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4.9k · May 2019
Dear curly hair
ALEX DRAKE May 2019
I’m going to try this one last time
I don't really know how to say this or where to begin but let me start off by saying that I know nothing could ever blossom between us, I MEAN I HOPE IT DID. We have not known each other for a long time, about a year and a half at most. But I do know this; I have feelings for you. Whether they be of infatuation or of actual love, I know not. What I do know for certain is that you are kind, beautiful and one of the most fantastic people I have ever known. You are precious to me and I couldn't bear to see you hurt. I'd just about lose my mind.
Maybe after college, we'll drift apart, talk less, and maybe never see each other again. But I need to get this off my chest. You are so surreal that every moment I spend with you makes me wonder if I'm dreaming. Maybe I'm in some fantasy land living out my wildest dreams. Maybe I'm daydreaming of things I long for, but that could never be. Maybe, just maybe, I'm not dreaming at all and this is all real. I don't know what is what anymore when I'm around you I just lose my train of thought.
Now, I know that you do not feel the same. I mean how could someone like you fall for someone like me. And I know you say you feel like a villain in this story... but to me, you’re just an amazing person that I have feelings for. Maybe I'll find someone else to pine over and love, and maybe this is all just in my head. I've never been in a relationship and I wouldn't know the first thing about being with a guy. So perhaps this is just my heart testing my abilities, seeing how I could perform when I'm head over heels for someone. If that's the case, then I'm glad it was you who first made me feel this way. I made me so happy when you would ask for my jacket… and when you would get close to me and put your head on my shoulder… oh and when you let me hold your finger for that mere 10.5 seconds all I felt was bliss.
I know you and I haven't had much time to really connect and get to know each other, and I know that if we got together it wouldn't be for long. I accept that even embrace it. Hell, just spending time with you is something I look forward to. That’s why I would lend you my jacket… so I had an excuse to see you in the morning ... so you would be the first person I talk to but I don’t want an excuse to see you I want a reason to see you. Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure. You are wonderful, and talented and kind. And when you gave me that hug in the bio room (even though we smelled of dead shark) it made me so sad… cause that’s all I ever wanted from you… I just want a second of direct physical contact with you and you managed to give that to me… but then I realized that I wanted to hug you a little longer… but I’m not able to do that out of free will. I wish I could see you smile more often, cause you have a really nice smile.  If someone were to ask me why I like you I would say I don’t know why I like you I just do. I don’t know if it’s cause you’re not fake. I don’t know if it’s the way your eyebrows arch up when you talk. But I do know one thing for sure I like you very much.  I know you're going to make a guy happy one day. I just wish that guy would be me. So, here's to you, my dear.
A love letter i wrote for my crush
4.2k · Mar 2019
I wish i dream
ALEX DRAKE Mar 2019
Tonight before going to sleep I will
wish to dream of you.

And when I wake up I will cry  either cause I dreamt of you, i didn't or because you're with him and not me.

~ I think i love you Isacc
1.3k · Nov 2018
THINK
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
I NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU



                                CAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE NOT THINKING OF ME
1.1k · Oct 2018
Untitled
ALEX DRAKE Oct 2018
“the crush”

He sat next to me in the common room
His hair is curly and his skin is caramel brown
The first day he smiled at me and I waved
Through the three weeks I had a crush
He was always nice, he always waved and smiled at me
1.0k · Nov 2018
Superpower
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
Oh so I'm invisible to you?
      
