I see it
It's on their faces
All of 'em
This shadow
Like some sort of indifference
Built out of hurt and pain and loneliness
Like they're so tired of fighting that they just gave up
"This is reality" they say
Yea, I see it
Don't think you can fool me
And there's a lot I could say
You know, to them, to myself, or to God
A lot of words that attempt to heal
A lot of prayers that attempt to reveal
A lot of...wrestling...that attempts to understand the brokenness of our condition and how God fits into all of it
But lately I've only been able to think of one thing
One single question that wells up inside whenever I begin to feel overwhelmed by the comprehension of the depth to which you have sunk your teeth

How dare you?

I see her
She's laying it all before me
Her heart
Her emotions
All her past
All her brokenness
Her father who used to chase her all over the house
Call her all sorts of horrible names
Totally RUINING her sense of self worth!
And now, she doesn't know what to believe or what to say or how to say it or what to pray or what to do or what to choose or how to love or when to love or if to love at all and all I can say is

How dare you?
Are you not aware?

And I see him
He's caught up in himself
So misguided by the failures of those involved in his life that he built a wall TEN MILES THICK around his heart, locked it, swallowed the key and never looked back cuz he's so **** sure there's nothin' left to see and all I can say is

How dare you?
Do you not know?

Oh and I see him
Sitting right across from me all full of lies and blasphemy
The things he says only ever amounting to full blown hypocrisy
I see him
So full of anger, hatred and hurt that I don't even know where to begin
The web is so thick it's BLACK
And you say it's hopeless, and I feel helpless, and all I can say is

How dare you?
Can you not see?

Oh, and I FEEL it!
That voice!
Insipid and subtle
So confident and slithering and leaving no room for rebuttal
Give UP it says
You're not capable and they're not worth it!
Your faith is invalid cuz it contradicts all the others
Your heart is too filthy and your soul is too shredded!
You're gonna fail!  Because you always fail you failing, miserable failure!
And all I can say is

How dare you?
Do you not know?
Can you not see?
Are you not aware?

Get to tremblin', beast.
For we are the children of the living God.

When I was a kid
I remember watching the comedy channel
Not in my own house, mind you
My parents were too smart for that
When I was a kid hanging out at my friend's houses watching the comedy channel
I remember
A slogan
Time.  Well.  Wasted.
And I remember thinkin'
"Oh!  Yea!  I like that!  Imma sit here a lil' longer!"
I was just a boy at the time and that's as far as the thought got
About a half-hour later we decided time was better wasted building gigantic, man-eating snowmen.
Eventually I went home
I wasted some time arguing with my parents about schoolwork, ate a bowl of cereal and wasted the next 8 hours in a comatose
I woke up to waste the next several years of my life figuring out how to waste the NEXT several years of my life
Somewhere in there someone told me I should do what I feel called to do so I wasted time waiting for a sign of some kinda magicy, Jesus voodoo
While I was waiting I wasted time reading Ecclesiastes and learned about what a waste of time it is to read Ecclesiastes
So I tried filling my time with all the things that weren't supposed to BE a waste of time but then I didn't have any time so I fell flat on my face on the edge of the vortex that is the human condition!
And I cried, "God!"
"Why do you waste your time with a foolish and selfish sinner like me?"
And the almighty, holy, infinitely incomprehensible, incredible God of the Universe replied
"Time.  Well.  Wasted."

