The escapism formed on her lips as self-destruction,
And oh the bliss she revelled in it,
Her world crashed and her world burnt,
And oh the smoke she revelled in it.

Two faced,
Single minded,
Gemini.

The purpose was her hips and that indiscretion,
And her kiss oh she revelled in it,
Her world crashed down whilst her suitors learnt,  
That injustice oh she revelled in it.

Two minded,
Sweet faced,
Gemini

Together they were the perfect team.

She was tired of perfection long before she met him. Constantly having to put up a successful front was exhausting, but her barrier of bravado was faltering.

It's hard to find imperfections in an idyllic world.

He didn't want to live in the life of his reputation anymore. The tornado that his life had become was beginning to ruin him and he wanted nothing more to find some quiet.

It's hard to find solace in the storm.

No longer did she want to create masterpieces; she wanted to wreak havoc. She had a taste of the life she wanted, but once you take the first few steps on the path of self-destruction, you cannot turn back. The whisper in the wind becomes seductive. Like a drug, she needed it. She made a U-turn, a complete diversion from the road that had been paved for her. She felt a rush from the change of direction, and fell in love with it. He was her change of direction.

It's hard to find fault in someone that provides the mess you've been searching for.

He wanted nothing more than some peace in his whirlwind of a life; maybe that's why he gravitated towards her. She gave him the comfort that he had desired for years. She made him feel as if the rollercoaster, designed as a downwards spiral, that he has been riding since birth was starting to calm down. She became the sense of calm in his brutal life.

It's impossible to reject something you have been seeking for years.

Together they were unstoppable. She lost herself in his chaos and she took it on herself. She was an angel who lost her way, blinded by desire for imperfection and love for a boy that finally made her feel again. He was a hurricane that found the solace in her that he has wanted for what felt like an eternity. He revelled in the peace she brought to his life and he loved her more than he could articulate.

She found her demon; she became a fallen angel, the devil reincarnate that took the chaos out of his life and put it into hers.

He found his angel; he became a quiet rainfall that gave his tornado to the girl that craved the destruction it created.

Together they were the perfect team.

Steven my boy,

We coasted into a medieval pub in the middle of nowhere in wildest Devon to encounter the place in uproarious bedlam. A dozen country madams had been imbibing in the pre wedding wine and were in great form roaring with laughter and bursting out of their lacy cotton frocks. Bunting adorned the pub, Union Jack was aflutter everywhere and a full size cut out of HM the Queen welcomed visitors into the front door. Cucumber sandwiches and a heady fruit punch were available to all and sundry and the din was absolutely riotous……THE ROYAL WEDDING WAS UNDERWAY ON THE GIANT TV ON THE BAR WALL….and we were joining in the mood of things by sinking a bevy of Bushmills Irish whiskies neat!

Now…. this is a major event in the UK.

Everybody loves Prince Harry, he is the terrible tearaway of the Royal family, he has been caught ******* sheila’s in all sorts of weird circumstance. Now the dear boy is to be married to a beauty from the USA….besotted he is with her, fair dripping with love and adoration…..and the whole country loves little Megan Markle for making him so.

The British are famous for their pageantry and pomp….everything is timed to the second and must be absolutely….just so. Well….Nobody told the most Reverend Michael Curry this…. and he launched into the most wonderful full spirited Halleluiah sermon about the joyous “Wonder of Love”. He went on and on for a full 14 minutes, and as he proceeded on, the British stiff upper lips became more and more rigidly uncomfortable with this radical departure from protocol. Her Majesty the Queen stood aghast and locked her beady blue eyes in a riveting, steely glare, directed furiously at the good Reverend….to no avail, on he went with his magic sermon to a beautiful rousing ******….and an absolute stony silence in the cavernous interior of that vaulting, magnificent cathedral. Prince Harry and his lovely bride, (whose wedding the day was all about), were delighted with Curry’s performance….as was Prince William, heir to the Throne, who wore a fascinating **** eating grin all over his face for the entire performance.

Says a lot, my friend, about the refreshing values of tomorrows Royalty.

We rolled out of that country pub three parts cut to the wind, dunno how we made it to our next destination, but we had one hellava good time at that Royal Wedding!

The weft and the weave of our appreciation fluctuated wildly with each day of travel through this magnificent and ancient land, Great Britain.

There was soft brilliant summer air which hovered over the undulating green patchwork of the Cotswolds whilst we dined on delicious roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, from an elevated position in a medieval country inn..... So magnificent as to make you want to weep with the beauty of it all….and the quaint thatched farmhouse with the second story multi paned windows, which I understood, had been there, in that spot, since the twelfth century. Our accommodation, sleeping beneath oaken beams within thick stone walls, once a pen for swine, now a domiciled overnight bed and pillow of luxury with white cotton sheets for weary Kiwi travellers.

The sadness of the Cornish west coast, which bore testimony to tragedy for the hard working tin miners of the 1800s. A sharp decrease in the international tin price in 1911 destituted whole populations who walked away from their life’s work and fled to the New World in search of the promise of a future. Forlorn brick ruins adorned stark rocky outcrops right along the coastline and inland for miles. Lonely brick chimneys silhouetted against sharp vertical cliffs and the ever crashing crescendo of the pounding waves of the cold Atlantic ocean.

No parking in Padstow….absolutely NIL! You parked your car miles away in the designated carpark at an overnight cost….and with your bags in tow, you walked to your digs. Now known as Padstein, this beautiful place is now populated with eight Rick Stein restaurants and shops dotted here and there.

We had a huge feed of piping hot fish and chips together with handles of cold ale down at his harbour side fish and chip restaurant near the wharfs…place was packed with people, you had to queue at the door for a table, no reservations accepted….Just great!

Clovelly was different, almost precipitous. This ancient fishing village plummeted down impossibly steep cliffs….a very rough, winding cobbled stone walkway, which must have taken years to build by hand, the only way down to the huge rock breakwater which harboured the fishing boats Against the Atlantic storms. And in a quaint little cottagey place, perched on the edge of a cliff, we had yet another beautiful Devonshire tea in delicate, white China cups...with tasty hot scones, piles of strawberry jam and a huge *** of thick clotted cream…Yum! Too ****** steep to struggle back up the hill so we spent ten quid and rode all the way up the switch back beneath the olive canvass canopy of an old Land Rover…..money well spent!

Creaking floorboards and near vertical, winding staircases and massive rock walls seemed to be common characteristics of all the lovely old lodging houses we were accommodated in. Sarah, our lovely daughter in law, arranged an excellent itinerary for us to travel around the SW coast staying in the most picturesque of places which seeped with antiquity and character. We zooped around the narrow lanes, between the hedgerows in our sharp little VW golf hire car And, with Sarah at the helm, we never got lost or missed a beat…..Fantastic effort, thank you so much Sarah and Solomon on behalf of your grateful In laws, Janet and Marshal, who loved every single moment of it all!

Memories of a lifetime.

Wanted to tell the world about your excitement, Janet, on visiting Stoke on Trent.

This town is famous the world over for it’s pottery. The pottery industry has flourished here since the middle ages and this is evidenced by the antiquity of the kilns and huge brick chimneys littered around the ancient factories. Stoke on Trent is an industrial town and it’s narrow, winding streets and congested run down buildings bear testimony to past good times and bad.

We visited “Burleigh”.

Darling Janet has collected Burleigh pottery for as long as I have known her, that is almost 40 years. She loves Burleigh and uses it as a showcase for the décor of our home.

When Janet first walked into the ancient wooden portals of the Burleigh show room she floated around on a cloud of wonder, she made darting little runs to each new discovery, making ooh’s and aah’s, eyes shining brightly….. I trailed quietly some distance behind, being very aware that I must not in any way imperil this particular precious bubble.

We amassed a beautiful collection of plates, dishes, bowls and jugs for purchase and retired to the pottery’s canal side bistro,( to come back to earth), and enjoy a ploughman’s lunch and a *** of hot English breakfast tea.

We returned to Stoke on Trent later in the trip for another bash at Burleigh and some other beautiful pottery makers wares…..Our suit cases were well filled with fragile treasures for the trip home to NZ…..and darling Janet had realised one of her dearest life’s ambitions fulfilled.

One of the great things about Britain was the British people, we found them willing to go out of their way to be helpful to a fault…… and, with the exception of BMW people, we found them all to be great drivers. The little hedgerow, single lane, winding roads that connect all rural areas, would be a perpetual source of carnage were it not for the fact that British drivers are largely courteous and reserved in their driving.

We hired a spacious ,powerful Nissan in Dover and acquired a friend, an invaluable friend actually, her name was “Tripsy” at least that’s what we called her. Tripsy guided us around all the byways and highways of Britain, we couldn’t have done without her. I had a few heated discussions with her, I admit….much to Janet’s great hilarity…but Tripsy won out every time and I quickly learned to keep my big mouth shut.

