You never told me exactly what you
were thinking, never made me feel
like a difference in your life. Am I
that worthless or is it not your style?

We've been with eachother for a while
and after all these years or days, do
you still adore me, touch me , love my
every move? If I'm the onion, peel,

my every layer till you see the center.
You can change me on the inside.
But you never grabbed your chance.

It is your heart I wish to enter,
open up your thoughts real wide,
I'll make our love continue the dance

With such a finite amount of time to live
It would be foolish and worthless
To waste words on hate, anger, banter, lies, and flattery.
Be honest, kind, loving, speak your heart, and use wisdom.
It's real people that get hurt.

You say the problem's in your heart, but the problem is who you are.
Love is just an empty word you say.
It never has a meaning, it is a worthless word.
But seems to always put a smile on your lover, little does he know you've said it thousands of times before.
For I pray, that one day he will come to his senses. To not waste his time on this love.
So don't fall in love, there's just too much to lose.

Soul is such a worn thing
Nobody knows what it means to have a soul
Does souls live forever or have any expiration date?
Does everybody have a soul?
Does anybody feel their soul breathing through their chest?
Or is just a thing that lives and dies silently in your nose
Once I'd met this girls whose soul been stolen by a cat
She'd past a whole summer looking for it until she gave up
And decide it was worthless
Life wihout a soul it's like have live and never had go to India
Or like eating cereal wihout pouring milk in the bowl
I guess some might say that I'm wrong
And a soul it's a requirement for a fulfilling life
You need a soul in order to appreciate art  
Or to feel love
Or to cough, sneeze and ****
But I've been living without even been live inside
And so far it has work out for me

When people find out they have a certain amount of time left to live, it breaks them.
When a loved one passes away, regrets start pouring.
Unspoken words filtrate and reminiscing of memories elaborate.

****** up, ain't it.

If I had a certain amount of time left to live, I would use it wisely.
I would be happy, because life to me is pointless, I'm not suicidal, or maybe I am.
But I would rather die.
If I had cancer, I would suffer in happiness, hoping not to get better.
Honest thoughts, I WANT TO DIE.

Easiest suicide method, a gun to the head.
May take a few minutes to bleed out and die afterwards, but where to get a gun with such little cash.

Life is an ongoing cycle of pain, loss, betrayal, and abuse.
I AM SICK OF IT

Physically, mentally, and spiritually drained.
Emotionally abused and always taken advantage of by toxic people.
I need help, but I don't want it, because when I'm happy, it starts again.

**** ME

The pain and hurt and loneliness I feel inside is not worth it anymore.
I cannot do this anymore

POINTLESS

No motivation, no will, I have nothing left to live and be grateful for.
My sacrifices mean nothing and I am just a worthless burden to all.

Remove the shackles from your wrists,
The chains around your ankles,
The weight off your back,
All of this because ,
I lack,
Intelligence,
Capability,
Motherly instincts,
Cleanliness,
Skinny,
I LACK THE THE DESIRE TO KNEEL DOWN AT YOUR FEET AS YOU WHIP ME WITH ALL YOUR WORDS CRAWLING AWAY HELPLESS AND MORE BROKEN THAN THE LAST TIME. PLEASE JUST TELL ME HOW MUCH MORE WORTHLESS I AM THAN YESTERDAY. WRITE IT IN FINE INK ACROSS MY SOUL. ITS BECAUSE I LACK. I LACK. I LACK. I WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT. AN UNCALLED FOR MISTAKE. IM NO JESUS BUT PLEASE HANG ME ON YOUR CROSS FOR ALL YOUR SINS. TELL ME HOW ITS FOR THE BEST. THE SCARS ON MY FEET & CHEST WERE ALL ACCIDENTS LIKE MYSELF. ITS SELFISH TO CRY BECAUSE NO ONE WILL HELP. JUST STARE AT YOUR REFLECTION YOU UNCANNY GIRL. YOU ARE NOTHING OF ME AND ALL OF HIM ALL OF HIS DEMONS.

I was conceived in a drug induced hellish rage, because life ******. Not out of love or passion. I'll believe this until the end of my time.


