig it's claws into your neck

Close your eyes!! Don't you dare surrender your eyes to the two furry fire filled eyes. Use your helmet to WRECK!!!

Salvation covers your head, don't inhale the the sweet deceptive fumes of Depression's dark comfort!

Consume Righteousness into your breastplate. For with it you will protect and guard your heart. So it does not convert!

Convert to the foolish ways of this word. RUN!!! RUN I TELL YOU!!!

FLEE FROM DEPRESSIONS CONCENTRATION CAMP!YOU WILL GET THROUGH!

Use that spear to make that lock submit and obey!!! Your not an animal that should be caged!!!

Depression is not your master, nor are you it's slave!!! Allow this knowledge to make your mind rage!!

Rebel!!! For Hope has opened up her gates to you! And wisdom has offered her help!

Escape the guardians of Doubt!!! For they will try to make you stumble and fall, and make you yelp!

You will know when you are safe... when you stop hearing the names of the past in your weakened ears

You your ears will receive joyous sounds.. Your senses will finally find their place after all these years

Your eyes will feel that thirst for light and brightness, your lips will finally be given a reason to speak!!!

Your heart pieces will bond and be mended again!!! It shall be overfilled with love and it shall leak!!!

Your soul will try to hide from the suns soft glow, but redilate your eyes!  For you are no longer blind!!!

Didn't you want to be made new? Didn't you want depression to be permanently ripped away from you body, heart, soul, and mind?

Freedom does indeed give off a strange touch...But do you dare to reject a free gift?

  He can give you more then freedom, you can receive more then just the feeling of your life being in a new shift

Gain eternal life!!! Reach for a new goal in life!!! Run for the prize that will never fade...

So indeed I dare to ask...Do you dare to accept? For in any trouble... any problem... even Depression.. He will be your aid


           Allow Depressions Torment Awaken You... Awaken You the    the Hope that is right in front of you...
Most of us have been through depression. Wither it was a strong depression or weak, most of us have had a taste of it. Listen if any of you are going through depression and you want to find hope... and you want to find life again within this dead world we live in. I AM OPEN!!! I am open to help with anything!!! Indeed I am a stranger but I am here to fulfill the duty of my creator and maybe this is one of the ways.  I do hope my poetry has inspired and help many of you who are reading. I don't care about the trending or the loves or likes, All I want is to help as many as I can on Hello Poetry. Thank you, MANY OF YOU FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT!!! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!! THANK YOU!
#depression #death #hope #armor #chains #pain #darkness #life #fight #light
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DEVIL STOP HAUNTING ME!!!
ClawedBeauty101 Jun 2018
DEVIL STOP HAUNTING ME!!!
You have made my toss and turn, and fill me with guilt in my dreams and sleep

Slyly whispering in a gentle snare my mistakes that you say define who I am. You allow it to sink in deep

DEVIL STOP HAUNTING ME!!!

You strike me when I am limp and weak, for an easier ****

Repenting over and over again for the fool I am and was, trying to find the path I must fulfill

DEVIL STOP HAUNTING ME!!!

You do all you can to divide and conquer with your snake biting words
I AM SICK of fighting against your lie filled fangs, my past I know you've heard

DEVIL STOP HAUNTING ME!!!

I AM NOT GOING TO QUARREL AROUND IN MY PAST THAT I CAN NOT CHANGE!!!

AND I REFUSE TO KEEP MY EYES TO THE GRAVE YOU SAY IS FOR THE STRANGE

DEVIL STOP HAUNTING ME!!!

You use depression as a shackle on my feet, and use regret as a chain for my wrist

You lock me in the dark to believe that I am alone and convince me that it's the past I miss

DEVIL STOP HAUNTING ME!!!

You try to infest me with your darkness, make me believe that it is my image

You remind me what my flesh desires in a convincing voice that makes me scrimmage

DEVIL STOP HAUNTING ME!!!

YOU DO NOT DEFINE ME!!! THE PAST IS NOT WHO I AM!!!

