I broke a string on
my ukulele. It’s safe
to say, I relate.

Hail, dreamcatcher, hear now my thoughts
Free my soul of fond hopes of naught;
Of brokenness these dreams had taught;
Of ceaseless pain this life has brought.

This heart is weary of shouting;
Of being empty yet drowning
In insipid words befuddling;
In ashed promises succumbing.

**** this anguish feasting inside
That this shiv may be put aside;
These damp sheets be given a rest,
And that may bliss in this room nest.

Hail, dreamcatcher, hear now my sigh,
The words I'll mutter as lie
Below the grass, hear my cry;
My soliloquies ere I die.

The dreams that I wove with your strings
Are dreams that 'til I slumber clings;
Dreams that on stars I'll be wishing
That I with the stars be dreaming.

Farewell to you, dear moon, I say
Awake I can no longer stay
In peace on this bed I shall lay,
Never again shall I rise, I pray.

So dreamcatcher croon me to sleep
And let me drown in thoughts so deep
Don't wake me up, I had enough
Last wish: I be gone in a puff.

you aren't
less worthy
less important
less powerful
because you're
b r o k e n.
your brokenness is
no obstacle for light
to shine through you.
the light shines
through the cracks.

How is it
That with a few simple words,
You tore my heart out of my chest,
Ripped it open as it was still beating,
Used tongs and tweezers to dismember it,
Then threw it back in my face,
Useless, a mess, and broken?

She may be broken now but the thing is

Her brokenness is strength,
seen as weakness by others,
it becomes one of her greatest strengths
It will bring forth a never-ending length
of inspiration, goals, and desires

Her brokenness is healing,
As her scars, wounds and
bruises begin to fade
a new sense of self,
one she is yet to be acquainted with emerges
Here she will realize
her brokenness is not what defines her,
but simply her will.

Greater than the eye of a storm,
her strength stretches further than
the roots of a grandmother willow
whom has bared generations on generation.

Like a baby who opens its eyes for the first time
Her eyes will squint and twinkle at the light of her true worth
She embraces the light, she soaks in the light,
she allows the light engulfs her for she now know who she is.

Giving was her weakness.
Giving was her strength.
In her light, she sees her power to control what to give,
who to give and when to give.
No longer will she give to those who only take from her
to those who only drain her.
She will give to those who fill her,
she gives to those who give to her
because they know the light of her worth.

The light of her worth
Her light
Her worth
Her

Like an onion, I had layers.
And you peeled me away, one at a time.

One layer off.
You saw my favorites.
The food and drinks I crave for.
The wall paint I wanted for my room.
The perky dresses, nail polish, knee-high boots.
And the spot I always prefer to be- on the front seat.

One layer off.
You saw my hobbies.
The words I stitched together.
The stars that formed our zodiac sign.
The wallclimbing, badminton, volleyball.
And the guitar strings that strum our lullaby.

One layer off.
You saw my dreams.
The plane ticket to Paris.
The thrill of a bungee jump.
The candlelit dinner, fireworks, dancing fountain.
And the license as a medical physician.

One layer off.
You saw my strengths.
The smile behind the false judgements.
The tears I fought back with pride.
The temperance, confidence, adjustments.
And the self-love I have strongly magnified.

One layer off.
You saw my insecurities.
The missing dimple on my left cheek.
The pimples on my forehead.
The bitchface, fierce stare, strict walk.
And this prominently thin-but-tall body figure.

One layer off.
You saw my regrets.
The kisses I could have refused.
The friends I thought were true.
The false assumptions, unmet expectations.
And the trust I gave to the wrong person.

One layer off.
You saw my secrets.
The punches I had to take.
The bruises I covered with my sleeves.
The lies, frustrations, disappointments.
And the brokenness suppressed in my memory.

The last layer, off.
You saw through me.
The anxiousness escalating slowly.
The exposure feeling uneasy.
I felt stripped, explored, unguarded.
And in my nakedness - you had to choose:

To love or to leave me,
For who I really am.

Saying, "I'm only human."
is not a free pass for horrible behavior,
It's a humble statement meaning,
I am capable of error,
but also capable of good,
it means everybody is
complicated,
both in thought and deed
when we admit to being human
that means we bare with one another's humanity,
however good or bad it might seem.
At the end of the day,
if we can fully admit
to our beautiful brokenness
then no matter where we are in the world
we are always with brothers and sisters.
Fellow warriors in a struggle called,
the human condition.

Everybody
Is broken
At least a little bit
Since when did brokenness land on a measurement of more, or less?
Like, beaten is better than broken,
It's better to be battered than shattered

But last I checked broken was a loss of functionality,
If you can't do the same things you used to without crying,
You're just as broken as the rest of us,
If you just don't smile as often as you used to,
You're just as broken as the rest of us,
If you can't even hold a pencil without your hand shaking,
I'm sorry, you're broken, just like the rest of us.

What if I told you that in order to be truly broken you have to accept it,
What if I told you that in order to accept brokenness you inherently accept that you were ever whole in the first place and you, were made of pieces.
Two halves came together to make you,
And no self inflicted bashing, slashing or thrashing will bring you alive again because you were never dead
You have so many parts that have lost segments of code
You're not broken, you've just altered your directive
Because brokenness, assumes that you have a function,
And
If you can't perform a function anymore,
It's okay to find a new one.
You're not broken,
You're just weathered.

We're all broken in some form
Yet we strive to be perfect
And pretend to be fixed.
What would the world be like
If we were all real about our brokenness?
Maybe we wouldn't
Feel so alone
Maybe, we'd all be a little
Less broken

i love your heart,
i love it because
it dwells on beauty
and bravery and gold.
i love your heart,
because your heart
has learned to love
its brokenness.
i love your heart,
because your heart
looks beyond and
finds light in the dark places.
i love your heart,
because your heart
hasn't stopped loving,
because your heart
refuses to be disappointed
by what it finds in this world,
because your heart
hasn't given up,
because your heart
still believes in grace
in love, in kindness,
in wonder and light.
i love your heart because
it keeps beating.

