Sometimes you ask yourself, does she understand
does she understand what you mean when you
fight through the cold fog of numbing fear to face
her and stutter the words "I love you"
Does she understand it takes more than
just courage to utter some words, does she
know how deep you have to dig to find the right
way to roll the tongue and move your paralysed
teeth just to construct a single sentence...
Sometimes you wonder whether she knows or not
that it takes a thousand heart blips, a psycho labyrinthine
conundrum and a relentless soul to make a single step
across the emotional bridge...
Sometimes you wonder whether she really gets it
when you say she's the road you were destined to
walk without which you won't move on for no matter
how much you'll try, without the road you're stuck to
a single spot, sometimes you ask yourself whether
or not she gets what you mean when you say you
lost your way in the blue Ocean of her eyes and only
the north star of her affection can find you a bearing
back to the shores of reality yet the more the thought
the more the plunder of wonder...especially when you
finally realize she may understand yet not get it...
For how can she get it when even you knows storms
of romance do carry with them heart shuttering thunder
when even you have heard the same lines in songs
when millions of poems say the very thing
some even expressing them in a much more intricate
manner than you can ever weave, how can she get it
when the guy before you said the same thing and
only left a heart he found whole scattered like stars
in the milky way, not that they are not beautiful from afar
when she's probably saving you from her invisible ugly scar
one that will drive you away as soon as she drops the veils
and opens up the fragile side that she hides from the world...
What's there to grasp when her father used a similar phrase
to lure her Mama into an abyss of torment so much she grew up like
an orphan as her Mama could not take it anymore and had
to run off, never to be seen again, when her teacher
defiled her best friend with the allure of something not so different...
when she's read Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde and more
where it all ends but in tragedy, fire or War...
What's there to understand when you aren't even sure if what
you feel's passion enough to light all way to forever... and you
know she's no longer playing games, she's been disappointed many times
and she won't simply fall for a beautiful piece simply because it rhymes...
And then you wonder, who'll find you when your rescue is more
lost than you have ever been...
You can ask me why,
and I'll start to cry
You can ask me when,
But I still won't tell you then
You can try to give me a hug,
But I'll take a step back
You can try to comfort me,
But I'll only feel discomfort
I'm broken and bruised,
and permanently uncured.
i am so terrified
my feelings for you are so strong in such a short period of time
but not like what im used to
i love you
and this time it didnt stem from lust
its the type of love that grows after being around someone so long and gradually noticing their quirks and having the eventual epiphany
oh god ive fallen
and fallen hard
im terrified because you are leaving me so soon
how is it that you are leaving me but refuse to leave my thoughts
day and night
since the time we have is limited it makes it all the more valuable
there could never be enough time
i cant resist the force that is pulling us closer together
im so scared
my trust issues seem to have melted away with you
i trust you with my everything
you are just so warm and gentle with me
im a puzzle with bent pieces and im giving the box to you
please dont dent them more
please dont break me
i love you so much
be kind please
And as deadlines approach
Anxiety buds and bubbles
And yet I sit staring at the question
Reading and rereading
Thinking 5 steps forward in its entirety
and scaring myself with reality
I tried clearing the haze from my gaze
And getting my head in the game
But then the heart starts pounding relentlessly
And I clutched at it, an excuse to sink into the comfortable darkness
Then I wondered why I'm living without really living
There was naught I didn't put off
And it wasn't as though work was put off for real fun
I put off life to sink into inactivity
I get out of days and weeks from bed with weakened legs and an aching back,
Friends no where in sight, life barely existent
Is living really necessary after all?
I questioned and floated in constructed pain and darkness
Such fortune for a kid to have a shelter above her head, well fed with nothing lacking yet why
Why why why
Why am I still in an endless loop
Why am I still here
Am I necessary after all
Of course not
But it is as though the brain has no power over the heart
I operate on id, ego rarely at work
And it's a devastating tale of the hopeless
One after another with naught but excuses
Piercing sunlight shining through a window,
Ephemeral blades stabbing into me,
Pinning me in place.
That’s what she was.
Absolutely radiant, illuminating with her presence alone.
Rising right with the sun, morning coffee as white as her bed sheets.
Gleaming teeth exposed as she laughs, sweet and fleeting as cotton candy.
Floral sundresses and large hats a staple of hers, forever in a perpetual summer.
Mimosas sipped with a beachside breakfast, the only drink she’ll ever imbibe.
Spending her tropical jaunts seaside, buried in her Nicholas Sparks novel.
Pure, gorgeous, vibrant, carefree, glowing, flawless.
But I’m moonlight.
Beams twisted and reflected by the water in closed bays on lonely beaches.
In the 24-hour diners with a woman perpetually smoking a cigarette at the register,
a tweaker passed out in a booth, holding his partners hand.
Under the pervasive neon lights of dying bars,
bearing witness to the drunkards mourning love and liquor lost,
Through forlorn streets, under dimly sparkling lights,
bundled in beaten and weathered coats, just barely safe from the chill.
Drinking wine by the bottom shelf bottle to cloud future-bound thoughts,
feelings spilling out in ink or wine, impossible to tell through the stupor.
Maybe it is true that opposites attract,
maybe that’s the reason
I can’t get away from her.
But maybe it’s hopeless,
maybe I’m the moon,
to forever chasing the sun across the sky.
there ain't nothing
you can teach me
about love that
i don't already know
it comes and it swirls
and it whooshes
and it goes.
there ain't nothing
about life that
makes me want
to live it more
i am here,
i have survived
i have broken down
gun shields, climbed
but at the end of
the day, i sit back
i watch the sun
sometimes i am jealous
because it lives
for no one.
maybe there's some
things, you can teach
about heart break
and why dying has
become so synonymous
please try to teach me
i need a better
i am losing
I accepted for the sake of your exams,
That i am a bad human,
A fake human,
One into emotional drama,
One who's life is fake.. Fake.. And fake..
Fake fake fake and fake...
Your lover did use this word so easily,
I still feel the cuts in me..
I accept what i am not for you Oh best friend,
I accepted the fakeness... And did put it to the end..
Am just so free, for everybody...
I remember my words...
I won't ever talk to you,
Oh best friend...
I can't put into words how much it hurts,
Am sorry that i was so " fake"....
I never knew I was..
Don't Know why does she think so....
You are my support..
And look, we are never going to talk to each other...
Well you have your support...
But what about mine?
I feel so Terrible about myself..
I feel like dying...
Oh best friend, am such a useless best friend,
Who's phone number is not even worth trying..
You have done bundles of favors for me,
But your girl has always left me crying...
Just one wish from you oh friend,
Kiss the forehead of my corpse,
The day i be dead...
And whisper what had been my fault in my ear...
Oh friend so dear....
I always thought of you as a friend...
Goodbye dear... I'd always miss you oh best friend...