WHAT I WANT AND DESIRE AND NOT WHAT I NEED!!! YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A SCAM!!!

DEVIL STOP HAUNTING ME!!!

You have forgotten that there is still life and light in me, and so have many others

You believed I was contained, but even the Messiah escaped, isn't that such a pother?

DEVIL YOU AND YOUR LIES ARE NOTHING TO ME!!!

THIS FEAR WILL NO LONGER KEEP ME AS A PRISONER!!!

AND YOU WILL NOT KEEP MY LIGHT HIDDEN AWAY THROUGH HIM I AM VICTORIOUS AND A WINNER

DEVIL STOP HAUNTING ME!!!

You can threaten me all you want with your reminders of my mistakes

But I have been given new life, I will not be drowned in your lies that make up your flaming lake

DEVIL STOP HAUNTING ME!!!

You have forgotten that the flame you love hides a light that burns

I can allow it to melt away the things that bring me down... it is now my turn...

My turn to be set free... and my turn to define all odds through Him...
NO DEVIL! YOU DO NOT DEFINE ME!!!

Forgive me if this poem wasn't at all very good... I plan on revising it but I just had to write this...

June 6, 2018 4:37am
#devil #stop #haunting #me #flame #lies #define #past #evil #mistakes
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Don't I look like I'm all put together?
ClawedBeauty101 Oct 2018
Don't I look like I'm all put together?
Well, guess what?
I'm really completely broken apart inside
thrown and shattered into tiny pieces that lie
This is just am outside cover...
Impressed?
#together #*** #part #broken #shattered #cover #hide #look #outside #inside
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Drinking....
ClawedBeauty101 Jul 2017
Drinking....
Drinking....
Sweet to the Mouth,
but Bitter to the Body
Thanks aL1gn3d for the poem idea XD
#drinking #bitterness
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Droplets To Remember
ClawedBeauty101 Jul 2017
Droplets To Remember
The clock is endlessly ticking away its mournful song of the past

Second by second, droplets of years ago stream down the watercourse of time

They race by so hastily, not even the human eye can catch a memory that is enclosed in each droplet.

For years, too many years, I have been granted to hold on to a few of these faint droplets.

The foolish say there are always more droplets that will come

Either from the blinding blue sky that cries from delight  

Or from the shadows of it that come at night.

But to me, no other droplet can replace them.

Though the memory is weak, and the droplets are slowly leaking away through the cracks of my small fragile hands

I fight; I fight with every pound of my heart to keep them alive.

Though I have lost many battles, and much of my own blood to keep them hidden and alive, I know my waiting will pay off

For these droplets of a distant memory, will someday be given back to the one who created it....

I don’t know for how much longer these droplets will last, but thy one who thought they have already escaped my life 10 years ago….

I am waiting for you....

~ Cat's Shadow ///
#memories #waiting
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》*♤*D▪R▪U▪G▪G▪E▪D*♤*《
ClawedBeauty101 Jan 2019
》*♤*D▪R▪U▪G▪G▪E▪D*♤*《
《▪》
》¤▪¤■¤▪¤《
《¤▪Depression▪¤》
》♤《
《¤▪RULES▪¤》
》♤《
《¤▪Under▪¤­》
》♤《
《¤▪Guilt's▪¤》
》♤《
《¤▪Gruesome▪¤》
》♤《
《¤▪Eternal▪¤》
》­♤《
《¤▪Dominion▪¤》
》¤▪¤■¤▪¤《
《▪》
...so never get under the influence of it's false hope and lies that come straight from hell...
#drugs #drugged #goth #depression #rule #under #gruesome #sorry
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Drugged and Drunk on Regrets
ClawedBeauty101 Sep 2018
Drugged and Drunk on Regrets
Let's all be honest... for once... let us all admit this statement...
Each of us has impaled a dozy pill of mistakes... inhaled regrets fragrant

A prescription of the many countless regrets... failures... and stupid moments
They come back like a drug side effect, attacking you as their opponent

Losing your sense of reality as you drunkenly laugh at the blessings
Numb to kindnesses touch as you roll off the couch of security... nervously sweating

Openly abusing the precious, pure body of wisdom... deaf to her rejecting scream...
She stood by your side... Telling you not to take another drink... not to get lost in marijuana's dream...