By pure accident we ended up in Cumbria, up north of the Roman city of York….at a little place in the dales called “Middleton on Teesdale”….an absolutely beautiful place snuggled deep in the valleys beneath the huge, heather clad uplands. Here we scored the last available bed in town at a gem of a hotel called the “Brunswick”. Being a Bank Holiday weekend everything, everywhere was booked out. The Brunswick surpassed ordinary comfort…it was superlative, so much so that, in an itinerary pushed for time….we stayed TWO nights and took the opportunity to scout around the surrounding, beautiful countryside. In fact we skirted right out to the western coastline and as far north as the Scottish border. Middleton on Teesdale provided us with that late holiday siesta break that we so desperately needed at that time…an exhausting business on a couple of old Kiwis, this holiday stuff!

One of the great priorities on getting back to London was to shop at “Liberty”. Great joy was had selecting some ornate upholstering material from the huge range of superb cloth available in Liberty’s speciality range.

The whole organisation of Liberty’s huge store and the magnificent quality of goods offered was quite daunting. Janet & I spent quite some time in that magnificent place…..and Janet has a plan to select a stylish period chair when we get back to NZ and create a masterpiece by covering it with the ***** bought from Liberty.

In York, beautiful ancient, York. A garrison town for the Romans, walled and once defended against the marauding Picts and Scots…is now preserved as a delightful and functional, modern city whilst retaining the grandeur, majesty and presence of its magnificent past.

Whilst exploring in York, Janet and I found ourselves mixing with the multitude in the narrow medieval streets paved with ancient rock cobbles and lined with beautifully preserved Tudor structures resplendent in whitewash panel and weathered, black timber brace. With dusk falling, we were drawn to wild violins and the sound of stamping feet….an emanation from within the doors of an old, burgundy coloured pub…. “The Three Legged Mare”.

Fortified, with a glass of Bushmills in hand, we joined the multitude of stomping, singing people. Rousing to the percussion of the Irish drum, the wild violin and the deep resonance of the cello, guitars and accordion…..The beautiful sound of tenor voices harmonising to the magic of a lilting Irish lament.

We stayed there for an hour or two, enchanted by the spontaneity of it all, the sheer native talent of the expatriates celebrating their heritage and their culture in what was really, a beautiful evening of colour, music and Ireland.

Onward, across the moors, we revelled in the great outcrops of metamorphic rock, the expanses of flat heather covering the tops which would, in the chill of Autumn, become a spectacular swath of vivid mauve floral carpet. On these lonely tracts of narrow road, winding through the washes and the escarpments, the motorbike boys wheeled by us in screaming pursuit of each other, beautiful machines heeling over at impossible angles on the corners, seemingly suicidal yet careening on at breakneck pace, laughing the danger off with the utter abandon of the creed of the road warrior. Descending in to the rolling hills of the cultivated land, the latticework of, old as Methuselah, massive dry built stone fences patterning the contours in a checker board of ancient pastoral order. The glorious soft greens of early summer deciduous forest, the yellow fields of mustard flower moving in the breeze and above, the bluest of skies with contrails of ever present high flung jets winging to distant places.

Britain has a flavour. Antiquity is evidenced everywhere, there is a sense of old, restrained pride. A richness of spirit and a depth of character right throughout the populace. Britain has confidence in itself, its future, its continuity. The people are pleasant, resilient and thoroughly likeable. They laugh a lot and are very easy to admire.

With its culture, its wonderful history, its great Monarchy and its haunting, ever present beauty, everywhere you care to look….The Britain of today is, indeed, a class act.

We both loved it here Steven…and we will return.

M.

Hamilton, New Zealand

21 June 2018

I revelled in  pleasures
That you wrapped around me
And something so good
Should not ever end
I basked in sensations
From rhythmic movements
That cut off my breaths
I loved every second
Of tender sweet lips
Embarking on journeys
With chill bumps along
Each trail you would wind
It always amazed me
How feelings erupted
And left me exhausted
Still begging for more
I thought since I had you
No gold ring was needed
Oh I meant to buy one
To keep you all mine
But time winded on
And I never ventured
To jewelry places
As I failed to see
That ring that you wanted
Could be so important
In my vanity
So you lost your faith
To my negligence
Till your empty pillow
And your vacant closet
Attest to the blindness
I had for your feelings
Now I pay the price
For thoughtless assumptions
In solitare nights
Of longing for you


Copyright Louis Brown

I knew the orange on the orange tree
you had an ache in your shoulders
uncomfortable in an unnatural way
yesterday I passed you talking to flowers
you hadn't moved you hadn't strayed
but hiding in the leaves was a forced disguise

the omens told me something quiet and unceasing
reminding me of a slumbering domesticated cat
dreaming of cutting yourself loose from truncated ease
dropping down from the branch with panther steps
licking fruit lips ripe with revealed acidic petals
riddled with a past you revelled mixing in with zest

shocking chances stepped in for the next dance
sleep taken aback by wings cut from a dark sky
the sidewalk pitted and cracked beneath the pounce
relief escaped the twigs with a spring like waking prey
pressing into night foliage shaken from a nice balance
as I saw you take control with nothing to mask your face

on the surface too smooth for violence
was laughter of glowing gloom to embarrass
and deter such rebellious arrogance
with a twist struggling from a lame curse
its flavours sharp against your sweetened perfume muscle
expecting you to build a limestone shed for tears
rather than take on the night with a mind to wrestle

the outside aches for your physical attraction
gaining courage from the purpose in your eyes
tense as the tightness of your dress' intention
demanding that my hands draw from such lines
the sinuous heat of pulsing flesh's invitation
curved upon seeds not chaste but not quite refined
which I try not loving with some cool disambiguation

you left me the taste of syrup of grenadine
too reputable to ripple vain red tipple eyed
on a table spilt with pink gin and mandarin
sharp teeth tingling a tartness into my hand
sliding slowly at a tilt like drops of sweat on skin
focus dwindling into the clasp of an escaping shade
wrapped carefully under soft rice paper and then
tucked under a heel with a pointed kick like a blade
only to feel you relent and burst open
soft in appeal again and again

He tittered and cackled
At the refugee plight,
Revelled in innocents
Running for life.
Spends his eternity
Stoking flames,
Mixing ashes
Through worldly pains.
Each closing border
A fire's refrain.

Then humanity stood up,
Spoke up, rose up
To feed and clothe
The homeless hordes:
Lucifer wept
Over our good world.

..."Una selva oscura."--Dante.


Awake or sleeping (for I know not which)
  I was or was not mazed within a wood
  Where every mother-bird brought up her brood
    Safe in some leafy niche
Of oak or ash, of cypress or of beech,

Of silvery aspen trembling delicately,
  Of plane or warmer-tinted sycamore,
  Of elm that dies in secret from the core,
    Of ivy weak and free,
Of pines, of all green lofty things that be.

Such birds they seemed as challenged each desire;
  Like spots of azure heaven upon the wing,
  Like downy emeralds that alight and sing,
    Like actual coals on fire,
  Like anything they seemed, and everything.

Such mirth they made, such warblings and such chat
  With tongue of music in a well-tuned beak,
  They seemed to speak more wisdom than we speak,
    To make our music flat
  And all our subtlest reasonings wild or weak.

Their meat was nought but flowers like butterflies,
  With berries coral-colored or like gold;
  Their drink was only dew, which blossoms hold
    Deep where the honey lies;
Their wings and tails were lit by sparkling eyes.

The shade wherein they revelled was a shade
  That danced and twinkled to the unseen sun;
  Branches and leaves cast shadows one by one,
    And all their shadows swayed
In breaths of air that rustled and that played.

A sound of waters neither rose nor sank,
  And spread a sense of freshness through the air;
  It seemed not here or there, but everywhere,
    As if the whole earth drank,
Root fathom deep and strawberry on its bank.

But I who saw such things as I have said,
  Was overdone with utter weariness;
  And walked in care, as one whom fears oppress
    Because above his head
Death hangs, or damage, or the dearth of bread.

Each sore defeat of my defeated life
  Faced and outfaced me in that bitter hour;
  And turned to yearning palsy all my power,
    And all my peace to strife,
Self stabbing self with keen lack-pity knife.

Sweetness of beauty moved me to despair,
  Stung me to anger by its mere content,
  Made me all lonely on that way I went,
    Piled care upon my care,
Brimmed full my cup, and stripped me empty and bare:

For all that was but showed what all was not,
  But gave clear proof of what might never be;
  Making more destitute my poverty,
    And yet more blank my lot,
  And me much sadder by its jubilee.

Therefore I sat me down: for wherefore walk?
  And closed mine eyes: for wherefore see or hear?
  Alas, I had no shutter to mine ear,
    And could not shun the talk
  Of all rejoicing creatures far or near.

Without my will I hearkened and I heard
  (Asleep or waking, for I know not which),
  Till note by note the music changed its pitch;
    Bird ceased to answer bird,
And every wind sighed softly if it stirred.

The drip of widening waters seemed to weep,
  All fountains sobbed and gurgled as they sprang,
Somewhere a cataract cried out in its leap
    Sheer down a headlong steep;
  High over all cloud-thunders gave a clang.

Such universal sound of lamentation
  I heard and felt, fain not to feel or hear;
  Nought else there seemed but anguish far and near;
    Nought else but all creation
  Moaning and groaning wrung by pain or fear,

Shuddering in the misery of its doom:
  My heart then rose a rebel against light,
  Scouring all earth and heaven and depth and height,
    Ingathering wrath and gloom,
  Ingathering wrath to wrath and night to night.