Stories, truths, lies, all these lines,
So confused as to what is happening.
Like riding a rodeo, Dust and rope, rain and shine,
Been a year thinking, and breaking bones,
Healing, taking bumps, watching phishermen
As they try to pick the lock of my heart.
The truth is no one knows my story,
No one knows his story,
They take letters, unscramble them to make a sound
A sound that is not yet proven to be true, either way.
I have time to think and make my move.
No one is rushing it, I am not, he is not,
We are on the same page, but the healing begins.
The only way you will get the answer is not by words, Understanding math, and finding the common denominator
Is the only possible solution.
I am the solution to the problem, not the problem.
Math can sometimes be difficult, because
There are ways to finding the solution,
But if you're not careful, there may be many numbers
Not useful, and the remainders will have to be
Reworked until there is a clear denominator for Solution to this equation.

Rumors have it that I did not show my right to him.
However, truth says that time and space heals wounds.
I do not have to doubt my love,
Because I see where the common denominator is.
Rumors have it that I drove him crazy,
Truth is that I feared love and he opened me up to it.
Rumors have it that I am not right for him,
Truth has it that solutions are sometimes painful,
But only the one can be the solution to my problem.
Rumor has it that I think I am the one,
The truth is the only common denominator that seeks
To make the math problem whole is the one.
Rumors say, that I will not feel loved again,
Truth says, it is love that is opening me up from a distance. Rumors say I do not belong in his life,
The truth says, I already exist in his life,
I am the one he suffered to fix me, and I accept it.
Rumors say I have no peace because I have no love,
Truth says he is the one that opened me to love.
Rumors say I am a broken dream with no hope,
Truth says I am the hope that brings peace to dreams.
Rumors say I am nobody and fat and ugly,
Truth says, my heart opened and my ugliness has Moved on to peace, love, and understanding.

Rumors say, why you like younger people?
Truth says, my youth is what brings me the joy I seek.
Rumors say leave it alone, you will never have him,
Truth says, I already did, and now I am more open.
Rumors say you will never last,
Truth says, true love, lasts a lifetime.
Rumors say you caused the separation,
Truth says, my heart was inseparable and I will prove it.
Rumors say, distance ruins relationships,
Truth says distance is what heals obstacles and barriers.
Rumors say I have some many barriers to open love,
Truth says love is what opened my barriers to freedom.
Rumors say the foundation to my heart is broken,
Reality says brokenness is the foundation of fixing
The broken pieces that will show the one
Who is the one in space and time to fix my brokenness.
Rumors do not believe in love but fear that love exists,
Truth believes that love exists and hope is the key.
Rumors need a reality check,
The truth knows where it is heading on this journey.

She is different she was chosen the first thing you noticed was her
Countenance soft it exuded intangible qualities her soul touched revered space and place because she
Would begin these discussions and you would be flabbergasted it would be like the day was not
Anything to brag about and then her voice brought as a breeze clothed in fragrances like how Lilac used
To waft across the grounds at San Antonio mission before you were in this zone and then you started to
Notice the natural beauty a softness grew deeper and deeper did she evoke a dreaminess it was evident
You were possessed of a rich glory that took surroundings that were burned by the Sun and all was just
This lifeless stubble but in your mind and thoughts spring grasses were bountiful it worked the same
With people they were in different stages of brokenness need and want did she literally carry this green
Plant that possessed healing in its leaves she looked into the unseen she called demanding answers it
Was as her power created instant orchids that grew not fruit in the excepted sense but this productive
Stand of trees again intangibles hung in ripeness that the softest word would cause them to drop from
A realm that pleasantly abides just slightly over head the needy can and has the ability to receive but
Their results are unattainable because they enter lost and troubled areas and they shut down instead of
Steadily seeking they give into problems making the prepared natural provision go into lock down but
She was given an antidote a gifted promise that the poisoned earth almost sulfur like in taste and ability
In her voice she could turn basic elements from their cursed harm riddled properties into logical forms
These were found in pages of a book loosely bound not between single covers but in the multiple layers
Of lives she associated with giving of herself was the key that opened in her a tender harvest they were
Fed by her words this was lessons she prepared the cost walking not around but in the midst of others
Pain making it her own not because she had to but because her heart spoke to her of their troubles she
Modified them to be her troubles because she realized early on that she was different and by being
Different she could make a difference it notes her as a poet your heart has to be broken so that you are
No longer the same person you once were you look on the lives of others an intensity is engaged
You see with clarity their hurts are magnified now comes the new breaking of your heart many tears are
Wrenched from your heart and soul you are unable to turn away you have a secret life that hears the
Dark tolling it speaks in the way there is no escape and its weight passes only when tears with many
Pangs do their work this will pure your heart and only then does the free flowing wash over you with
Wisdom you are able to mentally remove the inner mass that trouble brings with its very nature your
Gift allows you to know the perfection that alone can neutralize the very toxins laden in these
Hardships and problems you are birthed by spirit to absolve these natural difficulties this is only a small
Description of what she is and the Cost it takes to face abhorrent behavior on a large scale bare its
Assaults through love and the great Need to make a difference there is no better life than to look with
Deep knowing and see suffering in its True proportions and how it affects those that you know and love
It truly is a brotherhood not of words where you’re trying to work an advantage to use others but true
Brother and sisterhood that cost you greatly your only gain is the peace that it allows others to receive
And the enrichment it affords their Lives

The world around me is beautiful yet
I find it also exists as a force to be feared.
A plethora of the unknown and uncertain
Trace my every movement.
Where are you headed?
I gasp and grip for the nearest answer.
I’m unsure and I’m ripped to shreds.