A foolish smirk sneaks on your face, your mind clouded by the vape and tobacco, blocking your judgment
Carelessly touching in all the wrong places... pleasurable? Your conscious shows no lament

Your lips are a bite... Your touch is a knife... your words are a poison... to not only wisdom... for it will backfire
You are finally evicted from Illusions hallucinations... you fell for such a devilish liar.

Your brain has rung the alarm to your entire body... memories of unwise choices bring head trama
A heavy alcoholic breath escapes your mouth of regretted words... full of gossips drama

You wobble on unstable feet.. and do not achieve your desired balance...
Falling to your knees... you see the blood... the tears... and the saliva of someone who is guilty... no use in using words of parlance

No lies can hide the guilt that clokes your face...
All evidence leads you down to your fate...

"Drugged and Drunk of Regrets" was the charge placed against you... then you were sent away
But be careful... Memories, thoughts, and feelings can lead your mind astray.

"Set them free... You have been given mercy..."
The Judge granted, without one drop of regret and worry

...Mercy... You have been given mercy for your crime...
So why continue to drug your self on regrets? It's not worth a dime!!

DON'T GET DRUNK ON THE PAST!!!!
THE OLD IS GONE!!! THE PAST WON'T LAST!!!

DON'T CONTINUE TO ****** YOUR THOUGHTS OF A HOPEFULLY FUTURE!!
I HAVE DONE THAT!!! DON'T BE HAPPINESSES CONSUMER!!

We all have been Drugged and Drunk of Regrets...
but the best thing to do... it to apologize... and forget...
Apologize... and Forget...
#drugged #drunk #regrets #regret #mistakes #apologies #forget
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Drugged too High
ClawedBeauty101 Aug 2019
Drugged too High
Dont get too high
Cause then in the end, you end up falling, and then die

It feels good for a small moment to be up in the sky
But then you feel guilty... and wish to make it right
It hurts to fall from such a high place
#drug #high #die #guilt
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•●♡●•E•M•O•●♡●•
ClawedBeauty101 Jan 2019
•●♡●•E•M•O•●♡●•
•
•●♡●•
•EMOTIONALLY•
●♡●
•MIXED UP•
●♡●
•OBJECTS•
•●♡●•
•
I AM OVER WHELMED!!!!!
DEAL WITH IT!!!
#emo #goth #depression #hurt #pain
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•E•M•O•S•
ClawedBeauty101 Oct 2018
•E•M•O•S•
•
•Emotional•
•Messes•
•Of•
•☻Smiles☻•
•
Fake Smiles...
#emos #goth #depression #darkness #emo #smiles #fake #mess #emotional
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~F•I•N•E~
ClawedBeauty101 Jan 2019
~F•I•N•E~
Listen... I said I was

•F• alling Apart
•I• nsecure
•N• eglected
•E• mpty

So if I say that I'm •FINE•.... I'm •FINE•... I'm not lying to you...
Its just some are too stupid to realize what the word •FINE• actually means...
#fine #falling #apart #insecure #neglected #empty #sorry
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First Day of the Semester...
ClawedBeauty101 Aug 2018
First Day of the Semester...
Every class I walked into, was a new book for me to read...
Terror had an aim on me...

and with time, it struck...

Numbness bathed me as I stepped into another Dimension, out and beyond my comfort zone

People that surrounded me, blinded my eyes, for this was a community of uncomfortable brightness, colors, and laughter.

I wanted to disintegrate into a shadow and fall right through the floor... and allow my soul to shrink and disappear.

For I stepped into an atmosphere that was unfamiliar to me...