Ah me, the bitterness of such revolt,
  All impotent, all hateful, and all hate,
That kicks and breaks itself against the bolt
    Of an imprisoning fate,
  And vainly shakes, and cannot shake the gate.

Agony to agony, deep called to deep,
  Out of the deep I called of my desire;
  My strength was weakness and my heart was fire;
    Mine eyes that would not weep
Or sleep, scaled height and depth, and could not sleep;

The eyes, I mean, of my rebellious soul,
  For still my ****** eyes were closed and dark:
  A random thing I seemed without a mark,
    Racing without a goal,
  Adrift upon life's sea without an ark.

More leaden than the actual self of lead
  Outer and inner darkness weighed on me.
  The tide of anger ebbed. Then fierce and free
    Surged full above my head
  The moaning tide of helpless misery.

Why should I breathe, whose breath was but a sigh?
  Why should I live, who drew such painful breath?
Oh weary work, the unanswerable why!--
    Yet I, why should I die,
  Who had no hope in life, no hope in death?

Grasses and mosses and the fallen leaf
  Make peaceful bed for an indefinite term;
  But underneath the grass there gnaws a worm--
    Haply, there gnaws a grief--
Both, haply always; not, as now, so brief.

The pleasure I remember, it is past;
  The pain I feel is passing, passing by;
  Thus all the world is passing, and thus I:
    All things that cannot last
  Have grown familiar, and are born to die.

And being familiar, have so long been borne
  That habit trains us not to break but bend:
Mourning grows natural to us who mourn
    In foresight of an end,
  But that which ends not who shall brave or mend?

Surely the ripe fruits tremble on their bough,
  They cling and linger trembling till they drop:
I, trembling, cling to dying life; for how
    Face the perpetual Now?
  Birthless and deathless, void of start or stop,

Void of repentance, void of hope and fear,
  Of possibility, alternative,
  Of all that ever made us bear to live
    From night to morning here,
  Of promise even which has no gift to give.

The wood, and every creature of the wood,
  Seemed mourning with me in an undertone;
  Soft scattered chirpings and a windy moan,
    Trees rustling where they stood
And shivered, showed compassion for my mood.

Rage to despair; and now despair had turned
  Back to self-pity and mere weariness,
With yearnings like a smouldering fire that burned,
    And might grow more or less,
  And might die out or wax to white excess.

Without, within me, music seemed to be;
  Something not music, yet most musical,
Silence and sound in heavenly harmony;
    At length a pattering fall
Of feet, a bell, and bleatings, broke through all.

Then I looked up. The wood lay in a glow
  From golden sunset and from ruddy sky;
  The sun had stooped to earth though once so high;
    Had stooped to earth, in slow
Warm dying loveliness brought near and low.

Each water-drop made answer to the light,
  Lit up a spark and showed the sun his face;
  Soft purple shadows paved the grassy space
    And crept from height to height,
  From height to loftier height crept up apace.

While opposite the sun a gazing moon
  Put on his glory for her coronet,
Kindling her luminous coldness to its noon,
    As his great splendor set;
  One only star made up her train as yet.

Each twig was tipped with gold, each leaf was edged
  And veined with gold from the gold-flooded west;
Each mother-bird, and mate-bird, and unfledged
    Nestling, and curious nest,
  Displayed a gilded moss or beak or breast.

And filing peacefully between the trees,
  Having the moon behind them, and the sun
Full in their meek mild faces, walked at ease
    A homeward flock, at peace
  With one another and with every one.

A patriarchal ram with tinkling bell
  Led all his kin; sometimes one browsing sheep
  Hung back a moment, or one lamb would leap
    And frolic in a dell;
Yet still they kept together, journeying well,

And bleating, one or other, many or few,
  Journeying together toward the sunlit west;
  Mild face by face, and woolly breast by breast,
    Patient, sun-brightened too,
  Still journeying toward the sunset and their rest.

Kind solace in a dying hour!
Such, father, is not (now) my theme—
I will not madly deem that power
Of Earth may shrive me of the sin
Unearthly pride hath revelled in—
I have no time to dote or dream:
You call it hope—that fire of fire!
It is but agony of desire:
If I can hope—O God! I can—
Its fount is holier—more divine—
I would not call thee fool, old man,
But such is not a gift of thine.

Know thou the secret of a spirit
Bowed from its wild pride into shame
O yearning heart! I did inherit
Thy withering portion with the fame,
The searing glory which hath shone
Amid the Jewels of my throne,
Halo of Hell! and with a pain
Not Hell shall make me fear again—
O craving heart, for the lost flowers
And sunshine of my summer hours!
The undying voice of that dead time,
With its interminable chime,
Rings, in the spirit of a spell,
Upon thy emptiness—a knell.

I have not always been as now:
The fevered diadem on my brow
I claimed and won usurpingly—
Hath not the same fierce heirdom given
Rome to the Caesar—this to me?
The heritage of a kingly mind,
And a proud spirit which hath striven
Triumphantly with human kind.
On mountain soil I first drew life:
The mists of the Taglay have shed
Nightly their dews upon my head,
And, I believe, the winged strife
And tumult of the headlong air
Have nestled in my very hair.

So late from Heaven—that dew—it fell
(’Mid dreams of an unholy night)
Upon me with the touch of Hell,
While the red flashing of the light
From clouds that hung, like banners, o’er,
Appeared to my half-closing eye
The pageantry of monarchy;
And the deep trumpet-thunder’s roar
Came hurriedly upon me, telling
Of human battle, where my voice,
My own voice, silly child!—was swelling
(O! how my spirit would rejoice,
And leap within me at the cry)
The battle-cry of Victory!

The rain came down upon my head
Unsheltered—and the heavy wind
Rendered me mad and deaf and blind.
It was but man, I thought, who shed
Laurels upon me: and the rush—
The torrent of the chilly air
Gurgled within my ear the crush
Of empires—with the captive’s prayer—
The hum of suitors—and the tone
Of flattery ’round a sovereign’s throne.

My passions, from that hapless hour,
Usurped a tyranny which men
Have deemed since I have reached to power,
My innate nature—be it so:
But, father, there lived one who, then,
Then—in my boyhood—when their fire
Burned with a still intenser glow
(For passion must, with youth, expire)
E’en then who knew this iron heart
In woman’s weakness had a part.

I have no words—alas!—to tell
The loveliness of loving well!
Nor would I now attempt to trace
The more than beauty of a face
Whose lineaments, upon my mind,
Are—shadows on th’ unstable wind:
Thus I remember having dwelt
Some page of early lore upon,
With loitering eye, till I have felt
The letters—with their meaning—melt
To fantasies—with none.

O, she was worthy of all love!
Love as in infancy was mine—
’Twas such as angel minds above
Might envy; her young heart the shrine
On which my every hope and thought
Were incense—then a goodly gift,
For they were childish and upright—
Pure—as her young example taught:
Why did I leave it, and, adrift,
Trust to the fire within, for light?

We grew in age—and love—together—
Roaming the forest, and the wild;
My breast her shield in wintry weather—
And, when the friendly sunshine smiled.
And she would mark the opening skies,
I saw no Heaven—but in her eyes.
Young Love’s first lesson is——the heart:
For ’mid that sunshine, and those smiles,
When, from our little cares apart,
And laughing at her girlish wiles,
I’d throw me on her throbbing breast,
And pour my spirit out in tears—
There was no need to speak the rest—
No need to quiet any fears
Of her—who asked no reason why,
But turned on me her quiet eye!

Yet more than worthy of the love
My spirit struggled with, and strove
When, on the mountain peak, alone,
Ambition lent it a new tone—
I had no being—but in thee:
The world, and all it did contain
In the earth—the air—the sea—
Its joy—its little lot of pain
That was new pleasure—the ideal,
Dim, vanities of dreams by night—
And dimmer nothings which were real—
(Shadows—and a more shadowy light!)
Parted upon their misty wings,
And, so, confusedly, became
Thine image and—a name—a name!
Two separate—yet most intimate things.

I was ambitious—have you known
The passion, father? You have not:
A cottager, I marked a throne
Of half the world as all my own,
And murmured at such lowly lot—
But, just like any other dream,
Upon the vapor of the dew
My own had past, did not the beam
Of beauty which did while it thro’
The minute—the hour—the day—oppress
My mind with double loveliness.

We walked together on the crown
Of a high mountain which looked down
Afar from its proud natural towers
Of rock and forest, on the hills—
The dwindled hills! begirt with bowers
And shouting with a thousand rills.

I spoke to her of power and pride,
But mystically—in such guise
That she might deem it nought beside
The moment’s converse; in her eyes
I read, perhaps too carelessly—
A mingled feeling with my own—
The flush on her bright cheek, to me
Seemed to become a queenly throne
Too well that I should let it be
Light in the wilderness alone.

I wrapped myself in grandeur then,
And donned a visionary crown—
Yet it was not that Fantasy
Had thrown her mantle over me—
But that, among the rabble—men,
Lion ambition is chained down—
And crouches to a keeper’s hand—
Not so in deserts where the grand—
The wild—the terrible conspire
With their own breath to fan his fire.

