Fear is a type of prison
Courage say do it
Pain after doing and failling
Growth and knowledge
That is how life turns
Slowly slowly
You grow from pain
Hurt gives knowledge
All this creates fear of pain
After while you realise
It is not worth the pain
You stop experiencing life
Living only in safety of comfort zone
You i love
In past i wasted my love and time
Now i have fear
His tory repeating itself
You are perfect in my eyes
But i am not
I am not beautiful
I am not attractive
I am not intelligent
I am not well behaved
I cannot see why you would choose me
I doubt my importance in your life
Thats why i say fear is my prison
Depression is my guard
Loneliness the warden
I will learn to live with my fear
Or fear will be my master

Normally huge determination
Courage at fault
Old emotions surfacing them
Crippling me
The death nail
Dire urge to eat down with poisoned food
Fear of loss
Fear of pain
I need help finding why
What are my real fear
Perfectly hidden
Years of forced over eating
Layers and layers of fat
Never speaking my heart
But rhyming insults
Fear of loneliness
A bear i hug
Dear life my salvation at night
Fear of abandonement
Fearvof rejection
She, his past
Sounds perfect
I could never compete
A perfect lady
A diamond in the ruff
Since childhood love
I crumble in her memories presence
I feel the love in his words
I feel his longing
I hear his disbelief that she is lost
My heart brakes
I brake
But smile
You trust me to open up
I pretend it did not hurt
Deep down i am crushed
I feel constantly torn
My fear makes this conflict
That one day he will wake up and say

A missing so deep
I numb it when it rises
Rushing my mind away
Never allowing mind and heart to connect
Excercise to be mindful
Darkness i realise
A voice screaming to be heard
Angry voice
Fear of rejection
Fear of broken promises
Fear of making mistake
Fear of taking wrong decision
Fear of hurt and pain
Last time
Sheer will powet
I climb out
With open wounds

You remind me so about my lost love
Your caring nature
Your subtle jealousy
I feel safe with you
I can tell you things
You are all or nothing
To the point

Is it all make believe
Am i imagening things
Am i creating a false reality

You found me
Stumbling around
You became home
Once i had a home
It went away with mum
Now i found a home with you
That scares me

I am not beautiful
I am not attractive
I am not very intelligent
I have no family
I am an easy target
I am not pollished

I fear you will cheat
I fear your unfaithfullness
I fear feeling discarded
I fear the shame

She called you love
Why is another woman calling you love
You make excuses
I dont believe you
What to do
I love you deeply
But i love me more
I respect myself to much
To brake up
Will brake me
This time for right reason

I feel disappointed
I feel sad
I feel regret
The voice inside was right

karin naude Oct 26

Gun to my temple
Hand on my throat
Knife to my heart
Many ways to die
But silent manipulation
The devil is best at work
I refuse
My fortress and shield
My portion and confidant
My redeemer and lord
He will provide

karin naude Oct 25

Vrees my duidelikste chom
X kni my lewe indink sonder vrees
So deel van my vlees en been
My motivering vi als
Gooi vure dood
Kry ni kans om te beplan
My heiland
My rots
Hoor my asb
Die vrees verteer my
Soos acid
Die pyn verskeer
My geloof hou
X weet net u kan my help n hoor

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