Somehow this moment repeats indefinitely The very point in which you heavily defend The same four words that you say incessantly An oxymoron that I’ve heard time and time again But if I agree, then I’m the only one that’s wrong And if I disagree, it’s “the ending that I’ve wanted all along”
Am I waiting for the same old fight again? You’ve poked these holes in my heart with safety pins Expect me to soak my battle wounds in juice ‘n’ gin When it’s all over, I don’t need another ‘friend’ And when you go, surely I will let you be But don’t expect to find ‘us’ alive in a future fantasy
Because I am waiting for you to finally be clear And I am waiting for the last words that I’ll want to hear Planned your routine until the cycle breaks down If you were alone, then why was I always around? And if I never truly cared right from the start Could you honestly say you’d make it this far? If you’ve done it all on your own with no one’s help Maybe you should be fine to continue by yourself.
Somehow you’re always coming back to this And I fill in the parts where irrationality would miss Painted my story black and white and red so you could see That there’s nothing between the lines you couldn’t read.
Here now the pain of love’s bitter reality… surrounds me But how can they be better if love always leaves… every time? (Lost in a fevered dream) Every time.
But if we lie now, will we make it? If it hurts, surely I can take it… Is this really what we both need?
Is someone better who you’re dying to see or is someone better who you’re trying to be?
Love, now You’ve poisoned everything in my reprieve… with insecurities And now You’ve returned with doubts, undoubtedly… You’d love me (was it an opportunity?) To hate me.
Is there someone better that you’re dying to meet or are you waiting for someone better than me? Will I be a better someone for setting you free or am I someone better that I can’t see?
Someone better… (for the love that you need) Someone better… (for the love that I seek)
Time and time again, you push me to the brink To abandon ship and swim before we sink But these thoughts don’t fade away when I sleep
Isn’t someone better who you’re supposed to be?
Because you were the one fall in love with me
The future is no surprise if you can predictably say ‘someone better’ is someone I’m gonna meet? Cause I’m sure as hell that someone better isn’t someone I need If someone better is who you’re supposed to be.
Is someone better God has yet to create? Because someone better always seems to escape “Someone better” - an excuse to abandon and break When you won’t accept your love’s been a mistake.
The outer heart is dense Made for nothing but defense But every now and then, something pierces But when it’s repairing the damage done What of that which overcomes It is constantly breaking through, creating lesions So little the reparations mend What little alive left to tend When the tissue is dead and sordidly forgotten Death will come from all that it's abandoned Heartbeats constant yet instable Will bring anyone down to their knees Heartbeats that become unable To liberate, only condemned to defeat The outer heart shall rot and expose What once was too precious to behold Is now fighting until its last breath Ill-prepared and defenseless still Oft fueled by only pure will Through all the abuse that the inner heart will suffer None worse than sabotage by the love of another Heartbeats lapsed, confused and fleeting Destroyed after all it had found Heartbeats faint, profuse bleeding Drowning in pools on the ground
I've swallowed whole my humble pie For years now without remorse I was content to leave it all as such And let all things take its 'natural' course But then I learned I could take a pen And weave words around a rhythmic display If it wasn't for that fateful chance I wouldn't be half the man I am today
Because when I get sad, I close the door And I cry But when I get sad and think of these words I get by
These words are my reconciliation To a life in which I can relate But I feel so shameful When I chose mine Because I chose mine
For years to come, I would covet this A final poem, a final prose And in the hours that past me by I never seem to write any of those These words I love to put to the test As if tried and true never failed And in my path comes consequence of the catered streams where they wade I've used them up, I've brought them down On many, oft without mercy or delay Without them, I'd never get this far I'd never tell you in this way
But when I get here and close the door I can get by But when I'm alone with these words I still cry
These words are my appreciation Something I can dedicate But it’s often so painful When I chose mine Because I chose mine
Over the river and lost in the woods Made of fun-house mirrors built directly into ventricles Of one heart beating through an overdose of chemicals Thoughts drowned in the peptides of shores in the ‘waiting room’
Bygone feeling splashing all around for a lifeguard living with his guard down His days went from providing his scarf to providing his hearth To days in and out of compromising his mirth
He’s told “It gets better as it goes.” He says, “It’ll be dead by tomorrow.” They say “Come on now, life isn't filled with sorrow…”
And apparently, the dissonance is covered by a distance of another; He’s a folly to the blood-and-water chapter Speaking of mixing soluble matters… The truth will often leave a bitter taste But are the lies dissolved in accepting change? Sometimes the words and visuals just aren't the same.
So today, he took three things out of his heart and mind Left social phobia, some truth, but mostly lies behind He will be the allergy to compassion and all that’s empathic He will suffer; he will grieve; he will be pathetic And then he will just go.
