I’m going to try this one last time
I don't really know how to say this or where to begin but let me start off by saying that I know nothing could ever blossom between us, I MEAN I HOPE IT DID. We have not known each other for a long time, about a year and a half at most. But I do know this; I have feelings for you. Whether they be of infatuation or of actual love, I know not. What I do know for certain is that you are kind, beautiful and one of the most fantastic people I have ever known. You are precious to me and I couldn't bear to see you hurt. I'd just about lose my mind.
Maybe after college, we'll drift apart, talk less, and maybe never see each other again. But I need to get this off my chest. You are so surreal that every moment I spend with you makes me wonder if I'm dreaming. Maybe I'm in some fantasy land living out my wildest dreams. Maybe I'm daydreaming of things I long for, but that could never be. Maybe, just maybe, I'm not dreaming at all and this is all real. I don't know what is what anymore when I'm around you I just lose my train of thought.
Now, I know that you do not feel the same. I mean how could someone like you fall for someone like me. And I know you say you feel like a villain in this story... but to me, you’re just an amazing person that I have feelings for. Maybe I'll find someone else to pine over and love, and maybe this is all just in my head. I've never been in a relationship and I wouldn't know the first thing about being with a guy. So perhaps this is just my heart testing my abilities, seeing how I could perform when I'm head over heels for someone. If that's the case, then I'm glad it was you who first made me feel this way. I made me so happy when you would ask for my jacket… and when you would get close to me and put your head on my shoulder… oh and when you let me hold your finger for that mere 10.5 seconds all I felt was bliss.
I know you and I haven't had much time to really connect and get to know each other, and I know that if we got together it wouldn't be for long. I accept that even embrace it. Hell, just spending time with you is something I look forward to. That’s why I would lend you my jacket… so I had an excuse to see you in the morning ... so you would be the first person I talk to but I don’t want an excuse to see you I want a reason to see you. Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure. You are wonderful, and talented and kind. And when you gave me that hug in the bio room (even though we smelled of dead shark) it made me so sad… cause that’s all I ever wanted from you… I just want a second of direct physical contact with you and you managed to give that to me… but then I realized that I wanted to hug you a little longer… but I’m not able to do that out of free will. I wish I could see you smile more often, cause you have a really nice smile. If someone were to ask me why I like you I would say I don’t know why I like you I just do. I don’t know if it’s cause you’re not fake. I don’t know if it’s the way your eyebrows arch up when you talk. But I do know one thing for sure I like you very much. I know you're going to make a guy happy one day. I just wish that guy would be me. So, here's to you, my dear.
A love letter i wrote for my crush