PLEASE LOOK AT ME, LOOK ME IN MY EYES AND TELL ME ALL MY PAINS GONE WITH YOUR WORDS TELL ME. YOU CANT CAUSE YOULL BE LYING. GOD WHERE ARE YOU IS THIS LIFE THE THORN IN MY SIDE KEEP ME SO HUMBLE I CANT EVEN SPEAK. WHERE ARE YOU GOD I HEAR YOU TALKING WHY CANT YOU JUST SPEAK.

you stomped your way into my life with no ******* warning and no ******* invitation but i accepted it didn't i
you tore up my life two years ago as someone who loved me but i dealt with the guilt of not loving you back didn't i
you disappeared and i was fine and i accepted it didn't i
but you returned stealthily like a python in the long grasses and although you didn't have any poisonous fangs, i didn't realize you'd slowly squeeze me to death
you squeezed my chest with the panic of talking to you
you squeezed my thoughts as they became so overwhelmed with you and everything you made me feel you MADE me feel them and i didn't want to but then again maybe i liked the pain
but then you left again leaving me slack and gasping for breath and shaking worse than an 8.0 magnitude and i was trying to learn to breathe on my own again
i got used to the quiet your absence brought, or maybe i didn't and i secretly yearned for you again because you made me feel things no one else had me feel before
and your constant appearing and disappearing act left me the poor frustrated feline in the game of cat and mouse
and i said i was over you but was i really? was i REALLY?

no.
i wasn't.

you were (almost) everything i wanted and i wasn't sure if i was satisfied or if i ever would be if i was truly with you.
and you played games, you treated me specially, or so i thought
you didn't really you treated other girls better than me with personality
though around me you deadened yours and attempted to stomp out mine and make me feel worthless and an annoyance similar to one of a gnat.
and then you became more appealing to me (at least physically, i'm sorry i was so shallow) and i missed the smiles your talking brought me and i wished that i could hear that voice with my own ears because god i didn't even know what it sounded like.

but then, at one point, i was yours.
and you were mine,
or at least i thought.

i squared my shoulders and screamed to myself, "don't be afraid anymore."

don't be afraid anymore.

i was afraid, but when i fell into your comforting arms, i felt at peace
i felt like nothing bad could ever happen again as long as you shielded me from the blades being tossed about haphazardly
i was so foolishly happy that i was blinded by the bitter workings of life
and the thought that nothing good lasts forever.
and it doesn't last forever. it gets bad. it gets frightening.

it gets deadly.

you said you couldn't handle so many commitments, but i didn't want to be just another obligation of yours and you HURT me and you LIED to me and you hid the truth from me
you said we couldn't be together any longer but we could still be friends
but friends don't ignore each other through the thorns of breakups, even if you were the one that committed the breaking, wielding your double edged blade which you wedged so deeply into my chest
you destroyed me

destroyed me

i felt like nothing would ever be good again not unless i had lungs full of smoke and a throat burning with ***** and bruises blossoming under my knuckles from when i punished the walls of my room and i was slipping over the endless tears that fell from my harsh eyes

but now, things are okay
i've finally moved onward sailing my ship and i'm happier with someone who treats me like a person, an actual person, and he made everything all right when my boat hit rough waters and typhoons
and even though you ****** me up, i have no regrets because you, you taught me to take chances and stop being afraid.
and for that, i thank you.

other than that, you can go **** yourself.

I'm not a poet.
I'm a lost suicidal worthless teen
desperately grasping at light words
trying to make sense of this world
desperate to find meaning
begging for a connection
drowning in my silly hopes
that the words I write have an impact
and mean something
and can somehow help me.

I'm not a poet.
I'm just a lame useless twisted pathetic scared drowning kid grasping at any old thing that floats.

This a "plain simple summer weekend,"
A vastness of terrain awaits us here,
Clean skies and cool breezes send
An unending limitless blue so clear,

This is it, the mountain spring and pine,
One lost lover, through thick and thin over
The years and never forget this moment,
The land only belonging to the great mother.

Like a forbidden island of delights it awaits,
Valley and fields and palm trees, streams,
Into hidden forests and meadows, our new beginning,
Forever...! Through all the years light now dimming,

But it's just the same, light and dark...everything disposable
Accept this image I have of you holding onto me, the spark,
It seems now we are all this pose-able, like some kids toys,
Not interested to take a walk past the rush, even if it's a safe park.

Love now lost, why? Just to be cast on the rocks of tomorrow,
It does seem that death started with something of sorrow,
It does seem everyone is addicted to the next big craze,
Save your pretty penny for the rainy day, sunless haze.

It's all about you, even when it's really about me, I'll make
Everything change, I promise, give this art a chance it makes
Perfect sense if you care to pretend my pointlessness matters,
If I sat there and served everyone, a security guard, car salesman,
I would matter, but no, I'm worthless because I hate those things
I would rather  die than carry on being a waste for not liking
These %#@#$@ jobs that they keep shoving in my face!

As I glance at the stop sign one last time,

*BASH...the cars tires still spinning...

