"inst" poems
Performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrtxgFdTYO8
running running running
always running from something
always coming from nothing
but all day these beats be drumming
running running running
always running from something
what i summoned i can barely stomach
what i come with got me rushing
call it whatcha wanna
like a piranha i be up on it
got vocal bionics
got the local goddesses looking
honest to god
no stopping when I am cooking
a prophet when i spit that pudding
ducking from the crooked pigs
lifted off that chronic
it is what it is
never live like a *****
i can take and i can dish
never fake i really live for this ****
spit quick
so slick
a misfit
born christmas
but the lords can take this ****
wait for it
i found my place
like outer space
i was made for it
running running running
always running from something
always coming from nothing
but all day these beats be drumming
running running running
always running from something
what i summoned i can barely stomach
what i come with got me rushing
Oct 2, 2017
Oct 2, 2017 at 9:13 PM UTC
2AM. Anxiety rings
Insomnia with it, it brings
I wish to sleep, close my beaten
Eyes. My thoughts quieten, Retreat in
To the place where I no longer have to think
All the experiences of today and my past interlink
My subconscious taking over with pictures they slink
down into dreamworld I hope I'd go This time I think
But unfortunately, That's not the way it is.
So I lie awake in my bed.
Thoughts
Rushing
around
in my
head
inst
ea
d
Aug 28, 2020
Aug 28, 2020 at 10:22 AM UTC
There's no reason or rime
My time has not come
Years and fears
Seasons of pitch black
My love Destitute with delusions
Damaged with deranged solutions
My mind painfully persistent
On being unloved
The creeks of my haunted mansion
Bleed without a purpose
Skeletons worship the past
Bones dance around unrequited desires
I dine with golden lambs
And taste the sheep in my hand
My teeth burning through the wet flesh
Holding dainty my ideals
My fainted veil is close to tearing
My pain inst aware of the glass wall between our truth
My mirage sickly - marred with battle wounds
My dynamite left uncapped
The memories soaked in blue
Mines hidden, ticking bombs blew in my face
I'm dancing around the bones of my dreams
Mar 27, 2016
Mar 27, 2016 at 2:33 AM UTC
I
Am
Me...
I'm just a normal girl.
Grew up realizing that love inst just given....
i knew by five years old that I'd have to fight for what i believe in.
realizing that abuse is so much more common..
this world is scary....
something happens when you realize no one can save you from falling away from who you are.
something happens after the first time you loose yourself.
something shifts, creating a shaking down to your emotions...
its so much more common for people to belittle you and hurt you.
shaking you like an abused dog and throwing your emotions to the ground.
there comes a day like today when you realize that everything thats worth it, must be fought for.
and ignore all the threats and curses that people throw at you and push through all the times that your left alone in a room full of people...unloved, untouched, broken, and shattered..
you finally realize you have to fight to be accepted..
that you have to fight to be loved...
that you must fight for it all.
yet of course, you wont leave without a few scars...
yet that's okay..
at least you got what was worth fighting for.
Aug 6, 2013
Aug 6, 2013 at 11:08 PM UTC
Where ever you may be let there be solicitude. Clear all other moods my dear. a sensitivity you took for granted. All the bull **** you ranted. Still all is forgiven, but not forgotten. As my inner demons want to see you rotting. this battle inst over yet, let compassion fill your heart; before all is to late an ripped apart. you had my sympathy but forget my empathy. Let off the deep end, descend my ill minded friend. i know this is hard to comprehend. quite useless indeed. just heed the warning because we may not see the next morning my friend. peace cease to rest as for your no longer here, just a mirror i broke. so evoke or choke on this toxic air. as its seems harder to bare. to everyone who thinks differently or indifferently i wish you all well. as i step through hell watching from the inside out.. endless route. i now walk in solitary, that this wont end through any
promissory i held. ashes fades to grey. only to feel betrayal to watch all vanish away.
_ marty ** ftw an FML
Jun 7, 2018
Jun 7, 2018 at 7:15 PM UTC
What's in a name,
What's in a name?
Could it be pleasure?
Possibly pain.
M is for malice,
Monster, mouse.
The first letter of my name,
That's what I think about.