I always looked down, for I felt like a prisoner of fear... for this is all a New World, a New Beginning for me...

I can't back down from this challenge, I'm already here...
For English today, we were supposed to write about what our first day of the College semester felt like... this was what I wrote... thought it was worth posting.
#first #day #semester #fear #uncomfortable #college #challenge #community #new
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Foot Steps In The Snow
ClawedBeauty101 Feb 2019
Foot Steps In The Snow
I took a few steps back, walking away from them all
I thought I'd be on my own as I walked to the dining hall
But then behind me, I heard loud foot steps in the snow
It was then I knew, I wasn't going to be walking alone...
Thanks for the Company <3

This happened at Skyview, in the year 2018. It took me an ENTIRE YEAR to post it because I was so scared to show it XD. Plus I wanted to be careful so.... YAY FINALLY HAD THE HEART TO POST IT!!!!!!
#foot #steps #snow #walking #away #alone #behind #hall
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♦F♦R♦E♦A♦K♦
ClawedBeauty101 Aug 2019
♦F♦R♦E♦A♦K♦
F** inding a new side of this hidden life I live
R egrets? No! For it is through the messes I find strength given
E vidence has shown that I need more of Him
A chance for revival of joy to come within
K indness to those who will and will not forgive

I am the Freak.
#freak
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F.U.
ClawedBeauty101 Jun 2019
F.U.
Forgive for what I am about to say
But sometimes it is the only thing that won't fade
So because of all I'm going through,
I'm going to say.....
























FORGET YOU!!!!!
Sorry...
I don't swear...
#forget #you
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Good Bye Night Owl
ClawedBeauty101 Jul 2017
Good Bye Night Owl
Sweeping through the air, it's eyes of white and glow cutting through the emotionless thick darkness

It's speeds going according to the laws of its kind

Traveling for miles and several minutes, just to reach its single destination

For Years, it continued it's back and force pace over and over again

Doing it for the remaining love that still abides

Until one day, as it's driver went blank, her eyes lifeless, her mind mute

The alarming screams of her daughters shattering the peace

The wheels of the owl still progressing, their pace staying at 50 mph

A heart attack impact left a scar in the passenger’s hearts

As the Night Owl slammed its metal civic body against many others of its kind

A silent prayer of an unseen person was heard

The cracked windshield was all the women driver could see

Knowing that it was the Last of the Night Owl that she will ever grasp

Though the Night Owl had it's last flight on Route 57

The memories that were melted into it forever still remain

Good Bye Night Owl....

5/9/15
This is talking about the car accident my mother and two of my sisters got into. My mother had a seizure while driving, and one of my sisters happened to be on the phone, and while she was on the phone, she screamed, and her friend started to pray for us, the Night Owl was my mother's car. How she loved that thing. But it's a shame it had to be taken away, but I'm blessed that the Lord protected my mom and sisters and everyone else in the accident.
#accident #drive #owl #mother
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•°☆°•G•O•T•H•°☆°•
ClawedBeauty101 Jan 2019
•°☆°•G•O•T•H•°☆°•
•}☆{•
•
•☆•Gently •☆•
☆
•☆• Observing •☆•
☆
•☆•The•☆•
☆
•☆•HOPELESS•☆•
•
•}☆{•
OR THE HOPEFUL
...
Having a hard time finding that right now...
Pathetic right?
#gothic #goth #hopeless #hopeful #observing #gently #hurt
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†•G♥O♥T♥H•†•
ClawedBeauty101 Nov 2018
†•G♥O♥T♥H•†•
•†•
♥
•Going•
♥☻♥
•Out•
•♥†♥•
•Through•
♥☻♥
•Hell•
♥
•†•
What Being or Feeling Goth is About
But one day, that Hell will end.
This is just a phase of my life.
#goth #gothic
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Heart of Lies
ClawedBeauty101 Aug 2017
Heart of Lies
A lover you are not, but a brother you forever are

Your weeping soul is lost in the dark, behind cold bars

They swore with their life that they spoke of no lies

But we were blinded, the truth was always in your eyes

Where are you now? Do you even consider us as your family still?