Life itself is a mystery, an enigma never to be solved.
Surrounded by questions and hypotheticals,
Am I supposed to organize it alphabetical -ly
Breathe. Calm down - I hear in my periphery.
So I take a moment to finally let
It wash over me, to forget
Everything I ever knew -and to focus on the present.
Or the future I suppose, any moment other than now.
To find a place where contentment abounds somehow.

Light cannot exist without darkness.
So I accept the situation all around.
And fall desperately into unconsciousness.
To rejoice in the reprieve of thought.

Hope, ‘the thing with feathers’
I’m not so sure about that.
Hope feels misleading, or leading only into disappointment.
I feel frustrated, emotionally drained perhaps?
Maybe I’m cynical. That’s probably it.
It’s definitely a promising possibility.
I think hope acts as an anvil that crushes everyone
Praying for it to hang in the sky for a tad longer.

Hope is disillusioning.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t indulge every once in a while.
Hope is enlightening, addictive, whatever you want to call it.
But it’s undeniably beautiful, it ties you to the future.
It gives you aspirations. So here’s a list of hopes.

I hope I get to dance in the rain without a care of drenching my clothes.
Nature surrounding me with her soaking embrace, and thunderous applause.
With tiny drops of water slowly grazing my face, and
Maybe then I’ll finally know what harmony feels like.

I hope I get to reinvent my whole life and everything I know.
I hope I can fall into those nights where I barely remember my name but your arms are there to guide me home.
I hope I learn to face the light, and that it mends the brokenness of my soul.
I wish for nights where I discover a new version of myself by exploring foreign cities with people I’ve never met.
Where adrenaline is coursing through my veins,
And excitement greets me at every corner.
I hope I lose myself to find someone new.
To find the extraordinary within the mundane.
To appreciate the little things.
I want to live with purpose, to leave with meaning.
I hope I get to grow, that I get to change.
I hope I travel the world before it’s gone.
And to experience all that I can, through perspectives of empathy.
I want to impact others, to change the world,
But I suppose that can’t be done without changing myself first.

I hope I experience the feeling of being in love again.
The blinding euphoria of falling completely for what’s just a construct.
I want to find a place where I can be myself, without pretenses, without explanation.
I want to forgive, to laugh until I can’t breathe, to be brutally honest,
To be torn down to nothing and to have to begin again.

I hope I find peace of mind.
Because I know I’ve been searching for quite some time.
I hope I learn to let go.
I hope I learn to appreciate hope rather than ostracize it.
To open the curtains and to let the light come streaming in.
I hope I realize that it’s okay to not always know.
I hope I live my life before I go.

I sat by the window and gazed out
at the rain falling down
in torrents and sheets.
The night was black as ink, save the stars;
barely visible behind thick storm clouds,
pinpricks of silver in the ebony scape,
as the rain continued to fall.

I thought of you, of the deliberation in your face
etched into every feature a painful, wavering resolve.
The decision before you:
two fates, the ending, or the prolonging of the time before the terminal predetermined.

I grieved as I remembered the pain in your eyes.
I know you too well. I have seen too much of you
for you to hide this from me. I broke
-a silent cry of realization, collapsing my furrowed brow into a contorted countenance
as I realized that you were gone
not just for now, but for good.

And so there I sat that night,
after I removed the gold chain you rested around my neck
after I scrubbed away the makeup
after I traded my lipsticked smile for a mourning countenance
-I sat, alone in the dark, and gazed out the window into the rain.
I wondered where things had gone wrong.

And so, May showers
drove away April's flowers.
It was all I could do to cry quietly,
face soaked with the saline of sadness
that dripped now on my chest.

Now, I sit again at the window
and the same song plays that had consoled me before
'you'll feel better when you wake up'
And I did.
The sadness stayed safely at the bay
while I tried to channel it again
But this time it wasn't the same.
Though I duplicated the mood down to the clothes I wore,
the heartache was no longer fresh
and my face remained dry.

Sure, I felt sad. But it was not from you.
It was not from a heartbreak or a brokenness.
It was inorganic sadness, brought on by my own need for closure,
the thirst for a goodbye that burned my throat in agony and sorrow
that my parched lips would never find.

Troubles chasing me again,
Breaking down my best defence,
I'm looking, God, I'm looking for you
Weary just won't let me rest and fear is filling up my head.
I'm longing, God I'm longing for you

But I will find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I'll find you on my knees.

So what if sorrow shakes my faith,
What if heartache still remains,
I'll trust you, my god I'll trust you.
'Cause You are faithful and

I will find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I'll find you on my knees, my knees.

When my hope is gone, when the fear is strong
When the pain is real, when it's hard to heal
When my faith is shaken and my heart is broken and my joy is stolen, God I know that

You lift me up, you'll never leave me searching,

Find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I'll find you on my knees.

I listened to my inner voice....
When I was filled with fear, when I learned at a young age that real monsters do exist and they are not like the ones in any story book I ever read. The monsters stole away any normal childhood that I could of or should of had.  Pain muted my words from flowing and poisoned my thoughts into growing... this is why I trusted no one.  
At the time I had no other choice... when I was
really the only friend I could totally depend on and count on
I listened to my inner voice...


I listened to my heart...
When all I could hear was a pounding in my ears, when all around me was like a crazy chaotic whirlwind screeching like a barred owl that would then break apart into tiny pieces and sink into a cold abyss forgotten by the sea.  I couldn’t forget the grief as it was real and still inside me. There was a brokenness about me my
heart was fragile and it balanced on the tip of my own desperation
but still I listened to my heart...
          