A is for the *******
Whom I've never met.
The reason for my name,
The reason I hate it.
Y is all the yelling,
I've done inside my brain.
Made up confrontations,
The things I've planned to say.
K is makes the sound
Of the things he never was.
Kind, caring, compasionate,
He doesn't even know I exist I bet.
E is everything I wish I knew
The tid bits, the facts, the thoughts in his head,
Who he really really is,
Never asking, I wonder instead.
L is for love that I already have,
My mommy, my daddy, my brothers, and friends,
Have showed me that compassion and love never ends.
While my daddy is mine, and always will be,
Another I would never ask for,
At times I long, and wish to know,
The man I am named after.
A has two meanings for me,
One is filled with bitter disdain
Another reminds me,
The uniqueness of my name.
I love it I hate it, I would never change it.
It will be with me,
ALWAYS.
M-A-Y-K-E-L-A
Dec 19, 2011
Dec 19, 2011 at 11:05 AM UTC
if i had a million dollars for every smile you gave me i still wouldn't have enough
to out weigh the way you made me.
if every second you've made me smile was a year in the past id let you know how god made us and how to make it last.
a lot of ifs but no buts no woulds's or shoulda's just a Skype call, a text, a crafted speedy fall.
they say you can't buy happiness but id like to say their wrong a four hundred thirty seven dollar plane ride
can take me home. I close my eyes i can see so many beautiful things clouds, flowers, diamond rings
that are all complaining that their beauty is devoured, more so conquered by what you bring, the little things.
little things that get me to sing when no one is around. to give me this goofy smile to bare around town.
to sum things up i think i might possibly perhaps maybe have found the one person who has kept my head in the
clouds as has never let me feet hit the ground. shes imprinted in my skin this inst the end we stay as golden as possible
as we both dive deeper in.
May 1, 2014
May 1, 2014 at 6:59 PM UTC
I think I'll sleep for a few days.
I can't handle thinking about you anyway.
The only thing I would like to do is walk to you.
Sadly I can't even talk to you.
For me love inst a happy thing.
It's a tainted thing.
A brutal sting.
Nov 14, 2012
Nov 14, 2012 at 9:59 PM UTC
inst it blasphemy
to think she
is better then he, that i am better unified
never trapped to expand
however very sanitized
its as if i wanted nothing better then whats been over analyzed
whats been tainted
mother **** whats been red
its like ive rolled off the internet, never stuck on the web
miss comunication between whats there for us
and whats always going to now be taken
for
grant
.ed--------for-----------------u
Oct 11, 2013
Oct 11, 2013 at 4:47 AM UTC
My love for you is poison.
Very similar to the poison iv'e ingested tonight
Thoughts of us will constantly replay in my mind.
But with my abusive tendency and your addictive personality it would never work.
We shoulda just strayed friends from the get go.
you are my everything.
you fulfill my need for compassion
But you lack in the department of empathy.
we click like a seat belt.
you just cant admit to yourself your true feelings.
but im a human being who has lost strength through the struggles of love
living a lie
living in a constant wait.
but if that's how you feel then that's how it must be, ill just struggle my way through a real heartbreak.
personally. i don't think it was real on your part.
but i just wanted to say, sorry i wasted my time on you. i fear you'll always be n my heart
ive fallen into this binge.
do you still love me? can you save me?
these is my final words to you. as if you'll ever find them.
your not a person at all
just a pill.
im nodding off. this isnt a poem.
its a cry for help..
i need help and just had to vent. sorry site if this inst what you wanna see at all. i just need saved.
Apr 6, 2014
Apr 6, 2014 at 4:15 AM UTC
I want to know what I can do
It doesnt feel like my time here is blending in me
I want to sleep, but I can shake my feet off the ground
I'm lost
(it becomes my soul)
Drawn into a world of hurt
I build a castle around this mind
It falls like petals
(it becomes my eyes)
Im drawn into wine and pouring
suddenly Im pouring everything
Nothing is left
(it becomes my bones)
Fickle at dawn fleeting at dusk
nothing stays
everything will vanish, but you didnt know
(it becomes my mind)
Believing inst a dream I could want
Loving is to far from this grain
Pushing into laces vases
(it becomes my ideas)
Unbalanced mind is a stretch of hate
(Im becoming my monster)
Feb 11, 2015
Feb 11, 2015 at 1:15 PM UTC
I haven't written a poem in a long time
I forgot how it felt to find the passion I once had for the words you once said, dripping from the same hands that once caressed you.
