I tried my best to miss you
during my lonely walks home
I wore the clothing I knew loved
and carried your ring with me
wherever I went

but I couldn’t help but wonder
why I was trying
so hard
to miss something
I didn’t

I stopped trying to see you
in every man I met
and every kind voice I heard
and soon
you found your way
to the back of my mind
and that’s where you stayed
because
you belonged
nowhere else.

As a child
I quickly learned that if I blinked several times
and took a few deep breaths
I could stop myself from crying whenever I wanted
and it worked
From child to teenager
no one had ever seen me shed a tear
and I saw this as my own power
to hide my weak self from others
I could be strong
and benefit from my own shield
but it also made me seem detached
with the ones I cared for the most
I feel that one day It’ll happen
I will burst into tears after years of waiting
but I fear
If I start crying
I just may never stop.

No one will be there save you
whenever you please
or listen
with sympathy

They smile when you fall
Hidden by masks
they laugh
but hide away
should you choose
to stand again

And you will stand again
because no one can ever hurt you
as long as you are there
to save yourself

In your despair
you survive
wrapped in pain
no one could ever comprehend
and no one could save

You jumped
and yet here you are
bearing a gift
to ease the pain
of stranger sitting across from you
with tear stained eyes

You fill the world with light unknown to you
brighter than any darkness
and you do not mind
that thanks comes in the form
of an endless stream of tears

Your story
Your name
If only I knew
before it was too late
I would have treasured
every hour spent
in the cold and quiet
hospital room

And now
You fill my mind
With every crevice
you live on
and I live
for you

How foolish
that my reason to live
another day
comes from a small gift
from the stranger sitting across from me
with blood on her wrists
and a warm forgiving smile
on her lips

Who would ever know
that all the thanks I have
would belong to the golden heart
of a broken stranger

No longer
do I find joy
in the faces I see every day
and the voices I hear
around me
Looming clouds
have altered my vision
and now
nothing here is my own
and I do not live here
and I am not of this town
Perhaps all I had
was never mine to begin with
and now
I am lost
in a sea of doubt

The smoke does not bother me
any more than
the burning flesh
The scars will heal slowly
beneath my clothes
and I will turn my head
the other way
should anyone notice the ash on my skin
or the limp in my stride
because they are the only things you have left to control me
and I will heal
and I will move on
After all, like pain
you are only temporary

It burned me
from the center of my core
I know I am changing
weather I choose to or not
You lit my fire
My insides danced
I changed
You watched the fire burn my skin
and I watched myself change
Into someone I didn’t know
When the fire came over me
When I was forced not to care
looking on at my burning body
I emerged
I was not the same
I will never be the same
and you lit my fire
and you watched me burn