I listened to the words...
Slowly but surely I was able to come out from that darkened sea and was finally able to try and heal me. Words became my saving grace. I learned to not have muted lips and could give myself a fighting chance. I was able to tear down some of those protective walls to try again to live only in this moment without the armor and the hesitation. Writing became my new love... together we became an inseparable piece of one existence...
I felt so much better after I listened to the words ....

upon being invited to add to a collection here called Brokenness
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He he
** **
Ha ha

it has been awhile
that I recv'd an invitation
to add to anything
or join a club,
just like Groucho (Marx)
worth being invited to...

but when yours arrived,
I chuckled and jived,
for this broken biz
be an area of expertise,
about which I gladly can opine,
since most of which I contact,
is inevitably in that state demised,
marriage, children and other trifles

so to the topic at hand, let say but this,
if not eloquently, then perhaps,
gravely, for that is where the
broken pieces oft call home
or cemetarily. a final resting place...

perhaps you were unaware,
there are 449 poems in attendance,
where the word brokenness
doth appear
in this sanctuary of broken children
and adults too,
easy discovered in the memory of
Hello Poetry

but this will not be, I hope, the
four hundred and fiftieth
as I decided to nomenclature this oeuvre
as Brokeness, with but a single N,
since a good N
can be hard to find,
why use two
when one will do?

if a faithful ecrivant thee be,
you won't be shocked that there are
so many Brokenness in this world,
the dictionary doth recognize its multiplicity
as a word legit, accepting as a plurality*

brokennesses!

which is a whole lot of broke

so let us poets to the process repair,
with a tikkun here, a tikkun there,
a tikkun everywhere

so that the healing never ends
and that someday we will delete
all words of humanity in disrepair,
let the broken be the unbroken,
and let's all say amen
and get started...

Ogdiddynash

january
how many more broken nights of crying will it take before you are strong enough to say goodbye?

february
stop forcing yourself to swallow your feelings. you are so much more than he is claiming, and you need to get this through your head.

march
follow your gut feeling. the way he speaks to you and makes you feel will never be okay and this is toxic.

april
stay true to your word and stop giving him more chances. he comes crawling back with flowers on your bed and you take him back every **** time.

may
you want to prove to him that you don't need him, and once he sees that get back together with him in a few months. but you tell everyone else that you are done for good.

june
you are surrounded by music and dancing and laughing and for the first time in a year you feel alive and apologize to yourself for allowing his brokenness to consume you for so long.

july
you can't imagine ever being with someone so toxic again. you regret letting him manipulate you for so long, but you know that you had to learn a lesson, and are now not so naive.

august
this has been the greatest summer of your life and you are thankful everyday that you worked up the courage to leave him.

september
you start college and see that he would have prohibited your future if you didn't leave him. he was manipulating and toxic.

october
you start to really like a new guy and for all the right reasons. you see patience, understanding, and empathy, all things that the last boy lacked.

november
you are still crushing on this boy and have now kissed him, but you know that you still do not want a boyfriend, you are not ready, you are still too damaged.

december
you are now dating this boy. you are scared to fall for him because you never again want to be so blinded by love that you stay long after it's gone bad. let yourself fall. this time you have learned, this time you are stronger, this time you are stable, and this time a good thing lies ahead.

I need to finish the story for convenience I have the original Aftermath to be read first on the bottom
What was not stated in Aftermath was my concern for my writing you can’t write with two legs
Screaming when I got to the hospital my kidneys were of a concern eight alieve three times a day about
Thirty aspirins something like Tylenol didn’t count them no relief my mistake I would bang my ****** leg
Against the wood of the desk that would make it crazy for a few seconds so I finally had to stop for over
Two months well the devil won it seemed when I talked to my cousin I was at eighteen thousand reads a
Little while let me break in here for a second I know I’m talking about numbers it isn’t ego if I come in
Contact with any of you in any setting and I pass you by with just a glance I am your sworn Godless
Enemy I have just joined the cruelest damnable assassins Hell has ever released on the world I know
What awaits the lost even the Apostle Paul worked fervently because he knew the end cost of God’s
Holy severity can I do less I look but I take in all manner caring thoughts but without fail I am led to that
Future now no one even gives the last day a thought I will put this in as an excerpt this is the dream I
Had when I was seventeen or it starts this way your life began in the great head waters at Eden they will
End at the mouth of eternity. I was given a view into the celestial I was just a teenager while a sleep this
Dream came I looked into the heavens and saw two great wheels made of stars the hands of God started
To pull the wheels down as I continued I knew what was occurring God was stopping time. The wheels
Stopped then God turned to the seamless darkness grasped it and started to lift as he did it tore away
Reveling the bright true world of the spirit that was before hidden this was alarming since I hadn’t made
My peace with him Not long after this I was seventeen working at the refinery I just walked out of the
Boiler room into the section that was known as the flathead when a voice said time is finished all life and
Its concerns flowed out leaving me with the greatest sadness other men standing by laid down their
Tools and started milling about mindlessly on this wise in some manner this will happen all over the
World the great enterprises so important to man and society will halt government rule and authority
Abolished in an instant majesty and power will take the reins the river previously known will be
Empowered its first charge make the deserts bloom as a rose…

And I take the liberty to insert I am a person of deep feelings to make the case I wrote two pieces for
Roberta Merrifield’s birthday sorry your flowers are late then I forgot your card this was talking about
Her friends as flowers each of them need to go to their door and imagine nine hundred people standing
There reading about their lives that are filled with grace and beauty and earthen treasures that are in
Vessels of clay but to see them truly you will be speechless so I return to the numbers so it was
Eighteen thousand a little later when I couldn’t stand the pain any longer I called my retired preacher
Uncle and our pastor brother Russell I explained to them about being whipped and my writing had to be
Shut down it was thirty five thousand reads then so keys were stilled my lifeline to needy souls was at
A deadly stillness so then two months later I wrote fourteen pieces bringing the total to four hundred
And fourteen pieces and then Gods love demands the his heart be represented this is the one I am
Pleased about the most I wrote a piece called the mirrored pool over four hundred souls read this I’m
Sorry this is too important to excerpt it in you are not obligated to read I leave that to your discretion