I think the reason why I haven't spilled my heart onto the white sheet is because I forgot how to feel,
and now that the blood stained feelings i had showered onto the pure white paper, are gone,
i miss it
because when they were there
my hands were covered with letters to you.
My mind now is so overwhelmed with thoughts that miss the place they call home
but the place i use to call home isnt home to me anymore,
its your home
now that your gone,
your the only thing I seem to think about late at night,
living in my mind,
im infested with the what ifs and i miss yous I wish i could say,
but thinking of you inst enough to make me throw up the feelings back onto my lap, like seasonal flu,
a flu so strong that it makes you forget who you are and what you were, but after months of sleepless cold nights, laying on a bed of regret and covered with shame, thinking of what it was like to be whole again,
the season has passed and
your only left with the fear that you might catch it again,
the same fear i have
that once i start writing again,
i'm left to catch the feelings i had for you.
May 12, 2018
May 12, 2018 at 3:09 PM UTC
toxic
Where ever you may be let there be solicitude. Clear all other moods my dear. a sensitivity you took for granted. All the bull **** you ranted. Still all is forgiven, but not forgotten. As my inner demons want to see you rotting. this battle inst over yet, let compassion fill your heart; before all is to late an ripped apart. you had my sympathy but forget my empathy. Let off the deep end, descend my ill minded friend. i know this is hard to comprehend. quite useless indeed. just heed the warning because we may not see the next morning my friend. peace cease to rest as for your no longer here, just a mirror i broke. so evoke or choke on this toxic air. as its seems harder to bare. to everyone who thinks differently or indifferently i wish you all well. as i step through hell watching from the inside out.. endless route. i now walk in solitary, that this wont end through any
promissory i held. ashes fades to grey. only to feel betrayal to watch all vanish away.
** ftw an FML
Jun 7, 2018
Jun 7, 2018 at 7:14 PM UTC
There I was broken and alone
Looking for hope in media quotes
And there she was smile and all
#JackJohnson had caught my fall
She was sweet and kind, while I was broken and blind
Yet she didn't mind and filled the hole
A hole I called the void.
The void was small as I recall
She was tall yet about to fall
Out the nest an towards the west
Portland was best that's what I guessed
Away from school, just ahead of I
Wish I could follow
That would be best.
Instead I ran
Away from home
And to my friends
Yet still talked to namastay23
For she eased my pain
Then Valentines day came
I figured cactus was best
But since I wasn't rich flowers were next
No address in sight I shot with a guess
School was west, Nevada she said
Guess they threw her off and left me ******
Or was it love that had her stuck?
She left without a word
The void was back
Why is this so whack
Inst was sacked
And I lacked
Least that's what I assumed
Until she returned and once more
That's twice.
So here I sit rhyming away my time
Whining about her crime
But **** this rhyme, its probably no good
For her, why even try for Taylor
This was a waist of time.
May 21, 2015
May 21, 2015 at 9:45 PM UTC
After everything youve put me through
Im still awake, thinking of you
i miss our late night talks
About our most secretive thoughts
It hurts, knowing itll never be the same
it hurts having no one to blame
I know this is probably best for you
But this is to hard, if you only knew
But you agree, you feel this way too
Im happy knowing that you miss me
At least the worry has finally been set free
You said wed make it out alright
I hope and pray with all my might
This inst the end, no its not the end
You tell me in each message that you send
Its gonna be alright, were gonna be okay
We just have to make it through these terrible days
Its gonna take a while, but we have to wait it out
Push away the ugly thoughts that seem to bring us doubt
Soon itll be done, well again be together
And we can finally move on, move on forever
Dec 15, 2013
Dec 15, 2013 at 4:10 PM UTC
How could you
Tell me you love me when it all is a lie
Leave me in these tears that fall out my eye
I thought you'd always be my lady
How could you go behind my back and have a baby
Can't you see that a guy cries as well
How could you come in my life and make it a living hell
These days have come these days have past
I wished death upon me cause I feel I shouldn't last
I understand your a lady out of town
My feelings for you are gonna go out of bounds
Because I feel your using me for a lot of things
But I hope inst true because your my one and only thing
I pray when the future comes I ll make you my wife
How could you not no your the lady I won't in my life
So come please I promise to love you all might
And for every wrong you faced I promise I ll make them all right
Mar 2, 2014
Mar 2, 2014 at 4:12 PM UTC
I think Ive gone too far.
