The sky is blue today
But sometimes it’s pink
Sometimes it’s green
Sometimes it’s a colour that I’ve never seen
The sky is calming
It draws you in
Till your eyes roll over
Like the clouds in the wind
The sky is feeling
When you think you’ve stopped breathing
It gives life
Every so often,
The sky turns dark
And it starts to cry
You feel sad again
Your head filled with ‘why’s’
Your mind feels like a raging storm
Lightning striking you on and on
The sky is now bitter and cruel
It’s all over you
Don’t fret though,
Because the sky changes
It will brighten your life
And colour your days
And it can make you feel miserable
In millions of ways
The sky is intimidating
And yet so gentle
Even the sky is fine
But I’m not
I feel like I’m stuck
In my own thunderstorm
Like the rainclouds stick to me
Wherever I go
Those times where I just
When I just wish I could give up
And for everything to be done
My head swarming with dark thoughts;
Pointing at my head with a gun
I think, this is it
The end has begun;
But then I look at the sky
And it is so beautiful.
The dreams I have tonight are going to haunt me for the rest of my life
Staying awake is only postponing the inevitable
I quest for heaven if only for the piece of mind
But it's much too hard to find
And praying is eating up my pride
Living, eating up my time
Dying isn't what I got in mind
But the night draws ever closer
As I'm drawing darkness in my mind
Imaging the pain is far worse or so they say
Living either way is having it no other way
Before the daylight breaks
I'll be a different thing
Self made imagery complicates things
But stains brought on by fear
Morality and what it brings
Resignation known as giving up
But you don't see the end
Trading in the destination
For a life that's on the mend
As you rend your resignation
And resign to a fate
Behold your fucking nightmares come
The wrecked car on your doorstep is a metaphor for what you've done to me.
The broken flowerpot on your windowsill is a reminder that no flowers are going to grow in my garden when you walk past them holding any of our future children's hands.
Sprinkle the extinguished cigarette butts on your floor instead of rose petals over my closed coffin as it gets lowered into the grave.
Go home and take off your mourning clothes and boil a pot of your tears on the stove to make tea for two...you and your shame.
I won't be around anymore.
A little girl once said to a little boy:
"If you leave, leave but know that if you do, my smile leaves with you..."
"What do you mean?", asked the boy
"It means that when you're gone, I'll never smile again..."
"I'm sorry...", replied the boy with downcast look
"...but I really have to go away to this new life and a new school along with a new family. I'll write you letters!"
"With my smile on them?"
"Every each one of them."
The little girl turned away
A tear fell from the little girl's right eye and hit the sand below
As soon as it did, a shoot grew out of it and into a rosebush
A few other rosebushes bloomed around them until the entire bare ground formed a garden around them
Only, there weren't any roses on them
The little boy looked confused
"Why don't any of them have flowers - so I could pluck one to be kept as a reminder of you?"
The little girl looked deep into the little boy's gray eyes
"...the flowers in my garden will only bloom the day you walk past them, holding our future daughter's hand."
Suppose one day, I was to wake up as my future self...
Will you be waiting for me outside my window in the rain like my current self always imagined you to do one day?
Or do I have to travel all the way to your apartment and knock on your door, only to find out you'd long packed your things and left?
Will you still be there or will you become just a name scribbled on notebooks and a memory at the back of my mind or would I have to look for that same name in obituaries and graveyards?
Suppose that happened and you're permanently gone...
Will you be in heaven, waiting for me as I made my way to my childhood home in an urn carried in the arms of my future child with another man - should I have any - or will you roam the earth with me together
...till the end of time?
I don't know how to tell her.
How are you expected to tell anyone?
"This isn't doing it anymore;
your affections aren't suitable for me.
I would rather have sex with
other people than you."
There's nothing wrong with her.
She treats me well,
and I spend more time with her than most.
But she isn't her. You know? Her.
"It's not that I don't like you.
It's just that most people
make me incredibly lonely.
And you're simply one of them.
No hard feelings, right?"
There's just no pretty way to say it.
I don't want to start
To even mourn your loss
For you are still here with me
But I know I'm not your boss
I invested many sleepless nights
Staying up twelve hours straight
To convince you life was worth it
To drown out the self hate
Some days I thought there was progress
Other days a step back
There was a time when I believed
You were back on the right track
Now you've pushed everyone away
Everyone but me
You made sure they're never coming back
With that action, I don't agree
I know the cause of death
And maybe even the day
But when I called a crisis line to tell them
They just turned me away
I guess I have to accept now
That you're getting ready to go
And since I am so far away
I'll just have to wait till you're no-show
I wish I actually knew
How to save a life
And that I could take away
Your weapons, rope, and knife
But here I stand powerless
Remembering what you said
And trying to imagine how I'll react
When they find you dead.
Say your prayers,
Lay your head,
Cut your wrists and go to bed
Remember it's all in your head
Don't eat, enough said
Look in the mirror every minute
Your weight on the scale doesn't fit it
cuts on your wrists, ankles, thighs
Wear that smile, its your disguise,
Breaking down in all the lies
This is what happens when you really try
And so she gave up,
She had given in to her thoughts,
The screaming demons in her head,
Begging her, pleading, "Just one more"
Until she got deep, her cries got louder,
her sleeves got longer,
She started to slowly fade away.
Nobody noticed, of course
they thought she was just feeling down,
except one day she went to the store,
for rope, breaking inside
nobody could see her shattered heart,
the way she smiled weakly at people,
And the thoughts screamed at her to use it,
"Coward, do it already"
So she did
And now shes still, lifeless
swaying side to side,
a kicked stool under her,
All because of her thoughts,
they destroyed her