Time passes by
My belly swelled
We brought new life
Hairs are turning grey
And eyes are are growing tired
A twinkle in the sky
matches the one in your eye
That matches his
I see it when you both smile
So monumental
Tiny fingers holding mine
Mowing lawns
Raking leaves
Shoveling snow
You’ll do it all again
Over
And over
Again.
I love you
In all the mundane
I love you
Dishes drying on the rack
Finger prints on the window
And smudges on his bathroom mirror
Where brushing teeth is something to be celebrated
Cold feet on warm legs
Laughing in the darkness.
Misunderstandings
Tears falling
Hand holding
Holding you
I throw you a life line
I’m still holding on
Both barely breathing
Trying to stay  afloat
But one thing
After
Another
It’s hard to remember
Which direction to look
Where I’m supposed to be headed
I’ll intertwine us
I’ll keep tying knots
Tying me to you
To us
Because I want there to be an us
Even with
Rough hands
And rough words
Loose skin
And hormones
I’d do it all again
Over
And over
Again.
I love you
In all the hardship
I love you.

don't you dare try and make this into something sweet when all along it was bitter

7 weeks of sadness
7 weeks of "i hate this and me and everything"
7 weeks of scars on skin
and 7 weeks of hell

7 days of perfect
7 days of "i can do anything and everything"
7 days of brash decisions
7 days of heaven

7 weeks of no and 7 days of yes
or so it seems
i think its in my head

in the world we live in today
how could you not see beauty?

sure this earth is cracked and bleeding
but in those cracks grow flowers

sure those flowers are just buds
but one day they will be

in full bloom

One day you'll wake up
And it will all make sense
Make sure to write that down
Because before long
Everything you are will wash away
back into confusion.

I need you to whisper sweet things into my ear and wipe away all the bad the world puts us through.

you feel like worn silk sheets

like home.

ambition
found within my independance
pushing for who and for what
i am today
where I am today

Secret affection but no public attention because she is just there to feed your ego.

I am a leech
And I can feel myself ******* you dry
I can feel you getting dry
Or maybe I'm just losing grip
But one of us is dying
And I hope to god it's me.

the sounds of silent screams from broken minds fills my lungs with useless disappointment.

I want to kick and scream and cry until you understand what you have done to me. The way you hurt me. So you know I took your promise seriously. I thought you meant your words. But I gave it all too quickly. So I sit silently praying that my silence speaks volumes into your deafened soul.

You want things I'm not willing to give you
Why? I couldn't tell you.
It seems my body prevents those around me
From seeing who I really am.

You weave words into soft warmth
Better than most
But which parts are real
Which words do you mean?

My body is a work of art.
But is that because it was convenient
Or were you really in awe.

I go into everything for the long run
But some things are short lived

And that's okay.

My life is a series of manipulative relationships because from a young age I was taught that my job is to please. To please everyone but me. Because your happiness means more than mine. No is not an option.  

But that's not fair or right or good.
Because I matter and my happiness means just as much as yours or anybody's
So please, ask consent.
My body is mine and only mine.
I choose what I do with it
And I if I say no please don't ask why
Because sometimes the answer is a simple as I don't want to
And that is fair.
It takes two to tango
If two want to tango.
So no means no

Don't push.

at first glance she does not seem to have a care
it might be the way she flips her hair
but look a little deeper, pick her apart
and suddenly she has a heart

behind glass eyes and tough skin
the apathy runs thin
through her blood that rushes through
her veins like me and you
but she’s different
a little indifferent

broken bones and
a broken home
worked together to create a blissful
hurt creature full
of pain but mostly love
hidden above
the ideas that vulnerability makes you weak
and weakness does not build strength rather it’s a slap on the cheek
so you turn the other cheek and build another wall
to hide from it all
because

no one really cares
or maybe it’s just the way they’ve been flipping their hair
I don’t know
but what I do know
is that she cares
and she is there
for me whenever i’m down
she wipes away my frown

at second glance i see the way she cares

genuinity, something i have only found
in the most broken of people washed up on the ground
trying to fix those around them
because they don’t dare see what is coming from within

"C'mon! You're alive, that should make it great!"
He said enthusiastically.

I sighed and replied; "For most that is the case, for others, living simply means breathing."

the only look i seem to find when i look into your eyes
is long overdue disappointment

how does a man
who has done what you have done
live with himself
look at himself
-in the mirror

Golden pools of false luck and sinister emotions caress your broken soul and temporarily mend the aching parts that seem to make up more than half of you while dark brown fields of hope are your anchor as you let go of all the cares bottled up inside. Sighs of relief fill the air as you embrace soft skin and soak into the comfort that easily flows from the golden pools and sighs of relief fill the air as you feel the pull of the anchor holding you in place that allows you to release every anxiety ever experienced. Safe. You feel safe. This must be love because complex emotional connections mean more to the both of you and innocent touch with a single kiss are enough for a life time of separation. Why? Because it meant more to look at him and know his thoughts than to feel him and only know his carnal desires. Emotional no mental stimulation in general was more fascinating than the anatomy of a boy. And a girl. To know who the other was past physical interaction past superficial  touch. It was better to know he wanted me past my physicality and more for my intellectuality. Beauty. Redefined by him as intelligence and the ability to stimulate minds rather than look good on a magazine cover.

Empty days practiced by people all hiding from the realities that stand in front of us, daunting us, taunting us, casting shadows on our heads. Empty days practiced on purpose by people all hiding from realities due to fear of substance but we long for substance. Substance that casts the shadow looming over our heads, taunting us, daunting us. Laughing at the endless circles we run in hiding from the substance we yearn for, we long for but would rather lose our breath for because our fear is far greater that our need for understanding of truth, understanding of ourselves and the things that surround us. Empty days practiced by people conflicted between fear and need. Empty days practiced by people discontent with a stunted growth but no motivation for nurture. We would rather live in a false pretense of what we are and what the world is than face our fear of honesty and confrontation. Truth is substance and substance gives us depth. Depth feeds our understandings and allows us to grow as people. But we would rather digress than progress because as a society we cannot accept that flaws are not permanent and we cannot accept blame or acknowledge that we create pain. That we are apart of the darkness. Empty days practiced by ignorant people, practiced by me, and practiced by you.

I love the rain
not because of the smell
or because it makes the flowers grow
but because
when I stand beneath it
I can breathe
I am made anew
It washes away my transgressions
and it washes away the impurities the earth
has been keeping
I feel light
the earth is light
and I can see now
the grey is gone
and it is brighter now
the earth is made brighter now
the sun pushes the clouds and it is bright
there is color
my earth is made of color
the churning grey of the sea
is now a magnificent clear blue
the sky is a pure blue brightened by the sun
and I can hear it now
the birds are singing louder
and I am rejoicing louder
because the rain has made the earth whole
the rain hasd made me whole
and because it so willingly does this
I will forever be made whole
and I will hear the magnificent sounds
and my earth will no longer be grey
and I will shine
and I will feel light
and I will forever be made anew
so long as I stand beneath that rain
and let it take away my pains
I love the rain
not because of the smell
or because it makes the flowers grow
but because it freely pours
and because with it
I am made whole