I cant tell,
Too blinded by my tears i scream
***"at what cost!"
billows out of my heart that's all ready too occupied
forging blindfolds from barbed wire,
I think Ive gone too far.
I sold my friends,
they were my building blocks, my foundation,
pawned off like ****** so I could climb the ladder
the ladder thats allready fading in my mind
sepia memories on black & white film, it just inst quite right
I may have won..
but at what cost,
a job I despise a future as murky and uncertain as the river
I grew up next too
and like the river my future will come to an end
hundreds of miles away
in an unkown sea
yet my heart will carry the home ive made for myself,
its cell like features,
cold walls are warmed with our blood
its floors carpeted with our lust
what little else that stands , stands ready to burn
so grab your torch my love,
bring out the open flame hearths of our hearts and touch the tinders
of our futures
i feel like ive gone too far
maybe i just havent gone far enough
Apr 13, 2015
Apr 13, 2015 at 5:46 AM UTC
I used to hurt myself every single day
Used to maybe to go a week at best without fresh wounds
Used to need it to get through the day
And it's difficult to explain
And it's different for everyone that chooses to feel pain
Cause that is exactly what it is choosing to feel pain
It's wanting to not be numb
Wanting to feel alive
Wanting to feel anything other than that emptiness
Because the emptiness is the heaviest thing you will never have
It's like filing your heart up with rocks
Feeling it sink in your chest
And that heaviness at first is just a symptom
It ***** but you push forward
But it gets heavier and you slowly loose control
Instead of growing stronger the weight just wears you out
And son you feel the weight piling on more than ever
Every time they...
...call you a name...
...push you down...
...use you...
...ignore you...
...abuse you...
And it builds and builds and you can't keep going
And you start to wonder what if I just didn't exist
And the thought scares you to death but you feel so helpless
And you can't keep carrying the weight in you heart without help
So every single day the though come up
What if you just died
And every day it seems more and more like a better idea
Because you're tired of crying yourself to sleep
And you're tired of always feeling alone and unwanted
And everything is so numb that it hurts
So you give it a shot and it's messy
It always is the first time
And there's blood
But for once you don't feel like you have a heart full of rocks
Instead your heart is racing from the rush
And you feel something
Its painful and awful but it's something
And its nice but not necessary
So a few weeks later on you're at your breaking point again
And you put steel to skin
And the blood arises from the **** like a mountain spring
And your body feels the rush all over again
Before you know it every day is a pain and all you want is to feel
So you're like me
Slit your wrists before bed
Cuts in the mouth in the morning
And the torment all day between the two
And you're not destroying your body because you're suicidal
You aren't doing it oping you'll die
You're not ripping flesh from flesh because you want attention
The horror inst worth a few glances
You're spilling blood like a warlord committing crimes only against your own body because you're trying desperately to stay alive and only in this bleeding, in this pain can you find any peace from the pain of existence and the voice inside you that tell a you just to give up and die already
It's counter-intuitive but it's what keeps you alive for another day
Apr 4, 2019
Apr 4, 2019 at 1:45 PM UTC
On this earth I walk alone hoping to escape this burning hell that has taken every thing from me. You an take every thing from me even my loved ones but you cant break me I wont go let my grip go. This life is filled with fear and blood shed but you can take my hopes and **** them with all your forces that brings **** joys as well, but every time I try new ways I have to move threw the obstacles that I have to move threw.