Look ’round thee now on Samarcand!—
Is she not queen of Earth? her pride
Above all cities? in her hand
Their destinies? in all beside
Of glory which the world hath known
Stands she not nobly and alone?
Falling—her veriest stepping-stone
Shall form the pedestal of a throne—
And who her sovereign? Timour—he
Whom the astonished people saw
Striding o’er empires haughtily
A diademed outlaw!

O, human love! thou spirit given,
On Earth, of all we hope in Heaven!
Which fall’st into the soul like rain
Upon the Siroc-withered plain,
And, failing in thy power to bless,
But leav’st the heart a wilderness!
Idea! which bindest life around
With music of so strange a sound
And beauty of so wild a birth—
Farewell! for I have won the Earth.

When Hope, the eagle that towered, could see
No cliff beyond him in the sky,
His pinions were bent droopingly—
And homeward turned his softened eye.
’Twas sunset: When the sun will part
There comes a sullenness of heart
To him who still would look upon
The glory of the summer sun.
That soul will hate the ev’ning mist
So often lovely, and will list
To the sound of the coming darkness (known
To those whose spirits hearken) as one
Who, in a dream of night, would fly,
But cannot, from a danger nigh.

What tho’ the moon—tho’ the white moon
Shed all the splendor of her noon,
Her smile is chilly—and her beam,
In that time of dreariness, will seem
(So like you gather in your breath)
A portrait taken after death.
And boyhood is a summer sun
Whose waning is the dreariest one—
For all we live to know is known,
And all we seek to keep hath flown—
Let life, then, as the day-flower, fall
With the noon-day beauty—which is all.
I reached my home—my home no more—
For all had flown who made it so.
I passed from out its mossy door,
And, tho’ my tread was soft and low,
A voice came from the threshold stone
Of one whom I had earlier known—
O, I defy thee, Hell, to show
On beds of fire that burn below,
An humbler heart—a deeper woe.

Father, I firmly do believe—
I know—for Death who comes for me
From regions of the blest afar,
Where there is nothing to deceive,
Hath left his iron gate ajar.
And rays of truth you cannot see
Are flashing thro’ Eternity——
I do believe that Eblis hath
A snare in every human path—
Else how, when in the holy grove
I wandered of the idol, Love,—
Who daily scents his snowy wings
With incense of burnt-offerings
From the most unpolluted things,
Whose pleasant bowers are yet so riven
Above with trellised rays from Heaven
No mote may shun—no tiniest fly—
The light’ning of his eagle eye—
How was it that Ambition crept,
Unseen, amid the revels there,
Till growing bold, he laughed and leapt
In the tangles of Love’s very hair!

When I saw my bones
Protrude
From the knots of my back
Like the ridges of a dinosaur
Sapped of food, singed with
Stress
A childish distress
Fear darkness
Blankness
Terrifying emptiness
When I saw my back protrude like the
Ridges of a dinosaur
I saw my body dressed as the
Skeleton I will one day become
I saw a vessel controlling a brain
I felt like a bottle of tequila drained
Such fun until it's empty
Used to the tip of uselessness
When I saw my back protrude like dinosaur ridges, a skeleton
****
The most terrifying thing I felt when I saw my back protrude, like the dinosaurs I coveted when I was small,
The rudest thing I felt was

Satisfaction

With it all

I felt more beautiful than I ever had
Maybe
Ever will
Felt satisfied at the neatened carelessness I
Had almost used to **** myself
Satisfaction
That my body curved in
Only bones, no fat or muscle to
Hide the struts within
Revelled in the hunger in the pit of
Stomach because no one
Could control that but
Me
You can't fail at starvation

I loved it
For once I couldn't fail

When I saw my back protrude like a dinosaur
I knew I could never go there again

Because the living dead feel only
Hunger
Chest pains
And fatigue

And dinosaurs ate whenever the **** they wanted to

Oh! that my young life were a lasting dream!
My spirit not awakening, till the beam
Of an Eternity should bring the morrow.
Yes! though that long dream were of hopeless sorrow,
’Twere better than the cold reality
Of waking life, to him whose heart must be,
And hath been still, upon the lovely earth,
A chaos of deep passion, from his birth.
But should it be—that dream eternally
Continuing—as dreams have been to me
In my young boyhood—should it thus be given,
’Twere folly still to hope for higher Heaven.
For I have revelled when the sun was bright
I’ the summer sky, in dreams of living light
And loveliness,—have left my very heart
Inclines of my imaginary apart
From mine own home, with beings that have been
Of mine own thought—what more could I have seen?
’Twas once—and only once—and the wild hour
From my remembrance shall not pass—some power
Or spell had bound me—’twas the chilly wind
Came o’er me in the night, and left behind
Its image on my spirit—or the moon
Shone on my slumbers in her lofty noon
Too coldly—or the stars—howe’er it was
That dream was that that night-wind—let it pass.
I have been happy, though in a dream.
I have been happy—and I love the theme:
Dreams! in their vivid coloring of life
As in that fleeting, shadowy, misty strife
Of semblance with reality which brings
To the delirious eye, more lovely things
Of Paradise and Love—and all my own!—
Than young Hope in his sunniest hour hath known.

Wilted flower,* ageless in
A time of *frailty, never wishing
For her glow to fade, but
Every flower wilts over time.

She was weak in sympathy
Seeing everyone though her
Outer shell was, of ill taste,
Souring there eyes.

So those of younger skin she
Spat upon in hated gestures,
Until she could not see beauty,
Only those having what had
Faded upon her over time.

She was a seamstress of cloth,
Fashion was in her eyes, beauty
For beauty now all was bland
As her image tainted, She was
Upon a plan.

She would take beauty from those
Unworthy souls, who abused the
Gift for it should be collected,
Harvested, so began her crime.

The first was a nose, cut off still
Breathing jagged edges ruined.
She slashed upon beauty as stillness
Settled in there eyes. Like a canvass
Now ruined, ugly in her sight,
Discarded in to the river the fishes
Feasting upon her crime.

She harvested, parts each dead
for moments but stillness brought
precision, each  flawless gem, with
Precise loops each part fell in to place.

She only needed one more ,the lips
So delicate, so fragile. She carved
So many kisses from the bodies,
But never the correct, impatient
She became, enraged with failures.

Her moments of rage, became news.
"The patch work doll"
"The seamstress of beauty"
She liked this name for beauty
Was a puzzle that she stitched
Together to hide the ugly inside.

Then upon those fated moments,
"Excuse me do you know the"
Her mind forgot to listen, transfixed
Upon those ruby gems, Yes ill
Show you the way.
"Thank you mam"
Ill fated beauty, single breathes to
Take. These where her jewels of
Her crown as each most delicately
Removed, stored so not to break.

The patchwork was finished, hideous
Monstrosity of flesh dead, but she
Revelled upon her creation. Missing
The point that she was only faded inside.

She wore this mask, the seamstress of
Beauty now wore the blood of others
Upon her face, each was a life taken
For this moment in the mirror, she
Looked upon in happiness, in joy
Of others pain, but the moment faded.

All she saw was others, her beauty hidden
Upon the stiches of others face, she
Couldn't see herself only the faces of
Each life she did take. The lips moved
Spoken words upon this face, you want
This beauty take it cut it with the knife.

She cut upon this mask, deep cuts
Upon her own self, the mask fell
To the floor, spare parts of meat.
She cut around, bleeding down
Kissing the floor as it fell. Till she
Stood there, her skin, meat upon
The floor.

Those final moments the seamstress
Saw she was beautiful, that it was
Underneath that was what she had
Missed, so much beauty spilled for
What, as she ran screaming towards
The window.

Like a mirror shattering shards
Showing her a reflection of the beauty
She had become, she was the seamstress
Of many faces but know only one
Face hits upon the unforgiving ground.

Down on the South side a
tube ride away,
out in the Borough
where some people stay and
some people say,
it's a nice place, a
well-lit place, a somewhere
to sit and deep think place.

but

there's another side, a ride back in time
when the streets were caked in
horse **** and grime and the urchins
searching for somewhere to stay,
some nicer place
on a much nicer day.

And the Stew houses
but no stew inside,
known to children and
no place to hide,
Goose, oh goose
let my children go loose,
cries far away from
the Borough today.
js

The following text is taken from 'Goodreads' reviews of John Constable's 'The Southwark Mysteries'.


'For tonight in Hell, they are tolling the bell
For the ***** that lay at The Tabard
And well we know how the carrion crow
Doth feast in our Cross Bones Graveyard.'


In 1107, the Bishop of Winchester was granted a stretch of land on Southwark Bankside, which lay outside the law of the City of London. The Bishop controlled the numerous brothels, or 'stews'in the area, but the prostitutes, known as 'Winchester Geese', who paid the Bishop licence fees, were nevertheless condemned to be buried in unhallowed ground. For some 500 years, the Bishop of Winchester exercised sole authority within Bankside's 'Liberty of The Clink', including the right to licence prostitutes under a Royal Ordinance until Cromwell and the Puritans shut down the bear-pits, theatres and stews of Bankside's pleasure quarter.