Mirrored Pool
Wonder for all the hurts
First I knelt just to see my reflection then the depths started to reveal first the flowing thoughts were
Restrained and then a bubbling seemed to dislodge from greater depths hard truths churned with
Violent twisting but the motion made it impossible to turn away there were great large white clouds
From depths then even above the pool they rose fourteen stories high the sensation was you were
Standing outside clear air intoxicating views the pulse of many were throbbing in your ears their
Thoughts and dreams were known and their sorrows were weights that pulled you from the heights
It was a colossal game of tag and you were it first reaction fear then the appearance of bundled gifts
Broke down the fear it was promise in different sizes that met the required needs it was like a divine
Warehouse had just made a delivery there were cards with names and writing gave clarification tears
And smiles intermingled then the outer knowing postulated the difficulty the puzzle an enormous
Streaming that was now congested and it was beginning a vortex all was understood now human thought
With doubts was pulling the answer into this destructive hole where was one to find the lever to stop
This action that would disallow was the answer to touch the water bring the finger to my lips possibly
A blazing thought would occur that would strike the mind no all that brought was words that had the
Letters jumbled they made no sense unless there is a special book that is alive in it the letters and words
Are already set but they cover every act in the human condition the broken can pour over the pages
You won’t find thorns to repel your efforts there are thorns but they will speak and assuage your hurts
At the most basic and needed levels the points of your hurts will begin to dissolve from your eyes to
Your mind this inward rush and power will dislodge even spears driven deep by enemies carried for
Years you searched in vain over sad and lonely paths and days now you journey is at an end thorns of
Suffering for another produces profound power and mercy go in peace beloved one another bears your
Burden now maybe words cut you at depths you can’t even identify what if there is an antidote in a
Book you pick it up with trembling hands your body tingles from the knowledge that this is ancient texts
It will have a revival of appreciation in this world of texting but with gentle fingers and eyes that glow
With respect as you see the wisdom and the love cannot be denied you leave the world you know and
With total abandonment you swim in this sea of words until the your tears spill on this rich world of
Words those cruel barbed words that pierced tender skin and have bled internally all of these years
Begin to dissolve with stories and accounts of betrayals then the swells love and mercy you read about
Restoration not always found after apologies are given but the teaching of forgiveness strikes a cord
You have been made free from your prison the tangles of life are great as a great black cloud it hangs
Over head many are its troubles this isn’t mild but the disruptive made to strike and pierce deep the
Hidden that steals the morning blessing while other feast your hunger and unrest only enlarges a
Tormenting unquenchable fire a slow burn this is a forest being burned at the thermal level the hidden
Roots a slow process destructive but not so visible agony torture I have seen men crawl in war or fire
Fighting that where all else is lost you will know greater thrills than any other living soul with the
Desperate and those heavy burdened unable to stand a word will flow it puts out fires and gives
The luxurious buoyancy heaviness changed to joy the bouncy laughter every outward blast attack
The enemy launches is within its pages they are repelled overwhelmed by love you suffer unduly
If you don’t hold this fortress this informative book of stratagems that have made everyone a victor
Who has ever found themselves at their wits end no place on earth has a contingency plan though it
Will make the greatest claims all is just empty air when life as it too often does ***** the very air of life
Out we practically are unconscious but this help this rescue is activated by one name it’s not just a book
But the word is a person what a pool you will find what a reflection will engage you beyond your hope
To imagine just say Jesus all will be total peace your heart will know no more sorrow peace will surpass
Sorrow love will disallow the specter that was once a constant it will disappear it will return to the
Darkness from which it came stand in this newness totally free abide by still waters as the good
Sheppard stands by bless you

So the success against the evil one stands like this while he body slammed me the number of
Souls touched has risen to sixty three thousand five thousand while I was in Braidwood so I
Thank the father whose love and concern never wavers by Christmas I am hopeful I will reach
A hundred thousand if I make heaven I don’t want to see you at judgment and hear you say the
Words of that old song he knew I was lost but said nothing to me!!!!!!!!!!