                                             That's cool I all ways wanted a superpower
554 · Nov 2018
PLAYER
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
Hey, guess we haven't talked in a while maybe you've been missing my smile but lately that's been harder to do i... See that you've been talking with her why  but you don't even remember guess that's what happens with you  all my friends they warned me you were no good  but I didn't believe that you would be the player that plays with the games in our heads the faker that makes you do things you'll regret  the player  playeerr the player  playeerr  the  person that leads you to think that they're real leading you on to control how you feel  to break her,break her like the player you are  did  you actually think that I'd care enough to spend all my hours thinking of us oh  boy you got it all wrong just,  wanted to let you know I'm fed up with all the 3a.m. Talks cause they dragged on for way too long all my friends they warned me you were no good but I didn't believe that you would be the player that plays with the games in our heads the faker that makes you do things you'll regret the player playeerr the player playeerr (ooh oh oh) the person that leads you to think that they're real leading you on to control how you feel to break her,break her,like the player you are
541 · Nov 2018
CrUsH ON GBF
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
You’ve been friends for what seems like forever, until one day you realize you don’t really want to hear about this amazing hookup he had last night. You’re not sure why. Usually, you’d be happy for him, but something has changed. When you fall in love with your gay BFF you have to tell him (once you’re sure it’s not a fleeting crush). Who knows? He may like you too. probably NOT.
526 · Nov 2018
cry
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
cry
op oʇ ʇıɥs ʇoɓ ı ɐu ʇnq ʎɹɔ ɐuuɐʍ I
475 · Nov 2018
DREAMY DREAM
428 · Mar 2019
Lover
ALEX DRAKE Mar 2019
My lover is a day that I can't forget
413 · Nov 2018
Why I like you
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
I don’t know why I like you I just do.
I don’t know if it’s cause you’re not fake.
I don’t know if it’s the way your eyebrows arch up when you talk.
But I do know one thing for sure I like you very much.
And I wanna see you happy even if it’s not with me
This is a poem for my one true crush.
379 · Nov 2018
W(b)itch
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
-Confess you're a witch

-fine, im a *****
358 · Nov 2018
cute
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
It
       hurts me
                      when he says
                                             that other boys are
                                                                               cute......


                                                                                     when I know I'm not
358 · Apr 2019
FUCK
ALEX DRAKE Apr 2019
Do i love you?

I don't know if i love you.

Cause if something would happen to you..I don't know if i would care  or not.

Cause after how you've treated me...You have no ******* regard for my ******* feelings.... I just...i just don't know how i still think of you and why I even care about you...if you don't even care about me...****
347 · Mar 2019
Roses/Sunflower
ALEX DRAKE Mar 2019
I'd
Rather have
A single rose
from you than a
million from any other guy
this is a poem i wrote at 9:39pm on a school night
341 · May 2019
So...
ALEX DRAKE May 2019
So... today you asked for my jacket and my heart skipped a beat ( in a good way)

After you broke me I didn't think that you would talk to me or ask for my jacket but.... you did.

I just wish that this meant that you are contemplating the idea of liking me?

So... I'll just be here waiting for you.
This is a poem about my crush ... he broke me but then he fixed me and i hope i don't break anymore.
324 · Nov 2018
WALKING
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
"Why do you like to walk in the rain so much, you're going to get sick."



                                        Oh, cause no one can see me cry.  


Plus I'm already sick, my sickness? it's called "i love(ed) you "
277 · Nov 2018
All I Want
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
All I want is a nice guy. A guy that loves me for me. A guy that brings out the best and worst in me. A guy to wipe my soul clean. I want our love to be made for movie scenes. All I want is, All I need is to find somebody. Somebody that makes me laugh and forget the world for just a second with just one look.  Someone that makes me think of them all day and all night, someone to lose my sleep with. I hope there is such a guy out there.
275 · Oct 2018
Pardon
ALEX DRAKE Oct 2018
I’m sorry I’m not the perfect guy you hoped I was.
I’m sorry I’m stupid enough to let you go.
I’m sorry I made you hurt
I’m sorry that I can't see you’re the best thing that has happened to me
I’m sorry that my issues blind me to the extent of making dumb choices
I’m not sorry that I love(ed) you
this is for my ex-boyfriend
262 · Nov 2018
LOVE
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN WHAT THAT THING IS?
253 · Mar 2019
I lov...
ALEX DRAKE Mar 2019
I lov..
I umm
I love you
....
YES! I love you and I'm sorry for that...  know i shouldn't
But you are to perfect

Even if we don't talk for months... when I get that text from you I fall harder for you
238 · Dec 2018
I WISH
ALEX DRAKE Dec 2018
For he seemed to make a wish of wanting for his current relationship to take his last kiss, and he got what he wanted.