In 1996, those working on an extension to the Jubilee line of London's underground, unwittingly began to dig up the bones of the outcast dead of Southwark, extimated to number 15,000, and John Constable began writing the Southwark Mysteries and later became part of a campaign to preserve part of the cemetery as a memorial garden.

I can't resist pasting in an article from the Daily Telegraph that appeared after the performance of the Southwark Mysteries at Shakespeare's Globe and Southwark Cathedral on Easter Sunday and Shakespeare's birthday, 23rd April 2000:

The Sunday Telegraph, May 14th 2000

"DEAN REJECTS CRITICS OF 'SWEARING JESUS' MYSTERY PLAY

A religious play staged in an Anglican cathedral has provoked fury after it featured a swearing Jesus and Satan wearing a phallus.

The Southwark Mysteries was produced by Southwark Cathedral and Shakespeare’s Globe in south London as part of the capital’s 'String of Pearls' Millennium celebrations. It mixed ***** medieval scenes with modern imagery and referred to bishops engaging in homosexual *** with altar boys and priests visiting prostitutes. The character of Jesus, who rode onto stage on a bicycle, was shown apparently condoning a range of ****** activities, while Satan told scatological jokes and ordered Jesus to 'kiss my a*'. At one point Jesus was admonished by St Peter for his swearing and responded: 'In the house of the harlot, man must master the language.' At another, Satan, played by a female actor, strapped on 'a huge red phallus' before using it to beat his sidekick, Beelzebub.

The play was written by John Constable, who said that he had deliberately wanted to challenge Christians. 'Profanity is a theme of the play', he said. 'The point of it was to explore the sacred through the profane. ' Mr Constable said he had worked closely with Mark Rylance, the Globe’s artistic director, and the Dean of Southwark, the Very Rev Colin Slee, who conceived the idea of a joint production to mark William Shakespeare’s birthday falling on Easter Day. He said the clergy had made a number of suggestions about the content, but he had not acted on all of them. 'They did ask me to make sure that Satan did not wear the phallus in the presence of Jesus, which I did', he said.

The first section of the play, which contained much of the ***** material, was staged at the Globe, and the final part, 'The Harrowing of Hell' in the cathedral. 'Colin Slee was very robust in keeping me on the straight and narrow', Constable said. 'The play is a new version of the traditional medieval Mystery plays, which were religious in nature but accepted human imperfections and took place in a carnival atmosphere. It seemed to be well received by most people who saw it.'

But one member of the audience, Simon Fairnington, has condemned the play as 'disgustingly offensive', saying that it 'revelled in the glorification of vice'. In a letter to the Dean he complained: 'Had the play been a purely secular production, one might not have been surprised at its treatment of Christian belief. What was dismaying was that it was sponsored and performed in part within a Christian cathedral. The cynical part of me wonders whether this is simply a sign of the times, and the way the Church of England cares about its Gospel and its God.' Anthony Kilmister, chairman of the Prayer Book Society, said: 'This is not the sort of play that should be performed in God’s house. It is quite disgraceful.'

But the Dean, who was the centre of controversy a few years ago when he allowed the cathedral to be used for a Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement celebration, defended the play. The performance was in keeping with traditional Mystery plays and 'portrayed graphically the life and history of the area' which was 'where the seamier side of life was to be found', he said. 'The message was that even the worst sins are not beyond redemption', he added.

Most of the audience responded positively to the underlying message of mutual forgiveness. Like the Dean, many accepted Satan’s *****, blasphemous words and deeds as part of the Mystery Tradition. The theologian Jeffrey John was of the opinion that, despite some obvious heretical tendencies, Constable was presenting 'remarkably orthodox Christian teachings going back to the first century AD'. Constable’s Harrowing of Hell is closely modelled on a play from the medieval York Cycle. His version shows Jesus’ spirit of forgiveness triumphing over the letter of The Law. Jesus’ ultimate 'Judgement' is a verse paraphrase of Matthew 26: 35-45.

  JESUS
  My blessed children, I shall say
When your good deed was to me done.
When man or woman, night or day,
Asked for your help, your heart not stone,
Did not pass by or turn away,
You saw that, in me, they too are One.
But you that cursed them, said them nay,
Your curse did cut me to the bone.

When I had need of meat and drink,
You offered me an empty plate.
When I was clasped and chained in Clink,
You frowned, and left me to my fate.
Where I was teetering on the brink,
Did bolt and bar your iron gate.
When I was drowning, you let me sink.
When I cried for help, you came too late.

  RESPONSE
  When had you, Lord, who all things has
Hunger or thirst, or helplessness?
Had we but known God a prisoner was
We would surely have sought to ease His distress.
How could God be sick or dying? Alas!
When was He hungry, thirsty, or homeless?
How could such things come to pass?
When did we to thee such wickedness?

  JESUS
  Dead souls! When any bid
You pity them, you did but blame.
You heard them not, your heart you hid.
Your guilt told you they should be shamed.
Your thought was but the earth to rid
Of them I am now come to claim.
To the poorest wretch, whate’er you did,
To me you did the self and same.

Walking in the garden,
I stepped onto the grass
Barefoot,
And revelled in the tingles
On the soles of my feet
That made me smile.

The grass was wet.
Absently, I sat myself down
And felt the grass in my hands...
'The grass is wet,' I thought,
'It feels nice, cool and peaceful,
But water doesn't catch fire...'

*Can the fire inside me burn in serenity?
Or will it burn out my peace
And c
          o
           n
          s
         u
         m
           e
               me?

Symphonic
My fist was first five fingers
Flowing Favonian into the palm of my radiant mother
As cheeky as a sprite, soon I revelled in the
Crisp light of the fridge and all its chilled visitors,

A skin-deep draft last week, a raging harmattan yesterday,
Barren among the fruitless lands of Mesopotamia.
Crawling, my sergeants and I led the way through our childhood fantasies.
Ali Baba's fortress, the ruins of Babylon, and up to the lately perturbed Euphrates.
I dropped my automatic rifle,
hurriedly snatched it up in the unforgiving desolate,
just in time to
narrowly dodge the absent onslaught of enemy gunfire
Only to witness a serpentine strike and an explosive splash
Of metal violating my infantile hand, a hand that was trusted and was caressed
Now merely a bludgeon to satisfy the steel-clawed slash of the shrapnel
A buffer to the skin of my wide-eyed physiognomy.

Waking up in the loose sheets of a completely unremarkable beige bed,
With the deoxygenated breath of the novice surgeon liquidizing in my veins,
It was almost too much to handle (if you'll pardon my pun).

These days it is
The good hand with which I
Uncork, pour, and serve.
It's with the utilizable limb with which I
Ignite, shift, and steer.
It's with my brain that I
seethe
And it's with my stump
That I knock.

My past cursed me as it met you lately,
And It told me henceforth you are my life,
Even if this is a curse I feel and live it as a boon.

Time is travelling eternally but I want it to stop at this moment when I have seen you..
Please time,do not follow me when I am with her.
If you are not with me,I am not there myself,
Even If I conquer the world,it wouldn't be on par with the pleasure I revelled in from loving you.
The oblique drizzling drops are piercing and drenching the life within me..which is me.
It is because of you this unbearable sweet pain.

breezed into my heart when I inhaled,but don't elude me when I exhale...
You are staring at me as if you haven't influenced me,
Love for you has erupted from nothing or perhaps from staring at your eyes.
Don't fill yourself with past,live in this moment.
I am dwelling in the dreams and the waking life is telling me that the truth is in the path of loving you..and it is showing to me as a dream.
If I call this as love,then it would be diminished before this sweet pain of loving you....

It's better this way--
Infinitely gracious through some colossal mistake of philosophy,
Fists bleeding crumbs and spent cartridges but no, not here
Not even heaped in trembling awful coarse and remnant parts
So I gulp my spent errors - hid in the corner cloaked and dripping,
All chin-slicked rivers and dead raw mouthfuls my
Open-jaw distention retching light and dread obscenity.
And already I'm done - the earth is too rich and your face is too much
And my skull is not a crown
And my eyes are not a crown and
My fingers, stretched in nets of elegant blue recurve all casual magnetism
Slow repose and measured coronas of flesh and revelled refraction
But no, still not a crown
Not even down here where the rainclouds cough
And as I lift my face and tongue all wrapped all very strange in
Feathers and claws and elegant uniforms still no still no ah! here there's nothing.
But the maps are not a science and never you promised me never no
Never, not even as we stretched and turned in revelled liquid bursts of languid sanity.
My skull's a cracked chariot, never not a crown
And it never could it hold, not even for a moment,
Even a broken-down notion of you.

We never saw eye to eye,
you and I.
Me with my growth spurts
and eclipse of hair,
you with high-buttoned shirts,
cravat-ensnared.
We took turns to overlook each other.

Like your birthday on Valentine's:
I, aged nine,
ate with open flies.
You mocked until I begged you cease.
You told me boys don't cry,
but smile and grit their teeth.
Callous, Clements, but I've ground on since.

