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Cathy Sep 2018
I am ashamed
To realize
just how much
I love you.
I longed
And longed
And I longed for you.

I broke my own heart
Thinking you could be the one
Then I prayed
And prayed
And I prayed for you.

Every day I sit by you
Knowing this can never be
So I stare
And stare
And I stare at you

But you can’t love yourself enough
To see that someone else could love you
So I weep
And weep
And I weep for you

I am ashamed
Hisham Alshaikh Jul 2018
You are beautiful
You are tremendously beautiful
You are marvelously beautiful
You are astonishingly beautiful
You are magnificently beautiful
You are breathtakingly beautiful
Inner and outer

You are beautiful
You are the definition of Beauty
Or shall I say, what is Beauty compared to you
What is Beauty compared to you ?
It feels shy and ashamed when I describe you
A weak meaning it has when I describe you
A meaningless meaning it has when I describe you
Never existed it wishes when I describe you

You are beautiful
For your beauty I searched
Every language ever lived
And every word ever existed
And the romantic era that occurred
Could not find a way to describe your beauty
Could not find a way to tell the world about your beauty

You are beautiful
Vocabulary will be invented
Words never existed
To the dictionaries will be added
In the dictionaries will live
In the lovers tongues will breath
To describe your beauty
The one and the only beauty
The living and the dead will forget about Cleopatra
Because your beauty is ultra
A new period will start, The Beauty Era
Your era

--Hisham Alshaikh
You're Beautiful. Version 1.
Makayla Jane Nov 2018
I haven't done it in a while,
But seeing the faded outline of my friends,
The scars that make me feel calm,
Made me want them back

I used to run my fingers along the cuts
As if I was reading braille to soothe my head;
Because I felt like those fresh wounds,
Were my only friends along with my blades

Those blades and the scars that accompanied them were something I could count on,
No matter how bad my day was I could cry all night
And sit in the bathroom mirror and talk to myself as I stared into my own eyes
Letting my blade dance across my skin,
Leaving a beautiful red trail;
The stinging sensation that came after that turned into the blissful pleasure,
That wonderful feeling I once loved was something I couldn't remember
Until today;

I wasn't even sad at the moment
It was just something my mind drove me to do out of sheer nostalgia
Because seeing the faded outlines of my scars
Counting each one replaying the night I created them
And remembering how close they were to me and that they were once my friends
Brought it all back;

So I threw a little self-harm depression party once again,
I created this little get together
And invited those old friends and demons of mine
Where my blade once again danced
And my scars then cried red;
Where I stared into my dark chocolate brown eyes
And let tears of my own claw their way out;
Where I smiled and laughed, talking to myself saying how much I missed the stinging pleasure
And relapsed again for the first time in a while

I thought about how what I was doing was something so wrong
And I told myself I was sadistic for laughing because I missed the sensation
But my god does it feel so right
I guess that's why so many people
Do all these things that slowly **** them;
Just as I do with self-harm...
I apologize for my actions.
Feel free to share revision ideas :)
Sarad Maharjan Oct 2018
Been a long long time now,
stuck here down below.

I don't know what I'm doing here.
I don't know how I got here,
Maybe I do, but all I can see,
at the way top above,
glimpse of a sunlight
through a tiny hole.

I've tried so many times,
trying to crawl back to the sunlight.

The walls are too slippery,
There's no ledges to hold on to...

feel so scared in the dark,
as I am the only one.
yet I feel so ashamed,
even though there are no eyes of anyone.

Each day I wake up, Today is The Day!
then I realize there's no one here, what can I say...

I cry, I scream, I rage,
sometimes I realize I'm expressing, but only in my head!

No matter how many times I climb,
I keep falling down.
I wish there was someone else,
that can keep holding me now.

Can't figure out what else can I do...
Still I'm dying to crawl out through!
Please No
Please Go home
Please Let go of me
Please Don’t touch me
Please Go away
Please Don’t do this
Please I won’t tell anyone
Please Get off me
Please You’re hurting me
Please I’m bleeding
Please I can’t breathe
Please I can’t take it anymore
Please Stop

If only I was able to say what I was thinking
Then maybe I wouldn’t be sinking
Trying to stay afloat
But I can’t quite reach the boat
I am not a strong swimmer
The waves are getting higher
Tangled in the seaweed
Afraid to bleed
the fear of the sharks
Are eating me apart
Ashamed of being a fish
Who’s scared of being squished
If the same horrible event occurred to 5 different people, not one of the would have responded the exact same way.
No way is wrong!
Jeannery Nov 2018
Your cute actions and sweetness;
It became my weakness.
I fell with that so easily,
Now I am suffering endlessly.