She was running through his mirrors, waiting for bandages and gauze He was privy to the scene as his mirrors stayed intact without a flaw Watching himself scar up the reflective measures; making transparent views of pleasure Until one broke; exposing a familiar scene of brick, last place he etched his soul forever And in ambition to recover, stopped her in the moment that marks a desire to discover But he failed in ways most intricate Wrapped by the sharpest lines of the most delicate Sinew that warped the core of something the void could use to replace truth that were self-evident -
But… no. He’s digressing from the path There was no particular reason to even do the math The numbers didn't add up to what he had previously squandered She was fresh to a life that she may never have encountered With him; it was just vying for affection through a virulent infection And it was a part of her that stepped in that day, a partial fit to the display Fresh paint on the decay
So today, he took three things out of his heart and mind Left insecurity, rationality, and his future behind He became a monster to dishonor and a liar to himself He’s disgraced; he is inane; he is unwell And then he will just go.
He has been completely unable to dissect himself and put back the pieces without a coming up short a third-party to my misery He has been completely distrusting of those whose lives have never felt equal pain overflowing from his tragedies He has been routinely maintaining dispositions that contradict on every semblance of a trusting word in my vicinity He has been completely dishonest about my conditions as if they were just failed attempts at analyzing strategies
I have been the juxtaposition to every single saintly word as he chose isolation prone to my own forms of devilry I have been the very epitome of a mask that cries behind every nonchalant smile displayed like a centerpiece I have been an undependable source of confidence ever since he broke skin through my poetic farce of empathy I have been completely unreceptive of every word a kind voice has ever come to lend selflessly
And he has been a ******* child without remorse and word to those that have ever cherished me
So today, I took three things out of my heart and mind Left the hate, the damage, and instability behind I will become a martyr that defends nothing to prove I will be unable; I will fail; I will lose. And then I will go.
And then there's the blood But I can't feel my own skin A knife in the hands of volatility The sight of my own, estranged Losing a handle on reality Although it was never all that firm I’ve lost the meaning in morality As well as the meaning in this mortal boundary Was the knife in my hands cause I'm shaking In the mirror I stare, my vision is fading Is it the end again?
The tiles are stained so deep in my masochism A fitting match to this porcelain heart The broken lines that I've utter may reflect the lines that I have etched on myself Cutting away the innocence or whatever was left The damage is forever unending Slipping in the broken pieces and bleeding In the hours I’ve screamed through the pain awakened Through the red, white, and black I’m escaping In remembrance of what I’ve forgotten Regrets that have could never be amended Is it the end again?
I remember the same look in your eyes As we went on the same ride Disappointment followed the weight of your strides And we went on the same ride Caught on the dreams of another lonely teen Saw you peeking through as it ripped at the seams I only remember the same look in your eyes As we went on the same ride
You spoke colors and I spoke terms That you knew we’d never learn And in the times we thought of love But there’s too many lies in truth Even though you've promised change I cut my hands on the same words And I keep on bleeding
I remember the sound of your sighs As we dreamt on the same skies Turns out they held onto another’s night As we dreamt on the same skies And if I could see it coming just like this Maybe I could make sure I wouldn't miss I only remember the sound of your sighs As we dreamt on the same skies
You spoke in years and I spoke in days Of things we could never say And in the times we thought of hope But there’s far too many truths in lies Even though I've promised change You cut your hands on the same words And you keep on bleeding.
We breathe in truths and speak in lies Of all the wishes that had died And if we could start it over once again But we've lost too many chances now We can always promise change But we’ll keep cutting hands on the same words And we’ll keep on bleeding
She’s talking through my dreams again Always the same as she’s always been Dressed in distress and decadence Soaked in hate up to her lovely dress My favorites threes since My second, better death
Forever her eyes up to the sky Above her head a broken halo shines Infinite repeat so easily broken And that’s when I hear the words She’s finally spoken up to me With the slyest grin
“I’ll cook your heart inside of mine Drip into every atom of your mind” As scared of her as I should’ve been I could not resist and let her into My broken arms, so full of sin Caked with blood and my lasting regrets
My troubled world starts to crave pain The dream begins and I enslave her Scarred and beautiful as death in her skin I behold her true but is it only… because I’m lost? Or am I lonely? Without a soul to bind me I’d leave this place all behind and say goodbye
But where I fell is where I stay drained of will And in my dreams she never fades away until Opulence in impurities and confident insecurities Have ravished her frame from days on end within My fevered lust, which has come betrayed with truth And lies, I turn to her “I love you still, but will let you loose Upon this world as I’ve done before- never return to me Anymore.”