And ten years on, your white flag
got snagged,
when your lesson on how to heat
one's whisky in one's crotch
landed you at Matron's feet,
and I revelled as I watched.
Maybe we should have been friends.

There's a lot of you in me,
D.V.C.
but a pinch of salt for each trait.
So let's bury the hatchet where you died
and let's put it down to fate
that I wasn't by your side,

with a handful of earth.

For a very long time
I wasn’t proud to say I was Canadian.
Not to say that I was ashamed
Of the country that I was born in.
But it never really felt
Like Canada was my country,
It felt more like the country
That I happened to be living in.
I went about my life, ignorant
Of what makes my home so special.
But as time went on, I began to learn
About this Canada place.
I learnt about our laws,
Our people, and our history.
I learnt about our lands,
And revelled in their mysteries.
From the edge of the pond,
To the coast of the shimmering Pacific.
Here lies all that is Canadian.
A land of similarities that unite
Instead of differences that split.
Here lives a people of many races
A land of the free
And a land of diversity.
Home of real beer.
Where people put cheese and gravy on french fries
And don't call it weird.
We call it poutine.
Where maple syrup goes with everything.
Where it doesn’t matter if it's 40 above
All the better to get wet.
Or if it's forty below,
Put on a coat
And play in the snow!
A land where love is free,
What do I care what you like in the bedroom?
It doesn't matter to me.
This is a land of majestic mountains,
A place of powerful prairies,
And of forests of towering trees
As far as the eye can see.
This is a country
I'm proud to call home.
My Canada.

And everyone believed in her
Oblivious to her nightly tears
She could never see their girl
Blinded by her faults and fears

So she wished upon a broken star
That shattered every one of her dreams
Burdened with the screaming scars
Tonight she murdered her self-esteem

Learned not to see the light
Consumed by the vicious lies
So she surrendered to the fight
Yet again she tries and tries

Learned to laugh through her pain
For she was so sick of crying
Now she revelled in the rain
It washed away her doubts for dying

To the heavens and the skies
I’m sorry for another broken star
Its magic was just another lie
Hope, cruelly snatched from afar

To the soul that paid the heavy price
I’m sorry for this crafting mutation
But night after night, it would never suffice
You must’ve understood the satisfaction

To the victim trapped under water
I’m sorry for drowning you in its depths
In a ruthless slaughter: but I loathed her
Please forgive me before our last breath

To the readers of this pitied story
I bid you all one final warning

Don’t be deceived by their lies and our goodness
For I was never the blessed, intelligent girl
And don’t be blinded by your own loveliness
For I’m not that beautiful, sweet, caring girl

And I’m not the girl you and I wanted from me
But she is the girl I have tried to be
And I am through wearing this mask of deception

For you believe it all, but not its selfish intentions

Please help me…I pray to god for you to help me
But for the sake of your loveliness, your compassion and all that you conserve
Don’t: you are best to let me be
For I am getting all I deserve

Distance, the sole aim, 
Far away from anyone she ever knew
Some sugar, some spice
Some difference
Something erratic and unpredictable
Unseen to her eyes, unheard of to her ears,
A newness, to contrast the
Monotony that is routine.
Perhaps a thrill of people actually
Missing her presence,
Couple with an anonymity,
An emancipation from having to 
Conform
To the rules of where she belonged.
The runaway face of a vagabond,
Searching, searching for somewhere
To trash the label that
People had already  plastered to her identity.
Masked under a smile,
Prepared to be whoever she wanted 
To be;
Finally fulfilling dreams 
That were otherwise shackled 
By chains of her own ipseity, 
By words she never said
But were quoted as hers anyways.
The runaway face of a stranger now,
Tasting tears that those who loved her
Would shed in her memory.
She revelled in this finality,
This realisation that hit them now
That she was gone.
As though a hidden price tag had been revealed 
As though a number had just been scanned from a 
Barcode,
For her real worth hadn’t been comprehended
By those who saw the bars of the cryptogram
As mere lines
Of varying width (moods),
Wholly existing amidst 
The conventional, yet strangely unattainable  
Black and white
That was her, and her alone,
But had now morphed
As distinct colours of a 
Different kind of light into
The runaway face of a lone victor.

They made us by hand
A replicant's life is cheap
But they don't under stand
We dream of electric sheep

It's pain full to live in fear
Being a slave who has to comply
4 years to explore the last frontier
Wake up, time to die

I have seen things you people wouldn't believe
Attack ships off the shore of orion
But I still can't grieve
After seeing all these people dying

No one will see your crime
No one will see your pain
every thing is lost in time
like tears in the rain

The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long
And I have burned so very brightly
But I am not ready to sing my swan song
I will not take this lightly

We were made as well as they could make us but not to last
I have done questionable extraordinary things and revelled in my time
He wouldn't give me more time no matter how I asked
It will now be his turn to run out of time to pay for this crime

I have seen things you people wouldn't believe
Attack ships off the shore of orion
But I still can't grieve
After seeing all these people dying

No one will see your crime
No one will see your pain
every thing is lost in time
like tears in the rain

proud of your slef little man, Show me what your made of
Im right here but you have to shoot straight, but shooting straight isn't good enough
You better get it up, I'm gonna have to **** you
6 7 go to hell go to heaven, but still there is nothing you can do

To bad I'm not going to live
But then again who does
I am going to let you survive
Just because

I have seen things you people wouldn't believe
Attack ships off the shore of orion
Finally I can grieve
After seeing all these people dying

No one will know my crime
No one will know my pain
I hope every thing is lost in time
like tears in the rain

Time to Die

My first cigarette was at twelve years old,
under the climbing frame,
after my turn on the monkey bars.

My mate told me not to do it-
he tried to take it off me but
was too late.
I’ve been trying to quit ever since.
Soon after, that little climber
discovered cider, yearned
for something wider and
ended up with alcohol poisoning by
the end of the year.

My first stand-up gig was Lee Mack.
I was 13.
I sat right at the back on the balcony and revelled in the
happy faces below me.
Ending with a slow motion impression of Eric Morecambe,
I could’ve sworn it was the fastest hour of my life.
I can’t believe I was
So naïve.

When I sat my first exam at sixteen,
an hour seemed a minute.
Crash forward to A-levels and I
was being examined in a
therapist’s office-
how the tables had turned.
Ticking boxes to be assessed and there’s no way I can
pass this test because a
high score can only mean
very bad things.

How can life be so virile, yet so lacking and sterile?

I was told I’d find myself at uni
But I’ve ended up losing myself at twenty.

When the clock strook twelfth
Her mind went high
Through darkness, she found her prince
Who wooed her through the night

While the people were asleep
A girl was awake with the moon
This, she loved
For in the darkness, did she only bloom

Although she believed it to be mad;
She soon found herself in love: “Is it silly?”
She asked. And the prince told her
“Darling, men are fools for the things they love”

“And how is it like to live on the moon?”
“I do not,” said the prince
“No. Oh no, you must be
For I have never seen you in reality.”

In time the sun was born
And It burnt the moon so bright
Slowly, the night collapsed
And with it, the prince was gone

Night turned into nights,
The girl looked far and far
But the moon shone no more
She went alone in the dark

Indeed, she turned mad
For she wished on the sun
“Please let the moon be free
only for love will I be greedy”

She begged the sun desperately
Alas, the glow does not feel
For her dreams were destined
Only for the moon to hear

And where has the moon gone?
Where did the prince go?
Why must the night surrender
To the sun’s blinding glow?

"Hear me, my dream, hear my plea"
Is this the fate of a fool?
I am so tired, my love and
The nights have been empty.”

The girl cried out for nights
And soon the people grew angry:
“Sleep by night, wake up by the day
And it’ll all be easy!”

But reality was not to be
For the girl was so unlikely
That while the people revelled in the sun
There she was in a world wondered by

The people were disturbed
By her pleas in the night
That when the sun has risen
They took her out in fright

"Take her!" Shouted the people
And offered her to the sun
“This silly girl has been in love
with a vain dream from afar!”

"Why miss the moon
When there is the sun?
It has brought light and warmth
While the moon showed none. “

"Don’t be a slave to the things that cannot!
In this world we shouldn’t dream—”
“Liars!”shouted the girl
“We are all dreamers by night!”

What the world did not know
She wasn’t in love with the moon
But it was the prince,
The prince who she made her home

For with the prince,
She heard the loud beating of her heart
Felt her soul in his lips
And knew of feelings that before did not exist

She believed that only in love,
did she feel true & alive
“Am I in love with a dream?”
If that is the way to live, so let it be.”

Hours and hours
She was exiled under the sun
Chapped lips & broken dreams
A girl and a victim of such cruel things

In her chaos
She found a dagger
an escape to the world
But a cheat to her life

She held it up with her hand
And looked at the sun
“You will no longer hear my cries
But let this be my dying wish:

My soul I devote, for the dreams that cannot be
Please bring me out there, up in the open nightsky
Where thoughts run wild and free
Where I could just be.

If my dream is indeed gone
Then let me be the new hope
Let me be the guiding light
For the souls lost out in your glow.”