You can try to hide your crystal clear emotions, but the silence can ****

They believe they ended us, but we refused to quit

The heart is deceitful above all else, who can understand it?

Though you sadly think the charms will forever be apart

We refuse to break the chain of the two hearts

Though the fire of blame may be on you

We beg you to put it out. Our voice of forgiveness is true

Yes, their hearts are full of lies

But the troubles you may be going through could be....

*Mercies in Disguise...
Mysterious this note maybe. Don't think too ******* it. It's only meant for one, but enjoy this poem if you can.

Thank You...
#heart #lies #deceive #mercies #separation #end #forgiveness #love
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How do the mice feel?...
ClawedBeauty101 May 2018
How do the mice feel?...
When they see their off spring being lifted out of their place

Hung by their tail, they squeal and cry for their parents recuse, their heart's race.

Devastation stings their round soft ears as they run for their baby's call

But as they see the hand raise their child over their height of limitation, their hopes and dreams fall...

It was too late... SMACK went the poor, frail body and skull of the little one...

The hand quickly slammed it against the table... Now knocked out...no way to escape or run

SNAP The ******* forced its neck bone to submit to their strength

The parents time of grief and mourning had no length

Frozen shock is the only expression that defines their baby mouses face

In a Blank stare of horror as the blood dripped from their once beloved babies lips... leaving a ****** taste

They scurry away in disbelief to gather the rest of their kin
that still remain alive...

Because they'll never know who will be up next... to be forced to give up their life... and die

*Because... Something always has to be sacrificed... in order to keep something else alive...
In order for something to continue living, it seems like something always has to be sacrificed, whether it's money or food or animals or whatever.  You see, if sin never came into this world, any sort or sacrifice wouldn't be necessary. but we live in a sin-filled, blinded world. We fall into sin, so many times, and death is apart of the fall of sin. We were never meant to die, but now sin has come, death is now apart of this life.  Jesus SACERFICED himself on the cross so he may save OUR LIVES from Hell. So when WE DIE, We may be with Him.

I don't
know,
call me weird but when I had to do this procedure when feeding snakes and other animals mice, this is what I think of... Saving things require a sacrifice...
#mouse #mice #death #blood #tail #smack #snap #baby #sacrificed
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How many of you do this when your alone?
ClawedBeauty101 Aug 2018
How many of you do this when your alone?
Stay up late on your computer, just to ignore whats in the background...

Blasting your speak or headphones to the highest volume found?

Eyes locked on whatever is attracting your mind to the screen

Consumed by your emotions and thoughts... the things unseen

Possibly in the dark, devouring food to satisfy the emptiness inside?

Deep in thought? Lost in people, dreams, and lies?

Oblivious to the time that slip through your fingers

Not to be disturbed by any forgotten chore that lingers

And sometimes... you may break out with a sigh...

That's slowly turns into a scream...and a mournful cry....
When your alone.. dont let your past or pain haunt you...the Lord is with you and always watching over you... he is there... he is listening...its easy to push away the pain l..but if not dealt with correctly and it can be a burden.. He can help you and will help you deal with it. He Loves you ♡♡♡ I know life is hard and dramatizing
#alone #dark #sound #volume #emotions #screen #conputer #teenager
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I Could Never Please You, No Matter How Hard I Tried
ClawedBeauty101 Aug 2017
I Could Never Please You, No Matter How Hard I Tried
I have tried to respect your way and obey your commands

but I could never please you, no matter how hard I tried

I have disposed almost everything to make you proud of me

but I could never please you, no matter how hard I tried

I could change my wardrobe from black to white

but I could never please you, no matter how hard I tried

I could change my personality, and allow it be more bright!

but I could never please you, no matter how hard I tried

Even if my eyelids has a lighter color of design

I could never please you, no matter how hard I tried

Even if I burned my mistakes and my past to ground

I could never please you, no matter how hard I tried

What if I cut off every limb?  As payment to set you free?