I can't help myself but to blame
Why did I fell?
Now, I feel so ashamed.
You played me so well.

All I do is wonder.
As days pass by without you,
I became sadder.
All the pinks you gave me became blue.

"us" would be such a great idea to think
But your love's like a blink.
We could be a great team,
Sorry, it'll only happen on my dream.

--jeannery a.

was written september 27, 2017 and I dont know why I wrote this. just another meaningless poem I made but whatever its about being promiscuous and fool
Makayla Jane Nov 2018
Earlier I relapsed
Cutting away my woes and letting my pain seep out;
But then I stopped,
Realizing how many promises I was breaking
And how many hearts I was shattering

I felt weak in my knees
Falling to the ground I cried
Ashamed and guilty
How could I do such a thing to those I love?

Panic set in,
I can't let anyone know
Because I don't want to go back to that hell
That cursed and wretched psychiatric hospital
That's more like a prison with schedules and timed everything;
Painted over windows and white walls that hold tallies of torturous days and child-like scribbles
That makes it more of a trigger than everything else

But soon enough I gathered myself;
I took a hot shower,
And stood in front of the mirror practicing my smile
While I planned what outfits to wear with foundation to hide what I've done

So now all is okay and fine,
And I'm alright;
At least,
I think so...
Feel free to share revision ideas :)
L B Jul 2018
I cannot pick a color
I love more
Each is thrilling
and some seem
the breath of life to all the rest
I loved my crayons
They became my escape
from misery
the contrast to any given day at school

Any excuse to use them all
or just one
to avoid that lowest reading group
the monstrosities of math
If I couldn't sing it
there were no letters in the alphabet
I could not tell you A from Z

But you see--
That day was
That was all that mattered
I loved its richness and its depth
its mystery
its royalty
King Midas would have liked it, I was sure
almost a religion
Vestments of the priest
in the times of expectation
It is the explanation for

the last of day

As a five-year-old
I drew my love for purple
and outside all the lines-- off onto the desk
I was so proud!

Miss Platt, so horrified

What is it
I was trying to do?

I didn't know....

I was suddenly ashamed
and frightened too
This may have been the first time I actually touched down in reality.  Been trying to take off again ever since.

The religious times of expectation were Advent for Christmas and Lent for Easter.
Butterfly Nov 2018
I try to pray to you,
Oh God,
I try to pray.

I yearn to hear from you,
Oh Lord,
Hear what you say.

There's much to talk about,
My God,
Too much to say.

But how can I step to you,
Knowing how much I've strayed?

How do I kneel before you,
With this weight?

I judge me,
more harshly than you judge me.
More than one ought to be judged.

For I see the missteps that I take,
And the mistakes that I make.

Deliver me,
Oh God,
From my unforgiveness.

Save me from my personal hell.
ConnectHook Oct 2015
Oh Language, where hast thou hid thyself?
Thy once-bright spires decline to dust.
The calm, well-reasoned flow of wisdom
a bygone memory. I’ll not trust
these tween-to-twenty-something’s prattle;
endless babble of self-absorption
centered in pleasure-maximizing:
narcissistic thought-abortion.
Dude—they’re SO not app’ed for language
used by dad ten years ago.
I’m totally DONE with their, like, verbiage
They’re all: Smartphone Teenage Show.
It’s just, like, TALKING—without words
in language ghettos; texting proud . . .
Their lack of precision offends my brain—
They ought to be ashamed (out loud).

Vygotsky’s vaunted Z.P.D,
and Bakhtin’s heteroglossic crack
along with Roland Barthe’s pet parrot
Are SO like totally talking smack.

JayceeJellies Jan 2015
Am I allowed to miss you?
It seems that I'm really not.
I know everything now,
The things that you said,
That caused me to frown.
I often wonder if you even feel bad.
Do you know how many tears I had shed?
No, you don't.
It makes me feel somewhat ashamed,
How much I miss you.
SøułSurvivør Jul 2015
be washed away

(with spoken word inserts
by soulsurvivor)

When I die don't cry for me
In my Father's arms I'll be
The wounds this world
left on my soul
Will all be healed and I'll be whole
Sun and moon will be replaced
By the light of Jesus Face
And I will not be ashamed
For my Savior knows my name.