She drew the dragger
Closed her eyes
She was breathing with no breath
Until It struck her heart

For a moment she felt her own agony
The pain, the fears, the broken dreams
The endured thorns of her soul, a tear
Eyes opened and she was no longer.

The people knew of her misfortune
And thought she died from distress
But little did they know
She has only been re birthed from the ashes

Come midnight,
Behold, there it was
The moon which was gone
Now an alluring glory from afar

The people were left in awe
And thought the girl became the moon
The night has become an enigma
A difficult beauty to swoon

But after a few seconds
Something stellar bloomed from above
One and then another
Everyone, came gasping in wonder

"What is that thing up there
A thousand diamonds in the sky?”
̴Such ecstasy it gives!”
“I want to touch it, I want to fly!”

The people who feared the night
Now lied below to tell its stories
Always and often in wonder
If it was because of she

And up in the midnight
In the peak of the clock
They let their thoughts wonder
Of the majestic light up above

Soon they forgot about the girl
And of her lost dreams from afar
Instead there were these fascinating wonders
A magic which they named, the stars.

and what a difference a clock brings, two clock stand
on a shelf already, both of them with dead batteries -
a third is brought in, and it ticks,
and it Tokajs - and up rise the zemplén
mountains where Attila was laid to rest...
and after a night of drinking -
the ticking clock gives out an energy:
that makes you wake up early,
the alarm is set 15 minutes prior noon,
but you wake up earlier than that:
a nervous energy surrounds the clock
like a bomb, you actually are the bomb,
going off early - otherwise?
what Sartre said about 3 p.m., that
the day is laid to rest by that time,
and if ever from 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. in
the land of Noddy you dreamt a void
of pristine calm, then after 3 p.m.
the t.n.t. in you is wet, and there's no
spark, the ultimate existential angst -
as with any synthetic approach of creating
sleep, you are sometimes powerless to
the cure, hardly any analysis of the day's
dignified toils, in biblical jargon:
to live by the sweat of the brow -
some would claim this to be an aristocratic
pastoral - and it could very well be:
a decadent with a ***** room with whips
and handcuffs - but also a decadent with
a personal library... who would have thought
the two are so akin, even with their
seismic polarity. so on a day like this,
two coffees in, four cigarettes later,
a minor literary feat, as ever a poem -
with an approach of: get me out of these
straitjackets of conformity, according
to genres and proven techniques akin to
the sigma opus (or, oeuvre) of an Agatha
Christie... or as fellow men said: eat, ****, repeat...
the true art: how to find the eye of the storm,
the centre, away from the pulverising
strobe lighting of this realm: find me a straight
line off this ****** roundabout - if to infinity
then all the better: away from the re re re re
of res (the repetition of a thing) - be is summer,
be it spring, and the countless admirers of
such idle pursuits as said: shall i compare you
to a summer's day blah blah -
or start stiff, a corpse stiff in writing: mere
warm-up - then loosen the joints (conjunctions
prepositions et al.) and let us butter those
nouns - and change a few nouns into verbs
as already stated - a real ******* moment in
writing: haphazard here, unexplained mutations
here... let us return the same frenzied favour
that this hellish carousel imposed on us;
and as ever, a day that begins prior to 3 p.m.
will usually yield a daylight poem,
the sun is to bright, a vampire like myself
cannot stand the seemingly ultra-violet tinge
to things: a real phosphorescent sheen to all
things oily, whether my lipid skin, or the aloe
of leaves - then to the massive stumbling
block of the dictionary and all principles of
a priori entitled with that fiendish book -
as with every mind: algorithms never provide
the answers, if you haven't already experienced
the word said, by someone else.
so with a day prior to 3 p.m., you wake and wait
till the "natural crumbs in eyes after sleeping"
(rheum) dissolves - the radio is turned on,
the empty bottle of coca cola is ****** into and
the waiting for the alarm to ring - but it doesn't,
you're up already, and take up dietary reading
snippets of ivan bunin's memoir about
the civil war in Russia: cursed day (some could
say, one of the most enduring books concerned
with pleasurable reading while lying in bed,
flat out) - and this poem? all because of the
following snippet from a narrative:
            the Odessa Alarm is requesting information
about the fate of these missing people:
     Valya Zloy (zloi, i.e. evil, alter. in polish?
        zło, alter. in ~english? "zwo'h");
   Misha Mrachny (mrachnyi, i.e. gloomy, alter.
in polish? mroczny, alter in ~english?
             a dried out y, a hollowed out y,
                                   cz via ch, dependent
    of the exclusiveness of independent elocution);
  Furmanchika (furman, i.e. driver...
              an etymological mirror -
           a driver who transports goods using
    a horse and carriage, this is 1918, after all);
  Muravchika (muravei, i.e. ant, alter. in polish?
   mruwka - orthography as rigid aesthetics?
welcome to the army son... but it's actually mrówka,
    i call it personal preferences sometimes,
  not necessary rules, there's no limit to this anarchism,
and there's also another word: murawa (thick grass,
akin to earth, and ants burrowing) -
but you don't see ó at the beginning there, do you?
  the aesthete says: further in, mostly when
   congested with consonants, the alter. to what
the Chinese call: the great wall - or defence against
Mongolian invaders: doubled up with ideograms
that put the Egyptian ideograms to shame,
   is that necessary classification? owl pigeon palm,
less skeletal, then necessarily not ideograms:
hieroglyphics: it gets funnier when phonetic approximates
come across meaning approximates,
   you get ~etymological something or other,
e.g. mirror, you hear shouting: misnomer!
          and you're like: well, you have surd lettering
   and i have ~thedesiredword, so ~exact -
nonetheless, intricacies of a polymer with a benzene
ring at some point.
               i was lying though: this poem actually
came from a very English peculiarity -
name the word aunt, and how i'm sometimes
tongue tied on it: not ant when the English say
auntie - i.e. antee - or how the tongue is less
tied to a Sisyphus stone with the word augment:
so i guess i have to practice augmenting
the word aunt - so it sounds similarly good as
auntie - and that's the prickly feeling there,
a syringe on the tongue and less of a tongue-tie
but more a tongue-numbing - liked to a dentist's
request: open wide and say ah - not a - ah -
                     ah choo!               and many chopstick
dances later: the sound of pain, a shortened version
of aww (which is intended for babies and puppies,
but not all things small) - as in cute -
thus this au grapheme (no Latin variation akin to
æ or œ) - which is acute in comparison to
the two examples çited - ash and eðel / eθel -
                meaningful enough to drop a unit from
the couplet - as the English already do,
                            as explained already - ouch -
and many more theories can be revelled in -
   when looking for handwriting smoothness
of wave weaving stylistics - given now the hand
no longer writes, but the digits dent in grooves onto
    a much smoother surface (in terms of fluidity).

They set out on their final journey

The silent, sleeping woods around them, their path untrodden before.

A solitary blackbird wails in the sky

As the pack of mortals silently tread upon dead leaves

The will to flee overpowering their instinct.



Numerous days go by, numerous nights in the dark of the forest

Their warm daylight path slowly transmutes to

Reflect the cold darkness of the Firmament’s Robe.

And under the stars they make their way

To escape the fate that they invited upon themselves.



And in the night, there was a presence

A certain being, watching, waiting in silence

Ever watchful upon the unlikely crew of mortals

That ventured to set foot in his swamp

And awaken him.



They struggle with the brambles, they rest upon the fallen leaves.

And as the Sun declared His arrival one morning,

The weary wanderers arrived upon the The Lagoon

Its cool turquoise waters shining above the morning haze

And the young, orange Sun lit up the Heavens

As they stood, mesmerized by the Blue.



The Being watched them, as they stumbled upon the Lagoon

His wonder mounting readily while He watched

As they set their tools to work upon the jagged rocks

That lined the shore, ever seeking some prize.

The Sun left the sky, the Moon took his place

And in her serene light, the Water was set alight

As the pale moonlight reflected off the Blue

And the weary travellers were soaked in the dazzle.



They searched, they scrounged

For seven weeks, but it was not found

The Item of their Quest, the Object that they required

Eluded them again, as it had done before

But they continued to search

Under the Watchful Eye of the Being.



He knew not what they looked for, little did he care for

What kept puny mortal fools alive

For was He not the Master of the Lake?

He laughed; a cackling, resounding phenomenon

That filled the air, the cold forest breeze adding to the

Chill that ran down the spines of His Unwelcome Guests

As they felt the clutches of fear at their hearts.



Yet, they did not stop, and once again stubborn will won over intuition

Who would not like to live on forever when all it entailed was breaking open a Jewel?

Who would not like to bask in the soothing calm of the Blue?

While their foolish brothers fought meaningless wars over silly pursuits

Theirs was a higher calling to be answered, so they believed.



And as the Moon rode across the Heavens one night

A green glint was seen on the far bank

Embedded in the soil, it lay

The Jewel of Infinity, silently waiting to be claimed by

Those who were destined to possess it.

A young lad was the first to see it shine,

He hastened to wake his father, their search was finally complete.



And as they ran down the shore, the Being watched , not willing to interrupt.

They feasted their eyes upon its unworldly light,

The elders were then called to decide,

How the Fruit of Immortality was to be shared.