I still couldn't please you, no matter how hard I tried

What if I surrendered my life and body to you?

Would that even satisfy?...

I could never please you, no matter how hard I tried....

*Your Not Worth It
I'm done trying to please you
I'm tired of trying to meet your expectations
I'm tired of trying to reach your standards
I am, instead, looking up to the one who is Higher
#tried #please #finished #never #done #standards #failure
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I Cut The Rope...
ClawedBeauty101 Aug 2017
I Cut The Rope...
There once was a rope.... I was at one end of it....

I was pulling up on this rope, while someone else was pulling down

This person was a mixture of multiple people and faces, but they all threw the same fit

As they hung off the high cliff, They threw more then one demand at me.

"Pull me up!" or "No! Leave me hanging!" It's mind always seemed to be in a split.

How long did I suffer with this confusion?

Long enough! I grew so weak and weary, I knew I had to quit!

The up and down motion wore down my soul, it turned my hands into a ****** mess

I tried to make them sit on the ledge with me to save them, but I almost got bit.

I wanted to bring them to safety, looks like the Lord had other plans

I pull out a knife to end the chaos, the blade forcing the rope to submit

It was then at the last second they begged me to bring them up, but my ears refused to listen.

Some of the faces screamed in panic, as the other laughed in victory as they fell into the pit

I stood over the edge watching them fall into the grave they dug up themselves

I shook my head as they disappeared from sight, knowing this was for their benefit.

Though I am away from that place now I can still hear them still

Yelling and screaming lies and apologies, thankfully this is no longer my conflict.

I had to let you go, for you took advantage of me

I am free from your burdens and pain. This I could not resist...
Finally Free...

(This is just a bit of a draft, but :P it's okay XD)
#free #slave #conflict #pit #faces #up #down #burden
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...I didn't want you to see me...
ClawedBeauty101 Feb 2019
...I didn't want you to see me...
I hear you, knocking on my door
...
But I don't want you to see the ****** mess on the floor


I hear you knocking, again, on my door
...
But I don't want to expose my black stained face anymore


I hear you pounding on my door
...
But I don't want to release this ink dipped demon's core


I hear you screaming through the door
...
But I don't want you to help heal these cuts, stabs, and sores


I now hear you pleading and crying on the other side of the door
...
But I don't want you to feel the trembling insecurity of this gore

I can feel your body trying to break down my door
...
But I still refuse to open it... For my emotions have become a storm


The wood is giving in, you are destroying my door
...
But I don't want you to feel the frostbiting coverage I've worn


The light has broken in, and there I am staring at you... there's no more door
...
My scars, wounds, monsters, demons, past, sins rages out like a roar


"I didn't want you to see me..." I cried "I locked it to protect you... That's why there was a door..."
...
Shaking your head you kneel down and hug me, ignoring the dead corps


"Then how am I to protect, help, and guide if we are separate by a door?"
...
"I am here, and I will do what I can to make you darker no more..."


...I didn't want you to see me...
but I needed to see you...
I have no comment for this poem but... Glory be to Him for Whatever Happens.
Also I hate dreams...









True Love comes from Christ and Christ alone... when someone has that... they will love you no matter your past, present, or future is...
#i #didnt #want #you #to #see #me #door #break #down
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If I am an Open Wound...
ClawedBeauty101 Dec 2017
If I am an Open Wound...
Then you would be the alcohol that is burning me from the inside out...

*but at least your seeping pain is allowing me to heal...
The Only thing I have to say - you are painful... but at least you are allowing me to heal from the damage others have caused....
#pain #burn #alcohol #wound #resume #healing #suffering #inside
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If I Did What Was Right...
ClawedBeauty101 Oct 2017
If I Did What Was Right...
Then Why Am I In Great Pain And Suffering?
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