I have ideas that hopes for life to change, but this is only the start of your hellish ways. there is nothing I have left to say, but I know my next move. I'll flip the script and open a door way to hell and push you deep into the endless bull **** life brings. i'm tired of being silenced all you have done was trap me down in a prism of suffocation. your words have scared like boiling water the scolded the skin. i could a empty soul witch has been true. i might be dead inside but i still have a heart beat. i might swear when i escape your power that you have taken over the world will end with your voice be silenced when i take the chance to make a present that will take down your over turn of this world opening up the doors letting the souls free.
this war now will be come just down to me and you. i have nothing left to fear i am not afraid to die when i have already have died. i have nothing left to lose hen your war has taken it all ready. i don't have any smile to show when you have drained my life away with all my life including my pure soul. you have left my life shattered in burning piles of dread. you can take away every thing but i wont let this go on any longer. you only bring death and destruction leaving nothing left. but i wont be trap'd for ever when i end this path of stubborn childish **** only one shot it takes to end this game . i have a plane to end the book of hell when u only gain your power by demonic hate.
i have the power to end this even if it mean ending your life so there wont be any screaming souls left to be heard.
nothing left to hold me down my time to rise up and fight threw all your childish games. no more suffocating no more pain or hate i had enough listening i'm going to spread infection that will end the (rain of terror)
i cant be silence once you let go of your grip. until then i hope you like a pool of your own drain mind i hope you like the feeling of burning pain.
you didn't just taped me you have no idea i have groups of malicious that have the power to set this world a blaze.
i can't take seeing your power take lives that tried changing to save this world of corrupt ******** like your own kind. just wait till you know what your death will end like like Lego's falling down when you kick them down. this world inst big enough for me or you but suffocating silence wont stand any more no more i have saved this life.
Jan 11, 2016
Jan 11, 2016 at 2:17 PM UTC
IT INST RGIHT YOU KONW? THE EEFCFT YOU HVAE ON MY HREAT. THE DPETH YOU SNIK ITNO MY LNGUS. THE BBULBES YOU BIOL IN MY BIRAN. THE NASUEA YOU CUSAE IN MY SCMOATH. THE AHCE YOU BNIRG TO MY KENES. IM DINYG. IM DYNIG AND YOU DNOT EEVN KONW. YOU DNOT EEVN SEE. YOU GOT ME ALL FEKCUD UP.
Apr 15, 2018
Apr 15, 2018 at 2:54 PM UTC
My life *****
Im emotionally out of control
And thats the worst..
I ruin things ..
I hurt people..
I hurt myself..
I cant do anything right..
Everythings wrong..
I need time..
Away from here...
Maybe a new surrounding
Something different
Not the same routine
Everyday
Its wearing me out
Tearing me down
Im struggling to stay strong
Hold my head high
Sometimes
Love inst enough
Sometimes life inst enough
The fight isnt enough
Im
Slowly
Starting
To
Give
Up
.
~
Oct 17, 2018
Oct 17, 2018 at 7:59 AM UTC
So you want to be a king, want to rule the world.
You like the crown of gold and think the name has a ring,
And figure you can sit in a chair, give a speech?
then there's a lesson we need to teach.
No one is a king by birth, not a single soul,
and not everyone can pay the toll.
you see the crown inst just for you,
its for everyone following too.
every ****** death and theft,
every **** burned farm, and family left bereft.
every night, it all comes calling on your soul,
if your not careful all that hell fire burns a hole.
You think you know what it is to be a soldier?
Every life on the field stacked on your shoulders?
A king isn't made strong by stepping on the weak,
but by constantly holding them up every week.
The sword of Damocles hanging over our heads,
hanging by a thread threatening to **** our hope dead,
so if you think your neck can bear my crown's weight,
then feel free to relieve my from this heavy fate.
Oct 10, 2017
Oct 10, 2017 at 8:27 PM UTC
Its 3 AM and I'm still lost in a deadlock of my dreams,
the Goals and the nightmares mixing to make a pale fear
of the dark that settles over my head and keeps me awake.
The smirk painted on my face is washed out if you look closely
you can see the cracks starting to form on my soul as I
struggle to reconcile who I was with who I am.
This inst a poem but I don't need rhythm right now just an outlet
because I'm so tired my filter is gone and so is my cutthroat mind
so all I can think is what the **** have I done.
Dec 8, 2018
Dec 8, 2018 at 4:08 AM UTC