I remember
You were walking to the fire pit with that stupid, wonderful, lost little boy look in your eyes
I remember
We talked about dirt bikes
I remember
You laughed at pretty much everything every single one of us said
I remember thinking
"Man, shut the hell up, already!"
I remember the next several weeks
You annoyed the hell outta me

I DON'T remember the day you first felt like a friend
I DO remember all the things you taught me
Laughter
Like all the joy in the world is bubbling directly through your soul
Silliness
Letting the world think you're crazy when all you're doing is having fun
Gentleness
Letting go of yourself and doing the right thing for the sake of others, so that they may feel..
Love
A friendship so full, deep, and rich; the first time we saw each other after several months all we could do was laugh
Literally
For like fifteen minutes straight
You made my soul feel whole

I don't remember when we started to drift
I don't recall the day it began
But suddenly, I realized I was losing my best man
I tried so hard to clutch you in my hands!
But you continue to slip through my fingers like sand
Slowly, slowly you disappear
And sometimes I catch a glimpse
A frail, fleeting glimpse
So intact and incredible
It is but a glimpse

Then away you go
Where you glow and you glow and you glow and you glow
For someone else to know
And I'm having a hard time letting go

Love
What a perfect balance
What a complicated dance
What a mess
Love
Something that is both felt
And chosen
Given
And received
Wanted
And needed
Love
We all seem to have our own little perceptions of love, don't we?
What it looks like
How it feels
What it's for
Love
Arms wide open?
Or arms tightly closed?
Embracing
If I hug a man do I love a man or am I just trying to buy his land?
If I tell you I think you're making a bad decision am I your enemy, or your closest friend?
Love
What a complicated dance
Open arms always willing to embrace, but never holding back
Knees strong enough to meet me where I'm at, but never too weak to lift me past that
Words gentle enough to sooth a child, but STRONG enough to fight off giants!
Ears always ready to be lent, but never bought no matter how much is spent
Only love is capable of being the safest, most dangerous place all at once
Because love
Sweet, sweet, incredible love
God is love

Honor. Valor. Dignity. Love.
Honor. Valor. Dignity. Love.
Three things amaze me
Four I do not understand
An eagle in the sky
A snake on a rock
A ship on the high seas
And the way of a man with a young woman
Honor. Valor. Dignity. Love.
I will always take the fall, I say
And I won't push back when you push me away
I will take the flack of a full frontal attack
And I will turn the other cheek when you slap me across the face
But I will not be known as meek!
For to be meek is to be mild
And to be mild is to be tasteless, flavorless, and vile
Devoid of passion
Crawling with passivity
Embodying all that is apathy but trying to pass it off as some kind of charity
If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you for even sinners do that well,
Try loving the ones you'd rather see burning in hell
BUT IT CANNOT BE DONE
If you agree say aye,
I, think you're just too afraid to try
Well blessed are the meek,
for the will inherit the earth
Blessed are the peacemakers
for they will be called children of God
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me
But I'll be tossin' temple tables and chasin' people out with whips and cables
If they say my God is not able
For a city built on a hill cannot be hidden
And a man under God cannot be smitten
So I claim the love and grace in which I have been placed
And I claim the calling into which I am falling
And when the enemy comes a calling
I raise my sword in the air and boldly declare
DEVIL THIS HEART HAS NO ROOM FOR YOU TO SPARE
FOR MY GOD IS SO GREAT IT'S NOT EVEN FAIR
SO PACK UP YOUR TRICKS AND TEMPTATIONS AND TOYS
FOR GOD HAS MADE A MAN OUT OF THIS FRAIL LITTLE BOY
He said YOU are the salt of the earth but if the salt loses its saltiness it is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot
So I take hold of love and grace
And I proclaim the name of the one holding me firmly in place
I lay waste to the lies replaced by fear in mine enemies eyes
And lift my hands up high
Honor. Valor. Dignity. Love.
Surely I am only a brute, not a man
I do not have human understanding
I have not learned wisdom
Nor have I attained to the knowledge of the Holy One
But I know I have found the truth.
And I will not let go.

Who gave you the key to my heart?
I swear you've had it, from the start.