I feel more
Like the old me  right now
Wanting to scream
Begging for you
Missing you
Feeling so
Desperate
I need you
I can't stand
For this altered
Version of me
She's even weaker
Than I am with you
I need you
I miss you
I feel worthless
And empty.

Oi, Wisdom,
The price payed,
To exude was too much,
the innocence lost
is just impossible to recover.

Suffering only, And yes failing,
Notice all the wise men though,
Are no longer men of action.
They know better how fruitless,
Their efforts do be.
All they have left are their stories,
In blind hope that someone will listen.

Indeed, I would trade all my wisdom for,
My blissful ignorant self to,
Come back again,
Like an old lover turned round the corner,
Smiling to meet you, coincidentally
Out the river bend.

Worse still, I can tell,
That me has flown off never to land,
Within,
And that I can see my future me,
Losing my current lack of knowledge,
and becoming stubborn on some forlorn path,
Thinking wisely,
This is "right", this is "best",
This is the path of least resistance,
the path of my success,
And oh my intelligence,
And hard-earned, worthless wisdom,
Will coalesce, but still even then,
In just thinking there is a way,
More still will I lose my very same,
Essence.
And that is a true shame.
*******,
Wisdom.
I ought to be young and dumb,
Again.

Medicate me, I’m a mess.
A ****** up forgotten trash bag.
Smiles begin to sag,
And I feel less like myself.
Trapped in an everlasting personal Hell.
My life has always been a scale
Of playing it safe and false alarms.
I gave myself scars to prove
Pain on the outside doesn’t match up
With what I feel inside.
Disgusting depression degrading me still
Fill me up with a happy pill.
Don’t spiral me downward,
Sustain me with sweet serotonin.
I want to feel mania
Wash over me.
Artificially make me happy,
I am your robot to program now.
No longer to live of my own volition.
A pill can save me,
Less likely to be stuck with
Worthless self-pity.
Prozac, Lexapro; other reuptake
Suppressants.
I am coming to love antidepressants.
A junior ***** to be;
Pop these drugs,
Be set free.
Ironic, isn’t it?
Jail cells made from
Prescription bottles
Are supposed to liberate me
From constant sadness.
But, how can that be?
With a chemical to rely on,
I am not actually free.
I am doomed.
I am crazy.
This is who I am.
I will never be normal.
Just a little longer,
I’ll be fine when life kills.
Guess I’ll **** down more happy pills.

I don't have perfect hair
I don't have a perfect face
I don't have a perfect mind
but in my heart, I have a lot to say

In the outside you may see a smile
Maybe you'll see a laugh
but somewhere deep inside
I've had enough

Who cares if I'm a nerd
who cares if I'm a geek
It's not my fault I was born this way
I apologize for being a freak

I'm not asking for that much
all I want is for you all to stop
stop telling me I'm worthless
I've really had enough...

What is love?
Such an overused word.
I'd never thought I'd feel it.
That idea was absurd.
And then I met you
I knew that one thing was plain.
That love isn't just one thing.
And it's a wonderful thing to have gained.
I thought it would be worthless.
Simply and utterly untrue.
But now I've found it in you, friend
I feel the joy when you do.
Of course it's not all perfect.
Like when I can feel your pain.
But to me, it's always worth it.
And I'll never be the same.

Darkness with her companion love -
mix touch and memory with mystery
and *******
A Gibbous Moon tucked away in the cloudy
twilight , a flashlight sending Morse code
on a foggy night
Fidelity chartered vessels sailing the ambiguous shallow peril
Soldiers bargaining their mortality in the heat
of battle
Clarity bound in fetters of memory and worthless prattle

Bardic pretensions aside
I am full of dejection
Blue devils plague me
Night and day
Playing with my mind
Circles of thought constantly turning
Whirling and whirring
Worthless, self loathing, aggression
Manifests along with tears and
screams, let me go, let me leave
but, you won't.
Pop a pill, then you'll be less
Possessed, but I'll still be depressed.
It's not a tap, I cannot turn it off
Do you think I want this?
Remembering sunnier days?
My life event of being diagnosed with MS
caused this, do you not think I want it to go?
Stressed, bereft, dispossessed you call this life?
I am enmeshed by a web of my own brains doing.
Descending faster than a broken elevator
down, down, down all the way to the bottom.
If I hear that the only way from down is up
I will scream, and scream, fight and bite
Scratch and holler until I am a hollow husk.
Oh, no wait, I'm already a hollow husk of a human.
All I want is to disappear down the rabbit hole.
Un-whole, lost in the twilight zone."

facebook was so desperate to have me stay
just one more worthless day
or a few more hours wasted away

they said, we'll miss you
is this really what you want to do?
but i had to stay true