- chorus -
It don't matter where you bury me
I'll be Home and I'll be FREE
It don't matter where I lay
All my tears be washed away

SS insert -
Persecution I'll expect.
It's not surprising. Folks reject.
Still I LOVE my Lord so dear
I'll forgive and have no fear
Faced with evil on all sides
In the Lord I will abide
No force of hell can remove Thee
It don't matter where you bury me


Gold and silver blind the eye
Temporary riches lie
Come and eat from heaven's store
Come and drink and thirst no more
So weep not for me my friend
When my time below does end
For my life belongs to Him
Who will raise the dead again

- chorus -

SS insert -
I will pass. That much is clear.
I'll leave my tabernacle here
Life is short, the time doth fly
So I'll go to kiss the sky
Then I'll know all mysteries
It don't matter where you bury me

A song written by Julie Miller
Performed by Emmy Lou Harris
and Selah (this version is below)
With inserts by SoulSurvivor

I feel SO blessed to know the Lord Jesus Christ. I have reposted this song as I believe it to be a VERY important message.

I don't doubt that the Lord waits for those who are faithful. He delivers them out of their troubles. You don't have to die for this to happen either. If you are redeemed by His blood you've had a transfusion and are HIS CHILD. If you think your earthly dad was protective he was NOTHIN' compared to GOD!

Sorry I have not been able to read much. Or respond to comments. I have elderly parents to care for. And every time I go to get on site I get the "bad gateway"!!! Are you all experiencing this as well???
onlylovepoetry Nov 2017
(the gate is a crowded mess, please no special requests, be thankful you got a seat, this flight is sold out and I’m beat.  
I get up and stand on my chair and say)

I give thanks for:

the uncommon greatness of common sense

for the steady approach of that wondrous day when
kindness is neither random or unexpected,
but the rule, not the exception

for our opinions and deeds, that are our own,
derived without coercion, born from our thoughts and observations and that
we are equal to both
owning them and to
changing them

that we live in a time that friendships can grow just through the quick exchange of words leaping bounds

for eyes that see deep deeper than skin,
ears that hear
what those ashamed wish you didn’t, hands that grasp regardless of distance,
the taste of  kisses that come easy sweet  

for the  day when I at last knew,
the pleasure of giving
so far exceeded receiving,
that giving and receiving became

that I learned that the best skill to possess  is
to anticipate
the needs of others

that my lucky position in this world permits me
to act on the things for
which I am thankful

that someday I will need no longer inquire,
are you my poem,
for the answer will be self-evident to us both
LGA 11/22/17 1:00pm
Sarah Zahidi Jan 2018
There's no one in the whole world;
Who's scared of me more than myself.

There's no one in the whole world;
Who's ashamed of me more than myself.

There's no one in the whole world;
Who hates me more than myself.


There's no one in the whole world;
Who understands me more than myself,

There's no one in the whole world;
Who's proud of me more than myself.

There's no one in the whole world;
Who loves me more than myself.

With a million reason to hate yourself;
There’s another million reason to love yourself.
Love-hate relationship with myself
Bella Jul 2018
For my birthday
you bought me my favorite book
That I already had
for your birthday
I bought you
the party

when you met the new boy at school
I told you he wasn't a good guy
you did not listen
when you told me
that the boy I'd known my whole life wasn't a good guy
I list without question

last night
you told me that your mother did not approve of my new haircut
this fact I already knew
last night you told me that you are uncomfortable and ashamed standing next to me
this fact I did not know

8 years ago when I met your parents
I was astonished and ashamed to stand next to them
for they pinned you to the wall like a dartboard
like a piece of meat for their game
they pushed pins in you of self doubt
of self hate
They said to you word I had never heard and adult say to a child before
if they could they would have cut into your flesh themselves
taking razors to every fat cell they did not like
8 years ago I stood up to them
to do what you never could
1 week ago even after you stoped listening to me I stood up to them
I tried as desperately as I could to take away their words

I stand here as your own personal dartboard
and because of that
I am now ashamed for you to call yourself my friend
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