                                            By dying a bit young tho.
233 · Jan 2019
Why?
ALEX DRAKE Jan 2019
WHY?
 WHY?
 Why what?
 Why did you fall in love with him?
 Please don’t do this.
 Just tell me.
 Fine… um, I guess I fell in love with the idea of him.
 The idea of him?
 Yeah, the idea that he was gay.
 Oh.
 Yeah, second, I fell in love with the person.
 The person?
 Yeah, his personality, his laugh, his bitchyness, etc.
 That’s sweet
 Not really, third I fell in love with his little features.
 What kind of feature?

Well first, the way his eyebrows arch up when he gets exited, his cupid’s bow, the pools of honey he has in his eyes, his emotional instability which we share, his gold strands of hair, his hands, etc.
 Oh, wow you really observe a person
 Only the people I care about.
214 · Nov 2018
STUCK
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
IM STUCK BETWEEN LOVING AND HATING YOU.

             I DON'T
            KNOW WHAT
              TO DO  

                                                              IT WOULD HURT ME TOO MUCH TO BE WITHOUT YOU , BUT IT HURTS TO LIVE WITH YOU TOO SO YEAH IM STUCK
209 · Nov 2018
Spaces
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
Don't tell me I belong in your heart.

                                                   You know I don't like crowded spaces.
208 · Nov 2018
Fuck
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
Not giving a fuck . ha! Is the best     kind of reveng e.
201 · Nov 2018
SHHH
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
Yeah, I'd rather be a lover than a fighter
'Cause all my life, I've been fighting
Never felt a feeling of comfort
All this time, I've been hiding
And I never had someone to call my own, oh nah
I'm so used to sharing
Love only left me alone
But I'm at one with the silence
This is from a song, Marshmello ft. Khalid - Silence
195 · Nov 2018
EYES
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
OUR EYES MET AND SUDDENLY


                                                                     I FORGOT HOW TO BREATH
162 · Dec 2018
i found
ALEX DRAKE Dec 2018
My heart was beating, barely breathing but still alive
Lost along the way I'd given up my fight
Scattered to pieces all along the floor, within the brokenness
I found something more

I found myself in a sea of busy places, in a world of blurry faces
I found myself, on the edge of insanity, I found, I found me
157 · Nov 2018
sadly me
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
Made a wrong turn once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss No-Way-It's-All-Good,
It didn't slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing
Underestimated, look, I'm still around
148 · Mar 2019
Tonight
ALEX DRAKE Mar 2019
So tonight, we'll dance
Let's pretend we rule this town
138 · Dec 2018
crazy
ALEX DRAKE Dec 2018
Staring at a blank wall
Waiting on a missed call
Wondering why you ended it all
I know i'm not perfect
I guess I wasn't worth it
This bridge like a match
Yeah I burned it
Was it somethin' I said
Was it all in my head
Maybe I'm crazy, maybe you're shady
Maybe you got some girl up in your bed right now
callin' you baby

Am I delusional?
Or was it real?
Am I scared of being in love?
Or how you might not feel?
Am I delusional?
Or was it real?
Tell me how am I supposed to feel?