The Aftermath
Please read this to see in my limited way I want to show you your true worth and value and you will see
what the devil never can get.
This is what I would stand and testify in church but what I have to say is lengthy here it can be read or
Not I would first say this to love souls is agonizing it comes with pain and great tears I went to the site
Where they started the church years ago on my Grandma Brown’s front porch as I set there I pleaded
With God to help me make a difference I turned and looked down the old street that held so many
Memories of course Tommy and Elise and Glena are the only ones that remain but I looked farther
That’s when God moved wave after wave of hard rocking sobs that lasted for thirty minutes or more
And after getting back home some will say this is foolish and I’m the first to know we can’t take the devil
On by ourselves but overcome with emotion I turned from the computer and spoke to evil its self that I
Was declaring total war for souls this is what it has cost me so far at the time I had one open wound on
My shin above the ankle two appeared directly above the first one then one to the side and then I knew
What was to come because I have sleep apnea I sleep in a recliner I knew the sores would ring my leg
And they did you can’t lay your leg out on the ledge with open wounds with nerve endings screaming
Then it jumped to my other leg so that was the first volley when I write I get lost time doesn’t exist many
A time daylight would surprise me coming through the window then the onslaught increases I go to the
Hospital I got there in early afternoon they got me in the room at ten thirty but just before a lady comes
In and takes my blood pressure it is close to perfect and then she comes back in five minutes and tells
Me take these three blood pressure pills trusting her I take them well about twelve or one they come
Into and take my blood pressure they had driven it down to seventy over thirty and plus my first
Experience with morphine I was sick and strangely loopy I wasn’t in the bed I couldn’t lay my legs
Down and no one else was in the room only one bed I did set at the end of the bed with it all the way up
In the back I put my head on it and slept comfortably one funny they have it posted call don’t fall I didn’t
Do this on purpose but when I was pulling the drawer out of the stand it came out with a wonderful
Crash Steve the male nurse made record time from down the hall at the nurse station he lunges in the
Room it wasn’t humpty dumpty just the drawer I couldn’t tell if he was relived or ticked off then it was
Their shot back over the net intravenous antibiotics five days needed a doctor from disease control to
Release me then there version of cons scarring kids with tales about prison to keep them messing with
Drugs scared straight now was scared healthy I walked out the same as I walked in I got a bill for thirty
Thousand well at least I didn’t have a bad heart then it was eleven weeks at the wound center this was
Where I met as I lovingly call them my healing angels they finally got all twelve open sores to close then
for the rest of the problem it was six weeks three times a week forty five miles to and from hundred
Degree heat every day you have to pay a hundred and seventy dollars yourself for the compress wrap
Material then you turn around a pay for compress socks that insurance doesn’t cover least the inside is
Pure silver so missed the Olympics but I got silver in fact every six months I will get silver again this is
Kind apropos I asked the compress wrap therapist where Lymph edema comes from and I will spare you
The pictures but the infection and lymph edema pictures even grossed me out but interestingly the
Therapist said an ancient king in Israel had the disease hello devil no cure just mange it from now on
This is the biggest cut of all someone else has to put them on I have always been called a free spirit
Try to take off on your own and what say hey stranger would you put these on my leg it’s like trying to
Put a baby squirrel skin on a full grown body the therapist does speeches internationally with a doctor
From India she asked permission after taking pictures to show the audience I wouldn’t want to see that
Show give the devil his due he is good at being bad I crossed swords with him he rampaged all over me
I didn’t include everything I have gone through and that doesn’t include my poor wife but I am profane
Corrupt undone should I speak to you of such great things as eternal verities matters that involve where
You will spend eternity there is the cleansing of the word the cleansing of changing my corrupt nature to
His by the spirit but know this no one will ever approach or in any way defile the very ones that as the
Finest gems will be placed in his Holy diadem this takes the cleansing of suffering and brokenness with
The heart Broken for souls and the most necessary of all this nature that is too much like the evil one
That’s what he doesn’t get the more he beats up on a person he is doing God’s work of purifying the
Most elemental evil that must be scourged if I touch you it has to be purist intentions of holy deign
We are awash in the lowest dregs dare I say quick sand only holiness can enable us to traverse this
Killing place of a dark and ever turning evil that compounds itself the devil will never lose the majority
On The Broad way that leads to destruction but there are the blessed few that stop and say oh no this is
Not for Me I was his child and I will be again thanks for the load you made me bear serving you devil now Only Love will be the weight I feel it comes by a great price of God Himself and His people

I need to finish the story for convenience I have the original Aftermath to be read first on the bottom
What was not stated in Aftermath was my concern for my writing you can’t write with two legs
Screaming when I got to the hospital my kidneys were of a concern eight alieve three times a day about
Thirty aspirins something like Tylenol didn’t count them no relief my mistake I would bang my ****** leg
Against the wood of the desk that would make it crazy for a few seconds so I finally had to stop for over
Two months well the devil won it seemed when I talked to my cousin I was at eighteen thousand reads a
Little while let me break in here for a second I know I’m talking about numbers it isn’t ego if I come in
Contact with any of you in any setting and I pass you by with just a glance I am your sworn Godless
Enemy I have just joined the cruelest damnable assassins Hell has ever released on the world I know
What awaits the lost even the Apostle Paul worked fervently because he knew the end cost of God’s
Holy severity can I do less I look but I take in all manner caring thoughts but without fail I am led to that
Future now no one even gives the last day a thought I will put this in as an excerpt this is the dream I
Had when I was seventeen or it starts this way your life began in the great head waters at Eden they will
End at the mouth of eternity. I was given a view into the celestial I was just a teenager while a sleep this
Dream came I looked into the heavens and saw two great wheels made of stars the hands of God started
To pull the wheels down as I continued I knew what was occurring God w

Beauty, lovely, my young friend
Your name brings joy to no end
My Princess, know my love is unending
My brokenness you are mending

The one I always long to see
With no one else I'd rather be
My Princess, your heart is my gold
Let your hand fill mine, the mold.

Forever to know you, Forever as mine
To let love grow as a flourishing vine
My Princess, love me, as I love you.
For a greater love, I never knew.

A path seldom walked, it seems, overgrown by the broken
Things of this world, scattered here and there ,
Threatening to remove clear light found so deep,
So bright, at its destination end.

Where I am called, I think, by the divine, heavenly
Counsel above, to wait for feet which soon will
Tread upon this trail laid from foundation of
World, created for this moment, this meeting Divine.

So I wait, upon a bench of prayer, placed along side
By spiritual hand, knowing by chance encounter,
Laid out from beginning of time; I sit, I pray
Encounter living God, nourished by His Word,
His plan—His hope, makes mine!

I notice now, that here by bench upon which respite
Comes, paths diverge, goes every way which
Feet may trod, while still I sit, and pray, and
Wait, as those go by, no connection still, He
Enters in, through Spirit, Holy, divine!

One path is huge, and easy staggered down, no resistance
Found. The way that many want, of comfort,
Ease it seems, yet leads only to the stagnant
Waters of this world, of brokenness profound,
A bellyful of emptiness offered all around.

Others not so wide, not so easy a stroll, yet still leads
To pitfalls, shattered lives, cracked, ruined,
Destroyed. Leads to defeat, but to the feet
Walking along, not so easy to see. But lives
Crushed are offered on its way.