Three in the morning finally crawling into bed
Bits and pieces of our favorite love songs rolling through my head
Hummin' a tune cuz I know I'll see you soon
We've only been holding each other since sunset
You sang sweet lullabies with your eyes while I listened intently

Cuz when I see your face, I smile
When I look at you, I smile more
When we talk, my voice is beaming
When I hear you sing, my heart is soaring
And when I get a glimpse of your soul tucked behind your sparkling blue eyes I hold that stare so calmly but inside I'm jumping for joy!
And even when I can't see you
When all I have is the thought of you
Well I'll be ****** if all I let out is a grin

You go beyond butterflies and above pretty blue skies
But you don't even leave the ground cuz we're aimin' for a love so deep that even we can't find the bottom

and I wanna write you a love poem
But I can't find the words
I wanna sing you a love song
But I can't find my voice
I wanna give you a flower
But we trampled them all while we were dancin' in the moonlight

And baby, when all these feelings
All these butterflies, lullabies and gazing deep-ly into your eyes
All this happiness, all this ectasy
All this emotional high that makes me feel so free!

When all this is gone, I will love you still
Because love is a choice fueled by power of will
And we will not be condemned by chasing a thrill
So when the highs become lows and the lows become throes
Of tossing and turning
Of hearts burning from confusion, confliction, and diffusion
Of a feeling we thought to be eternal
I will be reminded that feelings are fickle, let the teardrops trickle
Keep walking forward until my heart decides to catch up
Place one hand in yours and one in God's and sing that same old song

Who gave you the key to my heart?
I swear you've had it, from the start.

Grace.
Let it fall like an ocean
Let it rip through the skies
Let it fill up my heart and pour out my eyes
Let it gravitate my soul
Let it make me feel whole
Let it remind me of why I live
Let it remind me of all that you give!

Grace
Let my heart be made still and let mine eyes be opened!
Let me remember that my ears
were made to listen
And my lips exist for a lot more than just kissin'
Let me remember that these hands simply cannot do it all
Cuz see I wasn't made for that
I wasn't made for that at all

Grace
I was made to live and when I say live I think I mean give
But then I quickly realize I can only give so much!
And there's only so many lives I can touch!
Well how can I love if I can't constantly give
And how can I live if I can't constantly love but
Where's the hope in the God above if I'm the one doin' all the work?
And that's when I remember I accomplish the most when I just let go
And let You grab hold

Grace
Well what were these hands made for if not feeding the poor?
And what are these heart-wrenching feelings of constantly wanting more?
Why do my bones ache and my soul quake at the thought
Of living for myself?
Why do I worry so much about putting the marginalized on the shelf?
Why do I worry
about a life that loves hell?
Well maybe all this
is an unidentified desire to glorify God personified in Jesus Christ crucified

Grace
And maybe my soul's been singin' songs to my saviour since the day I was born
And maybe my saviour's been singin' sweet lullabies to quench the fear in my eyes
Maybe not all is lost
Maybe hope and salvation really come without cost
WELL TRY AND TELL THAT TO THE MAN LIVIN' ON THE STREET WITH NOTHIN' TO EAT
an'
TELL THAT TO THE CHILD WHOSE FATHER GIVES HIM A DAILY BEATING
TELL THE MURDERER'S AND RAPISTS THAT THEY CAN GO FREE
TELL THEIR VICTIMS...
Tell them what?

Grace
Maybe it's time I remembered I don't have all the answers
Maybe it's time I remembered I am a speck of dust in a rolling beach of existence
Maybe it's time I look at what's right in front of me
And not strain my neck as far as the eye can see
Maybe it's time to focus on living and not just surviving
Maybe thriving looks more like trusting than trying
Maybe all the answers to my questions aren't really answers at all
Maybe it's alright that my walk sometimes feels like a crawl
Maybe 100% of the wrongs I do are all my fault

Grace
Maybe God's lookin' at me like a child set free
Maybe God's not lookin' at who I used to be
Maybe God's lookin' right past all the bitterness and apathy
Maybe God really does look at the heart
And maybe He's been holding mine from the very start
Maybe this is all going according to plan and if it's not well then maybe God's still using it to help me become a better man
Maybe it's time I stopped trying to figure all this out!

Grace
Let it be felt
Tangibly