"but think of all the people who care
about the things you buy and what you wear,"
the things you post here are always there

never deleted off the page
your secrets hidden in the cage
of internal places evoking rage

because i never intended to do that much
it became an addiction, my loyal crutch
always there for me at a finger's touch

but what the hell are we meant to do?
when facebook crashes and we can't use glue
to patch it together or make something new?

we'll have to spend some time together
remember how it felt to feel the weather
instead of looking at pictures in the nether

you are wasting your life, your time
spending hours stuck to feeds must be a crime
because it's a terrible addiction of mine

i finally left without remorse
and went outside and found the source
of how to finally change my course

Oh, you are a love song
written in flesh.
Oh, how I am entranced by you!
Oh, you are a living angel
come down to earth
from on high.
Oh, I am slain
in my heart and soul
by such beauty and grace.
Oh, how I find my very existence in you
that fills my heart to overflowing
Oh, your lovely locks
of flowing midnight hair.
Those eyes that capture my soul.
Oh, such a thing of beauty and grace
That fills my heart to overflowing.
Oh, how I find my very existence in you!
Oh, how you are so wonderful beyond words.
Oh, how your foot steps become holy ground!
Oh, I will follow you for eternity!
You hold me tight
and ravage my poor heart and soul!
Oh, a love song made flesh.
I see this earth is such a dismal place.
Oh, its impossible to believe you are a mortal woman!
Oh, for all the numberless years and eternity past
no creature has ever lived
to stir such waves of liquid passion and love
in my heart.
Oh, how wave after wave of your beauty and grace
beats and crashes upon my hearts sad and lonely shore.
Oh, unearthly angel
phantom beyond worlds!
How could any song be sung or word written
that could give voice
to your beauty and grace?
Oh, how my heart and soul
is forever lost
to your silent unearthly song.
A song beyond words.
Song of the sirens.
Oh, I know the haunting song
the sirens sang to Ulysses
as they rowed him from the shore.
Oh, haunting song made flesh!
Oh, the fire in that song
holds ever fiber in my brain and heart
in a passionate embrace.
Oh, the music of your unearthly flesh
holds me in bands of steel!
Oh, to be with you forever
and listen to your unearthly music
I would forget the world and all in it.
Oh, the rose is a withered and dead thing
in your compare.
Oh, life in your arms!
Oh, life and love eternal!
Let me lose myself
in your flowing locks of midnight hair.
Oh, let your arms embrace me
and lead me into the land of eternity.
Oh, love me upon a bed of stone!
It would be far more pleasure to my soul
than the softest bed that resides in a kings holy chamber!
Oh, devour me with your lovely and unearthly body.
Devour me!
Oh, devour me!
Devour me, heart, and body, and soul!
Oh, the music of your body
the music of your flesh
no earthly genius could write!
Oh, how the birds sing such a poor hollow song.
Oh, how you are the drug.
The drug that fires my brain and soul
in such an unearthly intoxicating haze.
Oh, sing to me with your body and soul!
Oh, my passion for you
when you are gone from me
has destroyed me!
Oh, how my passion and longing for you
fills my soul and burst it asunder
and I am left a poor worthless thing without you.

They say that hope,
is the last thing to die.

Somedays I feel it's all in vain and worthless.
But then I remember that everything has a purpose.

So even when I feel like giving up.
I'll raise my head and move on.
I have made a choice and I won't stop.
Cause it's through God that I am strong.

There are days when I start to lose hope.
I feel like falling while walking on a rope.

But when hope dies,
is when faith shines.

I am an idiot
I am too needy
I am too fat, gross, ugly
I am not worth talking to, looking at
I am worthless
I am meaningless
I am a hindrance, nuisance, annoying
I am* nothing
            nothing
                nothing
                    nothing
I am less than nothing
*I am not worth the wasted oxygen

These are not human beings
flourishing amidst their modern backdrop
of screens and social media
and likes and retweets and the like

These are not smiling faces
aboard the train on their daily commute
heading to the job they hate
so they can come home to the family
who doesn't love them

These are not happy marriages
packed with love and affection,
But more like a failure
just a worthless, shattered piece of glass
that we grind beneath our shoes on the floor

These are caffeine and adderall-driven bodies
holding guns to their heads
as they **** down a coffee
right after getting no sleep for the millionth night in a row
so they can go to work and contribute to society

Society that is cutting-edge
Society that is the greatest yet
Society like a train with broken brakes
Humans like robots

These are silhouettes
with their souls ripped out of them
These are dead bodies
murdered

Hold on
you can't take that
it's mine
now that ones yours
Now you know better
Rip
It's worthless now
close the door
from behind this now I see
nothing belongs to you
And nothing belongs to me

Can you see her heart?
So gentle and loving,
Hurting hands are tearing it apart.
Though her face may not be perfect,
(Nobody's is)
She is NOT worthless,
She is much better than ****.
But that's how she feels,
She didn't have the loving mother you grew up with
She didn't have the daddy to have a tea party with.
Her tea party's turned into smoke sessions,
She grew up so fast.
We're so quick to judge by someone's appearance.
Rather than saying "I hate the things she does"
We say "I hate HER"
But she is innocent, living based on what she sees.
But you can't see her heart.
Gentle and loving while harmful things tear her apart.