You got me messed up
Faded
Wishing in the worst way
I played it cool with you
Now there's nothing to say
Cause I pushed you away oooh
That's what crazy guys do
And I'm crazy 4 u
121 · Nov 2018
DROWN
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
YOU WERE THE LIFEBOAT THAT LET ME DROWN
96 · Nov 2018
HEART
ALEX DRAKE Nov 2018
HEARTBREAK?
                                          OH HONEY, NOT THE FIRST TIME OR THE LAST TIME. BUT NOTHING I CAN'T HANDLE.
84 · Mar 2019
Untitled
ALEX DRAKE Mar 2019
ischemic attacks
80 · Mar 2019
eduardo
ALEX DRAKE Mar 2019
Dear Eduardo,
As I am writing this, I’m in a random wave of sadness… so please bear with me here. I’ll try to keep this short, but I can’t guarantee. I know what I said, and I regret it, not because I didn’t mean it, I did mean it. Regret it cause if I wasn't afraid of love, If I wasn't so insecure If I wasn't easy to hurt then I wouldn't hurt you. I can’t tell if I’m cold or sad. I know a great guy like you wouldn’t like a guy like me. You’re smart , funny , goofy in a good way. I never thought I’d be the one to give it up but then I felt too much then didn’t feel enough and I said what I said. I know my heads been racing , I don’t do well with replacing. The thought of you with someone else made me wanna prove myself. Im sorry if im kinda mad , it maybe cause I really cared. I thought it wouldn’t hurt me bad , but maybe I was scared. Something about you makes me go insane and there’s something making that okay. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but maybe you feel the same? Not gonna lie I know that I messed it all up. Guess I’ve gotten sorta numb. Wish I could explain why my heart’s been acting dumb. But I can’t so yeah.
ALEX DRAKE Mar 2019
Dear Friend,
You might not know this yet, but I have depression. I haven’t told you because I don’t want you to look at me differently or treat me differently. I have good days and I have bad days, just like you. My lows just happen to be lower and harder to manage.
Depression isn’t who I am, it’s just something I have.
I would rather say I have depression than to say I’m depressed. Depression is a mental illness that I will continue to manage every single day. However, I don’t feel depressed every day. Some days I feel completely fine and others I can barely drag myself out of bed. Some days I wake up excited and ready to take on the day. Others, I can’t wait to get home and hide from the world. Some days I feel positive and optimistic. Others, I feel helpless and worthless.
Despite this, nothing caused my depression. It wasn’t my most recent breakup.  It wasn’t the job I applied for and didn’t get. It wasn’t the disagreement we had last week. Sure, an event might trigger the symptoms of my depression, but it was already there. I was just doing a good job of hiding it. The longer I hide it from you, the better I get. I can dress up, trade laughs over brunch, and share a picture-perfect Instagram post, all while feeling like a part of me is crying inside.
I understand you won’t want me to feel this way. I don’t want to feel this way either. Please try to understand when I’m having a bad day and I can’t snap out of it, I’m not being dramatic or looking for attention. Depression isn’t just feeling sad, and it isn’t something I can just get over. Believe me, if I could, I would.
Having depression is exhausting.
It’s not uncommon for me to go through a full range of emotions in one day, or even one afternoon. I worry that people don’t like me, and I worry that I’m not enough. I overthink everything, analyze every word someone says, and read into every ****** expression someone makes. I think of all the things I did wrong and all of the things I could have done better. At the end of the day, I barely have the energy to watch TV or read a book. I just want to escape my thoughts and numb my feelings.
Yet, I’m not something to be fixed. I’m an imperfect person who only wants to feel understood, loved, and accepted. If I tell you I’m not happy, please don’t list the reasons I should be. If I feel like a failure, don’t rattle off my accomplishments. I already know all of these things; I just need to sort through them aloud with someone I trust. Someone who can just listen.
Be patient with me.
I’m sorry if I seem distant. It really isn’t you, it’s me. I appreciate your opinions, even when I seem upset. I’m tougher on myself than anything you could ever say. I’m excited about your new boyfriend, even when I have a hard time showing it. I’ve feel like I’ve forgotten how to express joy. I want to meet you for happy hour, even when I cancel our plans. I don’t feel good about myself and the thought of being in a public place makes me feel more insecure. I also don’t know if I have the energy to change into real clothes and style my hair. I miss you.
I miss me, too. I miss the girl who had big dreams and believed in herself and her abilities. I miss the girl who was always on the go and didn’t feel drained after doing her makeup. I miss the girl who made friends easily because she wasn’t worried what anyone thought of her. She was authentic and self-assured. I look in the mirror and I wonder where that girl went.
I’m slowly starting to see her more often. I’m learning again to live in the moment. I’m teaching myself to look at things from a new perspective. I’m practicing grace and kindness toward myself. Most importantly, I’m opening up and sharing my story with you.
I know it isn’t always easy, but I promise, I am trying. Thank you for listening and not judging me. Thank you for trying to understand how I’m feeling.
Thank you for accepting all versions of me. Most of all, thank you for being my friend.
Sincerely,
Me

— The End —