So, still I sit and watch, wonder why I’m here when
All surrounding me, people go, not realizing
He has put me here, as a guide, knowing path
To blissful life, a heavenly price, a toll, already
Paid by One that came, is yet to come.

I see the path, some take, bright light upon their lift-up
Face. Cool breezes of rest, refreshment, come
Tumbling down. I want to scream for all to
Take, but heavenly hand tells me to wait;

Something inside, it stirs my soul, speaks so clear,
So encouraged to my heart; a spark of His
Reflection consumes my desires, my dreams,
And makes me only His. Time is soon, I
Know—I watch with His given eyes.

I see a soul, so lost, so broken, alone, come staggering
Down this path of life upon which I’m called
To sit; to pray; to wait. I gaze upon this life—
A life of knowing defeat, without hope it
Seems—my  heart breaks as does His.

A connection made, as eyes meet, mine full of life,
Comes from Him, with eyes that know no
Peace, no calm, no serenity; eyes that are
Searching for meaning and purpose, and
Above all else, unconditional love!

The One speaks to me, my soul responds, as slowly I
Rise from this bench of mine—I seek this
Lost soul, to find a connection only He can
Provide—to walk with, to guide, to hopefully
Choose this path of life.

This lost soul, a boy so young, so broken still,
Misses the path I so long for him to take,
Choosing death, destruction, empty promises
Of Prince of this world, whispers seductively
Into his ear; he listens—Treachery!

But still, the One speaks to me, prods me to go down
The path with him for just a while. I’m scared!
Assurances come from up above, that His
Guide, His Spirit, will accompany us as we
Seek, we see, what brokenness this world offers.

I realize now, this path divine, as I look around, take
In, learn; this path can be found all along this
Path of life. And so I’m called to walk alongside
Those who do not know, who will not find, unless
Drawn by Spirit divine.

So I walk for now with this lost soul, on a journey of life,
In hopes that He will use me to introduce to path
Of heavenly hope, of lives made clean. He chooses
Wrong path now, but, oh, the hope of broken one
Discovering that path divine.

I see it
It's on their faces
All of 'em
This shadow
Like some sort of indifference
Built out of hurt and pain and loneliness
Like they're so tired of fighting that they just gave up
"This is reality" they say
Yea, I see it
Don't think you can fool me
And there's a lot I could say
You know, to them, to myself, or to God
A lot of words that attempt to heal
A lot of prayers that attempt to reveal
A lot of...wrestling...that attempts to understand the brokenness of our condition and how God fits into all of it
But lately I've only been able to think of one thing
One single question that wells up inside whenever I begin to feel overwhelmed by the comprehension of the depth to which you have sunk your teeth

How dare you?

I see her
She's laying it all before me
Her heart
Her emotions
All her past
All her brokenness
Her father who used to chase her all over the house
Call her all sorts of horrible names
Totally RUINING her sense of self worth!
And now, she doesn't know what to believe or what to say or how to say it or what to pray or what to do or what to choose or how to love or when to love or if to love at all and all I can say is

How dare you?
Are you not aware?

And I see him
He's caught up in himself
So misguided by the failures of those involved in his life that he built a wall TEN MILES THICK around his heart, locked it, swallowed the key and never looked back cuz he's so **** sure there's nothin' left to see and all I can say is

How dare you?
Do you not know?

Oh and I see him
Sitting right across from me all full of lies and blasphemy
The things he says only ever amounting to full blown hypocrisy
I see him
So full of anger, hatred and hurt that I don't even know where to begin
The web is so thick it's BLACK
And you say it's hopeless, and I feel helpless, and all I can say is

How dare you?
Can you not see?

Oh, and I FEEL it!
That voice!
Insipid and subtle
So confident and slithering and leaving no room for rebuttal
Give UP it says
You're not capable and they're not worth it!
Your faith is invalid cuz it contradicts all the others
Your heart is too filthy and your soul is too shredded!
You're gonna fail!  Because you always fail you failing, miserable failure!
And all I can say is

How dare you?
Do you not know?
Can you not see?
Are you not aware?

Get to tremblin', beast.
For we are the children of the living God.

I love the things she writes,
they make us feel close
for what seems
like an eternity,
yet sadly,
strangely remote.

She oozes pure sensuality,
such a devil-child,
crafts her words
in special patterns
meant to drive one crazy.

She heats my blood
with pure desire,
the connection buzzes
all of my senses,
mesmerizes me
with snippets
of her own brokenness.

She encrypts
her true feelings,
tells me revelations
& stimulates me
to my primordial core.

I see shooting stars
floating in my tea cup,
and as I drink her bitterness,
I lose my heart,
lightly touch my lips
imagining her sweet kiss.

Missing sunshine,
I wake up again
to her poetry
& feel so alone,
cold
yet still,
warm inside.

Ladybug, where does thine own self dwell? Thou art quiet, defiant; a leader of the pack of colorful shells.
Thou hast lined the wall's with thine wing's spread far wide, thou hath tried to flyeth, yet only end back from whence thou began!!!Creature no one understands.
Flourisher of restfulness, gathering knowledge to gain speed. After all no one seeith the smallest beauty such as thyself! Doth thou need help?
Is thy destination predetermined as mine feels? You'd walk slower in heel's if that was the case......
You'd rush the highest branch to calleth the view thine own place!!!
Such a lonesome face, thy cataract's seeith in all views... Old and new, ugly and complete!!! You've seen all brokenness and defeat! Haven't you the smallest of loves?
Angel of bugs, spotted ladybug of mine.......


©Lonesome poets poetry
©brandon Nagley

A lullaby remembered
Remnance of night Conversation between the piano n a flute
Mother and daughter duet
Floads my being with memories
How could I have forgotten
It's what I needed to make do with brokenness
A bravado to fend off, to show strength
Truth is brokenness, exist reaffirmed by a lost lullaby

Takes me back before time made sense
When mum was my universe and I was hers
I love her all my life, she loves me my lifetime

She stood still before the choas; unshaken.
The wind blew its mighty breath against Her core but to no avail; unmoved.
Her coffee'd skin warm like the sun that kisses the Earth's horizon.
Something within Her had risen without warning nor permission:
She was a Goddess, in Her own right.

