I knew what was expected of me
For years, I saw it approaching
I was to take my lantern, as those before,
And light the lamps, dimmed by storm.
I did what I could to prepare,
but as to the extent of the toll, I was unaware.

I took my lantern and and left my home
to face the trials of the storm.
Looking back, I could no longer see
the encouraging lights that used to shine for me.
The night was dark and the rain started to fall
To myself I whispered "I wasn't prepared at all".

Beginning to wonder, I started the work
of using my lantern to relight those lamps that no longer burned.
There wasn't time  to see if the lights stayed
because there were many to light along the way
The storm grew stronger, the wind began to howl.
I saw that my light was starting to dim.
I heard the storm say "This is one fight you cannot win".

Remembering the advice, "forget yourself, go to work"
I ignored my fading light and kept onward.
My clothes were soaking, my skin was chilled.
I tried not to focus on the things I feared.
Lamp after lamp, mile after mile I passed
Never knowing if my light would last.

It was too late to go back,
but a struggle to keep moving.
What was it that I was proving?
I did what I could to keep my lantern aglow.
Leaving home seem so long ago.

Keeping the light burning took all I had,
and I could no longer tell if I had chosen good or bad.
I pressed forward as best I could.
Lamp after lamp, mile after mile
Afraid my light could go out all the while.

If I focus on my light, then the lamps go unlit
but if I forget it, then the light will quit.

Could I have done anything differently?
I made the choice, as best as I could figure
What would've been worse:
Telling you how I did, or telling you earlier,
The first time we'd seen each other in months?
I didn't want to ruin our reunion
Or make you think you'd wasted your time.
I never wanted to hurt you.
I tried my best to not.
Life is a balancing act
And I'd already lost balance.
You know I'm just trying to recover, right?
That it wasn't anything you'd done?
I was on the razor's edge
And was trying to move it away.
Are you mad at me?
It's ok if you are
I certainly wouldn't blame you
There was hope that there could still be friendship between us
A close one, thanks to the time we've spent together
But I guess that's not something you want
It's hard for me to tell
Maybe I'm naively optimistic,
Thinking things could be alright between us.
I'm too oblivious to see the writing on the wall
If you still wanted to be friends
You'd say something, anything
But there's been naught but silence.
Too bad you wasted your time with me...

Have I been trying too hard?
Is it that I've been talking too much?
Do I seem to be getting obsessive?
Over doing my efforts to be more talkative and attentive?
I can't figure out how to find the middle ground
When before I would stay silent.
And now it seems that you've become the quiet one.
Is this something I should even worry about?
You've gone back and probably are just busy.
I wish I could figure this out

Repetition can cause frustration
Each conversation seems to be
One step forward, two steps back
They all take the same course
Things seem to go well,
Until someone says something that hurts the other.
Then the problem just sits for a while.
A problem is never fixed by simply leaving it be.
I just wish that once
Only once
We could solve things without conflict
And not have another issue come from it.

All I heard was a tick-tick-ticking.
My environment was surrounded in pitch black.
I stumbled my way to the door, but it was sticking,
and I knew I had no hope of turning back.
I turned around and my breath stopped.
Deep soulless eyes, a dark red glowing
and my heart nearly popped.
All around I felt time slowing.
My feet could not move. They were stuck.
The creature exhaled with a hiss.
With lightning speed, the claws struck.
I had no choice but to suffer death's kiss.

That's all I can feel right now
Not love or happiness,
But the unique blend of sorrow and anger
That comes with a heart that seems to be breaking
Just once, I'd love something else
Something other than the thought I'm a coward, scared of girls
Something besides words that should never have been spoken, the ones that cut to the core
Is this my reward for helping?
Multiple occasions of pain?
If that's what I get, why the ******* did I bother?
I'm sick of the insults that come from the same mouth that tells me they love me

A little kindness could go a long way
change a situation from awful to ok
the result would be the same as the harsh approach,
except without the hurt, or yelling, or pain.
The lessons could be learned
with a show of love
instead of the anger, like lightning from above.
At least this time, the lesson was obtained
without the feeling that life was not worth the pain.
Still, this feeling will linger for a while. I want it to go away.