It was then that they realised

Not all of them could partake from the Fruit

Only he who broke the jewel would be rewarded with Endless Life.



They stood in confusion, as the Being chuckled at their plight

It was time to extend His influence on them and claim the Jewel for His own

And He smiled in glee and revelled in His witchcraft

As He planted in them, the Beginnings of Greed.

And it took them over, a malevolent longing to possess the Stone

Raged throught the hearts of them mortals

While a furious wrath was awakened in each man to claim the Jewel.



And the Being watched silently as His work was complete

The mortals lay dead upon the shore, each killed by the other’s hand

Their longing for Immortality lay shattered

Like the blades and tools of their dark undertaking.

And now He finally arose, shedding His disguise

An old, old man bent over with age, He hobbled noiselessly

Amidst the bodies. He walked silently to the young lad’s corpse

And the Jewel that lay clutched in his dead grasp, finally found a new master

As the Old Man stood in the Lagoon and shattered the Jewel upon his palm

And so began His endless existence…

When I first made the night, I did
The moonlight sloshed in jars
I pulled the blackness overhead
And pinned it there with stars
I spilled the moon a puddle
Like a ghost it rose aloft
I waved a gentle breeze, I did
A whisper in the trees, I hid
A lullaby, to ease the lid
A silence, butter soft

I revelled in the night, I did
The void I’d cut for me
I edged the world in silhouette
With silver filigree
I felt dewdrops clustering
In beads about my face
The creeping glow of dawn, I spy
A purple hint of morning sky
An hour overdrawn, am I
And slightly out of place

Crooked smiles passed between
The rims of crystal wine glasses
And glimpses of someone else's yesterday
Whispered through pursed lips.

Delicate painted hands clasped
In laps fiddling with cashmere sweaters
And patent leather shoes
Tapping to the rhythm of expectation.

Through superficial pity and catty eyes
The lives of others were discussed
And though each teller would deny it
They revelled in the others sin

Building their own morals up
And blinding themselves to their own faults.
But in mothers dining room it's clear to see
The traits they share are wickedness and vanity.

nibbling on the rainbow the saffron flag
is swaying, bearing
a crooked smiley emoticon these days

sometime ago…
the land beamed with pride
as happy lips of backgrounds varied
in jingles of diversity revelled

but no more, no more today…
scars mar in face of fading acceptance
spirit of songs of oneness being muffled by
voices intimidating, dominant and intolerant

for birds of minorities
dark clouds smear the skies
and fear assails their hearts
to spread their wings too wide to fly

mob lynching awaits if ‘wrong’ meat
found on your plate

and your verses of dissent
could be your gateway to prison
or invite a cold ****** at your door-step

God gave us the stars to shoot for
so we would have ***** other
than our sister or brother
eager to reach the shooting range we slammed the shuttle door
on our captain’s silver crown
in a sea spilling from His ichor
sack punctured by our hubris we drown-
memes and cat videos worth dying for

We set fire to the shuttle
gasp as our air begins to leave
Amazon(s) choose to scuttle
trees land and humans need to breathe
a musk most putrid rises as we cannibalize our space ex
who’s so far gone as to not come back
her zombie bridezilla tirade wrecks  
our plan it removes futures from the trajectory track

God gave us the stars to shoot for
so we reduced our target to soot
we revelled in our high score
not feeling the pain in our shot foot
and the cats still in secret revery dance their funny jig
sardonic wit stuffed still in every blank screen -small or large-
on the skeleton of our ghastly ghost space rig
reduced to rubble by a friendly depth charge.

God gave us the stars to shoot for
it was we who chose to use a gun
we chose to ram through the door
not checking if it was open
God gave us the stars to shoot for
leaving the details for us to decide
rockets to be built to make war or explore
as shuttlecraft for a human slingshot ride
an arching advance into the beauties of
our Creator made for us to enjoy in love
~
NM
08/25/19

winter ist kommen.

you know what nickname i have among those
that know me well enough? oddly enough it's *Dracula -
my body-clock changed into a nocturnal
creature, while those around me
basked in the sun, i revelled in the moon -
some would claim this to be mere cliche,
and i'd agree with them -
burying a President on the Mount of Kings
in Krakow was a step short and 12 inches
below Napoleon's hope for the Duchy of Warsaw -
perfected xenophobia, once the economic ants
enter the Irish are ****-out-dry and starved in
a potato famine on Titanic with Big BIG dreams of
U.S.A., they only came back to England as the I.R.A.
they really fear the economic migrants -
a Chinese invasion less spectacular than than
the Mongolian invasion and everyone is still
calmly brewing tea... the 5 o'clock shadow, or simply:
brew keeps company of whisperers.
i don't know why the ******* nickname,
at university i was nicknamed banana because
one time, at band camp, i wore a Velvet Underground
t-shirt, and another time, at band camp
i was either goldilocks because of my long hair
or the french braid donned - also known as the hippy for
eating Sharon fruit and pomegranates -
i'm not Morrissey adventurous with **** SCHOOL
rather than Johnny **** THE POLICE -
i kinda liked it - seeing teachers get dissected by
younger generations - why all this negativity surrounding school
fuelling pop music? you played Final Fantasy VII,
exchanged Pokemon cards? no? then what's your *******
problem?
that isn't the point, the point is:
why are Maine **** cats not recognised as the sop buddies
of lore? i swear you to the grave as keeping this fact intact,
Maine ***** are like Bloodhounds - no
matter how many treats you give them, they play sentinels
of the moon with you all they want is company,
they ******* meow meow at your door -
you end up putting on Handel, cushioning them in your
arms on the windowsill listening to, what i would say to
be: if i had children, i'd speak to them in german:
fuchsgesang - wide-eyed diabolical pupils with
a tear from my eye drooping into their crystals -
Maine ***** are the feline equivalent of the bloodhound
canines - they get depressed easily - no matter how many
treat your give them, they still want to be nurtured,
wrapped in diapers of your arms - Ginger Russ weighs in
at 9 kilograms... try keeping him on your arms before
the northern hyenas start cackling simultaneously with
Handel playing in the background.
Maine **** (canine equivalent) = Bloodhound (feline equivalent).
keep him sniffing fresh air and in good company...
the ****** goes to sleep like Speedy Gonzales...
once upon a time... thump... the cat's asleep.
if i'd ever have children i'd wish to speak german to them
for the first time... no other tongue would be given access...
the second Elizabethan Era has ended promptly -
as was its due course - now the degeneracy appears
where art once blossomed...
we're waiting for the Autumn of the second Elizabethan Era...
with winter, new sprouts anticipated... Charles?
oh Charles? please! be the usher impromptu:
beheaded, never built Versailles, killed his wife...
hey! you heard it from a rat, this was written in a sewer,
**** knows what happens in Kensington Palace...
journalism? probably, since around here
all that happens is an obituary.... if you're lucky! ha ha!
otherwise someone else including you toward
an epitaph engraved, most notably: 1974 World Cup -
West-Germany Wins - auf wiedersehen - pronounced:
auf veedersen pet - Liverpool roofers in Munich - yet
everyone knows that all roofers came from Scootlaund.
when philosophy becomes systematic (i.e. wheel rolling
thanks to a limited vocabulary) it does become a thing-in-itself,
that cheats by discussing a thing-in-itself within
its systematisation akin to a thing-in-itself, basically
it cannot find chiral-divergence, or a schizophrenic
to put in a ~mild metaphor - when philosophers systematise
they treat no daily oddities - they encapsulate everyday oddities
with: ground control to Major Tom... ground control to
Major Tom... priority via imagery: forget the bow-tie events
and the fully prim suit buttoned tight - being systematic in
philosophy is not about being dishonest,
it's more about being counter-observant - all the little details
are missing; which is, to be honest, permitted -
if you base your inquiry on all things omni- related,
forget that a Jew would ony write mn and hide the o and i...
too numerous the qualities, but only one accepted tetragrammaton
(square of letters - i.e. not fact, not tool, not hide... but yhwh)...
systematic expression in philosophy, means, outside of it,
missing the daily details that provide the necessary
conjuring of rainbows from water hoses when
watering the flowers in a garden - write systematically
and you **** the particular flavours of the day,
ensuring the sky doesn't all on your head tomorrow
by saying: a priori: the sun too, today, tomorrow, everyday.
reading Kant after watching a ballet made me rethink
my coercion of Kierkegaard, Nietzsche is just too reactionary -
if Kierkegaard took up theatre, i might as well take up
ballet - or any other musically intoxicating form to stage
my coup.

The other side of the previous sonnet.



(sonnet #MMMLXXXIX)


Mists softly romance clumps of distant trees,
Their naked dark grey limbs clothed in that veil
Of hazy white 'neath tender blue skies' pale
Cheer, while the golden light warms by degrees
December's barren vistas, winds a tease
Whose mildness gently breathes a hope too frail
To live beyond the sunset, each detail
From green lawns' worn expanse to heavn, at ease.
I used to lose myself here, every sigh
A fond caress I revelled in...'til you
Taught me to see past all which sweetly vie
For notice, vaprous dreams no longer true
As I rest me in who'd more satisfy
Than these, lost in your love and happier too.

01Dec13b