Brown. The soft tone of the Earth.
Golden hue painted widely across the canvas of Her *****.
Her skin like caramelized silk, with the sunglow of Egypt itself.

She pressed Her face to the Earth's floor and moved mountains with Her prayers.
Queen of the meek, ambassador of the poor.
She was the perfect amalgam of beauty and brokenness.
~The Goddess of Humility.

It starts with a needle.  The needle could be anything: a bad breakup, the tyranny of your father, physical bruises in unmentionable places that a person you trusted created.  Then, it floods your veins and this very thing soaks my being with a rainbow.  Now, your pasty skin is turning colors, from purple to red to green to blue.  You know that having waves in your body is wrong, but it is not from a single substance alone.  It is more of a feeling, a pulse, a sensation.  It feels like a shard of glass that saws ever so effortlessly between the layers of your flesh because it wishes to get to what is underneath.  This emotion is overcome with desire, but sometimes it still makes you want to stop breathing.  Sometimes it makes you believe that laying yourself to rest in an easy place where no one would find you or even try to is the only way to deal with it.  It comes and goes for no reason when you are depressed, and it is the factor that drives you to the edge, as well as the very element that keeps you from jumping. While, in one sense, you are no longer you, it may be changing you for the better.  After all, this type of person and item can be fixed, altered, morphed into a better human being and thing.  This creates a tighter and stronger bond between people who are in the same place.  It allows stories to be told that would ordinarily be hidden on a dusty shelf among outdated cookbooks and magazines.  Roots of intolerance can be severed when we realize that everyone experiences this, and it may cause us to view everyone as a person rather than a label.  Because we are damaged, we know that we will ascend from this place of despair. In essence, brokenness is a paradox; it makes you feel like dying would be easier, but it is also the only way you know you're still alive.

wounds on the surface are easier to heal,
then the deep wounds I experienced as a child.

sometimes my old wounds of my heart rub against
the wounds of others, and in the confusion we lash out
against each other, when in fact we are reliving an old pain.

when I embrace my brokenness, somehow I can move forward.
in loving my self and extending forgiveness and gentleness to
my own heart, I am able to extend love when someone I meet
bring their wounds forward.

slowly but surely, my deep wounds guide me to a deeper surrender and deeper trust in a loving God that holds me safe.

Words with ink
         Have not gotten me far
    They may have
            touched souls
   But they've left
              on my heart
      An unshakable scar
                 Cut up
            and bruised
A flaming meteoroid
       Calling itself a
    shooting star
Yet nothing more
     Than a
        disinegrating rock
Falling too far
         These
     words I rhyme
Simply show my only value
              Through this
I know
          where you are
      Falling from space
Into nothingness
            My shooting star
     Finally a remedy
           Healing
     the brokenness
               Of a
            love from afar


                  it


           **FADES

I am a chameleon
Black, white, red or blue I’ll be whoever you want me to.
In therapy I’m told it’s because I don’t know who I actually am, but the thing is there I am also a chameleon.
While sitting in that uncomfortable leather chair I’m a girl unsure- broken by the weight the world places on my shoulder but outside of that room I’m more sure of myself then I am sure of the laws of gravity.

I am a chameleon
Most days my name is Emma, other days its Emilia and on the rare occasion its Ellie. It may seem a little odd to you to have so many different names but I think it’s because I truly am different people.
See Emma is serious, but she has a fun side, while Emilia is fun with a serious side. Ellie is that broken girl from the uncomfortable chair while Emilia is always smiling never feeling an ounce of pain. Emma, well she’s broken too, but in a different way- that dosen’t matter much though because there is no way in hell she will let anyone see that.

I am a chameleon
But not in a disingenuous way. I’m not trying to lie or make you like me. Don’t get me wrong, I want you to like me, but I learned long ago that no matter how hard I try there will always be someone who doesn’t.

I am a chameleon
Because I love you so much it hurts, that’s why I want you to have a version of me you flel in love with. The person I truly am changes with the tide- she is far to disconcerting. So for you I will pretend that I find “Grey’s Anatomy” enjoyable or that I like eating eggs because you deserve some shred of consistency.

I am a chameleon
I hide from the world by blending into the background- it’s safer that way. Not just for me, but for you to. That way I can only show the parts of me that is safe for you to see. The heaviest pieces that have caused so many people to run will remain invisible.
You tell me you want to see. You tell me that you want to carry my burdens. The thing is, others have tried but, eventually, they are all crushed under the weight of my brokenness. So, I am not afraid that you will leave, I am afraid that you will stay.



I am a chameleon
Because I choose to be. See if I blend in then you can’t get too close to me. The farther away you are, the less it will hurt should I disappear and the last thing I want to do is hurt you.
So…

I am a chameleon
Because I haven’t truly decided if I am going to stay yet.

Inside drifts out
Spilling noise
And sometimes silence
Out your door
Which won’t be your door
In two more months…

Your eyes dance
With sad smiles
And you don’t hide
From your brokenness

Which makes the girl who you love
All the more
Worth loving.

She understands brokenness-
That girl who’s lying in your bed
Waiting for you to join her
Behind counters full of empty bottles
And hallways full of empty moments

That girl understands brokenness
More than anyone
I’ve ever met
And it’s so refreshing
Because rather than make me feel
As though everyone is broken
It makes me feel
As though everyone
Is capable
Of being unbroken.

I like knowing
That you and that girl
Wear your preemptive nostalgia
With no fear of judgment

It makes me,
A person full of preemptive nostalgia,
Feel welcome
And home.