Love isn’t found in the throes of passion
under satin sheets,
Nor in the glisten of diamonds and gold.
Not even in the lips that tell you,
that you are their rising sun.
All that can be fabricated is worthless
when you find
that love is the silent voice listening
when you cannot bear the world any longer.

Why is it sad
that you don't have a purpose?
What is the true
definition of worthless?

Stop looking
start seeing
Stop doing
start being
Stop searching
start finding
what use is rewinding?

All I ask
is for you to make sure
that you know what you know

Bleak and baffling,
My life seems to be out of key,
Not because the prime mover has Chosen it for me
It is because of the culpability in me.
Baseless, fictitious and worthless Are My deeds,
Upscale, immesurable and luscious Are My needs.
The off-key vocals of reality are Haunting me,
And the good vocals are too often Left Unheard.
Sometimes I wonder, is there Anything Minor than me?
Is this what I'm supposed to be.

When I dream
I dream of many things.
But most often,
I dream I have wings.

Wings that will take me
Far from their faces.
Wings that will break me out
Of these worthless places.

I stand here in the cold
Over your grave
With a dozen roses
Today is your birthday
The saddest day of them all
Because two years ago
You called me
You were crying
Saying you couldnt handle it
Your boyfriend left you
Told you how worthless you were
Saying you were just a game
You said you loved him
You couldnt believe he said that
You said you were going to end it
I started to cry
You were the only person
That knew my life
Knew my soul
You just didnt see the truth
That I really love you
You were always blind when it came to love
It was your 15 birthday
You grabbed the gun
And I heard you blow your brains
All over the walls
I called your name
You didnt answer
I rushed to your house
Had to break the window
I skipped every other step
Broke your door down
And there you were
Laying on your bed
Blood covered blankets
Gun still in your hand
Hole in your head
I broke down and cried
Cops arrived
They asked me what happened
I told them everything
I saw the note on your night stand
I picked it up
It was folded nice and neatly
I opened it and it smelled like you
I read it
It said you love me
That you were sorry
You signed it with a kiss
Now here over your grave
I hold that note in my free hand
It still smells like you
Your lipstick has faded
But I read it every night
I remember that day
I have the same gun
That you killed yourself with
And now I realize life really aint worth living
If I cant talk to you and tell you of the day
So here on your birthday
Over your grave
I end my life
Hoping to see you one last time
Over on the other side

I've been

Abandoned here

Left to fend for myself

I've been left

I'm now a formation of nothingness

I'm used goods

I'm weak and broken

No one wants me

Not even me

I'm hated by many

And I hate them in return

But it doesn't change that I hate myself most of all

I'm a worthless nothing

I'm just a girl

That grew up to be

A shadow

Of it's true inhabitor

I'm just a human

Who feels the pain

Like a million tons of brick on her chest

Because each breathe I take

Is another moment I'm reluctantly alive

But look at the bright side

Each breathe I take gets me a little closer

To My Ultimate  Demise.

Oh Jesus can you hear me now?
It have been so long since my last confession,
I am drowning in guilt, but fighting to
keep my head above the water

I can’t let them see me cry
Unless you have bad times, you can't appreciate the good times
One potato, two potatoes three potatoes four,
Give me the strength to walk out that door
The look in my eyes: this hate in my heart

All the things that drive me insane are the poetic words that kept me going
Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.
Oh Jesus let not my heart be troubled

I can't believe after all this time
nothing has changed
the bed sinks the same way
my head knocks to the clocks
tick tock tick.. tock...
left, bent, and waiting
what's right?
my throws send tidal waves
my voice breaks bridges that lead across pathways
to my house, to my heart, to the ringing that's got
me singing, "food, food! glorious food!"
and asking, "so I'll see you at the show tonight?"
it's okay if you're afraid of these feelings
it's okay if you're shy of this light, 'cause I'm beaming
I've got a second chance to start believing
that maybe I'm here for a purpose
and not all these words are worthless.